She thrashed beneath him, her hair tangled around her flushed face, and Seth would have been terrified he was hurting her, if she hadn’t kept clawing to drag him closer, the pleasure-thick sounds spilling from her lips pushing him to a place that was dark and intense and stunningly primal. And then she was screaming as she crashed over the edge, coming so hard that she pulled him right along with her, her orgasm lush and tight and devastatingly sweet as it milked him of everything he had, his body pumping into her for long, scalding moments that made him feel as if he was being turned inside out with ecstasy, as well as pain. Even though her fangs had released just as she reached her peak, he eagerly took each of her husky cries into his mouth, loving the way she tasted, unable to get enough of the way she kissed him back as their violent rhythm eased into a slow, gentle thrusting.
When Seth finally forced himself to pull out, knowing her tender body needed time to recoup, he crawled up onto the bed and pulled her against his chest. He wanted so badly to beg her to give up her fight again, but knew it was pointless. It’d taken him years to work his need for revenge out of his system. How could he expect her to give it up after only a few months? And for a man like him? One who refused to give her his vein? Who still broke out in a sweat whenever he imagined her sharp fangs piercing his skin? Though they’d each shown such a deep measure of trust that night, he simply didn’t know if her bite was something he would ever be able to accept.
But it didn’t stop him from dreaming of what could be.
“How does a relationship between a human and a vampire work?” he asked, sifting his fingers through her hair, loving the way those silken waves felt against his skin. Loving even more that she’d trusted him not to hurt her.
“What kind of relationship?” she asked, her fingertip tracing a scar that ran along his ribs.
“The kind that lasts, like marriage. I know it sounds crazy, but after all these years, there’s still a helluva lot I don’t understand about the Deschanel. Do they even believe in marriage ceremonies?”
He could feel the tension creeping into her muscles, a wariness in her tone that hadn’t been there before when she said, “Why are you asking me this?”
“Because I’m curious.” And because I’m madly, desperately in love with you. Because I want to find some way to bind you to me that can never be undone.
He could practically hear her brain working as she tried to figure out where this was leading, her voice hesitant as she finally gave him an answer. “Yes, there are marriages between human males and Deschanel females. It’s also possible for a bond to be made that links the human’s and the vampire’s life forces together, enabling them to sense the other’s emotions—but that’s only if blood is shared between them,” she explained, the words husky and soft. “If that bond is made, it also links their life spans, so that the Deschanel half of the couple isn’t forced to live lifetimes without her male. But the female can’t pass on any of her powers, the way a Deschanel male can when he mates with a human.”
“I couldn’t give a shit about powers,” he rumbled, stroking his hand down her back. “I just want you.”
She shivered in his arms, her breath hitching with a rush of nerves as she said, “But you haven’t let me finish. You see, the Deschanel is only part of my bloodline. As one of the more powerful Alacea females, I’ll most likely create a mental bond with the man I choose to pledge my life to.”
“What kind of bond?” he asked, then immediately winced at the soft note of dread underlying his question.
She kept her cheek pressed to his chest as she answered. “One that would enable me to have complete access to most of his thoughts, memories and emotions.” Her voice was starting to sound a little sharper. “He would have no shields against me, even with my powers as weak as they are.”
“But doesn’t caring about someone blur your connection with them?”
“It does, except in this case. A bonding merely solidifies the connection.” She took a deep breath, then quietly continued. “And while it’s not something I could stop from happening, I would learn to control it, giving him as much privacy as I could when it came to his thoughts, though I hear it’s nearly impossible to control the emotional connection. But it’s not completely one-sided, because he would be able to sense my emotions, as well.”
Seth tried to imagine what it would be like, but couldn’t. All he knew was that he didn’t like the idea of being so open to her.
“I can feel the conflict within you, Seth. The thought of me being able to see into you so clearly makes you uncomfortable.”
“There’s a lot of shit in my past that I wouldn’t want you to be forced to live with,” he said, pulling her up higher on the bed, so that they were lying face-to-face and he could look into her eyes. “But I still want you. After seeing the way I react to you, I don’t think there’s any way you can doubt that, Raine.”
“It sounds crazy,” she murmured, touching his stubbled cheek with her fingertips, “but I think I’m actually starting to believe you. But…” Sadness darkened her eyes, her lower lip trembling as she said, “But sometimes want simply isn’t enough.”
“I think you’re wrong.” He slid his hand over her hip, and satisfaction burned through his veins when she shivered from the simple caress. “The way we are together—that’s a helluva lot more than most couples have.”
And no matter what he had to do, he’d find a way to make it enough. He might not ever be able to give her his blood, but damn it, he’d keep her drenched in pleasure. Keep her so satisfied, she wouldn’t care that she couldn’t bite him…or that he’d kept her from her revenge.
“You know, when you look at me the way you are right now, as if you want to eat me alive, it… I don’t know how to explain it.” A soft smile touched her mouth, her eyes burning with a kind of bright, inner light. “But it makes me feel better than I’ve felt in a long time. So thank you for that. For this. For…everything.”
