“Yeah. Just an upset stomach.” I tried to control the waves of emotions swirling through me, threatening to pull me under.
Inside his arms, I knew I was just being paranoid. He would stay. He might even be thrilled. He had to be.
Right?
Chapter 28
Jessica
The waiting room at my OBGYN’s was just as sterile as I remembered it.
The seats were plastic, the backs of my thighs sticking to the edges. The harsh fluorescent lighting blinking in spots. Stale memories surfaced as I surveyed the small room. Being alone, young, and pregnant. Watching couples come in and out, smiles plastered on their faces. Seeing others, like me, hiding in the back of the room, trying to go unnoticed.
“Jessica Krause?” a nurse called.
I stood, grabbed my purse, and then headed for the doorway. After she weighed me and took my blood pressure, she guided to the bathroom where I could offer a sample of urine, then placed in a small room. I hated wearing these paper gowns. The air was so cold, the bareness of the room even colder.
A half hour went by before the doctor entered, all smiles and laughter.
“Hello, there,” he said, offering his hand.
My palms were clammy and hot, my face reddening.
“So, Jessica. I understand you’re here to find out if you’re pregnant?”
“Yes,” I said with a small nod, hands between my thighs.
He flipped the paper up, and then grinned at me. “Well, congratulations. It looks like you’re expecting.”
A ripple of happiness shadowed with fear coursed through me. I put my hand on my stomach, peeked down. Inside me, there was a little piece of Jack. The thought elated me. A little person we would share and watch grow up.
“Is this a happy pregnancy?” the doctor asked as he went through his routine exam.
“I’m hoping so,” I admitted.
“Does the father know?”
“Not yet.”
“He a good guy?”
When Jack appeared in my mind, my lips turned up. Muscle memory. A reflex only he could ignite. “The best.”
The doctor smiled. “Then don’t worry.”
Don’t worry.
If only it were that easy.
I spent the rest of the week trying to figure out how to tell Jack. Almost slipped up a few times as we laid in bed at night, reading.
Before, I never had the chance to do something special to reveal the baby. With Hank, I always knew I’d get anger, but with Jack… I wanted to believe he’d be happy. I wanted to give him the chance to find out the way a loving father would want to.
I decided to tell him on our next date night. It had become a ritual of ours to go out one night a week, usually when the kids were with Hank, to spend time together.
This week, it was my turn to plan.
“Where to?” Jack asked as we hopped into the car.
I rattled off our favorite restaurant. I’d already set it up with the owner, who I’d known for years. When we ordered our appetizers, they were going to present Jack with a plate that held only the sonogram picture from my appointment.
“An easy night, eh?” he asked as he pulled onto the road.
Easy… right.
“Want to catch a movie after?”
“Sure,” I said, hoping he’d still want to be around after he found out.
My stomach was in thick knots by the time we made it to the restaurant.
“Hey.” He stopped me just outside the doors. “What’s wrong? You’ve been so quiet.”
“I’m just feeling a little nauseous.”
Concern flickered through his eyes. “You want to go home? We don’t have to go out, babe.”
“No,” I said a little too quickly. “I’ll be okay. Let’s just go inside.”
He kissed my forehead, then led me to the table in the back where we usually ate. It was closest to the small stage where local talent performed. Tonight, it was our favorite singer—a young woman with a sultry voice and a penchant for the keyboard.
“I’m going to be daring tonight. Try something new,” Jack said as he eyed the menu. “You?”
“I just want soup.”
He reached for my hand. “You sure you want to stay? I can order soup, then take you home.”
“I’m sure.” I squeezed his palm.
A moment later, the waitress appeared. After Jack ordered, I put in the order for my soup, then asked the waitress to tell the owner I said hi. The signal he needed to make the magic happened.
My fingers worried the napkin on my lap as we waited for the appetizer. This was it. Our make it or break it. Second thoughts hounded me as a brief flare of panic stabbed at my chest. I needed to intercede with the waitress. Keep him from finding out.
Oh, God. What if he was so mad he left? What if he—
“Your appetizer,” the waitress said, winking as she set the plate in front of him.
His face screwed up in confusion when he saw the envelope with his name on it.
“Wait,” I said, but he was already tearing into it. A second later, the sonogram was in his hands.
I stilled. Waiting. Not breathing as he processed what was before him.
“Is this… Are we…?”
“I’m pregnant.” I placed the napkin on the table with trembling hands. Braced myself for his disappointment.
But that never came.
A smile broke out, slow at first, until it was a full beam across his lips. “Jess!” He whooped, standing and pulling me into his arms. He pressed my face against his neck as he squeezed me tight. “You mean… I’m going to be a dad?”
“Yes!” Tears poured from my eyes.
He spun me around. Kissed me thoroughly. Seared away any doubt I had about his love.
The few who realized what was happening around us clapped. The woman singing paused her song, calling out, “Let’s give a round of applause for the happy couple expecting a little one.”
I was bursting with happiness.
When the applause died down, we sat back in the booth. His hand still held mine across the table as he gazed at the sonogram. Miracles painted across his face.
“I can’t believe that little guy is in there,” he said in awe.
