Nothing but Darkness

by Maria Ann Green

  I chuckle insincerely and reply, “Well that’s great, especially for a Monday.” I’d rather she were crying from a deep depression, leading her to quit work, isolating herself far away from ever crossing my path.

  And I’d prefer this every day of the week, not just on a Monday.

  Eva’s crazy smile remains. She leans forward, giving me a better glimpse at the tight collar of her sweater—too bad it isn’t dipping to show off more of the heat she packs underneath it—and she lowers her voice. “Take me out to dinner tonight.” Again she doesn’t ask. She commands. “Or else.”

  Or else what, bitch?

  She’s insane, and she thinks she owns the world.

  “7 o’clock. Delta’s.” At least if she’s going to be throwing out demands I can return the favor, refraining from asking for agreement.

  “See you there,” she says seductively, after nodding. Without another comment she turns on her high heels, walking back toward her side of the building. Her hair bounces as she trots down the hall. As much as I despise her, I can’t help but appreciate the view of her walking away. If I didn’t want to kill her, I’d gladly fuck her silly.

  And I really don’t want to spend my evening with her. I see more than enough of her here. I should’ve protested, even if it fucked with my win-win. Too late now, though. I guess I’ll just grin and bear it through dinner, hoping she gets thrown out on her ass soon.

  ****

  After thinking more about the situation, it’s clear I need to help Eva’s downfall along. So I make my way to Dan’s office for a private chat.

  “What can I do for you?” the aging VP asks.

  He’s smiling, carefree. We’ve always gotten along. I close the door before answering. My face pulls taut, and I do my best impression of embarrassed.

  “Can I speak to you confidentially?”

  “Of course. What is it?” He tenses every muscle, instantly concerned, and leans forward, encouraging my honesty. Well, what he’ll take for honesty.

  “Will this stay between us?”

  “I promise.”

  “I don’t want anyone else involved. HR doesn’t need to know. I just wanted you to be aware.” I’m hysterically laughing inside. This is so perfect. He’s so intrigued. I don’t think I could build it up any more.

  “Please, you can trust me.” At this point I think he may bend over backwards for the pain to leave my face.

  “It’s Eva, sir.”

  “What’s she done?” He exhales loudly after finishing.

  This time I almost let the laughter break loose. He assumed guilt on her part. Priceless.

  “She…just goes too far.”

  “How so?” Dan’s brows are furrowing, and he looks close to bursting with stress.

  I start with a sigh, reflecting his. “She goes too far. She’s too sexual. I’ve asked her to stop. Several times. Yet she just keeps pushing my boundaries, my buttons.” Pause for dramatic effect. Look down awkwardly. Fidget with hands. I employ every tactic I can think of. Finally, when I look up again to continue, I know I have this in the bag. But I dig the knife in deeper. “She calls me names that aren’t appropriate for work. She uses any excuse to touch me. I hate to admit it, as a man, but she makes me incredibly uncomfortable.”

  Dan opens his mouth, breathes in, changes his mind, and closes it again. Before speaking he stands up, pacing back and fourth behind his desk. Finally, he tries once more.

  “And I can’t persuade you to put this on record?” He sits back down heavily.

  “It would only make me feel worse here.”

  “We don’t want that.”

  He slams his fist hard on his desk. He’s pissed. Perfect.

  “I’m sorry.” I stand to leave. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget I did.”

  One…

  Two…

  Three.

  And that’s all it takes.

  “Absolutely not.” He shoots up. I turn back. “Do not feel guilty. I just wish I had known sooner. I’d like to do more.”

  “Please don’t say anything to her. Hopefully she’ll stop on her own.”

  “I wouldn’t bet on it.”

  I’m a devious mastermind.

  “If she continues, please let me know. I promised I would keep this between us, and I will. I always keep my promises. But if she crosses the line I need to know.”

  I silently nod with a frown. I refrain from making eye contact and turn to the door again. I think better of it and quietly add, “Thank you.”

