“Thank you,” she’d said, giving the bear a little hug.
“Thank me with a kiss, Kate.”
Kate. Brandon had called her Kate only a few times. But each time had felt special. Like she was part of his group, and had a nickname like all the others.
Like she belonged with him. And because she wanted it, too, she’d leaned closer and kissed him. His arms had curved around her. His hands had rubbed her back, then skimmed her body, his touch heavy and sure. Within moments, that kiss had become heated and out of control.
Almost.
In the flickering candlelight of her temporary bedroom, Katie flinched. What had possessed her to encourage him so?
Because it had been exciting? Because it had felt wonderful to be wanted?
Because no matter how much she’d smiled Jonathan Lundy’s way, he’d only looked blankly back at her in return, his grief too overpowering to notice anything else?
And, yes, she had started to think about Jonathan a fair bit. After Sarah had died when Katie was almost nineteen, she’d seen him at community functions after a few weeks of isolation. He’d looked so stalwart. So alone. She’d begun to dream about helping him. Imagine being the one to make him smile again.
And though she’d thought she’d been rather secretive, it had been fairly obvious to everyone around.
Especially to her sister, Rebekeh, who was always so practical and always so blunt. After spying Katie’s infatuated gaze for a good long minute, she’d nipped those dreams of infatuation. “Jonathan is not yours, and never will be,” she’d said after Katie had almost embarrassed herself by eyeing Jonathan from across the way one Sunday after church.
“I know that.” But, in truth, she had hoped that one day he would look over and notice her, too. Especially since no one at the gatherings had ever stirred her interest before.
No one had except Brandon, and she’d always known he wouldn’t be an acceptable beau.
“Do you? You don’t look that way. You look like you’re imagining a life with Jonathan.” In her usual, no-nonsense way, Rebekeh made a proclamation. “Mark my words, that’s not going to happen.”
“It might. One day I bet he’s going to want another wife. One day he’s going to want someone to help raise his daughters.”
“He has Winnie to help.”
“Winnie isn’t going to want to live with them forever.”
In reply, Rebekeh had merely handed Katie a casserole dish to carry to the picnic table. “You don’t know that. What you are thinking is mighty wrong, Katie Brenneman. You’d do best to put it out of your pretty head.”
Katie had tucked her head in shame but couldn’t seem to help her wayward thoughts.
When Sarah died, Katie had already been enjoying her rumspringa for a year. She’d been enjoying Brandon’s attention, though she’d also had begun to feel wary around him. It was becoming obvious that Brandon felt far more serious about her than she did about him.
Then, she’d started imagining a future with Jonathan, Mary, and Hannah. And those daydreams had been hard to shake.
Especially the dreams about being his wife.
She’d imagine saving him, removing his worried frown, taking her place in the community as a married woman. She’d think about raising his daughters, and to have more kinner of her own. She’d picture what it would be like to look across the dinner table and feel his approval. To receive warm, sweet glances from him, the way Brandon looked at her. To be loved. For him to want her as his wife.
Outside a wind blew through the trees, brushing two stray branches against the windowpane. Reminding her of the bitter truth. As one month passed into two, then three, Katie had begun to respond to Brandon.
He’d made her feel special and pretty. Though she’d never intended to have a serious relationship with him, never had seriously doubted joining the church one day, she’d enjoyed pretending that she was emotionally involved.
And then late that night when she’d received that bear, after Brandon had told her how he loved her, everything had fallen to pieces. She’d confessed who she was. She revealed how she never intended for their friendship to be anything but a fleeting experiment of sorts. And when Holly had looked at her, so hurt and upset, when Brandon stared at her in shock, why, Katie felt the truth fall over her, plain as day.
She’d intentionally set out to deceive them and had succeeded.
However, the fact that she’d finally acknowledged the truth didn’t justify her actions or make them easier to accept.
