He dives across the seat
Grabs my legs
Spins me toward him
His fingers dance up my calves
Tickle my knees
Quit!
I’m laughing so hard that’s all I can get out
My legs jerk
My boots leave dusty sole prints on his white T-shirt
As I try to wiggle
Away
Cody’s fingers keep tickling
As he pulls me out the door
My back arches around the edge of the seat
Welcoming the feel of his
Body
Hips
Melting
Into mine
My feet find the ground and we stand
Pressed together
My hands slide around his waist
To find the small of his back
Coming to rest
Thumbs hooked
On his belt loops
I relax into his hands
Moving up and down my back
His hands running up
Sliding down
Slipping underneath my shirt
His fingers trace my spine
Stop
At my ribs
“Whoa, Raesha—”
He steps back
Pulls his hands away
Please say something
Don’t say anything
Ripping through my mind
Because I know what he felt
Why his hands stopped at the base of the bones
That he never used to be able to feel
At least not through my back
The xylophone rib cage that I love
That I hate
Right now
Because his hands are in his pockets
Welcome Interruption
That’s when I see her
Running down the stairs bisecting the bleachers
On the far side of the arena
It takes me a minute to recognize her
Outside of the hallways smelling like peanut butter and paste
It’s Lacey
Running across the parking lot in a bright green sweatshirt
“Raesha!” she calls.
“Who’s that?” Cody asks.
The little girl I read to.
Only she isn’t
Lacey’s a different kid
Away from the carpet squares and beanbag chairs
She’s smiling
The gravel presses into my knees as I bend down to meet her with a hug
How are you?
“Good! My cousins brought me so I can see my sister practice. She didn’t know I was coming so I’m a surprise!”
Kierra comes around from the other side of the trailer where she was tacking up her horse
“Hey, you.”
“Hey you too! Are you surprised?” Lacey asks.
“Very. Come here.”
Lacey runs over
Kierra hugs her hello before helping her onto her horse
I guess part of me knew
But didn’t want to think
About this
Connection
Another link
Between her life and
Mine
Lacey grins down at me
Happy at being so tall
Wraps her hands around the saddle horn
Kierra weaves her reins over and under
Through her fingers
Stares at her cousins sitting up in bleachers
They’re talking and laughing with their backs to Kierra
Now that they know Lacey found her
Asia and Micah come from behind the truck with their horses
Lacey’s eyes fall to her shoes
“She is so cute!” Asia says, talking around Lacey to me
I wish she wouldn’t
Lacey should be involved in a conversation if it includes her
This is Asia. Her sister, Alexi, goes to the same school as you, only she’s in first grade.
“Maybe you could come over and meet her,” Asia volunteers.
I love that idea
I wish I’d have thought of it myself
Do you want to, Lacey?
Lacey bites her lip and nods
If all these brand-new-to-her people weren’t standing around she’d be smiling
She looks to Kierra for permission
“Tomorrow?” Lacey asks.
“Maybe.” Kierra looks back to where her cousins are still talking in the bleachers
“Kierra, you should come too,” Asia says.
Little sisters
Big sisters
Only child
Out
“I would, but—”
Kierra looks down at Lacey
Whose little girl eyes
Are anticipating
A no
“We’ll talk to Grandma when we get home.”
“Promise?” Lacey says.
Kierra and Asia trade smiles
Both knowing how little sisters are
“Promise. On or off?” Kierra asks Lacey.
“On.”
Lacey pushes off the saddle horn and
Slides over the back of the saddle
Sits perched on the blanket
Kierra swings into her saddle
Lacey wraps her arms around her big sister’s waist
It’s funny
Because I still remember how it felt to sit like that
Exciting and safe all at the same time
With the horse moving under you
An adult anchoring you
Only with me it wasn’t a sister
It was my mom
Cody doesn’t look at me
So I don’t look at him
Because we’re busy
I’m busy
He’s rushing
To get his horse tacked up
I’ve got to get Fancy ready too
Micah’s talking
Asia’s laughing
But we’re hurrying
Cody is
I am
And it’s fine
We’re fine—he’s fine—I’m fine
At least
That’s what I tell myself
Dancing on Dirt
She didn’t know I was coming over
Judging from the way her arm went across her chest
Hand resting beneath the opposite shoulder
Rolling the spaghetti strap of her rose-colored tank top
Back and forth
Beneath her index finger
Stepping aside to invite me in
Clearing the way for Lacey
My teddy bear buddy
To run past and into my arms
Their grandma
Sitting at the kitchen table shuffling through the newspaper
Looking more like a ma than a grand
Wearing a green-striped shirt
And a smile
So wide it pushed dimples into her sun-pink cheeks
Blew a kiss to her grandbaby
So happy her girls had a friend like me
Having heard about all the fun we’d been having
Kierra and I
At rodeo practice
Lacey and I
With the books
Telling me to come by again
Only next time to stay
For dinner
Put some meat on those bones
Of mine
Promising her special casserole
The
one with noodles baked soupy
Under a layer of crumbled-up potato chips
Smelling of onions and herbs
That graces the table of each and every church potluck
Warming the bellies
Souls
Of the sick
And the sad
Talking to their grandma
With Lacey pressed against my leg
I almost forgot
About Kierra
Melting into the door
Splintered around the bottom
So pale without her makeup
Standing there looking so young
And thin
A washed-out version
Of the girl
I see
At school
Staring past me
Out the door at the chickens
Bobbing and clucking
Strutting across the hard-baked soil
Spreading away from the front porch
So proud of their feathers
Red streaked with gold
They don’t mind it
The dancing
On dirt
“Kiss,” Kierra said.
