by Anne Mather
‘Ashleigh,’ Howard Caule greeted her warmly, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek as he came in. ‘How’s my girl?’ He caught sight of Mia hovering. ‘Hi, Mia, how are the auditions for the toilet paper advertisement going?’
‘Great, I’m going to wipe the floor with the competition,’ Mia answered with an insincere smile and a roll of her eyes before she walked away.
Ashleigh dampened down her annoyance at her sister’s behaviour towards her fiancé, knowing it would be pointless to try and defend him. Mia and Ellie had never taken to him no matter how many times she highlighted his good points. It caused her a great deal of pain but there was nothing she could do about it. Howard was reliable and safe and more or less wanted the same things in life that she did. Her family would just have to get used to the idea of him being a permanent fixture in her life. Lachlan liked him and as far as she was concerned that counted for more than anything.
Once Mia had gone she closed the front door and leant back against it, her eyes going to Howard’s. ‘We have to talk.’
‘Let’s do it over dinner,’ he suggested. Then, taking something out of his pocket, he added, ‘Is Lachlan still awake? I brought him a little present.’
Ashleigh took the toy car he held out to her, her expression softening with gratitude. ‘He’s asleep but I’ll leave it on his bedside table for him. Thank you; you’re so good to him.’
‘He’s a good kid, Ashleigh,’ he said. ‘I can’t wait until we’re finally married so I can be a real father to him.’
She gave him a weak smile. ‘I’ll just tell my folks we’re leaving.’
‘I’ll go and start the car,’ he offered helpfully and bounded back out the front door.
Ashleigh spoke briefly with her parents before joining Howard in his car, all the time trying to think of a way to bring up the subject of Jake Marriott.
She had told Howard the barest details of her affair with Lachlan’s father, preferring to keep that part of her life separate and distant from the here and now. She hadn’t even once mentioned Jake’s name. Howard hadn’t pressed her, and in a way that was why she valued his friendship so much. He seemed to sense her pain in speaking of the past and always kept things on an upbeat keel to lift her spirits.
Howard was so different from Jake, and not just physically, although those differences were as marked as could ever be. Howard had the typically pale freckled skin that was common to most redheads, his height average and his figure tending towards stocky.
Jake’s darkly handsome features combined with his imposing height and naturally athletic build were made all the more commanding by his somewhat aloof and brooding personality.
Howard, on the other hand, was uncomplicated. Mia and Ellie described him as boring but Ashleigh preferred to think of him as predictable.
She liked predictable.
She could handle predictable.
She liked knowing what to expect each day when she turned up to work. Howard was always cheerful and positive, nothing was too much trouble and even if it was he didn’t let on but simply got on with the task without complaining.
She wished she was in love with him.
Truly in love.
He was worthy of so much more than she could give him but her experience with Jake had taught her the danger of loving too much and too deeply.
‘You’re very quiet.’ Howard glanced her way as he pulled up at a set of traffic lights.
‘Sorry…’ She shifted her mouth into a semblance of a smile. ‘I’ve got a lot on my mind.’
He reached over and patted her hand, his freckled fingers cool, nothing like the scorching heat of Jake’s when he’d touched her earlier.
Her wrist still felt as if it had been burnt. She looked down at it to see if there were any marks but her creamy skin was surprisingly unblemished.
What a pity her heart hadn’t been as lucky.
The restaurant he’d chosen was heavily booked and even though Howard had made a reservation they still had to wait for over half an hour for their table.
As Ashleigh sat with him at the bar she couldn’t help thinking how different it would have been if it had been Jake with her. There was no way he would have sat patiently waiting for a table he’d pre-booked. He would have demanded the service he was paying for and, what was more, he would have got it.
‘What did you want to talk to me about?’ Howard asked as he reached for his mineral water.
Ashleigh took a steadying breath and met his light blue eyes. ‘I met with Lachlan’s father today.’
He gave her a worried look. ‘Does he want to see him?’
