by Lolah Lace
“Fuck—you!” I went through the den to the foyer. Kelly was standing at the top of the stairs. She was holding on to the bannister and peering right into my eyes. Did she hear everything? I should have controlled my temper.
I walked right out the front door. As soon as I planted my ass in my pickup I felt bad about the TV, bad about Kelly hearing my tirade. I felt like an asshole and I was the one that got dumped. What the fuck?
***
I couldn’t believe I had been dumped. I was like all the other lovesick fools in history that tried to call and drop by. She refused every gesture I made. I wanted to talk to her and get a better explanation for this but I would never beg.
I was only one week out and I felt like shit. There was another hole in my heart. Just as the pain from one started to heal there was another one that took up residence beside it. I missed Nicki more than any other woman I ever had. I actually loved her.
I never took her seriously when she made me feel inferior. I thought she was just being a bitch but she really thought I was white trash. She really thought she could do better and now I feel like the biggest fucktard that ever lived. If I would have just fucked her and moved on this wouldn’t hurt so bad but she was nice to me. She acted like she cared. I know I broke down her walls. She let me in and I know she felt something for me. I’m not crazy. She felt something for me. You don’t just spend all that time with someone and not develop any feelings.
I had to pull myself together because Tony was coming over to watch the basketball game with me. He sensed something was up. I told him I was dumped and I guess he feels some need to babysit me. Maybe I need a babysitter, someone to stop me for going over to Bloombury Court and raising hell.
It was seven o’clock on the dot when he showed up at my door. I let him in and he found a place on my couch. We were silent most of the time until he decided to do some probing.
“You think you can get her back?” Tony asked because I’m sure he knew I was miserable.
“No.”
“Why not, it’s only been a week?”
“A feeling I have.”
“I mean come on, you were practically living there.”
“She was firm with her fuck off loser. Plus there’s another guy.”
“Did you at least try to talk to her?”
“She will not answer any of my calls.”
“I’m sorry I don’t know what to tell you. She dumps you and gives you some Mickey Mouse bullshit excuse. I don’t know what’s up with her. Are you going to give up or try again?”
“I’m going to go over to her place and see if she’ll talk to me.”
“Okay. Well if you get arrested, call me.”
“Why would I get arrested?”
“Her mouth, don’t choke her or kick her door down.”
“I’m not going to do that.”
Tony left around eleven. I wasn’t going to go over to Nicki’s place. Been there, done that. I give up.
I was back to not sleeping well. There was no need for me to go to bed. I would not fall asleep. I took a shower and planted myself back on my couch.
My cell phone rang and I hoped it was Nicki. I looked at the screen and it wasn’t her. It was a number I didn’t recognize. I answered the phone.
“Hello.”
“Luke.” I recognized the voice.
“Rebecca.”
“Can I come talk to you? My husband just kicked me out and Jolene isn’t answering her phone. I don’t have anywhere else to go.” She unloaded too much information on me.
“Yeah.”
“Can you pay for the taxi?”
“Yeah sure.” Right the DUI, she can’t drive.
“Okay thanks Luke. I’m coming now.”
“Yeah okay.” I hung up and just leaned back on the couch.
I was going to have to be subjected to a long drawn out story about whatever drama was now taking over Rebecca’s life. I was going to have to hear about her low-life husband. She would maybe show up with a black eye. I don’t know. Rebecca is a mess. She has always been a mess and now she’s out on bail awaiting a trial. I may need this to get my mind off my heartache.
I could focus on her problems and throw my own on the back burner. The problem was Rebecca reminded me of Hailey. I had learned to cope with the loss of my daughter. Will Rebecca send me back to a world of despair? She is the sole reason for the despair. The accident was a one car accident. I have no other driver to blame.
I could just have sex with Rebecca. She has always flirted with me. She was always trying to seduce me. Her having a husband never changed that.
It was forty minutes before Rebecca arrived. The taxi pulled into my driveway and I paid the cabbie fifty dollars. Rebecca looked better than the last time I saw her. She wasn’t as frail and thin like when I saw her in jail. She had even put on a few pounds.
She had a big bag with her. I’m sure it was clothes. Rebecca placed her bag on the floor and took a seat on the couch next to me.
“Thanks, Luke. I didn’t have anywhere else I could go.”
I’m sure that was true. Rebecca was good for using her looks to get what she wanted. She was also good for burning her bridges. She couldn’t keep friends because she was selfish and she was slutty. I learned that Rebecca set her sights on me twelve years ago. She planned to get me in her bed. She knew I had been with her cousin but neglected to tell me. When I found out it was too late. I was already deep in love with Rebecca. It was odd to me how you could love someone so deeply and then years later feel absolutely nothing for them.
Is that how Nicki felt about me? Did she just wake up one morning and say I don’t like Luke anymore.
“Luke it will be just a couple of days until I figure something out. That bastard is always keeping me from my kids.”
I shrugged. “Yeah okay.”
“Are you okay?”
Shit, she’s very perceptive. I need to snap out of my slump. I don’t want her to ask me any prying questions. I want her to only focus on herself like she always does.
