by Nana Malone
So she didn't exactly run. She was still in the apartment. But the message was loud and clear. No lazy morning wake up. Did she regret it? Had she changed her mind?
Once I was dressed, I marched out to the living room, expecting to be able to question her about why the fuck she'd gotten out of bed. But she wasn’t alone.
Jax was leaning against the counter eating a croissant and taking up far too much room in my flat. I knew he was married. I’d read that in the dossier I’d been given on the company. And I’d seen him and the woman I presumed was his wife at the wedding. They were clearly in love.
But it still irritated the fuck out of me to see Zia so comfortable with him. Happy, smiling. I stopped short. "What's wrong?"
Elena bustled around clucking at him about how a guy as big as him needed more fuel. And that she should make him some eggs.
He declined with a polite smile, but when his gaze landed on me, he narrowed his eyes slightly. “Nothing. His Majesty has requested your presence at the palace.”
Shit. What misstep had I made?
You mean besides sleeping with a King’s Knight?
“Fine. I’ll get Tim to—”
Jax shook his head. “No. Sir.” The sir was added as an afterthought, I could tell, and was said through clenched teeth. “His Majesty has requested I drive you. If you don't mind, I sent Tim to the office. He’ll meet you there for your later appointments.”
My gaze darted to Zia and back to Jax. "I have a series of meetings this morning. I don't have time to see the king." I’d already noticed that she wasn’t meeting my gaze. So it was regret then.
Jax lifted a brow. "You're going to say no to the king?"
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
"No, of course not. I'll have to rearrange my schedule. Let me call my assistant."
Zia’s voice was quiet. “Already done.”
Jax’s gaze still read like a big brother’s face of ‘I’ll kick your ass the moment she’s not looking,’ but he excused himself to the car.
Elena came bustling out with one of those Bento boxes. "Are you attempting to leave without breakfast?"
I tried to contain my frustration. "Elena, Thank you. I’ll make sure to eat."
She rolled her eyes. "King’s cousin or not, you're still mine to take care of for the time being. You need to eat. I've never gotten to fuss over you. Let an old lady do it now."
I frowned. "You fuss over me all the time."
Her gaze met mine and held. "You know what I mean."
Jesus, the look she gave me was direct, slightly narrowed, as if she knew I wasn't Derrick. As if she knew I was Theo. There was no way. No way. I'd kept out of her way for the most part. She'd be the one person who would know. Is that what she was trying to tell me now?
Zia went into the room to pack up her bag, and when she returned, she led the way to the elevator. When we were alone finally, I turned my attention on her. “Did I fuck up somewhere?”
She exhaled and sagged against the wall. “No, but I think Jax knows. He had been texting all morning, and when I didn’t answer, he came looking. He knocked on your door and it took me a minute to answer, because I had to throw on clothes. It feels like he knows.”
I reached for her. “He doesn’t know anything.”
“He does I’m telling you. He gave me this look that was pure disappointment.”
“Bollocks. He can go fuck himself.” I tugged her close and she relaxed against me. “You sleep okay?”
She giggled into my chest. “You mean in spite of the sex maniac who woke me several times to administer orgasms?”
I grinned. “Yeah, besides that.”
“I feel like I’m walking funny.”
Like the idiot caveman I was, I wanted to thump my chest. “You might just be, but it’s sexy to me.” I leaned in and nuzzled her neck, inhaling her fresh clean scent. “Do you have any idea how much I want you right now? Think he’ll notice if I stop the elevator for a quick taste? Thank you for wearing a skirt today. It will make having my breakfast much easier.”
She giggled and swatted at me. “Stop, we have four more floors.” She ran a hand through her dark locks. “I don't know how this is supposed to work.”
Fuck, neither did I, but I couldn’t stop myself from touching her. “We’ll figure it out. The world thinks we’re dating already, so it’ll just be more real.”
She tilted her dark gaze up to meet mine. “Theo, this feels like a really bad idea.”
She’s right.
I kissed her nose. “Don't overthink it. Right now, you want me and I want you. We’ll figure out the rest.”
