The problem was she trusted him. Not because she knew anything about him other than where he worked, but she’d always had a deep solid trust for anyone in law enforcement. It was ridiculous. But her dad had been a cop, and she’d grown to respect everyone she ever met in this office. When she first came back to town, she was too busy and too scared to seek out a fetish club. It had taken a few months. Once she finally began to attend Extreme and realized both Rider and Gage were members, she relaxed, marginally. Her irrational self said no harm could come to her with two cops in the building.
Even though Gage wasn’t a cop, he did work for the police academy. And he was sexy as all get out. It hadn’t taken much for her to decide to try a scene with him. She knew he would never tell a soul. There was an ethical code at Extreme. No way would a man like Gage break it.
Now she questioned her thought process. Playing with a man like Gage meant she also had to see him at work. And clearly he was unable to leave the club at the club. Though how could she blame him after the idiotic way she behaved on Friday?
The only reason she’d returned to BDSM was to fulfill her need for the incredible release she got when she submitted to a Dom. Not sexual. She could handle that herself at home. But the physical release from a spanking allowed her to chip away at the emotional burden she carried. Every time she submitted to a Dom, another piece of her stupid past, her bad judgment, her poor choices, and the mental anguish she carried for her part in all of it slowly dissipated.
Everything about it seemed irrational. But she didn’t care. She did what worked and to hell with the rest. She never crossed the line with any Dom. Never flirted. Never acted coy. Never offered more than the scene. And no one questioned her. It wasn’t uncommon for subs to ask Doms to scene with them without strings. And it suited her perfectly. Any time she felt an inkling of something more—a stiffening in her belly or wetness pooling at the V of her legs—she tamped it down. It didn’t happen often. It happened every time with Gage. Even last Friday night on that cross.
God. She needed to nip this in the bud.
“I’ll be back in a jiffy,” Gage repeated as he set the gross box on the floor behind his seat.
She hadn’t realized she’d followed him to the car.
“You want to come with me?”
“No. I mean, how about if I cook dinner while you go? It’s the least I can do. Thor can stay with me.” Cook? You don’t cook. She reached down and patted the German shepherd on the head.
Gage grinned. “Sounds perfect.” He swung up into his car and pulled away, leaving her standing in the driveway, wondering what the hell her big mouth had gotten her into now.
The only thing she’d been thinking at the time was how to get rid of his firm ass quicker. Cooking seemed like the most logical answer.
Kayla turned and entered her condo through the garage. “Come on, buddy. Let’s go inside.” She didn’t bother shutting the garage door. It wasn’t as though someone could steal her car.
As soon as she entered the kitchen, she grabbed the pizza coupon from the side of her refrigerator and placed an order. No way in hell was she going to subject Gage to her cooking.
»»•««
Gage returned forty minutes later after sitting in traffic and waiting in line at the parts store. He popped the new battery into Kayla’s car, found the keys still in the ignition, and started the Camry without difficulty. He didn’t bother to knock as he shut the garage door and let himself into her condo.
He climbed up one story to the main level and immediately smelled pizza.
Thor lifted his head from where he lay comfortably curled on the floor next to the kitchen table, but somehow managed to snub Gage with a sigh of indifference.
Kayla stood on her tiptoes at the counter, reaching for some glasses in the cabinet. He admired her ass for a moment, knowing what the smooth white skin underneath looked and felt like intimately. He wondered if she still sported the faint lines of his flogging Friday night and hoped that wasn’t the case. He didn’t like his submissives to wear his marks that long. And her skin was so fair.
When she turned around, she shrieked, almost dropping the glasses she held in each hand. “Shit. Gage. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He rushed forward, washed his hands at her sink, and took the glasses from her.
“Did you find a battery?”
“I did. And she started right up. You’re good to go.”
“How much do I owe you?”
“Not a cent.” He carried the glasses to the fridge and filled them with ice from the slot on the door, noticing she had a variety of sodas on the island.
“Gage…” Her voice was exasperated. “The battery at least. Come on. You can’t just replace my car parts.”
“I can.” He turned toward her and set the glasses on the island. “I did, in fact.” He smiled and then nodded at the giant box steaming next to the sodas. “So, this is your idea of cooking?”
Kayla’s face fell, and she fidgeted with several cans of soda as though it were important to line them up properly. “I… Yeah, I don’t actually cook… I mean I cook, but…”
What the hell was up with her? She looked like…well, scared.
He frowned. “Pizza’s good. I like pizza. I don’t care if you cook. I was teasing.”
“Oh.” She lifted her face and pasted on a fake smile. “Good. It’s my specialty.”
“Perfect.” Gage picked up the box and carried it to the table. He felt like he was walking on eggshells now. This woman was a pile of mysteries.
Kayla followed behind him, set the glasses down, and returned for several cans. “I have a variety of sodas.”
He didn’t care if he drank water, soda, or Drano at that point. He just wanted Kayla to relax. He grabbed a random can and filled his glass, keeping his gaze on Kayla most of the time.