“I’m good, just tired.”
“Tired?”
“Yeah, how are your kids doing?”
“They’re good. Tom is always trying to turn them against me. I should have never married him but I was pregnant and I wasn’t going to have another kid out of wedlock. I wasn’t going to have to hear my mother in my ear constantly calling me names.”
Rebecca talked and talked and I tuned her out. I chimed in from time to time with a word or two. She fell asleep on my couch. I didn’t want her to sleep in Hailey’s room. I didn’t want anything moved around.
I turned in around two. I made sure I locked my bedroom door. I didn’t want Rebecca to wake up and try to come in my room.
***
Rebecca’s little sleepover turned into three weeks. Her husband freaked when he found out she was staying with me. He had nothing to worry about. I wasn’t attracted to her. She was no longer my type.
Rebecca had rented a bullshit apartment but she couldn’t move in until the end of the week. Rebecca had gotten a job at Denny’s from some guy she used to blow in community college. I knew about it because he told everyone but I didn’t find out until after she was pregnant with Hailey. Sometimes you think you know someone and you really are clueless.
I thought I knew Nicki but once again I was clueless. I wish I could stop thinking about her. It’s been so long and I still feel so…sad. I’m not cut out to be in a relationship. I know I will never ever marry. I’m completely opposed to the farce we call matrimony. I have never seen a marriage that worked. My parent’s entire marriage is more like a dictatorship. My father was like some silent partner. If he would have opened his mouth and spoke up, my brother wouldn’t be such a troubled mama’s boy.
I knew when Rebecca showed up weeks ago that her cousin wouldn’t take her in. Jolene would never let Rebecca stay with her. She would be afraid that Rebecca would sleep with her husband. It didn’t matter. Rebecca already
bedded her husband. Jolene just doesn’t know. The problem with traveling in the same circles is that word gets around. There’s a video of this encounter. If Jolene knew what Rebecca did, there would be no way she would have collected money to get Rebecca out of jail. These flaws in people don’t affect me. I will never let anybody close enough to affect me. I will build a wall between me and everybody I met from this point forward.
I was in the shower when I heard a knock on the front door.
“Rebecca, could you get the door!” I yelled from the locked bathroom. I locked to door because I had grown tired of getting groped without my consent.
“Okay!” I vaguely heard her say. I hoped it wasn’t some loser Rebecca invited over.
I stayed in the shower about ten more minutes. I toweled off and wrapped the towel around my waist. I left the steamy bathroom. I walked into the living room and Rebecca was on the couch in one of my Hamilton Moving Company t-shirts. Seeing her in my company t-shirt seemed like a bad omen. She was bad luck.
“Who was that at the door?” I asked Rebecca.
“Oh, it was no one, just some kids selling Girl Scout Cookies.
“Oh.” I went into my bedroom. I had to get dressed for work. As soon as I dropped my towel Rebecca was inside my bedroom with me.
I didn’t have time for another failed attempt at seduction. Give me a break. She was persistent. I quickly turned away from her. I grabbed my boxer shorts off the bed. I quickly stepped in them and pulled them up.
I turned back around to scoff at her. “What Rebecca?”
“How about a quickie?” She removed the t-shirt she wore. She was nude under it. This was not a surprise.
Silence, I stalked over to her. I grabbed her forearm and tossed her out of my bedroom. I locked myself inside my bedroom. I got dressed. I had to go to work. I couldn’t wait to get Rebecca out of my house.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Things had gone from one routine to another. I was now living a life without Nicki and Kelly. Kelly would call sometimes but it was just once a week. At first it hurt but then time eased the pain. I refused to ask Kelly any questions about her heartless mother. I loathed that woman, that evil, vile, wretched woman, the woman who sent me packing.
It was late and I was the only one still at work. I decided to get to some neglected paperwork. I had the time. I no longer had a relationship, if that was what we were calling it, to get to. I had been counting the days and it was three months without sex, three months without seeing Nicki and Kelly.
I should just go out and find someone else. That’s what Tony says I should do but he doesn’t know how deep my feelings ran for Nicki.
My cell rang and I focused on the screen. I answered the phone both happy and sad.
“Kelly.”
“Lukas.”
“Hey doll is everything okay?” It was late to receive a call from Kelly.
“Yes. I just miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
“I want to see you soooooooo bad.”
“I want to see you too but you know I promised your mom I would stay away.”
“I know. I promised her some things too.” There was a silence that made me think we were disconnected. “I have a secret.”
“Is it a good one or a bad one?”
“I don’t know. I know that I promised not to tell but I talked to my friend Marie and she agrees with me. I should tell.”
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about?”
“I have a secret and I’m not supposed to tell you.”
“Is it about your mom’s new boyfriend?”
“Lukas, my mom doesn’t have any boyfriend.”
“They broke up already?”
“No, there never was a new boyfriend. My mom wasn’t being honest.”
“I don’t understand.” I didn’t but I was going to get to the bottom of this deception. “Did she just stop liking me? Did I do something?”
“You said you didn’t want to be married and you said you didn’t want any more kids.”
