by L. C. Giroux
"Oui, une minute." She used the time she spent packing up her computer and getting her notes organized to calm her nerves and take some deep breaths.
When she walked into his office he was leaning against his desk with his arms crossed over his chest. All the confidence she had felt in the conference room seemed to evaporate. If Allain wasn't happy with her work it didn't matter whether other people liked it or not. She wanted to be his lover but more than that she wanted to show him that she could be serious too. She wanted a real partnership not just their bodies but their hearts and minds also.
"Shut the door, please." he said it so quietly and with the commanding voice he used the first night he was Monsieur Smith. She reached back blindly and pushed the door shut. When she did, he uncrossed his arms and walked toward her. He had his head down but was staring at her above the tops of his glasses. She swallowed hard, the butterflies had become big black crows flying around in her stomach now. When he got to her he took the computer and papers from her hands and put them on the table next to her. Then without warning he bent down and reached around her waist lifting her up in the air and twirling her around, a huge smile on his face.
"That was brilliant! I hope the old gas bag finally quits. My God I haven't enjoyed a board meeting more in my life." and then he kissed her full on the lips. Not the sweet soft kisses that he always gave her unless he was Smith. No, this was the kind of kiss you give in celebration to a lover. She was so surprised she gasped. When she did he immediately pulled away. She wanted to cry in frustration. "I'm sorry, I got carried away. I knew you would give the project careful attention, and I was truly impressed with the work you did. Including footage of the interviews was genius and even the format was so much better than the typical powerpoint disaster."
"Merci, you scared me when you acted like you didn't like it. I wanted you to be proud of me."
"You went beyond my expectations. Yes, I'm very proud of you." He bent down and brushed a kiss on the top of her head. She wanted to push him across the room, down onto his desk and kiss him till he admitted he loved her but she didn't.
"Allain, when did you want to leave for the boat?" The crows had gone back to being butterflies though after his kiss she felt a liquid heat in her belly that hadn't been there before.
"I think the sooner the better don't you." Mon Dieux, the liquid was now lava.
"Mmm, Oui. I just need to get my things." She walked over and picked up her computer and papers and held them over her chest. He walked up behind her and whispered in her ear.
"I think we'll be very good together, you and I." His lips grazed her ear and his breath fanned her neck when he said it. She closed her eyes and willed her knees not to collapse. She tried to take a deep breath but just shuddered when his finger tips ran lightly up and down her arms even through her suit jacket.
"Go get ready to leave." He almost whispered in that rich sensual voice that touched all her nerve endings. She managed to fight off the urge to whimper. They were still in the office and she didn't want to embarrass him or herself but she ran from his office like she was on fire.
Allyn looked over at Marie. He had no idea how he was going to get through stowing their gear let alone the weekend. As soon as she had gotten to the dock she had stripped off her shirt and was running around in a miniscule bikini top and some tiny cut off shorts. There were members of his boat club he was going to have their eyes put out for the way they stared first at Marie and then at him. He was making himself crazy running back and forth while trying to keep an eye on her or more specifically the lecherous old men hitting on her.
"Allyn? Can we go soon?"
"Tiring of your fan club?"
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind, We're ready to go mostly. Here give me your hand." She jumped too far, or maybe he pulled too hard, and she ended up falling into his arms. He was happy with the outcome however it had happened. He held her against his chest despite the danger of betraying his feelings too soon. He brushed a quick kiss in her hair. She smelled of vanilla, he wanted to bury his face in her hair and then hide away from the world with her below deck. He swallowed hard and released her. Not yet, he told himself. He got her squared away and then started the outboard to get them out of the dock and beyond the harbor. Once in the bay he showed her how to raise the sails and how to stay away from the boom. Size-wise the boat was at the outside limit of what one man could sail comfortably but he had always loved the physical challenge it presented. As soon as they were under sail Marie opened the hamper she had brought with wine and things to eat.
"Marie, I don't think I should drink."
