But no matter what happened in the past, I can do something about now . . . about who he is, who I am, and who we may end up being. I just need, well, I need more time.
Getting up, I pad out to the wonderful smell of bacon and fruit, seeing Trey and Brad sitting down to breakfast. They’re both looking at me with questions in their eyes, questions I don’t have answers to yet, so I deflect. “Well, I see we’ve got good and evil all in one meal.”
“You know it. But I’m too cute to go to hell,” Brad says with a smile. “How’d you sleep, honey?”
“Not bad, considering. Once I fell asleep, I think everything just shut down,” I admit. “You guys?”
“Well, it ain’t the Ritz-Carlton, but it’ll do in a pinch.” Brad winks. I appreciate his humor, knowing he’s doing it intentionally for my benefit.
“You two got anything planned for today?” I ask as I chew on some bacon.
“I thought you might like to be alone today, so I figured we’d go on a long hike and give you some privacy. But if you need us, you’re welcome to come along or we can all stay here. Whatever you need from us, we’re your guys,” Trey says, reminding me again why he’s the best brother a girl could have.
I nod, thinking about it. I know Aubrey is probably going stir-crazy in his cabin, wondering what I’m going to do. And while escaping for a bit for a hike sounds like fun, it’s delaying the inevitable. And I’ve been doing that enough lately. It’s time to face the music, or at least face Aubrey to let him know my thoughts and feelings. That’s what I would’ve wanted from him, back in high school and now, so I owe it to him to do the same. “No, you two go ahead. I think I’m gonna check on him, maybe talk a bit more.”
Trey narrows his eyes, evaluating me for something, and then he hums, “Good girl, Ana. You can do this. Remember, you’re the strongest person I know.” He looks proud, and I sit a little taller, his support boosting me up.
Brad snaps, “Is that even in question here? Because you are, by far and away, the epitome of a strong bitch. Able to take on growly mountain men in a single bound, more powerful than a whole flock of divas, and faster than . . . wait, are you fast at anything? I usually think of you as the careful type, you know the ones who do the speed limit even when there’s no one around like a good Girl Scout. But that’s okay, girl,” he says, pointing at me. “You do you, because you are fierce. Embrace it.”
It’s Brad’s version of a pep talk, and surprisingly, it works, even if I tease him a little bit about totally shredding the Superman slogan.
It makes us laugh, and even after the guys head out on their hike, the words help me as I get dressed to walk across to Aubrey’s cabin.
I knock on the door, nerves fluttering in my belly for some reason. When Aubrey opens up, the butterflies churn in a frenzy. Rex wags his tail as he sees me, and I use him as a distraction, reaching down to pet his head and taking the moment to breathe. “Good morning,” Aubrey’s voice grumbles above me, the lack of sleep apparent in his voice.
“Good morning,” I reply, trying my best to ignore the silent question in his eyes for now. “I came to check on your ankle.”
Truth is, I kind of want a reason to see him, even if I haven’t made any decisions and it’s under the pretense of looking at his ankle. It’s been over a week, and it’s healing well. Unless he re-injures it, he doesn’t really need me. We both know that, but he lets me keep up the charade.
Aubrey nods and walks over to his big chair. “Stiff right after waking up, but it seemed to be loosening some as I made breakfast.”
Staying professional, I look at his ankle. “Main thing you need to work on is range of motion. Here’s a trick to help you keep mobility. Every few hours or so, use your big toe to write the alphabet in the air, moving your ankle through every plane of motion.”
“I understand,” Aubrey says, starting to trace letters. “Like that?”
“Yep, just gotta do it a little longer, the whole alphabet,” I reply as I start to rewrap his foot. “Let it heal all the way before you start back to your crazy shit like wood chopping again.” It’s a lame attempt at a joke, but it’s all I’ve got.
Aubrey chuckles, smiling a little. “I’ll try. So, uh . . . get much sleep?”
