Seconds ticked by as the air swelled with anticipation. There was a low murmur as Ciana moved around the shop, catching every painstaking detail she’d put into the event. There were banners of blue and pink on the walls. Floral arrangements on and around the tables. Confetti. A large cake in the shape of a baby on the main table.
“Okay,” Ciana said, “we’ve got over two thousand viewers.” She moved back over to us, projecting her voice louder “We’re streaming from Blackbird’s Creamery where owner Jessica Hinston is about to find out the gender of her baby. The reveal will be announced via a new flavor of ice cream that will be added to the menu, so be sure to stop by to try a sample!”
I winked at Ciana, approving her use of an advertising pitch. Proudness filling me for this feisty teenager who had stolen my heart along with her mother.
“Okay, everyone. Let’s find out! One… Two… Three!”
Jess pulled on the lever. A deep blue ice cream swirled out, filling the cup she held as shouts and screams filled the small shop. Jess sat the cup down, then jumped into my arms.
“A boy!” Ciana shouted. “The flavor is Graham’s Blueberry Bliss. Come on down and celebrate with us!”
“A boy,” Jess said against my ear. “You were right,” she said with a giggle.
I was still reeling. A boy. I was going to have a little boy.
We were greeted by everyone in the shop as they offered their congrats and hugs. Cups and cones swirled high with the new ice cream were passed around, everyone exclaiming over the taste. Ciana was a great party host. She moved from one thing to the next seamlessly, and it gave me ideas for her and the future of the shelter.
Jess curved her face to me. “Graham,” she said, grinning, rubbing her belly.
She had an unhealthy hankering for Graham crackers as of late, so the name seemed fitting.
After a few hours, the fuss died down, leaving us to clean up the shop so we could reopen tomorrow. We’d already been hit with a ton of requests asking if gender reveal parties could be planned by and booked at the shop.
Jess was wiping down the tables when I came up behind her, pulling her against me.
“So, Ms. Hinston,” I said against her ear. I was still getting used to calling her by her maiden name. It was something I wanted to change. “Are you happy?”
“The happiest.” She held my arms as I rocked us back and forth.
“Think I could make you even happier?”
She twirled in my arms to face me. “Doubt it.”
I nudged my nose against hers. “What do I get if I can?”
A beautiful wickedness pulsed through her eyes. “Hmm… how does a blowjob sound?”
I grew a little hard as I groaned.
“So?” she said, waiting.
“We got the house.”
Her eyes grew wide as her mouth parted. “Really?” Her features glazed with happiness.
“Really!”
“I don’t… how can… This can’t be right. All this happiness. It can’t be real.”
“It can,” I said. “Because you deserve nothing less, Jess. You’ve spent your whole life doing for others. It’s time the world gave you a break and did something for you.”
“Ciana,” she said, rushing past me.
Ciana paused in her sweeping, head cocked in question.
“We got the house!”
Watching them jump up and down inside each other’s arms was magic. Pure and true. I hadn’t thought I could feel any happier, but knowing their dreams were coming true, and that I had a small part in it, was indescribable. It felt like I had finally shed the last of who I’d been. Who I never wanted to be again.
It was an altogether new emotion for me. Happiness had a new texture. A new layer I hadn’t been aware existed. The joy that came with watching the ones I loved experience it felt so much deeper. More rewarding.
I’d never trade this feeling for anything.
Chapter 33
Jessica
Time felt like it had been stuck in fast forward.
I had just entered my third trimester when the week before the grand opening of the new shelter roared into the present. We were packing the last of our things in the apartment, preparing for the big move into our new home, when the doorbell sang.
“I’ll get it,” Ciana said as she jetted down the hallway.
I was sitting on the floor, packing the books on my bookshelf into a box, when I heard her scream.
“Dad! Nic! Dad’s here!”
I looked to Jack, who was packing the kitchen, and then stood, following behind him as we rushed for the doorway.
It had been months since court, and the last we’d heard Hank was still in rehab, doing his best to get clean. Maria kept us up to date, but Hank refused to speak to any of us while away.
My hand went to mouth. There he stood in the doorway with Ciana in his arms, hugging him tight. His hair was clean and freshly slicked back. Face shaved. Eyes clear and present. There were no purple moons. No residing anger.
“Hey,” he said, his voice a little rocky. “Mind if I come in?”
I glanced over at Jack, who nodded his approval. “Sure.”
“Why don’t you give your mom and me a moment to speak, guys?” he said as soon as he was inside. “And Jack, too, of course.”
Ciana took Nic and headed for her room as we took seats at the kitchen table.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” I asked, feeling shaky.
“I’m okay. Thanks.” He pulled in a breath. “I wanted to come by to apologize for my behavior,” he said, his eyes swelling with tears. “I… uh… I’m not good at this kind of stuff, but I know what I’ve put you through, blackbird, and I realize sorry will never be enough.” He faced Jack. “Man to man, please accept my apology. I was in a bad place. You’re a good guy. You make her happy, and that’s all I could ask for.”
“Don’t sweat it,” Jack said.
