by S. M. Shade
“What’s wrong?”
A guilty grin spreads across his face. “Um…I forgot to tie up the boat.” He points to the shadow bobbing in the dark about ten feet away.
“Airen!” I slap his chest. “My shirt is in there!”
“Guess you’ll have to swim back naked.” He laughs and hands me my panties and jeans, slipping his boxers on.
“Shh, someone will hear us.” I’m standing topless in the middle of a pond, the lantern illuminating my nudity like a spotlight.
“Oh…okay,” he whispers with an impish grin before running and leaping into the air. He tucks his knees and does a cannonball into the chilly water. If they failed to hear the splash, I’m sure his hoot as he surfaced gave us away.
“What the hell are you doing?” I demand, fighting to keep the amusement from my voice.
“Right now I’m trying to find my left testicle. Then I’m going after the boat. Sit tight.”
“Air, it’s too dark.”
“I can see fine. Stay put. I’ll be just a minute.” True to his word, I see him hoist himself into the boat and the splash of oars slicing through the water grows louder a few minutes later.
“Are you okay?” I ask when he steps on the raft, handing me my shirt.
“My nipples could cut glass.”
Giggling, I tug his dry shirt over his head. “You’re crazy.”
He grabs my hips and jerks me against him, his lips landing on mine in a passionate kiss. “You’re my life, Abigail. My heart.”
“Multiply that times eternity and you might come close to how I feel about you.”
It’s late when we return to the camper and I’m asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I wake just before dawn when I realize I can’t feel Airen’s warm body beside me. He sitting on the edge of the bed, gazing out the small window.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Yeah, go back to sleep, darlin’.” He crawls over and lies beside me.
Bullshit. He’s had another nightmare. “What are the nightmares about?”
“Don’t…I’m not…I can’t. Don’t ask me.”
“Okay, just listen. We’ve heard enough to figure out the broad strokes. You just correct me if I’m wrong.” When he doesn’t argue, I go on. “You were sexually abused as a child and the nightmares are flashbacks, making you relive the abuse.”
He buries his face in my neck, hiding from me, and I feel awful making him face this, forcing him, but he has to come to terms with it. Holding him tight, I ask, “Am I wrong, Air?” Please, let me be wrong.
My heart is sliced in two when a dry sob shakes his body as he whispers, “No.” Somebody hurt him. Somebody touched him, or—please no—raped him when he was a child.
“I love you, Airen. I love you. Do you hear me? I’m so sorry someone hurt you, but it doesn’t change a goddamn thing. It doesn’t affect how I see you, and Joseph will feel the same. You have to know that.”
He nods against my neck, drawing in a watery breath. “No more. Not tonight. Please.” His pain is palpable and all I know to do is hold him, let him feel I’m here.
“No more,” I agree. “Let’s go back to sleep.” After a few minutes, he relaxes and his breath evens out. It takes me forever to fall back to sleep while visions of a small dark-eyed boy haunt me.
* * * *
Every muscle in my body aches when I wake the next morning, an instant reminder of my morning with Joseph and my night with Airen. They better make up soon or I’m going to be fucked to death. My eyes are barely open when Jon steps inside the camper, laughing as I scrabble around for the blanket to cover my nudity. “Get the fuck out!”
“Fuck, Gail.” He sneers. “I thought things were supposed to improve with age.”
Instead of the usual shame, rage streaks through my veins. “My life has improved. That’s more than you can say. Now get out.”
“Things are looking up at the moment. We have the place to ourselves. Tell me, have you learned to give a decent blow job? I’m a little on edge today and I’m worried what might come spilling out of my mouth in front of your friends.”
He’s gone completely insane. I’m on my feet in half a second, the blanket held so tight around me my hands ache. “Get away from me!”
“Have you told them yet, Gail? Do they know they’re fucking a whore? I don’t imagine it’ll come as any surprise to them since they pass you back and forth like a joint.”
“What do you want? Why are you even here? You could’ve told them all this shit and been long gone by now if you just wanted to fuck things up for me.”