“I did,” I reply, feeling an awkward silence descend between us. Actually, it feels like there’s a canyon between us, me on one side facing away from him, and him on the other side, silently begging me to turn around and come to him. I can tell Aubrey wants to talk about our feelings, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I’m just . . . afraid and confused. “How ‘bout you?”
“I slept some. But it did feel . . . strange,” Aubrey admits. “I’ve slept in that bed alone every night for years, but last night, it felt empty without you by my side.”
I flinch a bit, knowing he didn’t mean it to sound accusatory but feeling the sting anyway. Aubrey sees the movement, though, jumping in. “I’m sorry, Ana. I’m trying to be honest, transparent about whatever I’m thinking, whatever I’m feeling. You asked for that last night, said I should’ve told you what happened back then, so that’s what I’m doing until you tell me differently. And the truth is, last night, I missed you.”
“I appreciate that, really, I do. I spent hours thinking about everything you said, and I considered a lot of things. I kinda feel like we were rebuilding something here these last few days. I don’t know if it was a future, but it felt like . . . something. But we built it on a faulty foundation, one with secrets and some seriously life-changing shit. Now that the foundation has been rattled, it seems like the rest is tumbling down. And I don’t know if I should stop the collapse or try to save it. God, I am a saver, Aubrey . . . but I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do here. Maybe we should just go our separate ways and build a future that’s easier, with fewer cracks in the structure, even if that’s with someone else. I mean, wouldn’t it be easier for you to not have to keep apologizing for something you did or didn’t do ten years ago? Someone you could just start fresh with and be who you are without this pull to be who you were?”
Aubrey looks angry, his jaw tight and his eyes hard. “No, it would not be easier. You’re it for me, Ana. You always have been and you always will be. I’ll apologize as many times as I need to, wait as long as you need. But the only future I have is with you or alone. That’s not to put pressure on you, but it’s the goddamn truth. I like . . . hell, I fucking love that you remind me of who I was. That once, I was whole, but I shattered a million times over. But those little cracks made me who I am now, and if you’ll let me, I’d like to see if you can love me when I’m broken the way you did when I was solid.”
I can see the changes in him, highlighted in stark relief against the boy in my mind. Where he was once carefree, joking, and easygoing as we foolishly planned a future together, he’s now jagged, hard, and unyielding. And his desire is focused on owning me once again. Not desire in the physical sense, although there’s always that chemistry sparking between us, but the desire in his heart to be mine and for me to be his.
I search his face, my eyes tearing up at the raw vulnerability there, but it’s underscored by the fierceness of a predator. Brad had called me fierce, but he’s never seen Aubrey on a mission. He’s a sight to behold. “Aubrey, I can’t pick up where we were ten years ago. Hell, I can’t pick up where we were yesterday. Things are different. We’re different. I’m so sorry for what happened to you.”
I shake my head, his story still fresh in my mind, sad and tragic, but reminding me again that he could’ve contacted me at any time. He knew where I was or at least how to get ahold of me, but he didn’t. This whole scenario could’ve been different if it’d happened ten years ago, five years ago, even weeks ago if he’d reached out to me. But instead, fate intervened and he was forced to deal with this. I deserve more than that. I’m worth his wanting me and wanting to make this right because he felt it was time.
I turn to leave, hustling toward the door before I turn into a me
ss because I feel another ugly cry coming on. But I hear Aubrey rising quickly, his chair creaking as his weight leaves it. “Ana, wait.”
I don’t stop until his hand catches my arm and he spins me, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close to his body. It feels right, it feels like home, but home shouldn’t come with this much heartache, should it?
Aubrey tilts my chin up with gentle fingers. “Ana, you said our foundation is cracked. What if we don’t fix it? What if we build a fucking new one, right next to it? One built on the truth, on our love, on who we are now. Build a new us, a new future without totally letting go of the past. I don’t want to lose that completely, because I love that we have that, but I want to build a relationship with you for the future.”
I sniffle, the tears threatening to spill as I shake my head. “I don’t even know how to do that.” It’s not a no.
