by S. M. Shade
“I have to raise it, be the father, even if it’s Emma’s. It isn’t fair to either of you.”
Airen plants a soft kiss on my lips. “We’ll love your child like it’s ours. It’s part of you. How could we not?” When I think it’s impossible to love these two people more, they blindside me.
“Okay, let’s do this,” Abby says with a smile.
Arms linked, we return to the front lawn where an uncomfortable group of people are gathered. “Mom, are you okay?” Jayla asks.
“I’m getting married, honey. I’m fantastic. Will you get the kids?” She squeals and hugs Abby before heading indoors.
Emma’s face turns red as her hopes of ruining my wedding die. “I’m pregnant,” she repeats, as if we may have missed the news.
She steps back when I stalk toward her, pointing a finger an inch from her face. “I’ll deal with you later. Today, I’m marrying my girl and my man, and if you open your fucking mouth again you’ll spend the next hour tied to a chair. You aren’t ruining our day.”
“So, you’d leave me alone with a baby?”
Before I can answer, Abby steps forward, a wicked smile on her face. “Joseph will raise his baby. Your child will be lucky to have him, but let’s get something clear. The child will have him. His time, his kindness, his love. His baby will have him, not you.
It seems you need it spelled out for you, and now, here in front of our friends and family is as good a time as any. So listen close. He’s not yours. In a few minutes, he’ll be my husband and Airen’s, and nothing you do or say will change that. You can’t have him. Not his friendship, not his time, and definitely not his love. We have his heart.”
The kids barge out the front door, Walker in the lead. “Are you getting married now, Daddy?”
“Sure am. Ready to make Uncle Airen into Daddy Airen?” Walker beams, nodding. “Then let’s go.”
I slide my arm around Abby’s shoulder while Airen takes my hand. A warm safe feeling sweeps through me as we make our way to the willow. The ceremony is short and sweet. After we’re pronounced, I kiss Airen senseless, then grab Abby’s sweet lips with mine. I forget everyone is watching as she takes my mouth with unrestrained passion. I’m returned to reality when Airen grabs me by the hair and pulls me away to kiss him again, making everyone laugh.
“Airen Holder, you have to share,” I tease.
“Joseph Holder, you’re mine now and I can take your mouth whenever the hell I want.” He drops his voice so only I can hear and bites my earlobe. “And however I want.”
“Are you really gonna sleep outside tonight?” Walker asks, riding piggy back on Airen while Lane sits on my shoulders as we walk home to celebrate.
“Yep. In a tent. You’re gonna hang out with Julie.”
We thought it’d be fun to pitch a tent beneath the willow and spend our honeymoon night there. It was Airen’s idea. He can play gruff all he wants, but there’s a romantic hiding in there. We spend the rest of the day eating and drinking and hanging out with Nic and Troy since they’ll be heading home soon.
We’re the last ones to call it a night and head to our tent. The sky is lightening by the time we actually cuddle up to sleep, our groans and cries of ecstasy still echoing through the woods.
* * * *
It’s just after breakfast when Julie knocks on our door, a serious look on her face. “We need to talk,” she announces, glancing at Abby and Airen as they enter the room. “All of us.”
A few minutes later, we’re seated around the kitchen table. “What do you intend to do about the baby?” Julie demands. It’s been nearly a month since we found out about Emma’s pregnancy, and I’ve had no contact with her. I know I should be playing some part in the pregnancy, but I don’t want to upset Abby. Things have been going so well.
“I plan to raise it,” I reply.
“Then you need to start now.” Julie gazes at us with a mixture of sympathy and disapproval. “I understand. You just got married and all you want to do is be with each other, but your honeymoon period is over. You can’t just ignore what’s going on. I went to check on Emma this morning and she’s sick as a dog.”
“Morning sickness?” Abby asks, placing a glass of iced tea in front of Julie.
“Hangover,” Julie replies, grimly.
My stomach clenches. “She’s drinking?” The bitch is drinking while she’s carrying my baby. Airen’s hand tightens on my shoulder, silently warning me to control my anger.