“This is the most fun I’ve had in years,” he says with a laugh. “Watching you freak out over that old diary was classic psycho Gail behavior. It must be nerve racking though, trying to balance this teetering pile of lies you told them, knowing at any second, I can bring it all crashing down.”
“I haven’t lied to them.”
“Your whole Abby act is a lie and you know it. You’re trying to play the poor innocent single mom. I wonder what they’ll think of the pictures of their sweet girl blowing other men. Oh, and the videos! Did you know I had videos? They were quite a success on the internet before the plague. Which should I show them first?
“Of course, I might be persuaded to keep them to myself. There’s obviously a shortage of women so I’m willing to settle, to roll in the gutter a bit. Who knows? Maybe you’ve learned a thing or two in the last fourteen years. You’re going to go to Florida with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you!”
“You’ll beg to come with me after they’re done with you, and we both know that day is fast approaching. You have a choice. You can leave with me and they can remember you as Abby, or I can fill their heads with tales and images they’ll never forget, and they can remember you for the whore you really are.”
“I’d rather be dead than with you.”
“That threat doesn’t work with me, sugar. You know that.”
“Just get out. Airen will kill you if you’re here when he comes back.”
Jon laughs. “I’ll break that boy in half.”
“He’s stronger than you’ve ever been,” I scoff, unable to resist taunting him. “Solid muscle and a dick that never goes soft.” I don’t know what made me say it, where I got the guts, but I strike a nerve.
“You little bitch.” Before he can take a second step toward me, the camper door closes with a loud thwack, and I look up into Joseph’s angry eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing in here?” he demands.
“Relax, I came to tell you everyone’s meeting at the shooting range in a few minutes.”
“You stay the fuck away from her.” Joseph steps in front of me.
Jon laughs as he turns to leave. “Don’t worry, man. She’ll come to me.”
As soon as he’s gone, Joseph glares at me. “What the hell was that about, Abby? How long was he here? Why aren’t you dressed?” Intimidated by his demanding questions and angry tone, I slump onto the bed.
“He…I just woke up and he was here.”
“What did he say to you?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit, Abby! You’re white as a sheet. Did he touch you?”
“No! I swear!” He’s so pissed.
“I told you I don’t want you alone with him.”
“I don’t want to be. He just showed up. Why are you blaming me?”
“Fuck,” he mumbles, swallowing back his anger, and taking a seat beside me. When his warm arms embrace me, my head rests on his shoulder and I feel my fear and panic begin to abate. “I’m sorry, ladybug. It’s not your fault. But there are things you aren’t telling me and I don’t trust that asshole one bit. Where’s Airen?”
“I don’t know.”
“All right. Get dressed. We have to get prepared for tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
“We’re going in after the kids. Then we’re getting the hell out of here. Nothing has been right since we left.” Th
e cold trickle of fear down my spine becomes a surging river.
Everyone is waiting for us when we join the group at our makeshift shooting range. “Hey, sleepyhead,” Airen says, leaning to drop a kiss on my forehead. “I was just getting ready to come get you.”
“Impeccable timing,” Joseph growls, and Airen glares at him. The tension between them is thick, and everyone looks uncomfortable except Jon, who’s not even attempting to hide his grin. He’s happy with his latest attempt to stir up shit. My chest tightens at the thought that he isn’t finished. I know he’ll get jumped by a group of angry men if he starts insulting me, but that won’t keep them from hearing his accusations. And I’m not a good liar.
Nic grins at me and says, “Good morning. Did all the racket keep you awake last night?”
Like a dumbass, I walk right into it. “What racket? I didn’t hear anything.”
“Yeah, it was weird. Sounded like it was coming from the pond. Lots of splashing.”
I feel my cheeks heat up as I mumble, “Must’ve been some ducks.” I’m such a bad liar.
“Damn big ducks,” Nic teases.
Airen quacks and everyone cracks up. He grabs me around the waist from behind, laughing when I try to slap him. “Ducks? That’s the best you could come up with?”
“I didn’t see any ducks, but I got a good look at a full moon,” Troy says, winking at me. At least their teasing lightens the mood.