‘I didn’t get around to telling him about Lachlan,’ she answered. ‘We talked about…other things.’
Howard put his glass down. ‘You mean he still doesn’t know anything about him? Nothing at all?’
‘I know it seems wrong not to tell him, but at the time it was the right decision…and now…well…’
‘What about now?’ Howard asked. ‘Shouldn’t he be told at some point?’
Ashleigh had thought of nothing else, especially after what Mia had told her about Lachlan. It seemed wrong that her tiny son could never openly acknowledge his father. And yet after seeing Jake again it brought it home to her just what he had missed in knowing nothing of his son’s existence. He had not been there for any of the milestones of Lachlan’s life. His first smile, his first words and his very first ‘I love you’. Jake had missed out on so much and those years could never be returned to him. But she had done what she had thought was right…She still thought it was right. But somehow…
‘Lachlan’s father hasn’t changed a bit.’ She gave a deep regretful sigh. ‘I was young, far too young to even be in a relationship let alone with someone as intense as him. I lost myself when I was with him. I forgot how to stand up for myself, for what I believed in. I let him take control…It was a mistake…Our relationship was a mistake.’
‘Did you tell him about us?’ he asked. ‘That we’re engaged to be married?’
‘Yes…’
He frowned as he looked at her bare hands. ‘I wish you’d wear my mother’s ring. I know you don’t like the design but we could get it altered.’
Ashleigh wished she liked it, too. She wished she liked his mother as well, but nothing in life was perfect and she had learned the hard way to make the most of what was on offer and get on with it.
‘I’ll think about it,’ she said. ‘Anyway, it’s only a symbol. It means nothing.’ The words were not her own but some that Jake had used in the past but she didn’t think Howard would appreciate that little detail.
‘Come on, let’s have dinner and forget all about Lachlan’s father for the rest of tonight,’ Howard said as the waiter indicated for them to follow him to their table.
Ashleigh gave him a wan smile as she made her way with him to their seats, but even hours later when she was lying in her bed, willing herself to sleep, she still had not been able to drive all thought of Jake from her mind.
He was there.
Permanently.
His dark disturbing presence reminding her of all that had brought them together and what, in the end, had torn them apart.
Ashleigh had not long arrived at the main outlet of Howard Caule Antiques in Woollahra the next morning when Howard rushed towards her excitedly.
‘Ashleigh, I have the most exciting news.’
‘What?’ She put her bag and sunglasses on the walnut desk before tilting her cheek for his customary kiss. ‘Let me guess…you’ve won the lottery?’
His light blue eyes positively gleamed with excitement. ‘No, but it sure feels like it. I have just spoken to a man who has recently inherited a veritable warehouse full of antiques. He wants to sell them all—to us! Can you believe it?’ He rubbed his hands together in glee. ‘Some of the stuff is priceless, Ashleigh. And he wants us to have it all and he’s not even worried about how much we are prepared to pay for it.’
Ashleigh gave a small frown. ‘There must be
some sort of catch. Why would anyone sell off such valuable pieces to one dealer when he could play the market a bit and get top dollar?’
Howard shrugged one shoulder. ‘I don’t know, but who cares? You know how worried I’ve been about how things have been a bit tight lately and this is just the sort of boost I need right now.’ He reached for a sheet of paper on his desk and handed it to her. ‘I’ve made an appointment for you to meet with him later this morning at this address.’
‘But why me?’ she asked, glancing down at the paper, her heart missing a beat when she saw the name printed there.
Jake Marriott.
She lifted her tortured gaze to Howard’s blissful one. ‘I— I can’t do this.’ The paper crinkled in her tightening fingers.
‘What are you doing?’Howard plucked the crumpled paper out of her hand and began straightening it as if it were a piece of priceless parchment. ‘He particularly asked for you,’ he said. ‘He said he knew your family. I checked him out on a few details. I wouldn’t allow you to deal with anyone who I thought was unsafe. He knew both your parents’ names and—’
‘That’s because he’s Lachlan’s father,’ she said bluntly.