“I wasn’t sure what you might like, so I got meat lovers.” She opened the box, and the rising steam brought with it the delicious scent of sauce and pepperoni.
“I’m easy. I eat almost anything. That looks delicious.”
Kayla passed him a napkin and reached for a slice. “Thanks for fixing my car. That’s a load off my mind. I was afraid it would be in the shop for days and I’d be scrambling for transportation.”
“No problem. Glad I could help. And you do realize I could come pick you up if you’re ever in a bind like that.”
She lifted her gaze. “Thanks.”
They ate several slices of pizza before Gage sat back. “Talk to me.”
She exhaled slowly. “Nothing to say, really.” She shrugged and didn’t meet his gaze. In fact, she ripped the corner of her napkin in tiny pieces, plucking away at the thin paper. “I haven’t done a flogging scene for a while. I thought I was ready. Please don’t read too much into it.”
Don’t read too much into it? Was she crazy? Gage hesitated to speak. He didn’t want her to freak out more than she clearly already was. Finally, he opened his mouth. “Kayla, look at me.”
She lifted her gaze, jerked it really. Her face was flushed a faint pink color.
“I know there’s more to this story than you’re willing to share. I also know this has more to do with the restraints than the flogging. And that’s okay. If you aren’t ready to talk about it, I can wait., but I want you to be honest with me. If something isn’t working in the future, let me know. If I had realized you were so distraught, I never would have proceeded.”
She swallowed and nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
He cringed and shook his head. “We aren’t role-playing right now. You don’t have to call me Sir. We’re just two people eating together and talking.”
She sucked her lower lip between her teeth in response.
Gage leaned forward and set his elbows on the table. It brought him closer to her. He wanted to read her face. If nothing else, her expressions gave away at least part of what she was feeling. “How long has it been since you were fl
ogged?”
“Um, a few years.”
“Okay. See? Easy. We’re making progress. How long since you were restrained?”
“The same.”
“Okay. So, same person?”
“Yes,” she whispered, flinching and drawing back from him.
Fuck. Some bastard scared her. He paused. “You were with another Dom at the time?”
“Yes.” Her voice was weaker, and she stood abruptly and carried several things to the kitchen counter.
He took that to mean she was done with tonight’s sharing session. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Was she raped?
“I think Thor wants to go outside,” Kayla muttered.
Gage turned to see his dog standing at the back door. Before he could get up, Kayla opened the slider and let him out. “He might take a dump in your yard. Do you have a grocery bag or something I can use to clean it up?” Gage asked as he stood.
“No worries. I’ll get it later.” She turned to him and pulled her shoulders back, standing at her tallest. “I’m sorry about Friday. It won’t happen again.”
“Kayla…” He approached her and stepped right into her personal space, making her back up, but the counter was behind her, and she ran out of space fast. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. Your reactions to different stimuli are just that—reactions. You deserve validation for whatever you’re feeling at any given time. I’ve told you that. I’m not remotely angry with you. If anything, I’m rather pissed with myself for not recognizing I had pushed you too far. Forgive me?”
She swallowed, and her eyes went big. “Of course.”
Jesus, had no one ever apologized to her before? He thought hard about his next words. This woman was damaged. Someone had abused her mentally or physically or both. No wonder she was skittish and quiet. She was petrified. How had this never occurred to him?
Gage reached for her face with both hands and held her cheeks, gently lifting her chin until she met his gaze. “I want to help you. It’s obvious you’re looking for a Dom and trying to reenter the D/s world. I assume you recognize yourself as being submissive. I also know this is hard for you. You must trust me on some level, or you wouldn’t have asked me to flog you.”
She nodded subtly, even though he still held her face in his palms. He didn’t think she was breathing.
“How about if I agree to work with you, and you agree to let me in a little at a time?”
“Let you in?”
“Give me more information about your past.”
Her eyes widened, and her mouth fell open.
“Kayla…” He set his forehead against hers. “I’m not asking you to bare your soul right this second. I’m only asking you to throw me a bone every once in a while. Can you do that? You choose when. You choose what. I won’t pressure you.”
She hesitated and then nodded again. “Yes, Sir.”
He smiled. “Sir again, huh?”
Kayla lowered her gaze.
“You’re very tense.” He lowered his hands from her face to her shoulders and squeezed, mostly because it was obvious she wasn’t comfortable holding his gaze any longer.
Gage pulled her into his chest and held her tight. He’d give anything to fast-forward in time to a date in the future when he would have more details about this gorgeous, damaged woman. And he would. There was no doubt he would get her to open up. But how long would it take?
Chapter Four
Kayla stared at Gage’s chest. Damn him for saying and doing all the right things. It made it so much harder for her to separate her feelings for him from her needs. Why did the very man whom she’d chosen to trust with her submission also have to be someone she found unbelievably attractive? And why the hell had she agreed to submit to him?
She’d known him from work first, and later was shocked to see him at Extreme. The first time she ran into him there, she did so literally, coming around a corner and crashing into his solid body. He reached out with both hands to steady her on her feet. When she lifted her gaze to meet his, both of them gasped.