  As I open his door Eva walks by, butting her nose into the wrong conversation at the best time. “Just the man I wanted to see. My little Aidan. I need your help in my office.” She puts her arm through mine, smiling at Dan.

  I’m having a fit inside and shake a little keeping it in. He must assume the tremor is based somewhere in unease, because he adds, “Remember what I said. I need to know.”

  As she pulls me away, I turn to Dan with “help me” written in my eyes.

  ****

  The rest of the workday goes by without distraction.

  Jason chats with me a few times, but he shows no indication of knowing Amelia met me for dinner. He’s blissfully ignorant, and if it’s up to me he’ll stay that way.

  Before long, I make my way home to get ready for dinner with the reigning queen of all bitches. I need to put my game face on tonight. If I can focus, I know I can charm her until her panties are moist.

  After slapping liberal amounts of cologne on, I take one last assessing look in the mirror and steel myself before heading out.

  Here goes nothing.

  The drive is quick, and it leaves me wishing I had more time to mentally prepare myself for Eva’s domineering presence, but I’m just not that lucky. When I enter, I scan the thick crowd, but turn up empty, so instead I request a table for two.

  As I stand waiting for the hostess to seat me, I hear the doors open behind me and feel the gust of winter air on my back. Before I can turn around, I sense the presence of someone standing way too close to me. My bubble is being popped, and I don’t appreciate the close proximity of strangers.

  “Do you mind?” I try to sound even-keeled.

  “Not at all, Handsome.” Eva leans closer to my face and slings her sinewy arm over my shoulder for an awkward half hug from behind and slightly to my left. I can already smell the liquor on her. She’s started early tonight, and evidently drunk driving laws don’t apply to her.

  “I’ll show you to your seats.” Saved by the hostess.

  Eva again tucks her arm through mine as we make our way to the table in a surprisingly full crowd for a Monday night. Her eyes roam around the room in a slow and deliberate appraisal. I worry when I realize she’s looking to see if anyone from work is here.

  Eva waves her hand to the hostess as a request for her dismissal the moment we get to our table.

  Rude bitch.

  “Now what shall we have tonight?” Her eyes aren’t entirely focused. She’s struggling to appear sober. “How about a few drinks?”

  “After you.” I’ll just follow her lead, doing my best to get out of here unscathed. If I can.

  When our waiter arrives it’s obvious he’s busy. His words come out quick and staccato. “You folks ready to order?”

  As I open my mouth to answer, since he has eye contact with me, Eva, oblivious to the rest of the world, interrupts. “I’ll have the sampler appetizer platter and a sex on the beach.” What a weird order. She turns to me, winking, which I pretend to miss as I turn back to the waiter.

  “And for you, sir?” His smirk is slight, but I can tell he’s laughing at her.

  “Cheeseburger with a Jack and coke, please. Thank you.” At least one of us has manners.

  “I’ll get those orders right in, and I’ll be back with your drinks.”

  Eva skips all preamble, bolder when she drinks. “As of tomorrow we’re riding success to the top at work.” I knew she was ready to pitch her shit.

  “I
can’t wait to ride your coattails, beautiful.” I almost choke on the last word, but she doesn’t notice. I manage to get it out because I know she’ll be putty for me when doling out enough compliments.

  “Oh, stop.” Though her words say stop her body language says the opposite. She’s eating it up. “I figured we’d celebrate tonight.” Her need to be in control pours off her like body odor. Too bad that doesn’t work for me. At all.

  “Can do, boss.” Eva’s crackhead look is back. Her Cheshire smile is fucking creepy. When I see it, all I can think is, We’re all mad here.

  She makes a sound that mimics a cat’s purr just before our waiter arrives with our drinks. “A sex on the beach for the lady.” Her puts down her drink with extra care. He must know she’s trouble. “And a Jack and coke for the sir.” He smiles for a nanosecond before nearly running away to his many other tables.