Howard’s eyes bulged. ‘Jake Marriott is Lachlan’s father?’
She gave a single nod, her lips tightly compressed.
‘Jake Marriott?’ His throat convulsed. ‘Jake Marriott as in the billionaire architect who’s designed some of the most prestigious buildings around the globe?’
‘That’s the one,’ she said.
‘Oh, no…’ Howard flopped into the nearest chair, the freckles on his face standing out against the pallor of his shocked face.
Ashleigh gnawed her bottom lip, fear turning her insides to liquid.
Howard sprang back to his feet. ‘Well, for one thing, you can’t possibly tell him about Lachlan,’ he insisted, ‘or at least not right now. If you do he’ll withdraw the offer. I need this deal, Ashleigh.’
‘I’ll have to tell him sometime…’ She let out a painful breath. ‘Mia told me Lachlan has been asking about his father. He must have heard the other kids at crèche talking about their dads. I knew he would eventually want to know but I didn’t expect it to be this soon.’
‘Let’s get married as quickly as possible,’ he said, taking both her hands in his. ‘That way Lachlan can start calling me his dad.’
She eased herself out of his hold, suddenly unable to maintain eye contact. ‘I don’t want to get married yet. I’m not ready.’
‘Are you ever going to be ready?’ His tone held a trace of bitterness she’d never heard in it before.
She turned back to him, her expression wavering with uncertainty. ‘It’s such a big step. We haven’t even…you know…’ Her hands fluttered back to her sides, her face hot with embarrassment.
‘I told you I don’t believe in sex before marriage,’ he said. ‘I know it’s old-fashioned, but my faith is important to me and I think it’s a small sacrifice to make to show my loyalty to you and to God.’
Ashleigh couldn’t help wondering what Jake would think of Howard’s moral uprightness. Jake hadn’t even believed in the sanctity of marriage, much less waiting a decent period before committing himself to a physical relationship. He’d had her in his bed within three days of meeting her and if it hadn’t been for the prod of her conscience at the time, she knew he would have succeeded on the very first.
She was trapped by circumstances beyond her control and it terrified her. No matter how much she wished her past would go away and never come back she had a permanent living reminder in her little son. Even now Lachlan was a miniature of his biological father and even if a hundred Howards offered to step into his place no one could ever be the man Lachlan most needed.
Besides, she’d seen this played out before in her adopted sister Ellie’s life. Ellie pretended to be unconcerned about who her biological parents were but Ashleigh knew how she secretly longed to find out why she had been relinquished when only a few days old. It didn’t matter how loving her adoptive parents and she and Mia as her sisters were, Ellie was like a lost soul looking for a connection she both dreaded and desired.
She took the paper out of Howard’s hand with dogged resignation. ‘All right, I’ll do it. I’ll buy the goods from him and keep quiet, but I can’t help feeling this could backfire on me.’
‘Think about the money,’ he said. ‘This will take me to the top of the antiques market in Sydney.’ He reached for the telephone. ‘I have to ring my mother. This has been her dream ever since my father died.’
Ashleigh gave an inward sigh and picked up her bag and sunglasses from the desk. Jake had her in the palm of his hand and she could already feel the press of his fingers as they began to close in on her…
The drive to the address in the leafy northern suburb of Lindfield seemed all too short to Ashleigh in spite of the slow crawl of traffic on the Pacific Highway.
She kept glancing at the clock on the dashboard, the minutes ticking by, increasing her panic second by painful second.
The street she turned into as indicated on the paper Howard had given her was typical of the upper north shore, leafy private gardens shielding imposing homes, speaking quietly but unmistakably of very comfortable wealth.
She pulled up in front of the number of the house she’d been given but there was no sign of Jake. The driveway was empty, the scallop-edged blinds at the windows of the house pulled down low just like lashes over closed eyes.