"Allain, one small glass of wine will not make you drunk and it goes so well with the paté and cheese. Besides, you are too tense. You think you have to take care of everyone but who takes care of you, hmm?"
"Well, Violet I suppose."
"Bouf, Violet 'as Michel and soon un bébé. Bon, I will 'ave to take care of you. Now lay down, your shoulders are scraping your ears." He looked at her, trying to figure out what she was saying and what she was up to. "Allain, take off your shirt and lay down, comprenez? I will give you a massage. Hmm, you are too tall to lay on the bench so you will 'ave to lay on the deck." He was acting like he was in a trance but his mind couldn't quite get around the fact that she was going to touch him. "It is called the deck, non?"
"Non, I mean yes. Yes, it is a deck." He stripped off the t-shirt he had changed into earlier. Now he was cursing having changed into the shorts too. The minute she touched him he was going to go hard as a rock and there would be no hiding it in what he was wearing. He stood there trying to figure out how to not betray his feelings.
"Oh, vas-y! Vite!" and she pushed him toward the center of the boat. He almost wanted to laugh. She may have grown up but somewhere in there was still the bossy little girl she had been. The thought gave him some breathing room and he lay on the deck with his hands under his cheek. She knelt beside him and started to manipulate the muscles in his shoulders. Very quickly she stopped. "This is no good, you are too wide and the deck 'urts my knees. I am going to sit 'ere." and with that she straddled the back of his hips. She didn't weight enough that she was crushing him but just knowing that the pressure was her stole his breath.
"Marie, I don't think..."
"Oui, don't think. Unless there is something wrong with the boat, I am in charge." She wouldn't be much longer if his swelling erection had a vote. "Bon, I am going to use some sunscreen to make it easier. You are going to look old too soon with your thin English skin."
The lotion had been in the sun so it was warm when she squirted a generous amount on his back. Very soon she had covered his back and was using her fingertips to work her way towards the center on each side and then down the ridges of muscle on either side of his spine. The tension melted under her touch and the warm sun combined with the cool breeze to hypnotize him till he felt like he was barely breathing. He was so relaxed he barely noticed when she got up off him. It wasn't till she swept her thumbs under his waistband to the notches at the back of his hips that he jumped.
"Oh, oui, it is better if you undo the button."
"Like hell!" It was more shock than anything else. He just hadn't expected her to be so free with his body. Of course that shock was nothing compared to what she did next.
"Agh, I am getting lines. Je déteste tan lines." and with that she pulled the string and tossed her bikini top on the bench near her. She then crossed to the other bench and lay on her back. Allyn was fairly certain his mouth was hanging open but couldn't be sure since the only nerves that seemed connected to his brain were attached to his cock. My God, she looked like a goddess waiting to be worshiped.
"Marie," his voice barely sounded human, "I don't think this is a good idea." She sat up and looked around. They had rounded Provincetown and were heading into open ocean.
"Allain, don't be silly. There is no one 'ere but us. You forget I am French, I 'ave been doing this since I was a bébé. It is not a big d
eal." She was right of course. The beaches where she lived were covered with half naked women. They just weren't women he wanted with a desperation bordering on insanity. They didn't have tawny skin with dusty rose nipples that had tensed in the cool breeze. He wanted to fill his hands with them, warm them with his kisses and then tease them to hard points with his tongue.
"I have to go look at the sails." he bit off. He needed air, an absurd thought when he was standing on the deck of a boat in the middle of the water. He moved to the prow of the boat and stood there pulling great gulps of air in to his lungs. The wind in his face calmed his brain and frazzled nerves. Dammit, if only he could become Smith right now. Then he would have been able to do all the things her body called to him to do. What was his fear of approaching her as Allyn? Did he think she wouldn't want him? Today had put the lie to that. She wanted him enough to make an attempt at seduction. He felt her walk up behind him as if all his senses were tuned to her particular frequency.