Like how you're lying to her? The guilt wormed its way in, chasing away the warmth and happiness I’d woken up with. By the time the elevator dinged, we were in separate corners of the enclosed space. She stepped out first, leading the way to the car. After I climbed into the car, she got in the front with Jax. So no possibility of molesting her undetected.
Get your head in the game. If you’re being summoned to the castle something is wrong. Focus on that and not the tempo of how Zia likes her clit rubbed.
I was a goner.
I was in the backseat, but it wasn't like I was being chauffeured. It was more like I was in the backseat of a cop car. Lord knew I'd become familiar enough with the feeling back when I was a kid. "Listen, is anyone going to tell me what this is about?"
Zia looked back at me, but she didn't say anything. She only shook her head. Oh, that was helpful.
Fair enough then.
As we drove up to the palace, I did my level best to contain my awe. Oh yeah, I'd seen it at the wedding, but I hadn’t come at it from this angle. It looked like something out of Camelot with the beach at the foot of the mountain. Fucking paradise. And now I was actually going inside the walls of the palace. Last time, we'd been at the chapel and then the ballroom. Not anywhere near the inner sanctum.
I could consider myself lucky. Or you're headed for the dungeons because they know who you are.
As we pulled up, I typed a quick message to Kyle, letting him know where I was and what the problem was. Immediately, four texts came back.
Kyle: Oh shit.
Kyle: What the fuck?
Kyle: What did you do?
Kyle: Do they know?
My response was terse.
Derrick: I know nothing right now. I'll call you later.
He’d twist in the wind about that a little bit, but it was all I could give him right now. I didn't know anything else.
When we parked in VIP parking, I could visibly see Jax and Zia relax. Neither one of them was as tense or as tight as they’d been at the penthouse. Was it because the palace was protected?
All I could hear in the gilded hallway we took to see the king were the clips and clops of our shoes on the marble. My mother would love this place. She had a love of art. This place would be like a candy store for her.
We stopped in the outer office, and Jax knocked. I recognized the voice immediately. The one from Saturday, the one I wasn't supposed to talk to. "Come in."
Jax opened the door for me, and I went in alone, without him and Zia. Shit. This couldn't be good. When I entered, Sebastian was at his desk frowning over a laptop. He glanced up and saw me, then he gave me a broad smile. "Derrick, thanks for coming to see me."
"I wasn't aware that was a choice."
He frowned. "Shit, did they give you the 'the king has to see you now' face?"
"That was pretty much the one I got."
"Fuck. I have a new admin. We're still getting used to each other. Every time I say something, she assumes I mean right the fuck now. I'm sorry. It's nothing urgent. I just wanted to check on you and see how you're getting on with Royal Elite."
I blinked. "Not urgent?”
He shook his head. "No. I just wanted to catch up and remind you about the basketball game."
I frowned. "Game?”
He rolled his eyes. “You never come, fair enough, but I thought you would at leas
t remember.”
Derrick had given me nothing to go on. “Uh, remind me.”
“Look, I know we haven’t been close lately, and I’d like to change that. I was surprised you came to the wedding. And seeing you reminded me that we should make an effort to see each other more often. So the prince’s basketball tournament… It’s for charity, and it’s next month. I’ve got our other cousins, Alexi and Xander, coming in. I actually managed to get those two out of London for once. They act like that city is all there is. We’re going to have a practice. You should join us.”
He was saying lots of words. Basketball. Princes. Tournaments. My mind tried to grapple with all of his words. “You want me to play basketball?” I was treading in choppy waters here.
Sebastian folded his arms. "Yeah, you know. Dribble a ball, shoot some bricks. I won’t give you any shit about not being able to play, but I can’t guarantee Lucas won’t be an asshole.”
Lucas was his brother. “I’m still confused. You want me to play basketball with you?”
He chuckled. “Did your brain get scrambled by those motherfuckers who are trying to kill you? Yes. Say yes.”
“I—”
“Are you going to say no to your king?” He folded his arms.
“How does that go over with the queen, all that kingly bravado?”