“I’m… umm… well, I’m still in outpatient recovery. I’ve got a long road to go. The lies I’ve told and the people I hurt are entwined into a long path. One I may never finish walking, but I am going to try. For them.”
Grabbing his hand, I squeezed. I knew how hard this was for him. How belittling. But it was also healing. “I’m proud of you, Hank. The kids need you.”
“I know.” A tear slipped. He quickly swiped it away. “That’s actually why I came. I was wondering if I could spend a little time with them. If it’s not too—”
“Of course,” I said before he could finish. “They’ve missed you.”
He let out a pent-up sigh. “Thank you, Jessi. Thank you so much.”
“Hey, man. You’re good, okay?” Jack patted him on the back.
Hank took the glass of water I offered him. “Thank you.” He glanced around. “I see you’re packing.”
My hand curved around my stomach. “Yeah. We need more space.”
Hank chuckled. “I can tell. What are you going to do with the place?”
“One of the women from the shelter who has been with us forever is going to rent it. She has two kids.”
“That’s wonderful.” He set his glass down. “Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it. I won’t take long.”
“Okay.” I watched as he disappeared down the hallway to the kids’ rooms.
Sitting still for a moment, I soaked in what had just happened. I never thought I’d see the day when Hank was clean. When he was the man I fell in love with all those years ago.
“You okay?” Jack asked, his arm sliding over my shoulder.
“Yeah.”
“He seems good.”
“He does, doesn’t he?”
Jack stood and started pulling the dishes out, wrapping them before setting them into a box. “I’m glad. I’ll admit, I doubted this day would ever come.”
You and me both, I thought.
“But I’m glad it did. The kids need their father.”
I shook my head. “Their father needs them,” I said,
knowing it was what kept him going. They were his strength. His courage. His will to do better. And he would. For them.
Chapter 34
Jack
The street was zoned off for the opening.
Fall’s breeze wove through the air, kicking leaves down the street.
“I can’t believe so many people are here,” Jess said as I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, trying to put some warmth into her.
She was watching the various news anchors and reporters setting up on the street. The mayor was going to lead the opening for us. Rumor had it Jess was to receive a key to the city for all she’d done with the shelter and the shops.
“I don’t know if I can do this.” She tucked her face into my neck. “What if I stutter or something?”
I pulled her face into my hands. “That isn’t going to happen,” I said indulgingly. She was so adorable when she was nervous. Her eyes brimming with an innocence I wanted to shield. “All these people are here to celebrate you, Jess, and all you’ve accomplished. Just… think about the women. Anchor yourself in knowing this is all for them.”
Her lips found mine as she wrapped her arms around me. I was still getting used to the distance her large belly put between us when we hugged. Our child nestled safely between us. “What would I do without you?”
“Probably go crazy.”
Laughter trickled past her lips. “Probably,” she said as my amusement mixed with hers.
“Mom?” Ciana said as she poked her head out from inside.
After the gender reveal, I’d talked it over with Jess, telling her I thought it would be neat if Ciana could volunteer with the party planners for today’s event to get a feel for how professionals worked. She was all for it.
“Everything is set up. Do you think I could take a break?” Ciana asked, pulling her jacket around her. “Max is a block over at a coffee shop.”
“Do you have your phone?”
“Yes, Mom,” she said, as if that was the craziest question one could ever ask a teenager.
Jess tilted her chin up before turning back to answer her not-so-little-anymore daughter. “Text me when you get there. I want you back here in an hour, okay?”
“Okay.”
“And don’t forget I can track you!” Jess shouted after her as Ciana sprinted down the sidewalk. “I don’t miss being her age.”
“Shit. Me neither.”
“The mayor is here,” Jess’ PR assistant said, holding her iPad against her chest. “We’ll be starting in thirty minutes.”
“Thank you, Amy.”
The next thirty minutes whizzed by in a frenzied commotion. The moment the mayor arrived, pictures were snapped as he introduced himself to Jess. I stood back, never too far away, watching in awe as she spun her magic around him. Had him laughing within seconds.
When it came time for the ceremony, I took my seat off to the side, waiting for my chance to speak. The mayor spoke on her behalf, listing the statistics of women and children in need of shelters, as well as homeless people. Jess was an avid front runner for putting our city on the map for the top shelters in the nation. With this opening, hundreds of women would have a place to stay in comfort.
When he presented her with a key to the city, my cheeks burned from how hard I was smiling as she took it from him, hands shaking, tears streaming down her rosy cheeks. She stood in front of the podium, visibly shaking, putting bravery into her words.
“When I was nearly eighteen, I found out I was pregnant with my beautiful daughter. I was scared and confused. I wasn’t with the father of my child. When my parents found out, I was cast out into the streets to figure things out for myself.
“I know what it feels like to be taken in. The shame that comes with feeling alone and lost. Needing to ask for help from others. That’s why I strive to make every woman who passes through our doors feel anything but shame. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. We all share this great big world together, and everyone finds themselves lost from time to time.