Suddenly, all she’d wanted to do was run. Katie had grabbed that bear, run to the front door, thrown it open, and burst out into the night. As she made her way home, she’d vowed to start over again. She almost had.
In the dark chilliness of the terribly bare guest room, her head began to pound. That had been months ago. She’d moved on with her life. It was time the doubts and self-recriminations moved on, too.
But still she felt restless and unsettled. Thinking herbal tea might be the answer, Katie hastily wrapped herself in a thick robe and slippers and padded to the kitchen. She’d just filled the kettle with water and set it to heat on the stove when Mary came in.
“What are you doing?”
For once, Mary didn’t sound accusing. Instead, her voice merely sounded sleepy and young and curious. “Heating water for tea. I couldn’t sleep. What about you?”
The little girl moved closer, her thick rag-wool socks muffling her steps. “I couldn’t sleep, neither.”
Katie noticed Mary’s eyes were suspiciously bright, as if she was on the verge of tears. If it had been Anna, she would have hugged her friend and demanded to know the problem.
But things weren’t quite that easy with Mary. The girl was as prickly as a porcupine and sent barbs her way just as frequently. Gently she stated the obvious. “You’ve got school tomorrow. You need your rest.”
Mary merely shrugged. “I know.” To Katie’s surprise, the girl pulled out a chair and sat down. “Can I have some tea, too?”
“Sure.” When the water boiled, Katie strained some chamomile, then carefully carried two mugs to the table. “Here we are. Be careful now, it’s hot.”
Almost in unison, the two of them blew on the hot brew, then sipped. The feel of the hot water sliding down her throat felt good and immediately calmed her insides.
Mary looked to be enjoying the brew as well. Tentatively, Katie asked, “Are you excited about hosting church on Sunday?”
“Jah. We are all going to play hide-and-seek after we eat.”
“Henry and Rebekeh and I used to do the same thing. I really looked forward to hosting church, though it is a very big job.”
Mary took another sip, then a third. “We worked hard in the basement.”
“We certainly did. You and Hannah were mighty gut helpers. The floor is bright and shiny clean.”
Solemnly, Mary said, “We might have to sweep again after the benches are put in.”
“I imagine so. Well, we’ll have to hope that the weather stays cold. If it warms up, we’re going to have mud to pick up!”
Mary’s eyes widened. “Katie, we’d be cleaning all week.”
“Yes, indeed we would. But I have a feeling you and Hannah would make even that messy job a joy.”
“Maybe,” Mary agreed, then sipped again on her tea. After she set her mug down, she looked at Katie with eyes that showed she’d experienced quite a bit during her seven years. “You know, things are different with you here.”
“Are they?” Used to Mary’s stinging criticism, Katie braced herself to hear what awful thing she had done now.
“Even getting ready for church feels different.”
Since Mary didn’t sound critical, Katie sought her advice. “Am I forgetting to do something with the house? What does Winnie usually do to get ready? Does she do more in the basement than we’ve done?”
“I don’t think so.” Mary shrugged. “No, I’m not thinking about church.” Mary sipped again before
expounding. “See, when Winnie is here, it was more like when my mamm was alive.”
“I know you miss your mamm. She was a wonderful woman.”
Mary’s cheeked pinked as she looked away. “I miss her. But, it’s not that.”
“I see.” Tentatively, Katie tried again. “Your mother and Winnie were gut friends, weren’t they?”
Mary nodded. “They were.”
“That is a fine thing. It is a blessing when family gets along well. I like my sister’s husband, Olan, very much.”
Still struggling with her attempt to say what was on her mind, Mary pursed her lips. “That’s not what I meant.” She waved a hand, obviously trying to search for words not on the tip of her tongue. “You…you’ve shaken everything up.”
Katie felt shaken up at the moment. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’ve been doing the best I can for you, but I can’t be someone I am not. I can only be myself.”
“Daed said that, too.”
That was news. Katie hadn’t realized Jonathan had spoken to the girls about her. “Does he think that is bad?”