He smiled sheepishly. “She could give a shit. And these days, I’m fucking terrified of her. You ever see a pregnant woman in a mood? Yeah, I talk really slow around her and try to give her whatever she wants whilst not pissing her off in the process.”
“You know I had meetings this morning."
He shrugged. "Well, it's good to be king." His voice was light, and I almost laughed. "Look, honestly, I mostly just wanted to check on you.”
Way to overreact, Theo. “I’m good. The uh, the Royal Elite team is everything they are cracked up to be.”
“Zia’s one of the best. She got a bum deal.”
I frowned. “You know her well?”
He shrugged. “I do. She’s one of my personal knights. But yeah, she was in the military. Good soldier by all accounts. But picked a real winner for a guy. He screwed with her, then essentially blackballed her in the Guard. To this day I’m not sure if she knows he sabotaged her chances of getting into Intelligence.”
“Sounds like a twat.”
“My sentiments exactly. It worked out better this way anyway, but still. She’s gun shy for obvious reasons.”
Was it me or was he watching me a little too closely? “Yeah, of course.”
“I don’t know. I sort of look at her and Tamsin as the younger sisters I never had. I’d do anything to protect them from twats who don't deserve them.”
I swallowed. I certainly didn’t deserve her. “Right. Of course.”
He lifted a brow. “You’re not taking the guard-your-body thing to heart, are you cousin?”
Fuck, I was starting to sweat. “Uh, what do you mean?”
He shrugged. “Your reputation precedes you. I saw you guys at the ball. You know, you looked… intense.”
I swallowed. “Nope. Not intense.”
“Uh-huh. You’ve never been the kind of guy to stick. If you’re dicking around, she’s not the one to dick around with.”
“You her father now, cousin?” Stupid stupid stupid. Why the hell did I say that?
“Nope. I just care about her. If you know you're not planning on sticking around, don't do it. As a personal favor to me. I like this one, and she doesn’t deserve that.”
Fuck. Me. He suspected. And I got the warning signals loud and clear. I never should have gone there with her. Not because I was the playboy Sebastian thought I was, but because I was a liar and an imposter, and she deserved better. “I hear you.” My gut twisted and knotted into something ten times tighter than a sailor’s knot. I’d fucked up. I knew it and he knew it. He just thought I was a fuck-up for a different reason.
“Good. So are there any leads?”
I shook my head. “No, not yet.”
“Well, the good news is the team is tenacious, so they’ll uncover it. In the meantime, come play basketball. Prove me wrong. Show the others you aren’t a colossal dick.”
“Such a glowing rep I have.”
He nodded. "Yeah, well. Up until that wedding you had been. Good to have the old you back. Look, if you need anything, just tell me. We never get to spend much time together, so I really do want to fix that."
"Okay. I will. But I do need to get back to the office."
He nodded. "Right. Tell your Dad I said hi."
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm not the person to tell him that."
He grinned. "Glad to see some things never change."
"Well, what are you going to do? I am the prodigal son."
"And I know a lot about that. But you know, you probably don't have to be the prodigal son if you don't want to be. Life is funny that way."
"That's a good point. If we're done here, I'll see you later."
“Yep, I’ll see you for basketball.”
When I left Sebastian's office, I only found Zia in the hallway. She blinked in surprise. "It's time to go."
"You're done already?" Her smile was sweet, and it made my heart ache.
"Yeah. Apparently, it wasn't urgent."
She frowned. "Jax said his assistant made it seem like life and death."
"Yeah, well, I guess she doesn't understand that. I don't know. It's fine. Let's go."
"Okay. Jax has something to do, so it’s just us. Want to make out in the car?"
Yes, yes, I did. But I wasn’t going to do that. Because Sebastian was right. "So, can we get to the parking lot through the garden?”
“Yeah, sure.” She led the way down the hall and to the right to the North Garden. When we were out of the palace, she leaned close, our fingertips brushing. I eased away.
A crease marked her forehead. "What?"
"Zia, listen, I think—"
Her frown deepened. "Why are you giving me a douchbag morning-after face?”
