The Cookie Monster

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by Vernor Vinge


  "Oh." So tonight instead of partying, their customer support team would be in a drugged stupor, unremembering the week that never was. "We won’t remember a thing, will we?"

  Ellen nodded. "My guess is you’ll be well-paid, with memories of some one-day temp job here at LotsaTech."

  "Well, that’s not going to happen," said Victor. "I’ve got a story and I’ve got a grudge. I’m not going back."

  "We have to warn the others."

  Victor shook his head. "Too risky."

  Dixie Mae gave him a glare.

  Ellen Garcia hugged her knees for a moment. "If this were just you, Victor, I’d be sure you were putting me on." She looked at Dixie Mae for a second. "Let me see that email again."

  She spread it out on the table. "LotsaTech has its share of defense and security contracts. I’d hate to think that they might try to shut us up if they knew we were onto them." She whistled an ominous tune. "Paranoia rages... . Have you thought that this email might be someone trying to tip you off about what’s going on?"

  Victor frowned. "Who, Ellen?" When she didn’t answer, he said, "So what do you think we should do?"

  Ellen didn’t look up from the printout. "Mainly, try not to act like idiots. All we really know is that someone has played serious games with your heads. Our first priority is to get us all out of LotsaTech, with you guys free of medical side effects. Our second priority is to blow the whistle on Gerry or ..." She was reading the mail headers again, "... or whoever is behind this."

  Dixie Mae said, "I don’t think we know enough not to act like idiots."

  "Good point. Okay, I’ll make a phone call, an innocuous message that should mean something to the police if things go really bad. Then I’ll talk to the others in our grading team. We won’t say anything while we’re still at LotsaTech, but once away from here we’ll scream long and loud. You two ... it might be safest if you just lie low till after dark and we graders get back into town."

  Victor was nodding.

  Dixie Mae pointed at the mystery email. "What was it you just noticed, Ellen?"

  "Just a coincidence, I think. Without a large sample, you start seeing phantoms."

  "Speak."

  "Well, the mailing address, ‘[email protected]’. Building 0925 is on the hill crest thataway."

  "You can’t see that from where we started."

  "Right. It’s like ‘Lusting’ had to get you here first. And that’s the other thing. Prof. Reich has a senior graduate student named Rob Lusk."

  Lusk? Lusting? The connection seemed weak to Dixie Mae. "What kind of a guy is he?"

  "Rob’s not a particularly friendly fellow, but he’s about two sigmas smarter than the average grad student. He’s the reason Gerry has the big reputation for hardware. Gerry has been using him for five or six years now, and I bet Rob is getting desperate to graduate." She broke off. "Look. I’m going to go inside and tell Graham and the others about this. Then we’ll find a place for you to hide for the rest of the day."

  She started toward the door.

  "I’m not going to hide out," said Dixie Mae.

  Ellen hesitated. "Just till closing time. You’ve seen the rent-a-cops at the main gate. This is not a place you can simply stroll out of. But my group will have no trouble going home this evening. As soon as we’re off-site, we’ll raise such a stink that the press and police will be back here. You’ll be safe at home in no time."

  Victor was nodding. "Ellen’s right. In fact, it would be even better if we don’t spread the story to the other graders. There’s no telling–"

  "I’m not going to hide out!" Dixie Mae looked up the hill. "I’m going to check out 0925."

  "That’s crazy, Dixie Mae! You’re guaranteed safe if you just hide till the end of the work day–and then the cops can do better investigating than anything you could manage. You do what Ellen says!"

  "No one tells me what to do, Victor!" said Dixie Mae, while inside she was thinking, Yeah, what I’m doing is a little bit like the plot of a cheap game: teenagers enter haunted house, and then split up to be murdered in pieces ...

  But Ellen Garcia was making assumptions, too. Dixie Mae glared at both of them. "I’m following up on this email."

  Ellen gave her a long look. Whether it was contemptuous or thoughtful wasn’t clear. "Just wait for me to tell Graham, okay?"

  Twenty minutes later, the three of them were outdoors again, walking up the long grade toward Building 0925.

