by Poppet
"I am opening this bottle in front of you so you know what you're drinking."
"Isn't it a bit early for wine?"
"You could use it, you're so tense I could dive off you."
"Are you always this suggestive, first I make it hard, and now we're into diving?"
"It's male thinking, Phoebs. Don't persecute me for being half human."
"Why don't you tell me what the hell is going on?"
He plants a long stemmed glass down in front of me, holding probably more than half that bottle of wine. He walks around to behind me.
"Not until you settle down. You're making me nervous with your adrenalin surging. Lean your head forward."
I don't feel threatened, so comply.
His hands rest softly on my upper shoulders and neck. A warmth suffuse into my muscles. Hmmmm. My muscles unclench, diffusing tension.
"That's better." His movement is so stealthy I don't hear him at all as he re-enters my vision to sit down opposite me.
This place is so light and airy, very different to Seithe's home. The lighting is warm, the walls off-white, everything else white. Not what you'd expect from a vampire.
"I'm not a stereotype."
"How do you know what I'm thinking?"
"It happens with humans you've exchanged fluids with."
"Oh."
I mean come on, what else can I say to that? What did he do to me? My neck is so relaxed it doesn't want to hold my head up. I sag heavily into my chair, watching him.
"What happened to you?"
"Hmmm? What are you talking about?"
"Your body, when I scanned it. You've been internally damaged."
Alarm pulses through my veins, "What do you mean?"
He moves across to me and puts a hand over the zip on my jeans, "Here." His eyes stare hard into mine, "Did he hurt you?"
I have a lump of nervousness making breathing difficult.
"I asked him to."
He's frowning; this is so strange. I'm almost comfortable with him because he's so much like Seithe.
"Why the hell would you want this pain?"
Glaring bitterly, "Because you fucked me, that's why!"
Comprehension scowls his face.
"And he let you believe that?"
"If I was in control, I had no way to stop the inevitable."
He picks up my hand, holding it gently.
"Phoebe, I'm not a red eye. Our mates are willing. He knows I wouldn't break a law like that. I value my existence too much. He let you believe I was a fucking monster!"
With disbelief I watch him slide off the chair, kneeling in front of me, holding my hand.
"No wonder you reacted the way you did. Phoebe, please forgive me, I had no idea I put you through such turmoil. I assumed he would douse any fears with truth."
Now I'm horrifically confused.
I look into his huge brown eyes, sparkling with moisture, "Phoebe, the Spirit is so strong in you. I don't understand how you can let him dictate to you and control you. The angel in me wants to fall at your feet and worship you."
His hand heats up in mine, "I could never hurt you. That would be like hurting God. I can't do it."
"Then why were you such an ass to me?"
"I wasn't trying to be an ass to you, I was having a go at my brother for being such a complete dick. He has the most exquisite woman on this earth at his beck and call, and he's spending his time playing mind games with you. And he's letting you believe you have no control over this. You are greater than we are. He imprisoned your mind, and he's enjoying his power over you. If you were mine, I would be adoring you."
His eyes flare silver as he stares into mine.
"Your light is so bright, you're like a beacon. I'm angry he's done this. You are precious, and beautiful."
He looks down to hide his eyes, "Not to mention sexy. The Vampyre in me fights my human half. One half of me wants to kiss your feet and adore you, the other half just wants to fuck you broken."
"I am in love with your brother."
I'm being ultra careful not to say his name.
"Are you? Or do you just think you are?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You react to me the same way you react to him. If you loved him, I would have no effect on you."
"That's such rubbish."
"Is it? Think about it, Phoebe. You are a chemical being. Your body and brain react to hormones, pheromones, and stimulation. All he did was make you a victim of your own reactions. We can smell what thrills you and play on that weakness."
"I won't entertain this."
"Of course. Your undying loyalty to men who treat you like a possession."
"Keep on insulting me and see how far it gets you."
"And you still don't see the obvious set up? That both times he used Grastle as an excuse to rescue you. To play the hero. To impress little Phoebe, who's ignorant to our ways and our kind."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying Grastle owed him a favour. And it was pay-back."
"Why are you doing this? What do you hope to achieve?"
He moves away, picking up his wine glass and cradling it between long fingers languidly.
"We get one chance at redemption. Just one. He thinks you are his. Someone marked you, I think it was our sister. She has already half crossed over to the other side. She'd like to see us fall along with her. He has tendencies I don't like. Residual behaviour from when our kind first arrived."
He swivels to stare into my eyes, and for a nanosecond, my body reacts to the gentle expression he's wearing.
"I don't like the way he treats you. I don't like the way he plays you. I feel protective over you, because I know the reality of who you are inside. Mark my words, he will offer to mark you himself to supposedly protect you. And if you let him, you will go straight to hell. I will not let him damn you with your ignorance. I had to intercede."
I gulp my wine to sedate the rising panic.
"Explain."
