I’m going to go back to Malvern next Monday. If Chris can’t lend me his car, I’ll rent one. I must go and see Carly again, to encourage her. Dr Nelson thinks it’s vital I do this, because I’m the one she remembers. How could we ever forget each other? We were together most of our lives, on a day-to-day basis, until we were seventeen. I’m in her system, just as she’s in mine. There’s a very strong bond between us. It’s a bond that can’t be broken, so James Nelson says.
Going back to opening night, that was such a wonderful experience for me. Full of excitement, and success. The critics liked me, mentioned me, went so far as to say I had a big future as an actress. My mother was all puffed up with pride and excitement, and said she felt justified for her constant belief in me. She looked wonderful in her long black Trigère gown, and so did Aunt Bridget in her slinky red silk gown and diamond earrings. I was really proud of my mother and my aunt, and of all the women in our family, who had made a big effort to look their best. Even the two grandmas were all fancied up in evening dresses. As for Xenia and my English friends, they looked sensational. Of course, Lavinia was Audrey Hepburn personified, in a slender column of black silk, with long black gloves, chandelier earrings and her hair piled on top of her head. Verity was her usual glamorous self, also in black, a three-quarter-length lace sheath, and her usual pearls. Xenia had outdone herself, was in royal-blue silk with blue earrings. She told me they weren’t real sapphires, but they looked like it to me. All of the men in my life looked handsome, especially Dad, Niall, and Christopher.
What to do about Chris?
My mother put a bug in my ear when she said I had to face the fact…mainly that we live in different countries. I’ve thought about this endlessly for the last two days. Could I ever live in Argentina? I don’t know. Chris says it’s beautiful, that it’s known as the Paris of South America. But I’m an actress, and so I need to be in New York or London, where there are theatres. There are theatres in Buenos Aires, I’m sure, but I don’t speak Spanish.
I asked Chris last night if he will always make his home in Argentina and he said he didn’t know. He gave me a funny look, so I decided to drop the subject. He’s picking me up for dinner after the show again tonight, but I’m not going to say anything about the future. After all, he hasn’t mentioned it. He does keep saying he’s in love with me, and that he needs me, wants me in his life forever. But he hasn’t said anything about getting married. Do I want to marry him? I don’t know. What I’m certain of is that I’m in love with him, and that we get on so well it’s incredible. I wish he could come back to live in New York, but I suppose he has to be near rain forests.
The strange thing is I feel as if I’ve known Chris all my life, when in fact it’s only been five weeks. He told me the other evening that you can know someone for years and never know them, and that time as such is not a factor, not meaningful. I guess he’s right. Aunt Bridget says we’re the same blood type. She doesn’t mean that actually, it’s just an expression she’s used for years to describe a couple of men she’s been involved with. She’s the big success in our family, New York’s top real-estate broker, one of the biggest, with her own company. Water finds its own level is another one of her expressions, and by that she means Chris and I will work everything out somehow. I hope so.
Katie put the pen down, closed her diary and slipped it into the carryall at her feet. She drank some bottled water, ate the sandwich she had brought with her from home, and then went over to the daybed. She liked to have a short rest before the evening performance; it always refreshed her, and she was able to walk on stage feeling energized. Two shows a day were taxing for most actors, and she was no exception to the rule.
‘Where do you want to go for supper?’ Chris asked later that evening, as he helped her into a yellow cab.
‘I don’t know really, what about Fiorella’s? I like it there, and so do you.’
‘Great, Katie.’ He leaned forward and told the driver where to go, and then sat back next to her, took hold of her hand. ‘How did it go tonight? How was the audience?’ he asked, his voice warm and loving.
She smiled at him in the dim light of the cab. He had come to understand that audiences were very different, and sometimes affected an actor’s performance. You had to rise above a bad audience, and she had explained that to him. ‘It was good, and the same this afternoon,’ she replied. ‘I didn’t have any problems.’
‘I spoke to Jamie Nelson tonight, Katie.’