I rubbed at the back of my neck. "It's not like that. You know how much I want you. I was never supposed to touch you in the first place."
Her eyes went wide. “You're serious?”
I swallowed and nodded. “I’m not what you need. You deserve better. And I—”
She blinked rapidly. “You’re serious right now?”
“Zia. It’s not what you think. This has nothing to do with how much I want you. It’s killing me not to touch you right now. But it isn’t a good idea. Last night I knew I shouldn’t, but I did it anyway, and you’re going to get hurt if I don't get this shit under control.”
She stopped and stared at me as she blinked rapidly. “You’re really serious?”
“Last night was amazing. Incredible. Soul-shattering. I could say those things. They'd be the truth. But then I'd be faced with the fact that I can't have you again. So maybe I shouldn't say those things. Maybe I shouldn't tell you that you leaving the bed this morning twisted me up. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you I feel more than I should. But this isn’t right. I’m going to hurt you." Hey, look who’s capable of being honest.
"I'm not hurt. I'm irritated that you're telling me what can and can't happen. I'm a grown woman. I know what I want."
She didn’t understand. "This has nothing to do with you."
"Whatever. Don't worry, I know your type. I know how this goes. Now that you’ve had me, you're not interested. I get it. But you're still stuck with me. We're short-staffed, and there are no more bodyguards available. So, let's go."
She tried to get past me, and I grabbed her elbow. "Would you stop it? Don't you have any idea how much I want you?"
"You know what, the words don't matter. It's the actions that do. I knew you were going to go full asshole. I knew it and I slept with you anyway because I felt open and vulnerable. I knew you were going to pretend none of it had ever happened. Never mind what did happen last night. Never mind how close I felt to you. You’ve p
ut the mask back on."
"Zia, please…” I wanted to stop her. But what could I say? I couldn’t have her. She had no idea who I was.
Twenty-One
Zia…
I.
Was.
An.
Idiot.
What the hell did I think would happen? Like after the best sex of my life, Theo would want me to stick around? God, I really hadn’t learned my lesson. I deserved this strange burning in the center of my chest.
Somehow, I'd managed to get myself caught up with a man I couldn't have… again. One who was powerful and gorgeous and completely out of my league. And even after I'd made myself a promise that I wasn't going to go there, I went there… several times. And it had been outstanding.
But this feeling was not outstanding. Last night once he'd kissed me, he'd been like a dam breaking free, like everything he'd wanted to say and do was finally burning all the fucks down and just going for it. He didn't have that tight leash of control. He had been all fire and destruction, and now I was broken.
No lie, I had passed out. Legitimately passed out. I don't remember anything that happened after orgasm number four until Theo woke me up with his mouth on me sometime in the wee hours of the morning. Was it the exhaustion, or was it the orgasms? Maybe a combination of both.
It was one hell of a way to break a year-long dry spell.
The only problem was now he wanted to go back to buttoned-up Derrick. When I called him Theo last night, he melted in my arms. He gave me the most tender kiss, as if he was giving me all of his secrets, giving me everything of him. Now, he was Derrick again. Telling me all the reasons why he did not want to go there again.
Fine by me. I wasn't going to beg. I had already been down this road with Garrett. It was horrible.
Because Theo hadn't just said all the right things; he'd shown me. He'd come with me when I needed help. For once I’d had someone’s support. For once, I’d had someone backing me instead of the other way around. So he'd gotten me good, and now I was going to pay the price.
Fair enough. I needed to pay this particular price, because like a fool, I’d jumped in headfirst without any thought to consequences or the penance. The penance was, apparently, a very sore vagina and the best night’s sleep I'd had in months. Either way, it wasn't happening again. I wasn't going to fall again. I was going to project what I wanted to happen. I was going to accept it. Hopefully, we could determine what the hell was going on with him soon, then I could go back to my life where it was safe and there weren't gorgeous men telling me that they wanted to take care of me and that I just needed to let them. Because listening to that, was a recipe for disaster. And I had learned my lesson.