"His name begins with an S. He will offer to brand you with his initial. But we have a hierarchy system. The only fallen angel who has dominion over S, is Samael. Once you are branded with fire, with his mark, you will become his human. And you will pray for death every day for the rest of your life. You have no idea what pain and torture is really like until you belong to him. He will not only obliterate you physically, but mentally too. And once he has stripped the flesh off your bones, he will devour the very Spirit I see in you and want to protect and cherish."
I'm weak. This is too much and I'm beginning to drown in fear. He's somehow made perfect sense. He's so calm, he feels so honest and genuine.
My vision blurs him as tears of helplessness cloud. My ears pick up the clink of his glass being returned to white marble. I do not react the way I thought I would when his arms close around me and he pulls me into him for a hug of pure comfort.
"I'm sorry you're caught in the middle of our war."
"Why make me doubt him? It hurts."
"Phoebe, I am not the manipulating prick you think I am. Remove the blinkers, your survival is at stake."
My lethargic head drops into his chest. I'm virtually faint with dizziness.
"When I get really upset I hyperventilate. Do you have any bags handy?"
"You won't hyperventilate. Just take your time breathing slowly, calm your erratic heartbeat, you are safe here."
"Tomorrow is the last day. What am I going to do? I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore."
"That's why you are here. My crypt is completely off the radar. None of them can find you right now. None of them."
Tears squeeze their way between my closed eyelids. He's so warm and comforting. How did the enemy become an ally?
"Tell me the reason why vampires don't go in the sun?"
"Because we are so hot. We find it irritating to expose ourselves to direct heat like that. We try to stay away from heat sources as much as possible."
"Then why
don't you all live in the Arctic circle?"
"I don't think global warming needs our help, do you?"
I find myself smiling against his chest. "So it's got bugger all to do with carbon footprints, it's all the vampires around the world heating our atmosphere."
"I love that despite everything you find something to joke about."
"Yeah well, we're all gonna die anyway. It may as well be with a smile on our faces."
This makes me stop. My eyes open in realisation.
"Jowendrhan, am I going to die tomorrow?"
"Not if I can help it."
"Is your brother a threat to me?"
"I won't answer that. Make up your own mind, baby. You have the artillery inside you to defeat anything in your way. But you have to own your inherent power."
I droop my head again, utterly exhausted, "I am so confused and afraid."
"I didn't mean to hurt you, Phoebe. I used completely the wrong approach with you."
"You copied him, that was your mistake. And you let me believe it was him with me."
"It's hard to resist you."
"I'm having the same problem. Did you drug me?"
"No. I don't need to. It seems your body naturally reacts to the men in my family."
"I am so fucked."
"I really wish you were."
"It would be wrong ..."
"In your eyes, probably."
The conversation is getting softer and more intimate. I have lost my sense of caution, and we're speaking with our lips five millimetres apart.
"Phoebe, if we did go there. I would use the opportunity to show you the difference between a true heart and a fake one. I would show you how it's meant to feel."
"He made me wait ... it was so hard."
"That was how he caught you. He used your own mind and desire to capture you."
His voice is so low, I'm just aching to kiss him.
"Phoebe, I will worship you."
I close the gap. This may be the only way to tell the real difference. To see if he's lying to me.
Chapter 36: Confrontation
I justify it to myself, that I've already crossed this bridge with Jowendrhan. The difference this time is I made the choice. And laying on cold sheets in the aftermath my mind is racing.
He is nothing like his brother. There isn't a shred of control in him. He was gentle, to the point where I found him dull. Maybe the problem is, I don't like being worshipped. I like it a little rough around the edges. I like the experience to be unpredictable. He is so considerate that he co-joined our minds again. It was freaky. Both of us feeling what the other was experiencing and our own sensations at the same time. But he did it, to share completely. Taking us to the same point at the same time. He's not insipid; but now I know why I'm primarily Seithe's girl. It's all about approach. I feel Jowendrhan thought that by showing me the softer side of life, he'd entice me to see the error he perceives in Seithe. But all he's done is highlight all of the reasons why Seithe thrills me.
Now what? How the hell do we move forward harmoniously? Will he accept my choice? Or will he just become more difficult. I still don't have a real feel for his authenticity. I have to confront Seithe to know the truth. Tomorrow is my last day, and I'm desperate to come up with a plan.
Sitting up I look at my lover's brother. Lordy, I know how to complicate my life no end.
He smiles at me, thrilled no doubt at having landed the eagle.
"I'd like to go home."
"But you aren't safe there."
"I have to talk to your brother, and I'm not inviting him here. You two scare the shit out of me when you're fighting."
"Just wait."
He puts a hand under my navel, closing his eyes. He steals my breath as the pain disappears.
"How did you do that?"
"Love heals."
"Can you love?"
"To a degree, yes."
"Jowendrhan, it was ... interesting."
His eyes flare silver at me, "Don't tell me you prefer my savage brother?"
I feel like a cold-hearted bitch; like I just used him. And I feel despicable.
"I think we just proved I do really love him."