"Allain, I don't understand." Hell, he didn't either. He turned to speak to her when the boat caught a swell. Being used to sailing, he adjusted his stance and rolled through it. Marie was unaccustomed to the ocean and lost her balance. She grabbed for one of the lines and missed. She was going to go over the side. In that millisecond Allyn realized his worst fear. He would lose her like everyone else he had loved in his life. Without thought he reached out and hauled her back from the edge, pinning her against the hull of the cabin with his body.
"I've got you. You're okay. I've got you." He said over the pounding in his chest. A second later he realized she was crying. "Ne pleure pas, my sweet. Don't cry." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed the tears away. He skimmed his thumbs over her cheeks and looked into her eyes. She looked up at him with such tenderness he was lost. He glanced down to see her breasts pressed against his chest and bent his head to take her lips. He only wanted to soothe her fears but almost having lost her he couldn't stop himself from taking more.
Her heart galloped in her chest. She was falling and then she wasn't. Trapped against his chest, safe in his arms she let herself breakdown. Then he held her so tenderly like she was the most precious thing in the world to him. Finally he kissed her, gentle melting kisses where her tears clung to her then he stopped and looked into her eyes. He was always saving her even when she had been a girl. He would always keep her safe. She softened in his arms and then he claimed her lips. It was as if they were breathing as one. She had heard of kisses like dancing but this was stunning. Their tongues exploring, teasing, it was as if she had never had been kissed so perfectly.
His arms tightened around her and his lips left hers to travel her cheeks to her jaw and then to her neck. This kiss was the opposite of soothing this was meant to incite passion and she was on fire. She buried her face in his strong shoulder. Finally, her Allain, the man she had loved her whole life was in her arms and she would never let him go. She felt his hand caress her side. Her fingers twirled in his hair. He was gently using his teeth on her neck and her collarbone. Time seemed to slow as he lifted and started again on the other side. She moaned at his teasing touch. His thumb swept the underside of her breast and her breath caught. He dipped his head lower and she felt the pull on her nipple.
"Oh!" the sensation so strong she couldn't help but quake in response. Suddenly she felt cold, he had pulled away.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't... Just go below."
"Allain? What..."
"Please, just go below so I know you're safe." He was panting but he looked as if his heart were tearing. "For God's sake Marie, please put some clothes on." If he hadn't looked so tortured she would have laughed. Instead she fought back her tears and ran to the cabin. Now that she was out of his arms she was shaking with cold. Once in the cabin she pulled open bags trying to find her clothes, finding his instead she pulled out a black cashmere sweater and gray sweatpants dragging them on over her shorts she let them hang over her feet. The cabin was small as if it was built for only one person to inhabit. Everywhere she looked it was perfectly Allain, beautiful, refined, masculine, sensual. She curled up in the bunk and wrapped his sweater more tightly around her. Lost in his scent she drifted off to sleep.
"Marie, wake up." Allain jostled her shoulder.
"Hmmf."
"I've decided we're not going to go all the way to Nantucket. I've found a dock that can take us and a hotel. We'll just get burgers or something..."
"Can't we just stay on the boat?" She rubbed her eyes.
"No, there is only one bed." That was her point. This man was beyond difficult.
"Fine, where are we?" She didn't know why she even asked. It wasn't as if the name of the town would mean anything to her. He looked at her like she had lost her mind.
"Harwich Port."
"I think you picked it because you will make fun of me when I 'ave to say it." He gave her a shy smile but finally a smile none the less.
"Peut être." he bent and placed a kiss on the top of her head. She reached to pull the sweater off and he stopped her. "No, leave it on," a flush stained his cheeks and neck, "it has gotten colder and I suspect you did not bring anything warm did you?"
"Pourquoi? It is Summer and we are sailing."
"Yes, but this is the Atlantic, not the Mediterranean, it demands hardier stuff. While I bring the boat in get together what we'll need for the night. There shouldn't be too much." Then he left. At least he was talking to her even if it was about mundane things.