“Okay,” Mac speaks up, pointing to the rows of cans set up along the sawhorses. “Let’s just take some practice shots and warm up. Then we’ll see who’s got the goods. Sammy, stay behind these hay bales unless we tell you it’s safe to move.”
“Duh. Wasn’t gonna play Frogger with speeding bullets,” he scoffs.
Airen cuffs him lightly on the back of the head. “Don’t be a smartass.”
Sammy grins up at him. “Bet I’m a better shot than you.”
“Dream on boy.”
“If you win, I’ll haul your firewood for the next two days.”
Airen grins at him. “And if you win?”
“I get your silver fishing pole.” I laugh out loud at his terms. Airen adores that damn pole. Nic and Troy exchange a smile at Sammy’s behavior. He seems like a different kid. Airen may be messed up over what happened to Sammy, but it’s obvious he got through to him.
After we insert our earplugs and put on our safety glasses, the sound of gunshots fill the air. Spread out in a line behind the hay bales, we take turns, five at a time, so it’s hard to tell who hits what, but I know I’m knocking them down.
After a quick break to reset the cans, we agree to shoot one at a time. I’m happy they’ve included me, Sammy, and Diane, even though we aren’t accompanying them tomorrow. Shooting takes my mind off my worries and lets my nervous stomach settle.
Though it was Sammy and Airen’s little bet that turned this into a contest, it seems to bring out everyone’s competitive instincts. Making it a game helps us forget we’re training to kill actual human beings and that we may be killed in the process. I haven’t said anything yet, but I have no intention of being left behind tomorrow.
“Okay,” Mac announces, jogging back to join us, “there are five sets of ten cans. Let’s see who can hit the most out of ten.” Sammy goes first, and the boy can shoot. Eight cans lie on the grass when he’s finished.
“That silver pole is mine,” he brags. Troy laughs, shaking his head. “What are you laughing at?” Sammy asks with a smile. “You couldn’t hit the ground with a scope and a laser.”
“All right,” Airen intercedes. “Let me teach this boy some humility.”
“They say those that can’t do, teach,” I reply with a shrug, earning me a slap on the ass. Airen mows down the cans one after another until the last. I don’t know if he got overconfident and moved too fast or what, but he misses the final shot. When he instantly scowls at the weapon, everyone laughs.
“Don’t even try to blame the gun!” Nic laughs. Airen glares at him, muttering something about the sighting being off. A grin spreads across his face as his hand falls on Sammy’s shoulder.
“Make sure that wood is good and dry.” I can’t hear Sammy’s mumbled response, but I doubt it’s complimentary. The contest resumes and we quickly learn who can aim and who can’t. Gary, Mac, and Diane all tie at seven cans. Jon and Eric manage six. Troy appears embarrassed when only three cans fall to the ground. “I’m not sure the third one counts,” Airen teases. “It was teetering on the edge.”
“Shut up. It counts,” Joseph snaps, drawing a glare from Airen. Shit. It was going so well. They haven’t spoken to one another, but it wasn’t awkward.
Nic steps between them and hands me a rifle as if nothing happened. “Your turn, Abby.” I’m usually a good shot, but with everyone staring at me, I’ll probably miss them all. My palms are damp and sweat trickles down my sides as I line up my shot.
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, squeezing the trigger just before my next inhale. As usual, the pop of the gun makes me wince, and I curse as I see all ten cans still upright. “You nicked it,” Nic reassures me.
“Bullshit,” Jon scoffs, earning him dirty looks from everyone.
“It moved, Abby,” Nic insists.
“It’s okay, I missed.”
“Let’s say half a point,” Eric speaks up. “It did move.” Jon huffs again, shaking his head, arms crossed across his chest. He’s pissing me off.
“Why don’t you run out there and check, Jon?” I ask, raising the gun again. “See if I can hit a moving target.” His mouth opens to spit some hateful retort when he realizes all eyes are on him and thinks better of it. Apparently, anger helps me focus because I make the next nine cans my bitch. When the last one tumbles through the air, I’m scooped up from behind.