“Guy?”
He smirked. “Most definitely. He will be as beautiful as you, and as smart as his dad.”
“What if she’s a she?”
Light spread across his cheeks. “Well, then, I better start looking into bars for her window, because there isn’t a chance she’ll be sneaking out.”
I laughed, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “So, you’re… you’re okay with this? I mean, we didn’t plan this. And you, well, you never wanted kids.”
He ruffled a hand through the back of his head. “I am,” he said, sounding confident. “I didn’t think I wanted kids. That’s true. Not until you…”
Heat warmed my face as our food was set in front of us.
“Wait… so that’s why you’ve been acting so different lately? I was beginning to worry.”
I stirred my soup. “I was scared, Jack.”
“Babe…”
“I know. I just… I didn’t know how you’d feel.”
He grabbed his knife and fork, cutting into the fish he ordered. “I feel fucking fantastic. Elated. Like I’m the richest man in the world.”
I grinned, my bones light, like I could float up to the sky.
“And that little blessing of ours is going to grow up as the luckiest kid in the world, having you as his mother.”
Bubbly sounds of relief rushed up my throat. Tears pricked at my eyes. Tears of relief. Of joy.
When dinner was through, we decided to go for a walk through the nearby park.
My nerves had finally settled, allowing me to fully enjoy the moment I thought I’d never experience. Occasionally, Jack would stop me and kneel, whispering into my belly. The vibrations of his husky voice tickled my stomach.
When it was nearing ten
, we decided to head home. I was exhausted. The bone-deep kind of tired I remembered came with pregnancy.
“Did you have cravings with Ciana or Nic?” Jack asked as we neared home. He’d been asking me hundreds of questions about my other pregnancies, the curiosity in him lifting my heart.
“With Ciana, I craved cinnamon. With Nic, it was spicy foods.”
“Any problems?”
“Morning sickness with both. I had the worst heartburn with Nic.”
“Hmm.” We turned onto the street behind the shop. “I wonder what the little stinker will cause?”
I rubbed my stomach. “So far…” I yawned. “Just sleepiness.”
Jack came around my side of the car after parking, then helped me out. I laughed, telling him I wasn’t handicapped. We passed through the alley where the lattice was, hundreds of locks tethered to it. I almost didn’t notice the man standing on the corner of my shop, hands tucked into his pocket as he waved on his feet.
“Hank?” Jack moved in front of me. “What are you doing here?”
My hand shot to my mouth when Hank jerked his head up. His eyes were bloodshot. Deep and hollow circles formed under them. He kept wiping at his nose, his jaw ticking as he staggered toward us.
“I want you back,” he said, trying to reach for me.
Jack placed his hand against Hank’s chest, stopping him from coming any closer. “Hank, you need to leave.”
“Fuck off.” Hank shoved his hand away. He reached for me again, grabbing my arm this time.
I winced at the sharpness of his grip.
“Fuck this guy, blackbird. You’re mine. You’re my wife.”
“Hank, take your fucking hand off her,” Jack said, eying Hank’s hand.
“Hank, please. You’re hurting me.” I tried to wiggle free.
“I’m serious, Hank. Now,” Jack shouted.
Hank’s head swiveled in Jack’s direction, bleary eyes glowing with hate. “Or what?” He yanked harder on my hand, wedging himself between Jack and me. “She’s mine, you understand? There isn’t a single fucking thing you can do to make me leave.”
Jack pulled his phone out of his back pocket, but it was shattered seconds later when Hank snatched it from his hands, sending into crashing to the pavement with a crunch of lost opportunities.
“You gonna call the cops on me? Can’t fight like a man?”
“Jack,” My voice shook as I watched the anger ripple over his features.
“Jess, you need to go inside. Now.”
“No, Jack.” I yanked my hand away from Hank. “Come with me.”
“I can’t,” Jack said as he stood up to Hank.
“Please, Jack.”
“Yeah, Jack. Why can’t you go?”
“Because I’m done with you hurting the mother of my child.”
With those words, all hell broke loose.
Chapter 29
Jack
I didn’t like the feel of handcuffs, but that was nothing compared to the way my face felt.
With satisfaction, I reminded myself Hank had to be feeling worse.
I couldn’t remember the exact details of the fight.
One second, we were pounding each other. The next, the police were pulling us apart and throwing us into the backs of separate cars.
The expression on Jess’ face as I was being hauled away haunted me. The hurt and disappointment twisting my insides.
I dipped my head, hands cupping the sides. I’d fucked up. Royally. I’d let Hank get to me. I let him get the best of me.
And by doing so, I landed a spot in jail.
“You look like shit,” an older man said from the other side of the cell.
“Man, shut the fuck up,” a darker man said to the older guy. “No one wants to hear from your stupid ass.” A second later, he nodded his chin at me. “You get him good?”
I gave a small dip of my head, wondering where Hank was.
“My man.” He held his fist out.
“Jack Swanson,” a bored-sounding guardsman said a moment later, keys jiggling in the door. “It’s your lucky day.”
I was escorted through the exit process to find Jess waiting for me, looking worse than when I left her. Pulling her into a hug the moment I was free, I kissed her head, telling her how sorry I was.