  Graham the Red might be a smart guy, but he turned out to be a fool, too. He was sure that the calendar mystery was just a scam cooked up by Dixie Mae and Victor. Ellen wasn’t that good at talking to him–and the two customer support winkies were beneath his contempt. Fortunately, most of the other graders had been willing to listen. One of them also poked an unpleasant hole in all their assumptions: "So if it’s that serious, wouldn’t Gerry have these two under surveillance? You know, the Conspiracy Gestapo could arrive any second." There’d been a moment of apprehensive silence as everyone waited the arrival of bad guys with clubs.

  In the end, everyone including Graham had agreed to keep their mouths shut till after work.

  Several of them had friends they made cryptic phone calls to, just in case. Dixie Mae could tell that most of them tilted toward Ellen’s point of view, but however smart they were, they really didn’t want to cross Graham.

  Ellen, on the other hand, was persona non grata for trying to mess up Graham’s schedule. She finally lost her temper with the redheaded jerk.

  So now Ellen, Victor, and Dixie Mae were on the yellow brick road–in this case, the asphalt econocart walkway–leading to Building 0925.

  The LotsaTech campus was new and underpopulated, but there were other people around. Just outside of 0999, they ran into a trio of big guys wearing gray blazers like the cops at the main entrance.

  Victor grabbed Dixie Mae’s arm. "Just act natural," he whispered.

  They ambled past, Victor giving a gracious nod. The three hardly seemed to notice.

  Victor released Dixie Mae’s arm. "See? You just have to be cool."

  Ellen had been walking ahead. She dropped back so they were three abreast. "Either we’re being toyed with," she said, "or they haven’t caught on to us."

  Dixie Mae touched the email in her pocket. "Well, somebody is toying with us."

  "You know, that’s the biggest clue we have. I still think it could be somebody trying to–"

  Ellen fell silent as a couple of management types came walking the other way. These paid them even less attention than the company cops had.

  "–it could be somebody trying to help us."

  "I guess," said Dixie Mae. "More likely it’s some sadist using stuff they learned while I was drugged up."

  "Ug. Yeah." They batted around the possibilities. It was strange. Ellen Garcia was as much fun to talk to as Ulysse, even though she had to be about five times smarter than either Ulysse or Dixie Mae.

  Now they were close enough to see the lower windows of 0925. This place was a double-sized version of 0999 or 0994. There was a catering truck pulled up at the ground level. Beyond a green-tinted windbreak they could see couples playing tennis on the courts south of the building.

  Victor squinted. "Strange. They’ve got some kind of blackout on the windows."

  "Yeah. We should at least be able to see the strip lights in the ceiling."

  They drifted off the main path and walked around to where they wouldn’t be seen from the catering truck. Even up close, down under the overhang, the windows looked just like those on the other buildings. But it wasn’t just dark inside. There was nothing but blackness. The inside of the glass was covered with black plastic like they put on closed storefronts.

  Victor whipped out his notepad.

  "No phone calls, Victor."

  "I want to send out a live report, just in case someone gets really mad about us being here."

  "I told you, they’ve got web access embargoed. Besides, just calling from here woul
d trigger 911 locator logic."

  "Just a short call, to–"

  He looked up and saw that the two women were standing close. "–ah, okay. I’ll just use it as a local cam."

  Dixie Mae held out her hand. "Give me the notepad, Victor. We’ll take the pictures."

  For a moment it looked like he was going refuse. Then he saw how her other hand was clenched into a fist. And maybe he remembered the lunchtime stories she had told during the week. The week that never was? Whatever the reason, he handed the notepad over to her. "You think I’m working for the bad guys?" he said.

  "No," Dixie Mae said (65 percent truthfully, but declining), "I just don’t think you’ll always do what Ellen suggests. This way we’ll get the pictures, but safely." Because of my superior self control. Yeah.

  She started to hand the notepad to Ellen, but the other shook her head. "Just keep a record, Dixie Mae. You’ll get it back later, Victor."

  "Oh. Okay, but I want first xmit rights." He brightened. "You’ll be my cameragirl, Dixie. Just come back on me anytime I have something important to say."