“How do you know this?”
“I heard Mom talking about it on the phone. Is it true?”
It was true but I wasn’t going to admit that to Kelly. She was only ten, well eleven. I missed a birthday due to the breakup. “I love you and your mom. I miss you guys.” A quick change of subject should work.
“Luke, swear to god, do you love my mom?”
“Yes.”
“Like right now.”
“Yes I still love her. I didn’t stop. She just told me she wanted to see someone else.” This conversation was for adults. What am I doing?
“I’m going to be in trouble. I’m going to be in real big trouble.”
“Kelly, you’re scaring me. What is going on?”
“I promised my mom.”
“What?”
“Lukas would you came over tonight.”
“I can’t do that. Your mother made it clear I’m not welcomed in your house.”
“Yeah I know but my mother is really ah, ah fat.”
“Huh?” What the hell was she talking about? I knew Kelly like she was my own kid so I knew she was talking in riddles. Why she was being so evasive with me was a mystery. “Fat?”
“She’s fat around the stomach area. There may be something inside her stomach.”
“The stomach area, what are you trying to say?”
“I didn’t say anything. Maybe you should just come over and see my mother with your eyes.”
“Your mother is pregnant?”
“I didn’t say that. I got to go bye.”
Shit, she hung up on me. I was up on my feet. Maybe I should call Nicki but when we first broke up I tried calling her and she refused to answer my calls. I came over twice and she refused to come to the door.
With this new information, what am I supposed to do? I don’t even know what to believe. I know Kelly is smart enough to know the difference in a fat stomach and a pregnant stomach. That little girl is smart enough to deliver a baby.
My mind was racing. If there was no other guy then what was the point. Nicki blindsided me with the breakup. We were going strong and then we were just over. I didn’t have any say so in the matter. This was all too much. I’m not an idiot I knew what Kelly was trying to say but I had to see Nicki with my own eyes.
I paced in my tiny office for at least twenty minutes before I left for home. I went home and was consumed with the thoughts that Kelly put into my head. I showered and changed. I was going to go to Nicki’s. I wanted Kelly to be asleep when I arrived.
I waited until eleven-thirty and then I drove over to Nicki’s. I was going to have to force my way in. She wasn’t going to let me in. I tried to gain entry one week after the break up and she refused. The closer I got to her place the more heated I became. There are lies that need to be addressed.
I was the storm that blew into town and destroyed every single thing in my wake. I was livid. My entire body was now overheated. I was a furnace of rage and emotion.
Nicki was home. She was up. The light in her bedroom was on. I pulled into the driveway and made my way to her front door.
I was standing at her front door ringing the doorbell like a crazy person. She was inside I knew it. I started banging on the front door. She could see me on the video camera screen. She could hear me through the intercom.
I turned to the video camera. “Nicki open the door right now!”
“Luke, what do you want?” Nicki’s voice bellowed from the intercom system.
“Open the door, now! I will kick this fucking door down!”
“Go away.” She yelled.
“I’m not going anywhere. I will get in one way or another. Open this door right now. If I have to ram my truck into your garage I will.”
“Get away from my house. I will call the police.”
“Call them! I will be inside before they get here.”
“Luke, why are you here?”
“You know why. Open the door!
I will give your neighbors a fucking show.”
I heard the security system disarm and I heard her undo the locks. Nicki stepped back as I barged my way in and slammed the door behind me.
Nicki scurried away pulling her black satin robe closed. She was hiding something. I rushed inside the house after her.
“Luke would you chill the fuck out.”
I caught up to her in the den. I snatched the robe open and quickly pulled it off her body.
“Luke what the fuck.”
“You’re pregnant.” She had a massive baby bump, fucking massive. “You are fucking pregnant.”
“Stop saying that. Stop cussing at me.”
“That’s my kid.” Was that a question?
“Luke, Luke, Luke listen, I, I--”
“You thought that it was alright to hide a baby from me?”
“I’m not hiding.”
“Nicki?”
“Don’t Nicki me? We broke up.”
“No, no sweetheart you ripped my heart out. You dumped me.”
“Yes we broke up.” She repeated. Does she have fucking amnesia?
“This.” I pointed at her huge stomach. “This baby, it’s me.” I meant mine, fuck!
“Yes Luke listen.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t even believe this. This is so fucking unbelievable. “This is low even for you. I am disgusted with you…Did you try to get pregnant on purpose?” There was silence. “Nicole, I asked you a question?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to stop hiding things from me and tell me the truth.”
“I wanted a baby. I wasn’t trying to trap you. I hadn’t had sex in two years. I wanted another child and I knew we had no future. I wanted a guy and a kid. I wasn’t going to get the guy so I decided to just get the baby.”
“That’s sick.”
“Is it really?” She taunted.
“You used me.” I couldn’t believe her audacity.
“You used me for sex. You used me and my daughter as I distraction so you could grieve your daughter. I’m glad you’re doing better. I’m glad you’re coping with your loss. You told me you wanted to kill yourself before you met me. You used me and I used you right back. I wanted another child.”