Aubrey smiles. “That’s okay. I do. I got the prettiest girl in the whole school to go out with me once, using my charm and good looks. I can do it again. Let me do it again, Ana. Let me make you fall in love with me again.”
I press my cheek to his chest, asking myself if I’m strong enough for this as he wraps me in his arms. I bite my lip, making the decision that feels simultaneously like the easiest thing I’ve ever done and the hardest. I nod against his hard muscles, and I hear his heartbeat pick up the pace.
He squeezes me tightly, laying a light kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you, Sweet Ana. I promise . . .”
He doesn’t say what he promises, just lets the words hang around us like a cloak of intention.
For the next few days, he holds true to his word. I come by every morning to check on his ankle, and he’s charming and sexy as fuck, which makes me insane.
He brings me flowers, wild ones he picked out in the field himself. I’d yelled at him for walking so far on his almost-healed ankle, but it’d been half-hearted as I buried my face in the bouquet, inhaling deeply.
He warms up stew for our lunch, setting the tiny table in his kitchen for two, even lighting a candle.
He tells me story after story about his time overseas, how he’d realized fairly quickly that he’d done it for the wrong reasons but was determined to serve proudly and complete his commitment. He feels like he at least honored Gabe with those years.
Yesterday, after whipping through his alphabet exercises with such speed and accuracy that the letters would likely have been legible if he’d held a pencil between his toes, he’d told me that he needed to work. I’d tried to veto it, telling him that he needed a few more days when really it was that I needed more time with him. But he’d sheepishly said that it couldn’t wait and one of his customers needed the wood. I’d compromised and agreed that he could do it if he let me help. It’d turned into a comedy of errors as he tried to teach me to swing the axe. Ultimately, I’d done the bending and picking up of the logs, moving them from a pile of unchopped to the neat pile of chopped wood while he did the axe swinging and stayed in one spot. It wasn’t a perfect assembly line, but we managed with a lot of laughter. It’d felt good, like we were a team again.
Basically, his plan is working. He’s charming me, seducing me into liking him once again. Well, I never stopped liking him, but I was mad at him. I guess he’s seducing me into not being angry anymore. His apology rings loud and clear, both in his words and more importantly, in his actions. Now, those actions seem more directed toward wooing me than apologizing.
The days have flown by, and I’ll admit that we’re back to something less adversarial and more akin to friendship, albeit with those blazing sparks we always seem to ignite. It feels like us in the past, just older and wiser.
I’ve seen the flames in his eyes, watched as he traced my body with his gaze, knowing he’s desperate to be inside me again. I want that too. But I need more. I’d told myself that we could be casual while I was here on vacation, but I know, deep down, that was never true. This time, I’m being honest with myself. If I go there with Aubrey again, it’ll be a sure sign to us both that this is happening, that we are happening. I need to be sure before I give in to that, but he’s making it so fucking hard right now.
He’s shirtless, tossing a stick for Rex over and over, his muscles flexing and stretching. I’d almost think he was putting on a show just for me, but it seems so natural, goofing off with his dog. Even so, as I sit on the back porch, I can feel myself getting aroused, the slickness between my thighs testament to the power Aubrey has over me. I scissor my legs, readjusting on the seat several times, trying to get relief while at the same time forcing the dirty thoughts deep down.
Aubrey approaches the porch, and I can see a sheen of sweat covering him. I watch a single drop of sweat trace down his neck, getting absorbed by the soft hairs on his chest, and I feel cheated, wish I could’ve licked it up. Damn it, Ana . . . bad girl. Slow. You’re taking this slow. On fucking purpose, I remind myself.
I look back to Aubrey’s face to see that he’s smirking, obviously busting me and my appreciation of his body. He jerks his head to the side. “Come on, let’s get a glass of tea. I’m thirsty.”