But then Gage smiled, and her heart melted the slightest bit after years of frigidity. His mouth had turned up on one corner that night. “Kayla,” he muttered.
She’d instantly warmed, her entire body responding to the man who held her biceps in his huge palms and squeezed. The sexy K-9 director from the police academy was into BDSM?
He was perceptive enough that night to recognize when she panicked. She flinched, knowing her face had gone totally pink with embarrassment. And she stared daggers at him, daring him to say a word about her choices.
Gage’s smile had fallen, and his brow furrowed. “Kayla, don’t look so petrified. Code of conduct here, hon. We don’t discuss what happens at Extreme outside of Extreme. Your secret’s safe.” He winked then. And she nearly died.
But that was separate. Unrelated to the fact he was the only man inside Extreme she trusted enough to scene with. Well, Rider, perhaps, but he had a girlfriend and was so newly into her, he barely glanced around.
The only strike against Gage was he’d been in the army. Simon was in the military. Where she totally trusted cops, she had a legitimate fear of what the military did to a man. In her experience, it altered them somehow, or else Simon had simply been a jackass to begin with and she was too smitten to notice. The idea made her cringe every time she thought about it. So she chose not to think about it.
Gage cleared his throat and brought her back to the present. “Do you have a fear of public scenes?”
She tipped her head back to look up. “What?”
He shrugged. “I thought maybe you were thinking about people watching you Friday night. If that’s the case, we could do a scene here, where no one can watch. It might help you get over the hump.”
She thought about his words. She didn’t have an aversion to public scenes at all. He wasn’t hitting the mark. But that didn’t mean he didn’t have a good idea. Perhaps doing something private would ease her back into the fetish world and keep everyone in the club from knowing she was freaked out. “We could,” she muttered.
Gage smiled. “Whatever you need, I’m all yours.” He turned his body so her back hit the counter and he had her trapped against the edge.
And then Thor gave a single bark, startling her. She twisted to see him sitting politely outside the sliding door.
Gage released her and stepped away to let the guy back inside. “Hey, buddy. Find someplace to sit while I take care of this pretty lady.” He scratched Thor on the head and turned back to Kayla.
“I can’t believe how perfectly trained he is.” She glanced at Thor. “I mean, I get it. He was military trained and now works with other police dogs, but it’s still amazing.”
“Yeah. He’s the best.” Gage stepped back into Kayla’s space and planted his hands on the counter on both sides of her body. “Now, where were we?”
She grinned. “You were about to do a scene with me to prove you are the master of all Doms and can conquer my biggest fears.” Holy shit. She couldn’t believe she said that.
“By all means then.” He stepped back and took her hand, dragging her to the living room area. “How about you lose the sassy and assume a submissive role?”
“Yes, Sir.” She giggled, but then straightened her face and took the position more seriously.
Gage led her by the hand to the couch and sat, pointing at the floor. “Kneel here.”
Kayla easily assumed the position she was beyond familiar with, though it had been a long time since anyone commanded her in her own home, or anyplace other than the club. She shook, but clasped her hands behind her back to steady herself.
He stroked a hand through her hair, weaving his fingers between sections of curls. “You’ve had a lot of practice at this. It comes second nature to you. Almost eerily so.”
She didn’t comment. He was more right than he knew.
“And yet, it’s been a while.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“I suspect two years. That’
s when you moved back to Vegas, right? Same time I arrived.”
He knew more about her than she suspected. And she wondered what rumors he’d heard around the precinct. She’d been gone four years when she returned. A few people at the station knew her and remembered her from her childhood, but everyone was respectfully discreet about her return. She didn’t know if they were told by the captain to keep their mouths shut and their questions to themselves, or if they took one look at her and felt the need to zip their lips. Either way, she was grateful. The only person who knew anything about her absence was Chief Edwards. And she trusted him with her life. He would never tell her secrets to a soul.
“But you’re from Vegas, originally.”
“Yes.”
“I think I’ve heard that your dad was a cop?”
“Yes. He died on duty right after I finished high school. Shot by a kid who was high and selling drugs on a street corner.” She dipped her head lower after divulging that to him. Why was she so quick with answers all of the sudden? She never talked about her family.
“God, Kayla. I’m so sorry. That must have been hard.”
“Impossible.”
“So you left town.”
She didn’t move. Question and answer time was over.
“Mmm,” Gage added. “Okay, I’ll stop grilling you for now.” He leaned forward, still twirling a lock of her hair with his fingers. “I sense the anxiety you’re experiencing, and I assume you feel it most of the time. That’s why you need the release.”
“I guess.” She shrugged. He was spot on, but she didn’t want to admit it so easily out loud.
“How about we go back a step and you let me spank you? You’ll get the release you need doing a scene we’ve already done before in a safe environment where you don’t have to worry about stopping me if you need to.”
She thought about that. It was a good idea. And it had been so long since she’d gotten that kind of release—the last time Gage had done it to her in fact. A few weeks ago. “That would be great. Sir.”
The Fight Club - Boxed Set Page 66