  "Will do, Victor." She panned the notepad camera in a long sweep, away from him.

  No one bothered them as they walked halfway around the ground floor. The blackout job was very thorough, but just as at buildings 0994 and 0999, there was an ordinary door with an old-fashioned card swipe.

  Ellen took a closer look. "We disabled the locks on 0999 just for the fun of it. Somehow I don’t think these black-plastic guys are that easygoing."

  "I guess this is as far as we go," said Victor.

  Dixie Mae stepped close to the door and gave it push. There was no error beep, no alarms. The door just swung open.

  Looks of amazement were exchanged.

  Five seconds later they were still standing at the open doorway. What little they could see looked like your typical LotsaTech ground floor. "We should shut the door and go back," said Victor.

  "We’ll be caught red-handed standing here."

  "Good point." Ellen stepped inside, followed perforce by Victor, and then Dixie Mae taking local video.

  "Wait! Keep the door open, Dixie Mae."

  "Jeez."

  "This is like an airlock!" They were in a tiny room. Above waist height, its walls were clear glass. There was another door on the far end of the little room.

  Ellen walked forward. "I had a summer job at Livermore last year. They have catch boxes like this.

  You walk inside easy enough–and then there are armed guards all around, politely asking you if you’re lost." There were no guards visible here. Ellen pressed on the inner door. Locked. She reached up to the latch mechanism. It looked like cheap plastic. "This should not work," she said, even as she fiddled at it.

  They could hear voices, but from upstairs. Down here, there was no one to be seen. Some of the layout was familiar, though. If this had been Building 0994, the hallway on the right would lead to restrooms, a small cafeteria, and a temporary dormitory.

  Ellen hesitated and stood listening. She looked back at them. "That’s strange. That sounds like .

  . . Graham!"

  "Can you just break the latch, Ellen?" We should go upstairs and strangle the two-faced weasel with his own ponytail.

  Another sound. A door opening! Dixie Mae looked past Ellen and saw a guy coming out of the men’s room. Dixie Mae managed to grab Victor, and the two of them dropped behind the lower section of the holding cell.

  "Hey, Ellen," said the stranger, "you look a bit peaked. Is Graham getting on your nerves, too?"

  Ellen gave a squeaky laugh. "Y-yeah ... so what else is new?"

  Dixie Mae twisted the notepad and held it so the camera eye looked through the glass. In the tiny screen, she could see that the stranger was smiling. He was dressed in tee-shirt and knee-pants and he had some kind of glittering badge on a loop around his neck.

  Ellen’s mouth opened and shut a couple of times, but nothing came out. She doesn’t know this guy from Adam.

  The stranger was still clueless, but– "Hey, where’s your badge?"

  "Oh ... damn. I must have left in the john," said Ellen. "And now I’ve locked myself out."

  "You know the rules," he said, but his tone was not threatening. He did something on his side of the door. It opened and Ellen stepped through, blocking the guy’s view of what was behind her.

  "I’m sorry. I, uh, I got flustered."

  "That’s okay. Graham will eventually shut up. I just wish he’d pay more attention to what the professionals are asking of him."

  Ellen nodded. "Yeah, I hear you!" Like she was really, really agreeing with him.

  "Y’see, Graham’s not splitting the topics properly. The idea is to be both broad and deep."

  Ellen continued to make understanding noises. The talkative stranger was full of details about some sort of a NSA project, but he was totally ignorant of the three intruders.

  There were light footsteps on the stairs, and a familiar voice. "Michael, how long are you going to be? I want to–" The voice cut off in a surprised squeak.

  On the notepad display, Dixie Mae could see two brown-haired girls staring at each other with identical expressions of amazement. They sidled around each other for a moment, exchanging light slaps. It wasn’t fighting ... it was as if each thought the other was some kind of trick video.

  Ellen Garcia, meet Ellen Garcia.

  The stranger–Michael?–stared with equal astonishment, first at one Ellen and then the other. The Ellens made inarticulate noises just loud enough to interrupt each other and make them even more upset.