  “So, what should we talk about?” Honestly, bitch? She’s the one who forced me here and she can’t come up with a topic of conversation? Lord help me through this dinner, and make it quick, because if I have to sit here too long Eva will be the next to give me a donation.

  “Anything your heart desires. We’re celebrating your ideas,” I say.

  “That’s the stuff I like to hear.” Eva nudges my leg with her foot, and I ignore it. I will not fuck her. I will not kill her. I will not fuck her or kill her.

  Our food arrives in the nick of time, and I busy myself with eating while she prattles on about who the fuck knows what. I try to listen, but I just want to go home.

  I can’t look at her without wanting to put a dent in the middle of her pretty features.

  Eva orders two more drinks and she’s past sloshed by the time we’re finished eating. I only had the one, to which she’s been oblivious.

  “So, are you ready to take me home?” Goddamn it.

  “Uh…What?

  “You heard me. I want you to take me home, and I want you to do dirty things to me.”

  Holy shit.

  “Eva, I’d love to.” Her smile widens before she starts biting her lower lip, and I go on. “And please don’t get me wrong, but I can’t.”

  Her face falls comically slowly as it sinks in I’ve turned her down, and I have to suppress the urge to laugh in her face. She blinks once, twice, three times before responding.

  “You’re saying you don’t want to have sex with me?”

  “No. That’s not what I’m saying.” I don’t elaborate. I’d fuck her despite her treacherous work ethic and bitchy attitude. I’d gladly stick it to her roughly. I just know I can’t. I’m smarter than that. It would go horribly wrong sooner or later, and I’m not willing to risk my career for a cunt like Eva.

  “Then what exactly are you saying?” She speaks in a disgusted sneer. Clearly she doesn’t handle rejection well.

  “You’re my boss. And you’ve had a few to drink. I just don’t feel right about it. I don’t want to take advantage of you, and I don’t want to jeopardize our working relationship. I’m sorry.” No, I’m not sorry. This is a little more fun than it should be. She should know better than to ask.

  Her features smooth out a little with new determination. “You don’t need to be a gentleman. I’m a big girl. I’m saying yes, and I’m asking nicely.” Okay, she just needs to give it up. She looks more desperate the more she begs, and desperation looks awful on her.

  “I’m so sorry. Please don’t be upset. You’re fucking beautiful. But my answer is still no.”

  She huffs and puffs, and for a second I’m genuinely worried she’s going to throw a tantrum or cause a scene. But instead she stands up, grabs her coat, and smiles. Placing both palms on the tabletop, she leans toward my face, stopping inches from my nose.

  “Fuck you.” Her voice has a menacing edge that would be intimidating to someone else, especially if it wasn’t laced with a drunken slur.

  Before she straightens up, I try to look genuine as I apologize once more. “I truly am sorry.”

  “You should be.” She stands again, grabs my drink, and throws it in my face.

  Are you fucking serious?

  I struggle to stay calm. I’d love to bash her head into the floor continuously. But all I do is grab my napkin and clean myself off. I don’t give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

  Unstable whore.

  Eva starts to walk away, but after a couple steps she throws one last comment over her shoulder. “Take care of the check, asshole.” Another command. What an entitled twat. Hopefully her memories of tonight will be hazy by tomorrow morning.

  The waiter doesn’t look surprised when he returns with the bill and I’m alone.

  “She’s awful.” His observation is true, and it’s refreshing he shares it so candidly.

  “Abso-fucking-lutely.” He smiles, and when I look at the receipt I see he’s comped her meal. As a thank you I tip him by doubling the total. Anyone who hates Eva is a friend of mine.

  ****

  On Tuesday, I walk in the building with Jason after pulling up next to him while he was getting out of his car.

  “How was your night?”

  “It was shit, actually.” He chuckles before elaborating. “Olivia puked right in my lap. She’s got the flu, which means the other two will have it by tomorrow. I hate when they get sick. I feel helpless, and I just want to be able to make them better.”

  “You’re a good man.” If I had some little bundle of trouble blow chunks in my lap I’d be a lot more worried about cleaning it up than making her feel better.