“I have other ways to make you feel better,” he rasped, running his mouth along the delicate edge of her jaw.
She tilted her head back to give him better access, and gave a soft laugh. “You’re insatiable, McConnell.”
“Just desperate.” He groaned with enough feeling that she actually giggled, the light sound filling him with a poignant shot of pleasure. If he could, he’d spend the rest of his life making her giggle and laugh and smile. Simply making her happy.
“You do know human males are supposed to have low stamina, don’t you?” she teased as he rolled her beneath him, his weight braced on his elbows.
“Yeah, well, I’ve always been an overachiever,” he drawled, and she was still laughing when he pushed back inside her, that sweet sound becoming an even sweeter moan.
As he started to move, Seth’s throat burned with the need to tell her everything. That he was in love with her. Completely. Desperately. That he loved everything about her, every part of her, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But he couldn’t get the words out, too afraid of how she would react, terrified his confession would send her running.
So he gathered her beneath him and took her mouth, pouring everything he felt into the blistering kiss…and showed her with his body instead.
The following morning…
HE WOKE UP ROARING, but Raine had expected nothing less.
After all, there were only so many ways a guy could react when he opened his eyes and found himself cuffed to a bed. And considering she wasn’t a dominatrix, he was probably going to assume that this wasn’t fun and games, but the real deal.
“What the hell?” he growled, jerking at the handcuff she’d taken from his bag and hooked onto his strong wrist, the other end locked around one of the thick iron bars that ran vertically across the sturdy, antique headboard. Even though he was exceptionally strong, she didn’t think he would be able to break free.
“I’m sorry, Seth.” The words were hardly enough to placate him, but they needed to be said. The look of be
trayal burning in his dark eyes cut straight through her like a knife, and she wished there was a way to make him understand. She had to at least try…
Quietly, she said, “I can’t forget what Seton said about Calder.” Her hands wrapped around the strap of the pack she’d thrown over her shoulder, the grip so tight her fingers tingled. “So I called my parents in the middle of the night and asked them to come here. They’re waiting in the kitchen, and they’re going to watch over you until I let them know that it’s okay to let you go.” She paused as she realized she might not be able to contact them if things went badly, then added, “Or in a few days, if, um, something happens and I can’t get in touch with them.”
He pushed himself up into a sitting position, his jaw locked so tight it bulged at the sides. “And just where do you think you’re going without me?”
“Kellan called last night while you were in the shower. They’ve found the last Marker. I’m going to meet them in Paris today, where we’ll try to form the map. And then once that’s done, we’ll be going into Meridian.”
“And you think you’re going with them?” he demanded, the muscles in his chest and shoulders bunching with rage.
She nodded, and he strained against the cuff so violently that his skin started to tear beneath the metal, the scent of his blood filling the room.
“Please, don’t do that!” She fought the urge to move closer to the bed, her eyes filling with tears. “You’re hurting yourself!”
“You can’t leave me here!” he roared, his deep voice bellowing with fury and fear. He twisted around, the sheet tangling around his hips as he used his free hand to wrench and pull on the wrought-iron headboard, but it wouldn’t budge. Finally, he stopped the violent struggle and lowered his head, his breath rattling between his parted lips. “Damn it, Raine, you can’t do this.” He turned his head, locking that searing gaze with hers. “You can’t do this to a man who’s falling in love with you!”
She reeled, her heart stuttering as those rough words slammed into her. Shaking, she swallowed, then somehow managed to say, “If that’s true, Seth, then it’s even more important that I do this.”
“How the hell does that make any sense?”
“If my life is ever going to be worth anything, then I have to know that I did everything I could to make sure that Rietta’s killers pay for what happened to her.”
“Then let me do it,” he growled. “Stay here with your parents and trust me to do this for you. I’ll get you the revenge you need. I promise you. But I need you to be safe.”
“I can’t,” she cried. “You heard what Seton said. If you go into Meridian with the others, they’re going to kill you.”
“You think I’m that easy to kill?” His expression tightened with a savage mix of anger and frustration. “Jesus, Raine. When are you going to realize that I can take care of myself?”
“I know you can. But they’re going to target you because of me. And that’s not fair, Seth. They were my mistakes, which means this has to be my fight.”
“Like hell it does. When you love someone, you share the fights,” he argued in a low voice, the look in his dark eyes tearing all the way to her soul. “I’d do anything for you, Raine. Anything. But if you walk out that door and leave me here, then we’re done.”
She flinched, her heart hammering as she took a step back, feeling as if he’d just dealt her a physical blow. “You can’t blame me, Seth. You did the same to me yesterday. And I forgave you, because I knew you only acted out of fear for my safety. I’m just doing the same thing.”
“It’s not the same, damn it!”
“Why? Because you’re the man and I’m the woman?”
“Yes. No. I don’t fucking know,” he seethed, his corded throat working as he swallowed. “But just because I know you’re a strong woman doesn’t mean I want to see you in the middle of a battlefield! I don’t want to lose you!”
