But it would never be the same.
The autocar door closed behind her, and she glanced a final time at her clamshell cabin and set her mind to go to Earth. Come what may. There was no point in wishing, no point in prayer. If destiny provided that she and Mairin would meet again, then it would be fine with her. She thought of Shakespeare. Something about meeting again, and smiling.
Julius Caesar and Brutus before battle, she thought. There was certainly something on the horizon. Tally looked out the window of the autocar for a final trip into the dome. She watched the countryside flying by and tried hard not to think of Mairin.
Two days outbound from Libretto, Tallenaara received the first message from Mairin and then spent the next hour dabbing silent tears from her face. Eventually, anger drove out the sadness. There was to be no further contact between her and Mairin. No messages, no actual mail, nothing met the criteria handed down by the Styrahi Council. Disobedience meant excommunication, and while she might enjoy a life with Mairin someplace in a far corner of the galaxy, she would be a non-entity in the eyes of the Legion of Planets. Without medical care, the ability to work, and expressly forbidden from travel, excommunication was not an option. There was far too much in the universe.
And other fish in the sea, she thought and immediately hated herself for doing so.
Deleting Mairin’s messages after reading them for the last time, Tallenaara felt no better. Solace came from knowing that Mairin was young. She would find someone else, and the hurt would fade, eventually becoming the kind of memory that causes mental flinches before finally settling into a faded, tinged with regret picture of how their relationship seemed to be. Mairin would be fine. If she survives the war, Tallenaara thought.
When she does, I will be there for her. Tallenaara smiled at the thought. They can send me to Earth, but they cannot force me on Andrew. Teaching at Cardiff would be a grand distraction. Putting her every effort into her students and her love of structure would keep her from him. The Prelate of Earth would be far too busy for her. If he couldn’t make the time, then Tallenaara would not force the issue.
Clearing her neurals, Tallenaara dimmed the lights and cued music into the room. Losing herself between the wailful jazz of Miles Davis and the soul-scraping vocals of Nina Simone helped to take her mind off Mairin, Andrew, and the rest of the galaxy. For a few hours, nothing mattered. Her hearts hurting, Tallenaara struggled to find the strength she was going to need.
I’m sorry, Mairin.
I’m so very sorry, Tally thought as she drifted to sleep.
* * * * *
Seventeen
Andrew kept his promise throughout their time in Scotland, only kissing Tally’s cheek as they danced in a jazz club in Turnberry. She enjoyed being with his friends and their playful banter. They accepted her immediately, without question, and that alone was worth the trip. Riding home, everyone else asleep but her and Andrew, his warm hand on her exposed leg, they talked in whispers and grins like they’d talked that way for years. Being with him came so easily, filling her smile and lightening her mood. At her flat, Andrew kissed her for the first time, and she responded. Hearts thumping, she pulled him close, but he wouldn’t cross her threshold. Holding back, almost teasing, his eyes with their devilish twinkle, she felt love in that moment. Not the prescribed manners and customs of her people partnering to one another, but something completely different and alien. She knew it was love, the way the humans talked about it, made holos about it, and sang about it. Something completely filling, consuming her conscious mind with thoughts of Andrew. She knew there would be nothing to ever replace it. For a year and a half, this was their norm.
There was acceptance in the halls of Cardiff and throughout the Welsh countryside with its lush forests and rolling plains of tall green grass. On campus, she and Andrew were well known now, but the students and faculty kept their secret, driving away the curious and remaining silent. Nearly everyone who saw them together could see the love and laughter in their eyes and couldn’t help but accept them. There was something ethereal about them, and even the royals schooling at Cardiff could only stare, smile, and enjoy what they saw.
Andrew refused to talk about the future. “Keep your mind here with me,” he said with that grin and squeezed her hand gently. And she did. That he never went farther than kissing her did not bother Tallenaara. Their making love would likely have been awkward and regretful. Andrew was, after all, male, and she suspected that he just wasn’t sure about that aspect of their relationship. Perhaps it should have been a warning, she would later think, but her love for him simply reached a level where she respected exactly what he wanted and didn’t push the issue any further.
A week before Commencement in a driving summer rain, Andrew came to her apartment with a bottle of nebbiolo and a bouquet of flowers. The joy behind his devilish little smile was gone, and his eyes didn’t seem to twinkle.
She knew it was the end.
“We both know we can’t continue outside of here.” Andrew sighed and sipped the wine. “There would be too much attention on you, and I don’t want that.”
“This is more about your reputation isn’t it?” Tally asked with a bitterness that surprised her. “I have handled attention ever since I came to this planet.”
“It’s not my reputation,” Andrew said but wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Diplomatically, we cannot continue our relationship, Tally.”
She laughed. “Diplomatically? Politics? Did your father tell you to say that?”
Andrew’s chin fell to his chest. That was it precisely. “He told me to say a lot of things, but I’m saying what we both know has to happen, Tally. Your council would react similarly, would they not?”
Tally grabbed Andrew’s chin and raised his face to hers. “This isn’t about our planets, Andrew. This is about me. Us. Despite your future position over all of Earth’s governments, you can make a choice. I believe it’s your right. So what’s it going to be? A future you’ve not wanted for the last two years, or me?”