Katie felt herself stiffening, and she held her breath for a moment. ‘Oh, and how is he?’ Surely Dr Nelson hadn’t mentioned anything about Carly?
‘He’s great. He said he saw you on Monday.’
‘That’s right. I guess I forgot to tell you.’
‘He said he’d like to see the play, Katie. So I invited him down for the Friday-night performance, and dinner afterwards. Is that all right with you? You won’t be too tired, will you?’
‘No, I won’t, and that’s fine. I’ll arrange a house seat for him. Or will he be bringing someone with him?’
‘I’m not sure, sweetheart, but I can buy the ticket or tickets, you don’t have to bother Melanie.’
Katie laughed. ‘There aren’t any tickets to buy, Chris. Have you forgotten, we’re sold out for months to come.’
‘It did slip my mind for a minute.’ He leaned into her and kissed her cheek. ‘I guess you’ll have to get house seats then.’
They had been sitting at the table in Fiorella’s for about twenty minutes, sipping their drinks, when Chris said suddenly, ‘I spoke to Boston today, Katie. I have to leave on Sunday.’
She looked across the table at him, and asked, ‘Leave for Boston? Or Argentina?’
‘Argentina, darling.’ He smiled faintly.
‘I guess I’ve been expecting it,’ she murmured softly, and lifted her glass of Fiji water. ‘How long will you be away?’
‘Six months. I’ll be back in New York in August. For a couple of weeks.’ He reached out, put his hand over hers resting on the table. ‘I could probably fly in for a weekend, maybe even two. How about you? Could you come down to Buenos Aires for a long weekend?’
Katie stared at him askance. ‘Of course not, Chris! I’m in a hit play. I’m the second lead. I can’t have any time off now. And not even in the foreseeable future. I thought I’d made that clear to you.’
‘Yes, you had, but you do all these matinées, sometimes two performances a day, doesn’t Melanie think you’re entitled to a little break now and again? All of you, not just you, Katie?’
‘Of course she doesn’t think that, no producer does, and that’s not what Broadway’s about, having weekends off, and all that jazz. Yes, if a play has a very long run, the stars do sometimes take off a couple of days now and again. But this one only opened on February the twentieth.’
He nodded. ‘Okay, okay, don’t get het up. I guess I’m an ignoramus when it comes to show business.’
‘I’m not het up, Chris.’
‘You sound it. And I don’t know why you’re always so very defensive about Melanie Dawson.’
‘I’m not defensive about her!’ Katie snapped. ‘I’m merely explaining the rules…of the game, if you like. Anyway, Melanie’s been wonderful to me, given me my great chance.’
‘You’d have made it anyway, eventually. You’re so talented someone would have discovered you. One day.’
‘Maybe, maybe not. There’s a lot of undiscovered talent out there. Anyway, Melanie’s been a true friend to me, she’s always kept an eye out for me, and given me other chances, which I didn’t accept. As you well know.’
He nodded, and opened his mouth to make a fast retort when their food arrived. And so he closed his mouth, said nothing, and began to eat the lasagna in silence when it was served.
Katie cut into the piece of chicken, seething inside. For a reason she couldn’t understand he seemed determined to pick a fight with her tonight. She couldn’t help wondering once more if James Nelson had said so
mething to him about Carly? Perhaps he had, and perhaps Chris was angry with her for not trusting him, not confiding. But then again, Nelson had promised Mac MacDonald he wouldn’t let it leak out, primarily for Carly’s safety. Anyway, wouldn’t it be unethical to discuss a patient with a friend? No, she told herself now, James Nelson hasn’t said a thing. Chris is in a bad mood, that’s what this is all about. He’s probably upset because he has to leave New York, leave me.
She voiced this thought when she said quietly, ‘You’re upset because you have to leave, Chris. Don’t let’s quarrel like this. Not tonight.’
‘We’re not quarrelling, are we?’ he asked, lifting his head, staring across at her, putting his fork down.