She was tense. I didn’t expect her to be anything less. She barely spoke a word to me as we got into the car. It wasn’t until we were inside, and she was fishing ice from the freezer for my face, that she finally spoke.
“You really fucked up, Jack.”
“I know, babe. I’m sorry.”
She slammed the bag of ice she made for me down on the table. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry. I told you to come with me. But no… you had to go and be the macho guy. And now what? Huh, Jack? How is this going to look on paper? I have court coming up—”
“I know. I just—”
“Don’t tell me you know,” she shouted, tears streaming down her face. “Do you know that he’s going against us? How will this look? What if he presses charges?”
“He can’t.” I winced as I pressed the ice to my cheek. “We were both at fault, so it was written off as such.”
She shook her head. Paced to the sink. “I knew this would happen. I told you.”
“Babe, he had to take a drug test. You know how that will come back. If anything, this helped you.”
She turned on me so fast I flinched back. “This did not fucking help me. You know what it did? It stressed me out. I was so scared. So fucking scared. I—”
She stopped, hunching over as she cried out in pain.
“Jess?” The chair flew back as I jumped up and moved over to her. I held her as she grabbed onto my arm and squeezed.
“Something’s wrong, Jack. My stomach…” Her cries deepened.
Scooping her up in my arms, I headed for the door as fast as I could, grabbing my keys on the way out. “Just hang on, babe.” I carried her to the car. My heart in my throat.
“This isn’t supposed to happen, Jack.” Her hands were at her center as I pulled onto the main road.
My heart was beating right out of my chest when I reached for her. “It’s going to be okay. Everything will be okay, baby.”
A shrill scream left her lips as she lifted her fingers, eyes widening in horror when she saw the blood coating the tips.
Oh my God.
I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible as I pulled her hands into mine, hiding the blood. “We’re almost to the hospital. Don’t worry, okay?”
She was sobbing. There wasn’t a word I could say that could cut through the gut-wrenching sound. Stabbing heat seared behind my eyes. My heart felt like it was ripping into shreds. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on, and it scared me more than anything.
Jessica was my life. Although I’d only known about the baby for a short amount of time, I didn’t want to lose the life we created. And I didn’t want her to be hurt.
Once I was parked, I carried her inside, begging someone to help. Immediately, I was greeted by a woman behind a desk telling me I needed to calm down.
“She’s pregnant,” I said, voice cracking. “She’s bleeding.”
I could barely get the words out. This was a nightmare. I glanced down at Jessica. She was trembling in my arms, clutching to my collar, which was coated in the blood from her fingertips.
“Please,” I said, pleading with the woman as onlookers watched.
“Okay,” she said. “Let me get her a wheelchair.”
Blood oozed down Jess’ thighs. It curled over my arms. A sheet was wrapped around her. The second I sat her down, she was wheeled through a large door.
“Wait a moment,” someone said, reaching out to stop my lunge to follow her. “Are you next of kin?”
“Yes,” I lied, trying to push past the woman.
“Sir, I need her insurance to get her registered.”
I patted all over me, realizing I hadn’t grabbed her purse. “Please, miss. That’
s the love of my life with my whole world inside her. Just bill me. Please. I’ll pay whatever the cost.”
The woman sighed. “Okay.”
Dodging around her, I ran, barreling through the door where my hopes had disappeared inside.
Chapter 30
Jack
After the first hour passed, Jess was picked up by an orderly with orders to take her to radiology for an ultrasound.
“The kids,” she said before she was wheeled away. “We need to make sure they’re okay.”
I squeezed her hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll get it all taken care of.”
After she left, I pulled my phone out and stared at it. Nic was with Maria, but they should be dropping him off anytime now. Ciana was already home, waiting by the phone for updates. I couldn’t leave them there alone. Not when I had no clue how long we’d be here.
Pulling up Ciana’s number, I hit the call button.
“Hello?” she said on the first ring. “Is she okay?”
“She’s fine,” I said, trying to keep her calm. “They’re doing an ultrasound now.”
I hadn’t told Ciana about her mom being pregnant. That was Jess’ place. Something I’d never take away from her.
Ciana blew a breath out into the phone.
“Listen.” My fingers plowed through my hair. “I don’t know how long we’ll be here. Who should I call? You guys can’t stay alone there.”
“I can walk to Grandma’s house. She’ll let us stay.” I could hear her feet shuffling even over the line.
I grimaced. That would mean I’d have to call Maria. That woman was so much like my mother. Stiff. Presumptuous. Sharp-tongued. Imperious. Cruel.
“Jack?”
“Yeah, all right. I’m going to give her a call. You can head that way. Just… call me when you get there so I know you made it. And call me if you need anything.”
A small burst of laughter filtered through the phone. “You’re starting to sound like Mom.”
I let a weak smile slip out. “Talk to you soon.”
After we hung up, I dialed Maria’s number, rocks of trepidation pressed on my chest. I pulled at my collar, murky sludge spilling through my veins. Hating that I felt like a little boy again. The need for approval deeply rooted into the back of my head. A familiar fear crouched on my shoulders, claws at the ready.
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