The tears came later, after he’d silently collected his jacket and walked barefoot into the foyer. He didn’t say anything until his shoes were on and he’d opened the door. Standing there like the first night he’d taken her home, Andrew smiled with tight lips. “I will never forget you, Tallenaara.”
Diploma in hand the next day, Tally went from Commencement to the London platform and caught an old freighter bound for Styrah. Staying on Earth was not an option with the sight of Andrew guaranteed at least every few days in the media. She sat in her smelly rented space aboard the freighter and cried. The freighter limped home, making a twelve-week trip into nearly six months. She sketched and designed with wild abandon, anything to keep from thinking about Andrew, while she put the last four years of her life into cold, hind-sighted perspective. It shouldn’t have happened, could not have gone anywhere, or lasted. His father would not have approved and had they consummated their relationship, governments on both planets would have exploded. All was as it should have been, until her arrival at Styrah and quarantine.
Her unique chromosomal mutation opened up an interesting possibility, and a veritable Pandora’s Box. Ordered to stay away from humans, the Styrahi Council asked her to help create the ultimate port of call for humans in the Outer Rim. The council originally forbade her to leave Styrah for any reason.
Tally accepted the assignment without question and threw herself into the design of the Terran Embassy and left her mark on Styrah with a sprawling, ecologically sound structure that called to mind comparisons to Frank Lloyd Wright and the Styrahi maestro Heelaani. Within a few months, Tallenaara found herself on a luxury shuttle to Libretto, to first construct a private residence and then to help create a human utopia, the irony thick enough that she could feel it on her skin.
Ten years passed in the blink of an eye, the only bright spot being her liaison with Mairin Shields. Now, Tallenaara found herself headed back to Earth and back to a man who’d meant everything to her
, only to lose him because he could not be allowed to feel the same. For fear of his father and the fate of two planets he’d had to walk away. And she had no choice but to let him go. But now? Now what was she about to do?
“If I refuse this assignment?” she’d asked.
“Assignment? This isn’t something you have the power to refuse. Under penalty of exile, for life, this is the Council teitcheen for you.”
Leaning forward, elbows on her knees and head in her hands, she’d wept silently in the cabin. Her destiny decided for her. A destiny she’d wanted ten years ago, but not now. Not for all the water on Earth. Ten years ago, they feared everything about humanity and demanded she stay away from humans. Now, twice in the last six months, she’d been ordered to get involved with humans as part of competing schemes. Take advantage of a young imprinted officer and help her blossom. Rekindle an old relationship that was doomed to fail in the first place. And both times, try like hell to become pregnant. Take advantage of her genetic mutation and see, just see, if she could become pregnant by a human. The possibilities it could bring, they’d told her, were epic. Extend the Styrah lifespan beyond its median sixty Earth years even if the precious genetic chain would be corrupted. Imprinting could surpass most of that, and having a longer lifespan would enable continuation of great initiatives and exploration throughout the rest of the known universe.
Tallenaara understood the reasons. They made perfect sense, but they were playing with her hearts. She loathed her mission, but she understood. She would have to leave Mairin behind. She was a tough girl and would survive just fine. For now, Tallenaara told herself, the weight of a world lies on my shoulders. Like an albatross. She resigned herself to the task at hand, promising herself that her culture mattered more than herself.
When the shuttle opened its doors above Geneva, Tallenaara crinkled her nose. Why did Earth smell like death? Musty, humid, fossil-fueled death. A scant three hours later, her levtrain shot out from its tunnel under the English Channel and roared into London. Her neural bracelet tingled a message from a waiting autocar outside the Gatwick terminal. An hour later, after the interminable slowness of human customs, she collected her baggage and walked quickly through the vendors and shops to the waiting car. The stretched car bore diplomatic holo markings. She loaded her two simple cases into the trunk and stepped to the open door.
A hand appeared from inside. “Please. Allow me.”
Tallenaara took the hand and eased into the rear-facing set of the autocar and caught her breath. The man’s accent was unmistakably Irish, and she’d have recognized Darren McMasters anywhere. He smiled with perfect teeth and took both of her hands in his. “My lady Tallenaara, it has been too long.”
Tallenaara smiled. He’d called her “my lady” since they’d first met in Andrew’s autocar on the way to Turnberry ten years ago. Gone were his oafish student mannerisms, replaced by the sophisticated grace of the practiced diplomat she’d known would be his role. That he would fall into its practice easily given his family lineage was unquestionable. “And how are the peoples of the Republic of Ireland these days?”
McMasters grinned and shrugged at the same time. “A bustling economy, a new spaceport at Shannon, and a dashing single fellow as their Senior Representative to the Prelate’s Council? Why, I believe the people of my fair island are in the best of hands.”
Tallenaara found herself smiling and laughing. “You haven’t changed a bit, Darren McMasters.”
He leaned back, releasing her hands and offering her a drink with a nod of his head. “Well, some things have changed obviously, but I try to remain as much Darren McMasters as my position allows. There are times I would give anything to walk into a dark pub for a few stouts without bodyguards or attention. Privacy is something we tend to give up in this sorry business of politics.”