‘Not really, I suppose, but we’re having heated words.’ She touched his hand. ‘Please, Chris, let’s enjoy the last few days you have in New York.’
‘Okay,’ he muttered, and forced a smile, began to eat again.
Katie looked at him surreptitiously from underneath her eyelids, and she couldn’t help thinking that he not only sounded sulky, but looked it. She held her tongue, and picked at the chicken.
Once he had finished eating, Chris took a swallow of red wine, and threw her a long, speculative look. He said, ‘Do you think this is going to last? That we’re going to last, with me there, you here?’
‘I don’t see why not. We’re both working hard. I’ll see you in August…’ Her voice trailed off. She suddenly felt he was challenging her and she wasn’t sure why. She exclaimed, ‘We’ve never discussed the future, you and I. And I’ve never mentioned marriage. Neither have you.’
‘I thought it was a foregone conclusion,’ he exclaimed, staring hard at her. ‘You must know I want us to get married.’
‘Well, I can’t read your mind!’
‘But surely you know how I feel?’
‘Yes.’ Katie also put her knife and fork down and sat back on the banquette, looked at Chris. ‘And I hope you know how I feel. I love you, Christopher Saunders.’
He smiled, his eyes warm. ‘And I love you too, Katie Byrne. But I’m not sure this is going to work out. Long-distance love affairs are pretty tough, you know. They often do fall apart despite the intentions of the participants.’
‘My mother said the same thing, only the other day. I told her we’d never discussed it, and we haven’t, not until tonight.’
‘I guess we were both putting it off, because we couldn’t bear to look at the situation. Listen to me, Katie,’ he leaned forward as he spoke, and went on quickly, ‘this contract of yours is for a year. I think we could handle a year apart, if I come back once or twice, don’t you? Then after that you can move to Argentina.’
Katie gaped at him. She was affronted, and slowly shook her head. ‘But I’m an actress, Chris, that’s what I do, that’s who I am. It’s my identity. Take my acting away, and I’m no longer Katie Byrne.’
‘Of course you are, silly,’ he said, smiling at her, squeezing her hand.
‘No, I’m not!’ she cried, pulling her hand away from his. ‘Without my acting I’m nobody. Just another woman with red hair and blue eyes.’
‘Beautiful eyes,’ he said, realizing his mistake, now trying to cajole her into a better mood. She was very angry. He’d never seen this side of her.
‘Stop trying to flirt with me. This is serious. I can say the same thing to you, Chris. When your contract runs out, you could move back here.’
‘But Katie, my job’s in South America.’
‘And mine is on Broadway. Or in the West End. Or L.A. You see, my work is in the English-speaking theatre, Chris. I’m an actor. That’s what I do, what I want to do. And if I’m not doing it, then I’m no longer the woman you love. I’m a different person.’
‘And I’m an ecologist, and take that away from me, and I’m not the same either. I believe in my work.’
‘That’s true, I’m sure,’ she said softly.
‘Then we’re at an impasse.’
‘I suppose we are.’
‘I truly thought you’d move to Buenos Aires next year.’
‘I can’t.’
He reached for his wallet. ‘I’m not hungry any more. Shall we go?’
‘Yes. I’ll get a cab. I’m very tired tonight, after two shows today, Chris. And I’d like to be alone.’
‘No problem,’ he snapped, throwing her a furious look. ‘But I will take you home. I’m not going to let you wander the streets alone.’
She cried herself to sleep. She knew it was over between them, knew he wouldn’t call her tomorrow, and that James Nelson wouldn’t be coming in to see the play. Chris was out of her life.
He was stubborn. She had spotted that about him right at the beginning of their relationship; and he was a little spoilt, if the truth be known. He wanted his own way. He’d probably always had it, starting with his mother and his sister, Charlene, and the other women he’d known before her. He was without a doubt the most attractive and appealing man she had ever met: warm, loving, intelligent and kind. And other women must have seen the same things in him, and spoiled him.