“Good job, darlin’!” Airen exclaims, kissing my cheek.
“All right, Annie Oakley, my turn,” Joseph says with a grin.
When eight of ten cans litter the ground, Nic laughs. “You both got beat by your girl,” he teases, lining up his first shot. The laughter fades as we watch him nail all ten cans in a row as if he did it every day. Troy’s little grin tells me he’s aware of his boyfriend’s marksmanship skills and proud of him.
“So,” Nic turns to face us. “I win, Abby’s second, Airen’s third, and Joseph’s fourth.” When the only response he gets is a number of gaping jaws, he laughs. “Did I forget to mention I was in the army?”
“You were in the military?” Jon asks.
“Four years. I was a medic in Iraq.”
Gunshots ring out for the rest of the afternoon as we try out our man shaped targets and discover who can hit a bullseye from the longest distance. Nic is always the winner with Airen and me neck and neck behind him. “Christ, Abby,” Nic exclaims with a grin. “You’ve really never shot one of these before?”
“Nope.” He’s making my day.
“You could wait across the street when we go in, keep a sight on any runners.”
“No,” Airen snaps. “She stays here.”
“Honestly, man. She’s a natural. Give her a rifle with a scope, she could take them out without putting herself in danger.”
“I said no. End of discussion, Nic.”
Joseph scoffs, and Airen glares at him. “You want to put her in danger?”
“Air, stop,” I intercede.
Ignoring me, Joseph continues, “Where the fuck were you when Jon was in her face in the camper this morning?”
“What?” Airen spins to face me, and Jon chuckles.
“He just came in!” I exclaim.
“She was still naked, wrapped in a blanket when I showed up, and terrified. So don’t give me shit about putting her in danger!” Gary steps in front of Airen before he can get to Jon or Joseph. At this point, I’m not sure who he’s more pissed at.
“If I catch you anywhere near my wife, I’ll fucking end you,” Airen warns Jon, who wisely keeps his mouth shut for a change. “And don’t you dare lecture
me on how to treat her when you broke up with her. After everything I told you, after all your promises, you tried to leave her!” Airen shouts at Joseph.
Great. That’s something I wanted everyone to know. My face colors with embarrassment while everyone watches the drama. A look of dismay ripples across Joseph’s face as he glances at me.
“Enough!” Gary thunders. “I don’t give a fuck what goes on between you. We have a fucking job to do tomorrow and no idea what kind of shit we’re walking into. Get your priorities straight and pull your heads out of your asses before you get us all killed!”
An uncomfortable silence falls over the group as Gary’s words sink in. Finally, Troy grins at Nic and says, “You’re the medic. Surely, you’ve had enough proctology training to retrieve their heads.”
Airen’s snort of laughter triggers the rest of us, and I smile at Troy. I need to speak to him before tomorrow. I have so much to apologize for. Sobering, Gary turns to Jon and murmurs something Jon apparently didn’t want to hear. He walks away, grumbling, a severe look on his face.
“All right. Now that the soap opera is over, listen up,” Gary announces. “We need a plan for tomorrow so I suggest we meet back up after dinner and figure it out.”
After agreeing, the group breaks up, and I take Joseph’s hand. “Come with me.” My tone leaves no room for argument, and he allows me to lead him to Airen. Grasping his hand as well, I drag them toward the RV. “I want to talk to both of you.”
“Abigail,” Airen says, his voice holding a warning.
“Shut up and listen. Gary’s right. You two have the worst damn timing. We need to be on the same side tomorrow.”
“We’re on the same side. Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean…” Airen trails off.
“Say it, Air. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? What if one of you doesn’t come back? You want the last thing you said to Joseph to be some hateful remark?”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t care,” he finishes. “You know I won’t let anything happen to Joseph.” He stares at Joseph and adds, “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Joseph swallows audibly. “I’ve always got your back, Airen. I don’t know exactly what’s going on in your head, but, please, try to deal with it when this is over. Don’t just…shove me aside,” he murmurs. Visions of his parents and their abandonment flash through my head, and I know this must be tearing him apart.