“Apparently. I don’t have to tell you what kind of damage that can do to a developing fetus. When I questioned her, she said nobody wants the baby anyway.”
“So it’s okay to give it brain damage!” Abby exclaims. “Fucking mother of the year.” She turns to me. “Joseph, you have to do something.”
“You need to talk to her,” Julie agrees. “She shouldn’t be living alone while she’s pregnant. Try to get her to agree to move in with me until she has the baby. I can keep an eye on her, make sure she takes care of herself.”
Airen lays his hand on my nape when I rest my forehead on my palm. How did I get myself into this? I don’t want this. “What makes you think she’ll listen to me?”
“Because she wants you and you’re the father.” Julie turns to Abby. “I’m sorry. I know this isn’t easy, but we have to think of the baby’s health first.”
Abby nods and gazes at me for a moment before taking my hand. “You have to convince her you want the child. I trust you. Go talk to her, take her a gift for the baby. I know what it’s like to go through a pregnancy alone. If she thinks you don’t care, who knows what she’ll do?”
Abby’s putting up a good front, but I’m not fooled for a second. I believe she trusts me, but still, sending me to take care of the woman I cheated with has to hurt. “Just make it clear you’re there for the baby, not for her enjoyment.”
“I love you, ladybug.”
“I know. Now go take care of your baby.” Before I leave, Abby hands me a yellow sleeper printed with tiny giraffes, and an unopened pack of three pacifiers. “This stuff is new. I never used it with Lane. Make sure she thinks you picked it out. Trust me, it makes a difference.”
I take her mouth in a long slow kiss, the kind I know makes her toes curl. “Thank you. You’re amazing.”
“And you’re going to reward me with that mouth tonight,” she says with a smile that doesn’t quite touch her eyes. “Now go.”
I can’t resist a glance back through our kitchen window as I head across the yard to Emma’s. The sight of Abby diving into Airen’s arms, a miserable expression on her face, makes me regret it. I regret so much. I don’t know how we’re going to make it through this pregnancy, and what about after the baby’s born? I’ll always have to have contact with Emma, and Abby will always be hurt by it.
Emma seems shocked, but not unhappy to see me at her door. She looks like shit. Dark circles ring her eyes, her hair is a mess, and she’s lost weight when she should be gaining. The sight of her obvious disregard for our baby’s health pisses me off.
“What are you doing here?” she asks, trying to sound disinterested as she motions for me to come in. The living room is a pig sty. Clothes and food encrusted plates are scattered hell to breakfast.
“We need to talk.” She steps back when I turn to face her. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, drinking when you’re pregnant?”
She scoffs. “Don’t pretend you give a shit.”
“I care about the health of the baby. I don’t understand you, Emma. You got what you wanted. Fucked me when I was too trashed to know what the hell was going on. You got pregnant, which I assume was your aim. Now you don’t care about the baby?”
The expression on her face when I accuse her of deliberately conceiving tells me I’m right on target. “I didn’t want this,” she whispers, sitting on the edge of the couch.
“We both know what happened that night. You planned every second, didn’t you? I couldn’t understand why. Why anyone would want to f
uck someone who was practically comatose. I never even considered…” I shake my head, taking a deep breath to control my rising anger. “It’s over and done now, Emma. At least give me the truth.”
Defiant eyes meet mine. “Yes, I knew I was ovulating and the time was perfect.”
I’ve never wanted to choke a bitch so bad. “Why? To break up me and Abby?”
“Yes,” she hisses. “If she wasn’t in the picture, you’d see how good we’d be together. I love you. I’m going to have your baby. We can be a family.”
“You don’t love me,” I scoff. “You don’t even know me. I have a family. I want to make one thing clear right now. This baby will be part of my family. I’ll love and care for it the same as Walker. I’ll make sure you’re healthy and have what you need through the pregnancy, but there’s nothing between us. Do you understand?”
Her lip trembles as she replies, “You called me Abby.” She shakes her head at my confusion. “When we were fucking, when you came you called me Abby. I never had a chance, did I?”
“No. I love her. Nothing can make me leave her.”