Mary shook her head.
When the silence stretched, Katie said, “Well, soon things will be back to how they used to be. Soon I will be gone and Winnie will return.” Katie tried to keep her voice upbeat, but it was hard.
“Katie, I…” Mary sipped again, almost hiding her brown eyes as she did so. Mumbling around the rim of the ivory mug, she said, “I like you here. That’s what I’m tryin’ to say.”
“You do?” To her great surprise, Katie’s eyes filled with tears. Lately, she’d been so worried about her past and her future, and so torn with insecurities about how she was managing everything day to day, she hadn’t even hoped to hear good news from Mary. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear that.”
“You don’t look happy, you look sad.”
“I’m happy. I promise.”
Reassured, Mary said, “You know so much and are so pretty, I like being around you. I like learning to quilt.” She rushed on. “You cook a lot of good food, too. I know my daed likes it.”
Katie felt a rush of pleasure. “How do you know?”
“Sometimes he comes home early to eat dinner with us. He used to never do that. Now, though, he acts like he’s waiting on you.” Mary raised a brow. “Did you make him do that? Make him join us for dinner?”
“No. But I am glad he comes in. My family eats together every evening.”
“Even with all those people there?”
“Especially with all those people there. Like the Lord, our loved ones need some special time carved out.”
Mary sipped her tea as she continued to stare at Katie thoughtfully. “Hannah seems happier, too. She used to cry a whole lot more.”
Katie almost asked what was the source of Hannah’s tears, but for the first time in a long while, she bit back her impulse and sought patience instead. “I’m glad Hannah is not crying so much.”
“Me, too. There was no way I could make things better. My mother is gone to the angels.”
“Yes, she is.”
Eyes wide, Mary whispered, “Why do you think God took her from us so early? We all ride in buggies. Why did she get hurt and no one else?”
“I don’t know.”
Mary slumped. “I guess I’ll have to ask when I get to heaven.”
That made Katie smile. “I don’t know if our eternity goes that way. I would think it would be mighty time-consuming for our Lord to sit and answer questions.”
“I’m not going to take up too much time. I just want to know why.”
“Put that way, I suppose it’s a reasonable request.”
Their tea was almost done. Staring at the scant bits of tea that had seeped through the wire mesh and sunk to the bottom of her mug, Katie said, “We should probably be getting to bed now. It’s near three in the morning. Are you more tired?”
As if on cue, Mary stifled a yawn. “No.”
“Something tells me that might not quite be true.”
In a rush, Mary blurted, “What if you wanted to stay longer? What if we wanted you to? If we were to ask you to? Would you do that?”
To her surprise, Katie didn’t know the answer to that. Would she want to stay with Mary and Hannah out of duty? To stay only as someone who could look after the house? “The answer to that would depend on your aunt and father. Remember, we don’t know what is going to happen with Winnie.”
“She might move to Indiana.”
“But she might not. She went out there to get to know Malcolm, and to get to know his family. Not to make plans.”
“But what about you? If my father said you could stay here with us, what would you say?”
There was the question. A few months ago, Katie would have thought she’d do anything to attract Jonathan’s regard. During her first few days at the Lundys’, when she was so sad and lonely, she would have said she couldn’t wait to return home. Now, though, she wasn’t sure what the future had in store for her.
“I don’t know,” Katie finally murmured. “But I will tell you this: it is better to not always think about the what-ifs in life. If you give yourself to the Lord, then He will make clear all the hard decisions, and we won’t have to worry about so much. Remember, the future is in God’s hands, not ours.”
Mary scowled as they set their mugs in the sink and started up the stairs. “When do you get to be old enough to have your future in your own hands?”
Instead of reminding her again of the Lord’s will, Katie chuckled. “You, Mary, remind me of myself. So impatient.”
“Really?”