Yes, it was over, because he expected her to bow to his will; she couldn’t do that. She was as stubborn as he was, perhaps. And probably as spoiled as he was, too. Spoiled by her parents and her family.
How can I go and live in Argentina? Katie asked herself. Aside from my acting, there’s also Carly. Now that there had been this radical change in Carly’s condition she couldn’t leave her friend alone. Abandon her. All right, in a year Carly would be much better than she was now, provided everything went well. But even so, she was all Carly had. Well, there was Janet Smith, but Carly and her mother had never been all that close. And she couldn’t leave Carly after the ten years that had been lost to her.
Katie buried her head in the pillow and wept fresh tears. It would be hard, too, to leave her family; they had always been so close. No, she and Chris would never make it, and that was that.
It’s over, she whispered into her damp pillow.
Chapter Thirty-four
It’s like spring today, Katie thought, as she walked slowly around her mother’s back garden. Some of the trees and bushes were sprouting tiny green shoots, and the daffodils were pushing up under the trees at the end of the garden.
There was a feeling of regrowth, of renewal in the air on this bright, sunny April day, and Katie felt better than she had for the last few weeks. To her surprise, Chris had called her before leaving for Argentina, just to say goodbye and wish her well. She had caught a note of despair and sadness in his voice, and she had been sweet with him on the phone, but she had not given him an opportunity to continue their last disastrous discussion. Since then she had not heard a word.
Almost a month, she thought. He’s been gone almost a month, and he hasn’t been in touch. So it’s over, just as I believed that night at Fiorella’s. Well, so much for that.
‘Katie! I’m back!’ her mother called, and she swung around, walked up the path to the back door, where her mother was standing.
‘You’ve been quick,’ Katie said, coming to a standstill at the back door. ‘You must have flown there and back. How’s Grandma Catriona?’
‘Oh, she’s fine, darling, just a bad cold, that’s all. She sends her love. I explained why you didn’t go with me, that I didn’t want to expose you to germs.’
Katie laughed. ‘Honestly, Mom, you don’t have to wrap me up in cotton wool!’ Glancing at the garden, she went on, ‘Everything looks beautiful. And you seem to be winning your battle with the deer.’
‘I am, finally. I’ve been using a new spray to stop them eating everything. ‘Tis a shame really, the poor things are hungry in the winter, but I can’t let them eat my entire garden, now can I?’
Katie shook her head, smiling, and followed her mother into the kitchen. ‘I’ve made some coffee,’ she said. ‘I’ll have a cup with you before I go to the hospice to see Carly.’
‘You’ve been very devoted, Katie, going every Monday and Tuesda
y, giving up your bit of free time to see her. It’s a good thing the theatre’s dark on Mondays.’
‘I was away for a year in London, Mom, so I want to make it up to her.’
‘Shall I go with you today?’ Maureen asked, carrying two mugs of coffee over to the kitchen table.
‘Oh no, it’s not necessary, but thanks anyway. You were so devoted last year, going once a month to see her. Now it’s my turn. I’m happy to take over.’ Katie sat down at the table and poured milk into her mug of coffee. The last thing she wanted was her mother going to the hospice again. Maureen did not know of the recent change in Carly’s condition, and Katie wanted to keep her in the dark for as long as possible. The fewer people who knew, the better. Mac MacDonald had made it clear he wanted Carly absolutely protected. The secret had remained a secret thus far. And there had been no leaks from the hospice.
‘Have you heard from Chris?’ Maureen asked as she joined Katie at the table.
‘No, I haven’t. I don’t suppose I will, Mom. We sort of came to an impasse that evening, and there’s really no way anything can change. Chris knows that as much as I do.’
‘’Tis a shame, mavourneen, I must admit that. We all liked him so much. But there you are, it wasn’t meant to be, Katie.’ Maureen sat back in the chair, staring at her daughter intently, studying her.
The Triumph of Katie Byrne Page 27