She nods and her chest rises on a deep sigh. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
“You’re going to stay with Julie until the baby’s born. You’re going to stop drinking, eat healthy, and take vitamins. You’re going to learn the first lesson of being a parent. It doesn’t matter what you want anymore. Your child’s needs and wants come first.”
“Will you come to the check-ups with Julie?” she asks quietly.
“Yes, I’ll be there.”
“Without Abby.”
“Without Abby,” I agree grimly, pulling out the baby stuff Abby gave me. “This is for the little one, just to get started.”
Her eyes well up at the sight of the tiny sleeper. “You got this for him?”
“Yes, and I’ll be there every step, but you have to do your part. You have to take care of yourself.”
“Okay,” she agrees.
“You’ll stay with Julie?” She nods and wipes her eyes. “Eric and Carson will be here soon to help you get your stuff, and Julie will let me know when you have an exam.”
She grabs my arm as I start for the door. “Joseph, thank you.”
The next few months go as smoothly as can be expected. The only contact I have with Emma is during her medical checkups. Abby just smiles and asks how the baby’s doing after each one. Otherwise, we go about our lives as if there isn’t a clock ticking down the days until I’m the father of another woman’s child.
When it comes time for the ultrasound to determine the sex, Emma insists it only be the two of us. “It’s her decision,” Abby says with a shrug. “What are you hoping for?”
“Ten fingers and toes, everything where it’s supposed to be,” I reply, kissing her forehead.
“It’s okay to be excited, Joseph. Go find out and get your ass back here to celebrate.” She squeezes my ass and drops a quick kiss on my lips.
Julie leads me back to the bedroom where Emma lies on her back, her swollen stomach bare. At almost six months along, her belly is huge. God, don’t let it be twins. “You sure there’s only one in there?” I tease, poking her belly.
Emma grins. “Feels like a litter.”
“Okay,” Julie says, squeezing some clear goo on Emma’s stomach and beginning the scan. “Let’s see how the little one’s doing.” After a few minutes of taking measurements, Julie smiles at Emma. “Everything looks normal.”
“Can you tell the sex?” Emma asks.
“You’re having an active little girl,” she announces, squeezing Emma’s hand before hugging me. “Congratulations.”
My eyes tear up. A daughter. I’m having a daughter. Emma smiles up at me. “A girl,” I whisper. She nods, sitting up and cleaning her stomach. I have to tell Abby and Airen. I’m having a girl! “You okay?” I ask Emma, and she nods again.
“I’m happy.”
“Take care of yourself,” I warn before darting from the house. The sight of Airen and Abby waiting in the front yard makes me laugh. “A girl!” I cry, unable to hide my joy.
Abby jumps into my arms. “Congratulations! A little girl!”
She giggles, and I cover her face with kisses while Airen slaps me on the back and exclaims, “Let’s go celebrate!”
Late that night, Airen snores beside me while Abby lies wrapped in my arms, quiet. She’s been so supportive through this whole thing, but I know it’s eating at her. “Talk to me, ladybug.”
“Mmm, about what?” she murmurs, rolling to her back.
“I know this hasn’t been easy for you.”
“I’m really happy for you, Joseph.”
“But?”
She sighs, and closes her eyes. “She’s giving you something I didn’t. There’ll always be this link, a bond between you that we don’t have. It’s hard not to be jealous.”
“It should’ve been you,” I murmur, placing my head on the soft swell of her breast, my fingers stroking her flat belly. “My first thought when Julie announced the sex was that I should’ve had a little Abby coming. With your beautiful hair and soft brown eyes. More than anything, I wish it was you.”
“Your daughter will be beautiful, and I’ll love her like my own.” Soft hands play through my hair.
“Emma will never mean anything to me, sweetheart. She’s a surrogate, an incubator. There’s no connection.”
“Have you thought of a name?”
“I imagine Emma will choose.”
“Then it’ll be Josephine,” Abby replies with a giggle.
“I love you, silly girl.”
“I love you too.”
The remainder of the pregnancy passes without any problems. It’s a freezing cold day in early January when Jayla knocks on the door to tell me Emma’s in labor. “She said only Joseph should come,” she adds, steam puffing from her lips. “She’s in the back bedroom.”