  “I guess I am.” He smiles a genuine smile, and I have a slight pang somewhere deep in my stomach.

  “That’s fucking gross she hurled right on you, though.” I’d have dropped her to prevent something like that. And that’s why I can never have children. Those defensive reflexes aren’t looked upon favorably by child services.

  “Uh yeah, you don’t have to tell me that. It worked to my advantage, though.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, Amelia cleaned it up, and then she cleaned me up in the shower after putting the girls to bed.” I feel something else entirely a bit deeper in my stomach with that comment.

  “Lucky. See you later.” I nearly sprint the last few feet into my office in order to end the conversation, having no desire to hear any more details.

  After wasting time checking voice mails and staring into space, I boot up my computer to the tune of a new email from Jason. Our emails are monitored, though, so I know it isn’t anything further about last night and his sex-capades. I open it without worry.

  From: Jason Moore

  To: Aidan Sheppard

  Subject: Missing in Action

  Aid,

  Thought you’d be interested. Our lovely boss is out today. Apparently she’s sick too. Looks like today will be an easy day.

  Cheers,

  Jase

  Well, Eva must still be feeling the effects of her few too many. Good. Just makes my life easier not to have to face her today. I type a quick response to Jason, joining in the excitement.

  After that’s done I finish my few tasks that need completing today, which doesn’t take long. And with ample time to drift off into my own thoughts, I regretfully recall Sunday night at Hanson’s.

  I’m so shocked to see Amelia instead of Bee it takes me a while to come up with a coherent sentence after my hello.

  “I’m sorry I tricked you. And I’m even sorrier I kept pushing Bee on you. I know it seemed like I was being a bitch. Though, I had my reasons. At first I thought you two would be good together, so I shoved her at you. Then this plan came to me, and I knew it would work. So my motives changed for the selfish. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice girl, but I realized my needs were more important. I had to get you to meet me.” She pauses after babbling, waiting for me to reply. When I don’t, she continues. “Jason thinks I’m getting my hair done, so we have a few hours.”

  Instead of commenting on the obvious details or even asking why she set this up
, I pick up on the one thing that comes to mind. “But won’t he notice your hair is the same?”

  Amelia’s laughter peals through the air like soft wind chimes. “In all these years together, he has never noticed any difference in my hair. Remember that time I cut off a foot after Sophia was born, and it was to my chin?” I nod. “He didn’t notice for two weeks. So we’re fine.” She chooses to end with the reminder we’re sneaking behind my best friend’s, her husband’s, widening back.

  Finally I find the right words, but they feel like sandpaper as they scrape across my tongue. “Why are we here, Amelia?”

  She looks nervous.

  “I don’t love Jason anymore.”

  And just like that she can never unsay it. I can never unhear it.

  Mel’s watching her fingers twist as she wrings her hands next to her silverware.

  “Fuck.” The word is so deflated it comes out breathy.

  “I know.” She doesn’t continue. I can tell she needs to talk about this, but I have no idea why she chose me, considering who I am to Jason.

  “When did this happen?” I ask as if it was one event, one thing, that caused her to stop loving him.

  “It’s been a while. I haven’t felt the same in the last few years.” She peers up from her hands to meet my questioning stare.

  I can’t help but say it again. “Fuck.”

  I’m so eloquent tonight.

  “Yeah, I know I’m a horrible person.” Her eyes start to look a bit too shiny, and I realize she’s on the brink of crying.

  “No you’re not.” Please don’t cry. Please.

  “We just grew apart. I don’t know exactly when it started, or what caused it, but I just can’t get it back. And believe me, I’ve tried. It’s too far gone. I was going to ask him for a divorce the day before I found out I was pregnant again. But I realized I was late, and then it was positive, and now it’s too late.”

  One tear falls down her cheek, hitting the table. She doesn’t move to wipe it away. She just leaves it. No other drops follow. She blinks a few times and the gloss is gone.