“The world isn’t always as kind to women as it should be. Especially women who don’t fit the mold of being married before becoming pregnant. But that isn’t realistic. It isn’t fair. I want all of you to know that we are all one. And this shelter is only the beginning.
“But I can’t take all the credit or gratitude because without Jack Swanson.” She opened her arm in my direction. “None of this would have been possible. Because of his selfless donations to the shelter, we were able to keep it open. Rebuild. Expand beyond my wildest dreams. And because of him donating this building to our cause, we are now standing here today. Able to help so many more women and children than I ever thought possible.
“I love you, Jack Swanson.”
Clapping erupted as Jess peered over at me, her smile like the sun, nodding as I stood. My heart hammered against my chest as I made my way to the podium. I’d spent weeks preparing this speech, trying to make sure it was perfect for her. But now that it was time, all my careful planning left me.
I kissed her, then tugged on her hand when she tried to take her seat. Stay, I mouthed before turning to the mic. “I’m Jack Swanson,” I said, swallowing. “Though she credits me, it is because of her that I gave what I did. Her strength is admirable. Her love is deep and vast, and she has this way of spreading happiness wherever she goes.
“Watching her at the shelter is magical. The way she brings smiles to everyone’s faces. The way she truly cares about every soul that passes through the door. She’s an inspiration to all of us. Showing us how to love for others as much as we love ourselves.”
I turned to her, trying to contain the rapid beating of my heart as I squeezed her hand. “I love you, Jessica Hinston. From the moment I met you, I was a goner. You’ve changed my life in all the best ways, and you continue to inspire me to be the best man I can be. All I want in this life is to make every one of your dreams come true. To be a part of them as you take flight.”
I dropped to my knee, pulling the small box I’d hidden from her out of my pocket as a hushed excitement passed over the crowd, outweighed by the clicking of cameras.
“Marry me,” I said, opening the box. Holding it up to her. “I want to spend the rest of this crazy life with you, and with our child. With our other children, Ciana and Nic. Let me be the one to take care of you when the day is over, and you’re spent from taking care of others.”
She held her hand out, tears streaming down her face as she emphatically nodded, waiting for me to slide the ring on her finger. “Every day, yes,” she said as I picked her up and spun her around, kissing her cheek and nose and forehead.
When I sat her down, I turned back to the mic and shouted, “She said yes!”
Cheers erupted as the mayor took my hand in his and shook. Questions were being shouted from the reporters. Various people came up to us, offering hugs and congratulations.
We moved to the front doors where the ribbon was, then Jess held up the oversized scissors, waiting for the countdown. My heart felt so full as the mayor stood close by, holding his thumbs up for the cameras as the countdown begun.
“Three!”
“Two!”
“One!”
The moment the scissors sliced through the ribbon, the doors slid open and everyone began entering the new shelter. Jess was standing off to the side, a strange expression on her face. I weeded through the people, making it over to her.
“Jess?”
She glanced down. I followed her gaze, stomach dropping at the sight. Water puddled around her feet. Streamed down her tights.
“Jess?” My heart flapped hard.
A small smile formed on her lips. “It’s time, Jack.”
Chapter 35
Jessica
Graham Avett Swanson was born at four in the afternoon, just as the first snow of the season began to fall.
The moment he was laid across my chest, I started weeping. Jack was right there by my side, rubbing my hair as Graham wrapped his tiny ha
nd around Jack’s finger.
“He’s beautiful.” Tears spilled from his eyes as he kissed my forehead, wiping my hair back. “You both are so beautiful.” He turned to the doctor and nurses. Shouted, “I’m a dad!”
They laughed as they continued working on me. One of the nurses came up behind him, then patted him on the back. “Congrats, Daddy.”
He placed his hand on Graham’s back, and the love that passed through his eyes wrecked me. Here was this beautiful, amazing man by my side. Loving me. Loving our son. Loving my children.
I never thought I’d experience this in my lifetime. Never thought I would be with the man I had a child with, feeling the same love together as we listened for the first cries of life.
Once the nurses took Graham, I told Jack it was okay for him to go with them. He was so eager to see what they were doing with him. Doting. Wanting to be aware of every move.
It gave me a chance to close my eyes. It took nearly six hours for Graham to enter the world. Six long, strenuous hours.
When I awoke, Ciana was sitting on the tiny couch, holding Graham against her chest. “He’s perfect,” she said to Jack, who was right next to her, still holding Graham’s hand.
Jack smiled down at him. “He is, isn’t he?”
Nic was on Ciana’s other side, running his fingers over Graham’s head. “His head is so soft. It’s like velvet.”
“Smell it.” Jack ran his thumb over the back of Graham’s hand. “The new-baby smell is my new favorite. They should bottle and sell it.”
“Weird,” Ciana said, giggling.
“It does smell good,” Nic said after inhaling.
I didn’t move. Didn’t want them to know I was awake. I wanted to soak in this moment. Sear it to my memories where I’d keep it forever. My heart was full of love, bursting with hope, as I watched my little family finally connected. Whole. Exactly as we should have always been.
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