The front garden was huge and looked a bit neglected, as if no one had bothered to tend it recently, the lawn still green but interspersed with dandelion heads, the soft little clouds of seeds looking as if the slightest breath of wind would disturb their spherical perfection for ever.
She walked up the pathway towards the front door, breathing in the scent of sun-warmed roses as she reached to press the tarnished brass bell.
There was no answer.
She didn’t know whether to be relieved or annoyed. According to the information Howard had given her, she was to meet Jake here at eleven a.m. and here it was twelve minutes past and no sign of him.
Typical, she thought as she stepped away from the door. When had Jake ever been the punctual type?
She made her way around to the back of the house, curiosity finally getting the better of her. She wondered if this was the house where he had grown up. He had always been so vague about his childhood but she seemed to remember him mentioning a big garden with an elm tree in the backyard that he used to sometimes climb.
She found it along the tall back fence, its craggy limbs spreading long fingers of shade all over the rear corner of the massive garden. She stepped beneath its dappled shade and looked upwards, trying to picture Jake as a young child scrambling up those ancient limbs to get to the top. He wasn’t the bottom branches type, a quality she could already see developing in her little son.
‘I used to have a tree-house way up there,’ Jake’s deep voice said from just behind her.
Ashleigh spun around so quickly she felt light-headed, one of her hands going over her heart where she could feel it leaping towards her throat in shock. ‘Y-you scared me!’
He gave her one of his lazy half smiles. ‘Did I?’
He didn’t seem too bothered about it, she noted with considerable resentment. His expression held a faint trace of amusement as his eyes took in her flustered form.
‘You’re late,’ she said and stepped out of the intimacy of the overhanging branches to the brighter sunlight near a bed of blood-red roses.
‘I know,’ he answered without apology. ‘I had a few things to see to first.’
She tightened her lips and folded her arms across her chest crossly. ‘I suppose you think I’ve got nothing better to do all day than hang around waiting for you to show up. Why didn’t you tell me yesterday about this arrangement?’
He joined her next to the roses, stopping for a moment to pick one perfect bloom and, holding it up to his nose, slowly drew in
the fragrance.
Ashleigh found it impossible to look away.
The softness of the rose in his large, very male, hand had her instantly recalling his touch on her skin in the past, the velvet-covered steel of his fingers which could stroke like a feather in foreplay, or grasp like a vice in the throes of out of control passion.
She gave an inward shiver as his eyes moved back to meet hers.
He silently handed her the rose and, for some reason she couldn’t entirely fathom at the time, she took it from him. She lowered her gaze from his and breathed in the heady scent, feeling the brush of the soft petals against her nose where his had so recently been.
‘I’m glad you came,’ he said after a little silence. ‘I’ve always wanted you to see where I grew up.’
Ashleigh looked up at him, the rose still in her hand. ‘Why?’
He shifted his gaze from hers and sent it to sweep across the garden before turning to look at the house. She watched the movement of his dark unfathomable eyes and couldn’t help feeling intrigued by his sudden need to show her the previously private details of his childhood.
It didn’t make any sense.
Why now?
Why had it taken him so long to finally reveal things she’d longed to know way back? She had asked him so many times for anecdotes of his childhood but he had skirted around the subject, even shutting her out for days with one of his stony silences whenever she’d prodded him too much.
His eyes came back to hers. ‘I used to really hate this place.’
She felt a small frown tug at her forehead. ‘Why?’
He seemed to give himself a mental shake, for he suddenly removed his line of vision from hers and began to lead the way towards the house. Ashleigh followed silently, stepping over the cracks in the pathway, wondering what had led him home if it was so painful to revisit this place.
There was so much she didn’t know about Jake.
She knew how he took his tea and coffee, she knew he had a terrible sweet tooth attack at about four o’clock every afternoon, she knew he loved his back rubbed and that he had one very ticklish hip. But she didn’t know what made his eyes and face become almost mask-like whenever his childhood was mentioned.