“Really.” Cupping Mary’s shoulder as she paused, Katie added, “I have always been in a hurry. I used to shame my mother with my impulsiveness. I got into trouble a time or two at school as well.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“That’s because we don’t know each other well. Maybe soon we will.”
There’d been a time when Katie had felt that she was in control of everything. Now she was smarter and stronger. Now she realized that she wasn’t in control of anything. Her future felt as slippery as ever. “But, to answer your question, I don’t know if we ever get old enough. Our future is in the Lord’s hands. It’s best to remember that, don’tcha think?”
“Maybe.”
Katie reached the landing and turned to Mary. “It’s time we slept. Morning will come even if we’re not quite ready to greet it.”
Mary nodded solemnly, then to Katie’s surprise, reached out and wrapped her arms around her.
Automatically, Katie hugged her back. The little girl’s arms felt wonderful wrapped around her waist. Bending down, she pressed a kiss on her head. Yes, the Lord did work in mysterious ways.
“Ready for the weekend, Jonathan?” Brent called out at five o’clock on Friday, just as Jonathan was slipping on his coat and gloves. “I feel like it’s been the longest week imaginable.”
“It has been tiring, for sure,” Jonathan said as he waited for his boss to approach. “But we did get all the frames made for the builder’s contract. That is something to be praised.”
Brent chuckled. “For a while there, I didn’t think it was going to get done. I sure appreciate your team staying late on Wednesday night.”
“I always appreciate the overtime. Plus, things are crazy at my house. I didn’t mind escaping things for a bit.”
“Why are things crazy? Because Winnie’s gone?”
“Yes, but that’s not all. We are hosting church this weekend.”
“Already?”
Jonathan appreciated how Brent took the time to get to know their ways. “Jah, it’s been a year since we hosted last. It just feels like it happens more quickly.”
Brent slapped Jonathan’s shoulder. “Best of luck with that. I have some time tomorrow, do you need help unloading the benches?”
“Eli and Henry are coming to help. But I thank you just the same.”
“Well, good luck. I’m going home w
ith my fingers crossed. What do you think my chances are that Tricia has dinner ready?”
Jonathan chuckled. “Slim to none.” Brent’s wife was a teacher. It was standard practice for Brent to take her out on Friday nights. “You best plan to get gussied up and take her out. She’ll be mighty pleased with that suggestion.”
“Spoken like a man who’s been married before,” Brent said with a grin. “I’ll definitely take her out. See you Monday, Jon.”
Jonathan waved him off. As he watched Brent practically scamper to his car, he tried to recall the last time he’d eagerly run home. He couldn’t remember.
Oh, he loved his girls, and he was always eager to spend time with them, but that wasn’t the feeling he longed to experience.
But moments later, as he and Blacky were making their way home, Jonathan found himself thinking of Katie once again. Perhaps she’d made pork chops or a roast. Katie was a mighty fine cook.
But her skills in the kitchen were not what he kept thinking about. No, it was her sunny nature. The way she smiled tenderly at Hannah.
The way she greeted him when he walked in the door—just like he was worth waiting for. With that in mind, he found himself spurring Blacky on. He’d been waiting all day to see her, as well.
Chapter 11
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to move again,” Katie moaned as she finally sat down at the kitchen table after a number of the folks had left Jonathan’s home from the church service. “Every bone in my body aches. Jonathan, try not to trip over me tomorrow morning when you wake up.”
“I canna promise you that. The way you are sprawled out, why it would make a man have a difficult time getting around you.”
With effort, Katie pulled a foot in so it rested under the table. “Better?”
Jonathan pretended to have a difficult time squeezing through the opening. “Only a bit,” he said, sucking in his stomach comically.
Katie couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t have much of a stomach to tuck in. No, Jonathan Lundy was all solid muscle, and that was the truth. But no matter how attractive she found him, there was certainly no way she could let him—or anyone else in the room—see that. “How’s this?” she asked, pulling in her chair a bit more. But in her soreness, the feet of the chair only moved an inch or so in.
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