She didn’t want to lose him, either. But she had to do this. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life like this. Didn’t want to carry the crushing weight of guilt and failure with her every second of every day. It had taken Seth years to purge his demons. If they were ever going to have a chance, she would have to do the same.
“If you still want,” she whispered, “then we can talk when this is over.”
“You know, I knew it was going to come to this. That you’d run.” His voice cracked at the end, but he shook his head and latched back on to his anger, his words coming hard and sharp. “I knew you were never going to have the guts to give me a chance.”
“I hate that you feel that way, because it’s not true. I just want to keep you alive, Seth. I can’t let you throw your life away because of me. And I can’t let you keep me from doing what I came here for.”
He stared back at her, his cold gaze completely stripped of the warmth that she’d come to love. “You shut that door, and that’s it,” he muttered. “Don’t bother crawling back.”
The words were cruel, but she could see the hurt in the grim lines of his expression and knew he was striking out at her any way he could. Her tears flowed hard and fast and free, and for the first time in what felt like forever, she didn’t try to stop them. It would have been impossible. They were coming from too deep inside her. A place that lay even deeper than her guilt.
“I’ll try it, anyway, if I come through this in one piece.”
“Jesus, Raine. Think about what you’re doing. Are you really willing to break a sacred covenant? Do you know what that will mean? If the Grangers tell the Deschanel Court, the vampires will look down on you forever. Are you honestly willing to live with that for revenge?”
“No,” she said from the doorway, choking on her tears, “but I’m willing to live with that for you.”
Then she closed the door behind her.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Mount Agri, Turkey
Late the following afternoon…
NO MATTER WHAT Raine did, nothing felt right, as if she’d left Italy without a limb…or her heart.
No. Don’t think like that, she silently scolded, following the others as they trekked their way deeper into the mountain. You don’t have time for it.
And she honestly didn’t. Traveling through an ancient tunnel that’d been carved into a mountain was harder than she’d thought it would be. But then, since the moment she’d walked away from Seth, nothing had been easy. She missed him so much she could barely function…and she wasn’t the only one wishing he was there.
When Raine had met up with the Watchmen in Paris, the first thing Kellan Scott had asked her was, “Where the hell’s McConnell?” She’d claimed they’d had an argument and he’d stormed off, leaving his bag and phone behind, shouting that he was done with her and the war. And while the others were clearly finding her version of events difficult to believe, at least no one had come right out and called her a liar. Instead, they’d grumbled and cursed, and then they’d gotten to work on the Markers, trying to create the map that would lead them all to Meridian.
Kierland had booked the group a massive suite at the hotel, and almost everyone from Harrow House had been there, with the exception of a few of the women and Aiden Shrader’s adopted daughter. Even Aiden and Quinn had made it, hurrying back from Russia, where they’d been dealing with the latest Infettato attack. As long as the Death-Walkers were around, they were going to keep turning humans…keep creating chaos and spreading fear, and Raine knew it was a concern to everyone on the mission. After all, the moment they used the Dark Markers to kill the Casus shades, the monsters would be sent to hell…and the Death-Walkers would be released by the hundreds. Maybe even the thousands. Then it was really going to be a race against the clock to get the death journal deciphered, so that they could find a way to kill the psychotic creatures and save the world.
Wanting to help in any way that she could, Raine had tried using her powers to get a read on the Death-Walkers and their cursed Infettato, but she’d been unable to pick up anything
from either species. That was another downside to having betrayed Seth. Ever since she’d left him cuffed to that damn bed, her powers had been growing weaker. With that one act, she’d managed to put herself back into a negative spiral of guilt and self-loathing, and she was now paying the price for her betrayal.
Though she’d wanted to simply go and hide away in a corner, where she could have some quiet time to try and sort out the chaotic mess of her emotions, she had put on a brave face, knowing damn well that there was work to be done. She and the others had spent hours in that hotel suite, placing the twelve Dark Markers into different configurations, doing everything they could to create some kind of map—and then she’d finally seen it. Not landforms or coastlines. Not rivers or roads. Not coordinates or a diagram or even a map. But one simple word.
Ararat.
When Raine had pointed it out to the others, they’d frowned, not a single one of them making the connection. Rolling her eyes, she’d said, “Oh, come on. Are you telling me that I’m the only one here who ever went to Sunday school?”
“Sunday school?” Aiden had snorted, while someone else had muttered, “Is anyone else as confused as I am?”
Looking around the group, Raine had said, “Mount Ararat is the mountain where Noah landed the ark after the flood. It’s actually a mountain in Turkey called Mount Agri.”
“No shit? I know that name,” Gideon had drawled, a wide smile spreading across his gorgeous face. The vampire had joined up with them a few hours after they’d gathered at the hotel, everyone agreeing that it was more important to have him there rather than waiting for Westmore to show back in Italy. And since Spark had finally been transferred to one of the Italian Watchmen compounds, Liam had been able to come along, as well.
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