Tallenaara nodded and looked out the window. “You both knew that a long time ago.” Her insinuation that he and Andrew were still the best of friends met with a fresh smile on McMaster’s face.
“Yes, we did. I suppose that’s why we did our best to enjoy our university years.”
Tallenaara looked out the window. The chances were excellent that Andrew knew of her arrival on planet and had arranged for Darren to meet her. What else don’t I know? She sipped the offered bourbon and met McMasters’s eyes. “Does he know that I’m back on Earth? Is that why you met me? The same old reasons?”
McMasters smiled, but it stopped at his lips. His eyes were bright and ferocious. “Bitterness does not suit you. Actually, he does not know you are here, Tallenaara. I haven’t decided to tell him about your reappearance on our planet. He was quite upset that you just disappeared after commencement.”
“He gave me up for his father and his position. I can’t honestly believe he was upset about my departure for too long.”
“His father’s unexpected passing was difficult. It quite literally took him the better part of a year to re-focus on his duties. He was distracted and forgetful with his mind wondering where you were. Not even your council knew where you were for six months.” McMasters’ familiar grin returned conspiratorially. “Where were you Tally?”
“Aboard a barely spaceworthy freighter that limped to Styrah by way of Causus.”
McMasters said nothing, his familiar eyes bored into her as if looking for a deeper truth. “You look the same as ever.” McMasters sipped his drink. “I can imagine he will be pleased to know you are here.”
“And just what does that mean?”
“Exactly what I said. He’ll be pleased.”
Tallenaara snorted. “And that means he’ll dismiss me just as easily.”
McMasters leaned forward. “I know why you’re here. It is only a matter of time before he knows as well.”
There was an authority to his voice she hadn’t expected. “How do you know what the Council wants of me?”
“As a representative of the Prelate’s Council, I am in contact with my counterpart on Styrah. We are in agreement that this is a mutually beneficial arrangement and have given it our support.” He paused and smiled again. “Earth is very different these days.”
Tallenaara bristled. How much does he know? “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Styrah and human relationships are commonplace these days, but there isn’t another Styrahi with your genetic mutation.”
That she was merely a pawn in a larger drama dawned on her. Tally sighed. “What else do you know?”
McMasters chuckled. “Our representative councils have come to an agreement that this is something both wish to pursue.”
“Without Andrew’s knowledge?”
“Not at the present time.” McMasters leaned back in the seat. “You’re aware of the differences between the Styrahi Council of Elders and the Prelate’s Council, I assume?”
“That the Prelate is regarded much like a powerless entity, as he speaks for Earth, but the Prelate’s Council and the Assembly of Nations are the decision makers. On Styrah, the Styrahi Council is essentially the government and they have the power to direct action on the part of their citizens where the Prelate does not.”
“Well put,” McMasters smiled. “So you’re returning to Cardiff? And as a professor of architecture, no less. I am quite impressed, you know. Your work on Libretto is simply stunning. Like a modern Venice along the Little Amazon, I should say. I wish I could say I’ve seen it first hand, but my duties keep me Earthside much of the time.”
“I can’t say I’m familiar with anything on Earth these days.”
McMasters chuckled. “It’s like riding a bike, Tallenaara. Earth never changes.”
Of course nothing ever changed. Humans rarely changed anything over the course of a lifetime. For anything significant to happen on Earth took hundreds, if not thousands, of years. The Pyramids of Giza. The Great Wall of China. How could she expect anything different? Especially from Andrew. “And what about Andrew?”
“He is a very busy man,” McMasters started.
/> “You know what I’m asking, Darren.” Tally sipped from her drink.
McMasters chuckled. “He will be surprised and shocked. And I think it will cause him to focus.”
“Focus? On what?”
“On what’s really important in his life for a change. I think it would do him good.” McMasters shifted in his seat. “Tally, Andrew has become increasingly stressed in his position. Even though it is his Council who decides matters of importance, he has begun to take on enormous responsibility for things he doesn’t control. His loyalty has become a burden. He wears the yoke when he doesn’t have to, Tally. It’s affecting his health and frankly, we do not want the hassle of selecting a new prelate, especially as he has no heir.”
The words stunned Tally, but she understood. Of course the Prelate’s Council would want this for Andrew, and given the Styrahi desire to extend their lifespan, this was the best possible arrangement two planets could make. An heir for Earth and longer life for Styrahi. The walls of the autocar seemed to close in. Tally took a long deep breath, hearts racing, and let it out slowly. She tossed the bourbon back with a flick of her wrist.
I’m so sorry, Mairin.
She sat quietly for a few minutes as a fresh set of feelings bubbled to the surface. She’d just met Mairin and loved her dearly, but this was about Andrew. First love stung deeply. The memory of him standing there at her doorstep as he turned to leave. His heart broken. Maybe hopping that freighter was a bad idea. Maybe if she’d stayed...
She shook her head. McMasters saw it. “Is something wrong, Tallenaara?”
Runs In The Family Page 10