  Finally Michael said, "I take it you don’t have a twin sister, Ellen?"

  "No!" said both.

  "So one of you is an impostor. But you’ve spun around so often now that I can’t tell who is the original. Ha." He pointed at one of the Ellens. "Another good reason for having security badges."

  But Ellen and Ellen were ignoring everyone except themselves. Except for their chorus of "No!", their words were just mutual interruptions, unintelligible. Finally, they hesitated and gave each other a nasty smile. Each reached into her pocket. One came out with a dollar coin, and the other came out empty.

  "Ha! I’ve got the token. Deadlock broken." The other grinned and nodded. Dollar-coin Ellen turned to Michael. "Look, we’re both real. And we’re both only-children."

  Michael looked from one to the other. "You’re certainly not clones, either."

  "Obviously," said the token holder. She looked at the other Ellen and asked, "Fridge-rot?"

  The other nodded and said, "In April I made that worse." And both of them laughed.

  Token holder: "Gerry’s exam in Olson Hall?"

  "Yup."

  Token holder: "Michael?"

  "After that," the other replied, and then she blushed. After a second the token holder blushed, too.

  Michael said dryly, "And you’re not perfectly identical."

  Token holder Ellen gave him a crooked smile. "True. I’ve never seen you before in my life." She turned and tossed the dollar coin to the other Ellen, left hand to left hand.

  And now that Ellen had the floor. She was also the version wearing a security badge. Call her NSA

  Ellen. "As far as I–we–can tell, we had the same stream of consciousness up through the day we took Gerry Reich’s recruitment exam. Since then, we’ve had our own lives. We’ve even got our own new friends." She was looking in the direction of Dixie Mae’s camera.

  Grader Ellen turned to follow her gaze. "Come on out, guys. We can see your camera lens."

  Victor and Dixie Mae stood and walked out of the security cell.

  "A right invasion you are," said Michael, and he did not seem to be joking.

  NSA Ellen put her hand on his arm. "Michael, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore."

  "Indeed! I’m simply dreaming."

  "Probably. But if not–" she exchanged glances with grader Ellen "–maybe we should find out what’s been done to us. Is the meeting room cle
ar?"

  "Last I looked. Yes, we’re not likely to be bothered in there." He led them down a hallway toward what was simply a janitor’s closet back in Building 0994.

  Michael Lee and NSA Ellen were working on still another of Professor Reich’s projects. "Y’see," said Michael, "Professor Reich has a contract with my colleagues to compare our surveillance software with what intense human analysis might accomplish."

  "Yes," said NSA Ellen, "the big problem with surveillance has always been the enormous amount of stuff there is to look at. The spook agencies use lots of automation and have lots of great specialists–people like Michael here–but they’re just overwhelmed. Anyway, Gerry had the idea that even though that problem can’t be solved, maybe a team of spooks and graduate students could at least estimate how much the NSA programs are missing."

  Michael Lee nodded. "We’re spending the entire summer looking at 1300 to 1400UTC 10 June 2012, backwards and forwards and up and down, but on just three narrow topic areas."

  Grader Ellen interrupted him. "And this is your first day on the job, right?"

  "Oh, no. We’ve been at this for almost a month now." He gave a little smile. "My whole career has been the study of contemporary China. Yet this is the first assignment where I’ve had enough time to look at the data I’m supposed to pontificate upon. It would be a real pleasure if we didn’t have to enforce security on these rambunctious graduate students."

  NSA Ellen patted him on the shoulder. "But if it weren’t for Michael here, I’d be as frazzled as poor Graham. One month down and two months to go."

  "You think it’s August?" said Dixie Mae.

  "Yes, indeed." He glanced at his watch. "The 10 August it is."

  Grader Ellen smiled and told him the various dates the rest of them thought today was.

  "It’s some kind of drug hallucination thing," said Victor. "Before we thought it was just Gerry Reich’s doing. Now I think it’s the government torquing our brains."

  Both Ellens look at him; you could tell they both knew Victor from way back. But they seemed to take what he was saying seriously. "Could be," they both said.

 

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