They got to the inn. Soon she was showered and changed. It turned out that the inn had a restaurant so they could do better than just burgers. Allain had changed also, with his hair still damp and his glasses he looked like an naughty school boy. The thought made her smile she was tired of all this confusion. Was it that he thought her too young for him? Was it the family connection? They shared no blood relation. She smiled at the memory of her mother explaining that while Allain may not be interested in her, she wasn't 'committing a sin' as Gabrielle had accused. He had lost so many people close to him, even Violet almost. Was it just that he was afraid he'd lose someone else? It couldn't be that simple? Could it? He startled her out of her thoughts.
"I used to have a sweater just like that. Navy blue V neck with cables like that. I lost it on a trip to Switzerland."
"Non, you didn't lose it. You stopped to bring Violet back to school that trip" She smiled and went back to eating her mussels.
"Yes, I did I... La Reine? Is that my sweater from what, ten years ago?"
"I kept it under my pillow for years. It made going off to university much less scary. For the longest time it still smelled of your cologne but eventually Maman found it and insisted I wash it. You are not 'aving it back now! Actually, if you want it..." She lifted the hem of the sweater and watched him turn scarlet. "Maybe later, non?" she gave him a teasing smile and watched the flush move down his neck.
"I think you should keep it. I don't even know if it would fit me now." She agreed, in those years he had filled out, gotten broader. The sweater would be too small for him now.
Dinner had been fine, chit chat and decent wine but they had never talked about how he had kissed her or more importantly to her, why he had stopped. She had no idea how to bring it up either. He was a grown man and she a grown woman. Merde! none of this should be difficult. She was restless and had been pacing for an hour. The sound of the television annoyed her so she had shut it off ages ago. The pacing had at least helped her work through a plan. When she got home she was going to enlist Violet's help. If she told her everything, Monsieur Smith, all of it and how much she loved Allain, Violet would have to help, non? She didn't know what to do otherwise. She finally changed into a T-shirt and went to bed. They were going home tomorrow and she would start then.
As she was about to drift off, she felt the bed dip.
"Who..."
"Its just me. I'm sorry I thought you'd be asleep." Allain's voice sounded ragged. "I keep thinking about this afternoon, about almost losing you
." Here she was frustrated because he didn't continue kissing her and he had been afraid of her dying. For a moment she chastised herself for being a fool. "I just need to hold you for a minute and then I'll go back to my room. He slid in to bed behind her and cradled her back against his chest. He was bare chested and wearing the sweat pants she had worn earlier. He wrapped his strong arms around her like the night in the hotel when he played Smith. She couldn't stop herself from rubbing her cheek against the smooth skin on the inside of his arm. The warmth of his body suffused hers, loosening all the tension she had from the day. She needed to tell him everything, how much she loved him, that she knew who Smith was, enough games.
She rolled over and was stunned, his face didn't look any different except for the tracks of tears and the tears still in his eyes. Her heart clenched, this was not the time to confront him. He didn't need her body right now but he did need her love. "Allain," she whispered, "mon amour, you could never lose me." She pulled him to her heart and wrapped herself around him. After a few minutes, he tried to get up to leave.
"I should let you sleep."
"Non, I will sleep better with you here. Stay." She reached over and kissed his cheek.
"I..."
"Stay. I want you 'ere with me. Please." He settled back against her with his ear over her heart. She stroked his hair and back till she felt him relax deeply and then sleep. Finally she allowed herself to sleep too.
Marie felt Allain's body tense and then he began mumbling incoherently. He was dreaming and it didn't seem happy. She didn't know what to do, she had heard you shouldn't wake someone in the middle of a dream but she didn't know why. She tried to relax her body, hoping that would relax his. Instead as their bodies eased apart he screamed in terror. She clutched at him as he came awake. He was disoriented and frantic.
"Tu es en sécurité. I'm 'ere, you're safe." She stroked his face as his eyes searched her wildly. Finally, he collapsed, panting into her shoulder. She ran her hands down his back till she felt some of the tension leave him. Then she whispered in his ear.