As he walks past me, I can’t help but think . . . me too. In the kitchen, I collapse to a chair as he pulls out two glasses and a pitcher of tea. He pours one for me, setting it in front of me, then one for himself. He leans against the counter, eyeing me as I drink the whole glass down in one big gulp. “Guess I was thirsty too,” I say, laughing, but we both hear the flirt in my voice.
“Ana . . .” Aubrey’s tone is darker than it has been the past few days. It’s his bedroom voice, the one I know so well, and that instantly makes me wet. Well, wetter. The tension in the room is thick in the few feet between us, and I see the bulge in his pants getting larger.
“I know, Aubrey. I feel it too,” I say, my voice breathy, but look at me being all honest and shit, not hiding like I want to. “But we can’t. You know it’d mean something, and we’re not ready. I’m not ready. Hell, I’m leaving in a few hours to go home.”
He growls, “I know. And watching you drive down the mountain is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and that’s saying something. But this isn’t over when you leave. I’m still chasing you, whether you’re next door or in Great Falls. We’re still doing this.”
That shuts me right up. I guess I had thought this had a deadline, that if I wasn’t head over heels by the time Trey and Brad were ready to go, that’d be it. A valiant effort, but futile in the end.
I’m silent long enough as the realization hits me that he continues, “I know you’re not ready, and the next time I bury myself in you, I don’t want there to be any doubt for either of us. But there are other options. Remember the shower when you first got here?”
My eyes snap to his. Is he saying what I think he’s saying? He wants to watch me? That’s not something I do in front of people, other than that time, and I hadn’t known he’d been there. But I remember his telling me how he’d jacked off in the woods, how I’d wanted to see that.
The question must be in my eyes because Aubrey nods slowly then moves a hand to cup his cock through his jeans. Every action is in slow motion, like he’s scared I’m going to bolt. I might. But as he presses his palm to himself, I might not.
“Aubrey,” I plead.
“Need me to start it, Sweet Ana? I can do that.” He unzips his jeans, slipping them down over his ass and then freeing his cock. It’s jutting up proudly, hard and ready with a slick drop of precum pearled at the tip. He grasps his shaft, stroking slowly. “This is what you did to me that day in the shower. You had me jacking off in the woods. Never done that before, but I couldn’t help it. You were so beautiful, so fucking sexy. You still are. Can you show me?”
His movements start a rolling heat at my core, and his words are the match, lighting me on fire. With a groan, I unzip my jeans and slip them down and off, my panties following and leaving me bare-assed on Aubrey’s kitchen chair.
“Fuck, Ana. I can see how wet yo
u are from here. Spread your legs and show me more.” His voice is gruff, a demand allowing no doubt to creep in, and I’m thankful for that.
I do as he instructed, prying my thighs wide open and tracing a finger down to my pussy to gather my juices and spread them up to my clit. I toy with myself, drawing circles one way and then the other, loving the way Aubrey’s breath hitches as I change direction. I match his pace, moving along my clit as he strokes himself. “Yeah, Aubrey. Show me too.”
He groans, squeezing tight at the base of his shaft. “Not yet . . . fuck, not yet. I’m memorizing this. Every swipe of your fingers, every sigh you make, every expression of pleasure on your face. Not because I won’t see them again, because I’m going to. I’m gonna see you lost in me again when I’m balls-deep in that pussy. But this is the moment. Right here, this is the moment you admit to yourself and to me that we’ve got a chance. That this is more than these two weeks. I’m coming for you, baby.”
My eyes shoot to his cock, ready to watch the cum burst from it and coat his hand. “Mmm, not like that, although I’m close, fighting it off. I mean I’m coming for you in that I’m chasing you. Forever and always. Wherever you are, however much time it takes, I’m coming.”
This time, he can’t hold it off, and I watch as the jets shoot out, dripping along his hand as he bucks. I speed up, giving my clit a few sharp smacks with my flattened fingers. “Oh, God, Aubrey,” I cry out, falling off the edge into bliss.
Untamed (Irresistible Bachelors Book 9) Page 19