Noticing that we were about to go
Bending down to meet Lacey’s lips with her cheek
Reminding her to be good
Watching Lacey
Skipping through the chickens out to my truck
Swinging her ponytail
Tied high on her head
Back and forth
Loving the feel of it on her neck
I wave at Kierra
Who melted back into the door before we even pulled out
Knowing that she would wave back
Not at me
But at Lacey
Sitting proud in the passenger’s seat
Legs stuck straight in front of her
Clicking the sides of her sandals against each other
She did
Wave
And I was glad
It was odd
This hating
Someone you knew nothing
And everything about
Plastic-cup Tea Party
We used to play house when we were little
Asia and I
Dressing up
Asia’s white patched cat
With the extra toes
Who drooled when she slept
Even when she was a kitten
Stumbling across the lawn
A tangle of baby doll dress and legs
Caught up in a knot she couldn’t untie
Even with her extra toes
Asia and I tipping our plastic tea cups to our lips
One pink
One orange
Sipping invisible tea
Sweet as cloverleaf honey
Smiling purse-lipped
After our four-legged wayward child
Somersaulting through the grass
The same grass we’re sitting on now
Drinking real tea
Watching real children
Lacey and Alexi
Popsicles dripping down their hands
Standing in front of the rabbit hutch
Looking at them
One for every day of the week
Alexi’s pointing to Wednesday
Who Lacey thinks should be named Oreo
What with his white belly
Sandwiched between the black
That’s his tail end and his front
But Alexi’s patient
Understanding that Lacey’s a child
A little kid
Needing some instruction
On rabbits
Holding them
Feeding them
Doing it all just right
Asia’s rolling her eyes
Both of us smiling
Purse-lipped
At her little sister
Gesturing with her Popsicle
Patiently lecturing her student
Lacey looks through her bangs
At the rabbits
At Alexi
And back again
The seriousness of it all
Showing through
As she looks only at the rabbits
Never once at her shoes
For once it’s not off-center
Asia’s two
To my one
That comes with being an only child
The envy of siblings
Hating the squished-together bathroom mornings
The already worn clothes
Never understanding the weight of it all
The responsibility that comes
With being
Just
One
Watching Lacey
Cradle the back end and the front
Of the rabbit called Wednesday
Sliding her feet across the grass
Slowly
So slowly
With Alexi
Hovering alongside
Stroking Wednesday’s ears smooth against his head
Talking her through each step
Slowly
So slowly
Until they reach us
Asia and I
Stretched out side by side
On the nubby green blanket
Slightly greener than the grass
Rolling onto our sides
Corralling Wednesday with our arms
Our legs
Smelling like coconut
Shining with lotion
Backrests for the girls
Maybe next year she can do it, Lacey tells me
4-H, just like Alexi
Get some rabbits for her own
Name them after the months
Because Alexi has all the days
And I could come watch
Her at the fair
Showing off her rabbits grown and strong
I love it
Her leaning against me
The weight of being just one
Gone
Lunch Line News Flash
“I guess I’m excited and nervous,” Kierra says
As I stand between Asia and Kierra
In the cafeteria lunch line
It’s hard for me to focus
On being annoyed
By the fact that Asia didn’t bother to tell me
On the way home yesterday
This morning in the truck
That they had a phone call
An interview?
I don’t even know
Something for the queen candidates
The smell of the meat
Hamburgers frying in puddles of grease
On the grill
Makes it difficult
To concentrate
“I just wish you wouldn’t have backed out, Raesha,” Asia says
Pulling coins and rumpled dollar bills
From her pocket
“You could have worked Fancy through it.”
referring to the way my horse jumps out from under me
when the flags snap
as the girls ride by
horses stretched out
into a full gallop
around the arena
as a part of the opening ceremonies
members of the court are required to ride
I could have. But not in time for tryouts.
“I don’t know,” Kierra volunteers. “My horse was bad with flags too, but he’s fine now.”
Of cour
se he is
I think
Wondering where she went
My best friend
Who would have rolled her eyes
At someone
As perfect
As this
Not so long
Ago
Asia’s eyes
Are pushing me through the line
Because I forgot my lunch
That’s what I’d said
“It’s on me,” was her reply.
Not knowing
Probably guessing
That I can’t
can’t
won’t
Let that grease
Touch my lips
“You’ll be there though, right?” Asia says
As she throws her arm
Around my shoulder
“Emotional support?”
We’re closer to the front
Of this line
That I can’t be in
Of course. It’s just—
I look up at the clock
On the wall
I have to let my dad know that I’ll be staying late. I better do that now.
Backpedal
Sidestep
My way out of line
He’s working at the stockyard today. If I don’t catch him now, I’ll miss him.
Which is a little bit
True
Asia’s eyes are tight
As she watches me go
Knowing that I’m not coming back
For the lunch
We both know
I’m not
Going to
Eat
Unexpected Out
I want her to say
Something
Don’t want her
To say
Anything
About the fact
I didn’t
Come back
After the call
I didn’t
Make
But what she says
Is this
“Take notes for me, Rae.”
As she flashes the pink slip of paper
In my direction
Before she sets it on Mr. Fisher’s desk
Permission granted to do the interview
Fifth block
Rather than after school
Kierra is hovering in the hallway
Ready to sit
Side by side
Leaning in toward the phone
With Asia
For the conference call
That doesn’t
Include me
Not that it did before
“Wish me luck,” Asia says.
Luck.
I want to run over
Give her a hug
But I grab my book
Out of my bag
Instead
Because she’s already
Gone
I hate myself for this
Two-year-old
Jealousy
The Sky Between You and Me Page 15