Airen laughs at the terrified look on my face. “Relax, Joey. It’ll be fine. All you have to do is be there. Emma and Julie will do the hard stuff.”
Abby hugs me. “If Airen can do it without passing out, you’ll be fine. Go meet your daughter.”
“Go,” Airen adds. “We’ll catch up in a little while. We’ll stay in the living room so she doesn’t know.”
Relief fills me at the thought of them being close by. It’s short lived, destroyed by the look on Julie’s face when I step through the door. “What is it? Is the baby in trouble?”
“No.” She hushes me and leads me down the hall. “The baby’s fine. Emma’s blood pressure is a little high, that’s all. We’ll just have to monitor her closely.”
“Okay, what should I do?”
Julie’s smile is sweet. “Just let her know you’re here. I know this isn’t the ideal situation, but you need to let go of any grudge for the moment. We need to keep her calm.”
Calm. The next six hours are anything but calm. They’re filled with Emma’s screams and pleas to get the baby out now. My hand is bruised from her grip. At just past midnight, my daughter comes into the world, red-faced, screaming, and absolutely beautiful.
“Is she okay?” Emma cries. “Let me see her!”
Jayla lays the tiny baby on Emma’s belly and says, “She’s perfect.”
Tears stream down Emma’s face. “I’d like to name her Natalie, after my sister.”
“That’s a lovely name,” I agree, staring in awe at the squirming, wailing bundle. Jayla takes her from Emma and begins to clean her up, wrapping her in a soft blanket before putting her in my arms.
It feels like she weighs nothing at all. I sit on the bed beside Emma so she can see her. “She looks like you. I hoped she would,” Emma whispers, her voice weak. “Tell me you can love her, Joseph.”
I can’t stop staring at this little miracle in my arms. My daughter. “I’ll always love and protect her,” I swear. I jump when Emma’s entire body begins to convulse, twitching and shaking violently.
“Shit! Get back!
” Jayla orders while Julie draws a syringe full of clear liquid, injecting it in Emma’s IV.
“What’s happening?”
“Her blood pressure is too high. Take the baby out of here. Keep her warm. We’ve got this,” Julie orders. There’s nothing I can do but leave them to it. It’s time for Abby and Airen to meet my daughter.
Abby leaps from her seat when I approach, her gaze glued to the blanket. Her eyes fill with tears when I place the bundle in her arms. “My girls need to meet,” I murmur.
“Joseph, she’s beautiful.” Abby laughs when the sound of her voice causes Natalie to open her eyes.
Airen pulls me into a bear hug. “Congratulations, Joey. She’s perfect.”
Abby peeks up at me. “Is Emma…does she know you brought her out to see us?”
“Emma’s not doing well. She had some kind of seizure, and Julie kicked me out.” I turn to Airen. “Would you go see how she’s doing?”
He drops a kiss on my head and heads out the door only to return about thirty seconds later when they kick him out too. I sit on the couch, one arm around Abby while Natalie sleeps in my lap. Airen reaches to slide a calming hand across the back of my neck from time to time. An hour later, I hear someone rummage in the fridge and the click of the electric stove. After a few minutes, Jayla appears with a warm bottle.
“She’ll be hungry soon,” she says, handing me the bottle.
“Shouldn’t Emma try to breastfeed first?” Abby asks.
“She’s been pumping milk for months. Julie suggested it just in case her milk fell short, now that the formula has expired. The freezer is full.” Jayla crouches in front of us, looking tired. “Emma’s not doing well. Julie thinks it’s eclampsia. If so, there’s no cure. She may not make it.”
“What? But she was fine through the whole pregnancy!”
“It happens that way sometimes, comes on suddenly. There’s nothing anyone can do. She keeps seizing. If she falls into a coma like Julie expects, she won’t live long. I have to get back.”
Shit. I hated having to deal with her, hated her most of the time, but I don’t want her dead. I look at the sweet little face of our daughter. She can’t grow up never knowing her mother. A tiny wail breaks through my thoughts.