White sheets fly up between us. I don't see him leave, but become aware of enormous amounts of light sneaking around the door seam to the right of the room. The howl of fury which emanates ruptures my soul.
Catapulting out of the room with my clothes, I yank them on hastily. I have to go. I need time alone.
He appears standing in front of me, plain blue jeans giving him modesty now.
"Call me if you need me. Don't hesitate. I don't care who it is or what you need protection from, I will be there."
Swallowing my guilt, I nod. I feel ashamed.
"I'm sorry."
"No, you aren't."
"Jowendrhan, I'm not usually like this. I don't sleep around, and never with a lover's family member."
A haughty expression adopts his face, "Don't let him hurt you again. Use your free will wisely."
So he's ignoring this issue completely.
"Look, do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"But I feel awful."
"And you want to leave feeling good about yourself."
Truthfully? "Yes."
He steps in closer, looking down into my eyes with so many emotions in his that I feel stuck in a vortex.
"Give me a real kiss good-bye and I'll consider us even."
An iron fist has my stomach in a clench. I let him slide his hand into my hair, his heat invading my mouth, a wandering hand worms its way under my shirt. I give him his kiss but it makes me feel filthy, wretched, a whore bargaining her body for peace.
I look away when he releases me. I sense the deep inhalation as he savours my scent.
"Take me home." It's a struggled whisper. I'm dissolving with shame.
He steps in, wrapping warm arms around me, my cheek pressing into his skin. I sense the possessiveness within it.
Instantly cold, I am standing alone at home. He left me instantaneously. I don't blame him for being angry. Tears finally unleash. Stumbling I collapse onto the futon, wracking out my shame, my fear, my self-loathing.
*
Hours later, after a long salt bath, I am sitting staring at the wall searching for the elusive clue to my survival. I know there is something obvious I'm missing. There must be a way for me to protect myself. There has to be. When the obvious dawns on me. Smug, elated, I dive off the futon, grab my wallet, and make a mad dash for Pick n Pay before it closes.
My life has turned upside down. There are red eyes everywhere! Loitering strangers watching me with dark sunglasses litter my passage on the pavement. My skin crawls up and down my spine with a lifetime supply of terror. I force myself to appear confident, unbothered.
I get my supplies from the baking aisle and hardware section, and run back home. Needing the relief of the exercise and relishing what could be my last day drawing lungs full of fresh sweet Capetonian air.
Launching through my door, I slam it locked behind me. Yanking salt canisters out of my bag, I start pouring huge amounts of salt over window ledges and in front of the door. I've seen enough supernatural movies to think there may be some truth in this. And it sure as heck doesn't hurt to try everything.
I pause, considering that word. Supernatural. That's all of us. We are natural. We become super-natural after Seithe boot camp. Simply enhancing what we have through diligent exercise, we can all be supernatural.
My head explodes with agonising pain as his voice breaks the solitude.
"Hello Phoebe."
The shock gives me an instant migraine, spinning I swivel to stare at him.
"Seithe!"
"Where have you been?"
"Out."
His eyes survey me slowly, and I feel as though my guilt is cloaking me as bright as parrot feathers.
A chair manifests opposite the futon. Then a table. Then a glass of amber liquid appears
on the table. He sits down with a regal posture and indicates I should join him.
Fury grabs my nervous system in a tight clamp.
"No. No. I'm the human here. I'm not doing things your way any more. I have questions and I demand honest answers."
"Ellindt was at your work today with her faithful coven. Is that why suddenly you have issues with me?"
Swallowing the lump of shame, guilt and fear, I stoically continue. "We'll get to that. But first tell me what that was that I drank with you inside Pravus that first night?"
"Blood."
He may as well have punched me as I double over feeling sick with disbelief. Reluctantly I flop into my futon and glare at him.
"How dare you!"
"What? The Massai in Africa drink blood as their source of protein. You eat meat, it contains blood. Don't be a hypocrite Phoebe."
"What kind of blood?"
"Oh, you want specifics do you?"
The sarcasm is thick enough to stand on.
"Yes!"
"O positive."
I feel earth tremors passing through my body. I am quaking as if the world is rupturing.
"Human!" Tears destroy my composure. "You betrayed me."
"Oh for pete's sake, Phoebe. Do we have to do this now? We have bigger problems facing us."
"Yes now!"
"Fine. I had no reason to treat you any other way than a human toy. I hadn't decided what to do with you, and you wanted a drink, and that's what they serve in Pravus. I gave you what you wanted. I felt nothing for you and truthfully did not care at that point. I didn't think you'd leave alive."
"Then why ... why ... ?"
"Why save you? Your smell."
"My smell?"
"Yes. If you were going to die, I wanted to screw you first."
I'm so shocked by his callous response.
"You are killing me slowly, Seithe."
"Minxy, now isn't the time for us to be indulging in conflict. We need to prepare you for tomorrow."
I am hating the fact that Jowendrhan told me the truth.
"I'm listening."
"I want to mark you myself."
I can't breathe. I struggle out in a wince, "How?"
"By branding my initial inside your right wrist."