“Almost at this thought, you cease.
“There is no relief from the pain during this respite. The after effects of such a cruel paddling are as gruesome as the actual smacks of wood on flesh. Worse is the emotional humbling. I feel less brave and foolhardy, less likely to curse you. I am afraid of you. I am in awe of your strength and determination. “As you pull me to my knees, I am terrified of looking at you, fearful of what I will see, of what you will read on my face. I know what you will encounter when you look in my eyes—me. More open than I have ever been. The foundation of my need will be exposed, what I have kept hidden all my life.
“I see you watching me. My eyes are still gushing tears. My facial cheeks are coated with them. I am crying, but the sound is muted. You remove the blockage from my mouth, and sounds of my heart-wrenching sobs fill the room.
“The pain my backside is experiencing will not let up. The throbbing is horrendous. You are the source, the cause of this pain. As I look at you, staring in your eyes, and see someone so rock-steady that for the first time in my life I feel I may stop being strong.
“You place a hand behind my head and pull my mouth to yours. As I sob, you kiss me, swallowing the cries, drinking in my tears. Your lips are firm but soft, passionate but comforting. Your tongue explores my mouth and I open to this, meeting it with my own. This tough tenderness is almost as difficult to bear as the spankings, because it strikes me emotionally; my crying intensifies.
“You kiss me a long time, your free hand fondling one of my nipples. Eventually, my crying subsides and, as it does, my response to you intensifies.
“I feel a delicious sense of giving over to you, of submitting to your desires with a part of me that is far more passionate than anything I have yet encountered. I could kiss you forever. My mouth and tongue are desperate to let you know how much I desire you, how much I long to acquiesce.
“You push me back a little. ‘Thank me.’
“I inch back further than the last time. The bloomers keep my thighs from spreading very far, and my bound wrists make it difficult for me to bend without losing my balance.
“Your cock is a fleshy symbol to me of your soul. I press my facial cheek against your penis in a tender expression. I want to honor you and my mouth and tongue cover your shaft with kisses. And then my lips and tongue praise your cock. The taste is delicious. The precum is a gift that I lap up gratefully. And all this while, your hand caresses my ass, spreading the pain and heat gently, until it feels more than bearable to me.
“When you bring me up, I feel so loving toward you. How have you done this to me? Your face is beautiful, strong, sensitive all in the same moment.
“You reach behind me, into the drawer, and remove two metal objects. The sight of them fills me with terror. My wall struggles to rise again, to protect me, and before I can hold myself back, I blurt out, “You are a monster, bent on torture!”
“This is not at all what I feel. I do not believe this for one moment. You have come prepared, I know, because you wish to give me the experiences I have longed for. But it is so like me to use your inhibitions and toss them in your face. I do not know how to rectify what I have done.
“Your reaction is odd. Suddenly you begin to laugh, as though delighted. And then you say something in French.
“‘What does that mean?’ I ask, my tone demanding, my voice the expression of a fishwife. Why can I not cease this rebellion?
“‘You are so clever, Dorianne, perhaps you can figure it out on your own,’ you tell me. And now as you look at me, your face is serious again, stern.
“‘Forgive me, Lord Henry,’ I say. “I did not mean to say that.”
“‘Of course you did! Everything you say you mean, and you are very clever with words. I admire that about you and would never want you to change that.’
“You lean forward, pressing one of what appear to be clips open. My titties are firm and red, from arousal. I find I am eager to taste these horrible-looking clamps, but I do not know if I can endure this. ‘I am afraid,’ I admit.
“Perhaps because my voice has softened with my admission, you soften. You lean forward and kiss me again, then lean down and kiss my left nipple, which is so sensitive. And when you finish kissing my nipple, you bring the clamp to it. ‘Look at me,’ you say, your voice not so harsh.
“Fearfully, I meet your gaze. I recognize that you want to watch me writhe in pain. I know you want to observe the depths of my agony. I know you want to feel your power over me, the power I give you to give me pain and to take it away. I know all this, but understanding makes no difference when the clamp bites me.
“I have no frame of reference. This bite on my nipple is an entirely new pain. Ruthless. Constant. I inhale sharply and hold my breath against it. My eyes must be wild with fear and sensation.
“‘I suggest you breathe,’ you tell me.
“I try to exhale, but my breath comes out ragged. My body trembles uncontrollably—I cannot seem to get a grip on this pain. New tears of terror spring from my eyes.
“You lean forward and kiss my lips and fondle my other nipple. But the throbbing nipple consumes all my attention. For a long time. And then, mysteriously, the pain begins to dull, and with the easing I can focus on your lips once more. They are giving, generous, sensual. My mouth opens so readily to yours. So eagerly. Something in me clicks into place and I see myself in a new manner. Responsive.
“Suddenly pain cuts into my other nipple—you have installed one of the hideous clamps there! Your hands grip my waist and your lips do not leave mine. You kiss me harder, more passionately. I can only cry and tremble until the pain becomes bearable. And then, as with the last time, I am wholly aware of your mouth controlling mine, and my own submission to your kiss. How did this come about, I do not know. I only know that my body is burning for you. And I know in my heart that you will satisfy me, when you are ready.
“You break away from me and reach to the night table. You pick up your belt and fold it in half. Seeing this strip of leather that came from Vita’s hands through mine to yours offers me a continuity, a connection. Holding onto the buckle, you slap the folded leather against your palm. The sound is sharp, electric, like a snap of thunder. Then you look at me.
“‘Lie across my lap, Dorianne. I want to strap your ass.’
“I freeze with terror. My head shakes ‘no’ involuntarily. How long can this go on? You have softened me down. What is your purpose?
“My hesitation makes you angry. ‘Still rebellious?’ you ask. You slap the leather harder against your palm several times, then reach for the fabric and block my mouth again. Savagely, you shove me across your lap. I cannot believe what I suspect is about to take place. You are cruel! The cruelest person I have ever encountered. The love and desire I felt for you moments ago has evaporated. And when the leather comes down on my bottom, I know I hate you! I would tell you this if I could speak. I hate you so much I refuse to capitulate!
“This pain is not like the other two varieties. You smack the leather hard against the lowest part of my ass cheeks, right above my thighs. It is as though this part has not been spanked yet, and the flesh feels virgin and less jaded.
“The pain is a sharp bite, stunning, followed by a dull burning that grows hotter and hotter with each strike. My mind races, attempting to find a path of understanding, a way to move around this. It is as though I must cross a bridge, a dangerous bridge, and I am beyond hope, whether I stay or cross.
“This pain has me crying very quickly. And this time I give in utterly to the tears. A part of me has forfeited the struggle, and that feels uncomfortable, unfamiliar, yet I acknowledge to myself that it is so. The physical manifestation of it is that suddenly I realize I am no longer struggling to avoid these blows. I hold my ass up for the strap as if it were a caress. I feel shameless in this. I know I should feel ashamed, but I do not. I want this punishment. I want to offer myself to you in this way, to receive all that you deign to give me. Oddly, the pain becomes pleasurable. My
mind feels that it is headed for an altered state of existence, and as I enter this plane, I feel utter joy and liberation.
“And when you cease strapping me, it becomes painful not receiving the pain. Try as I might, I cannot stop crying, this time because I feel abandoned.
“But it seems you have no intention of abandoning me. You lift me up, remove the fabric from my mouth, and the clamps attached to my nipples—I cannot feel a thing there for several moments, and then you begin rubbing my titties and sensation returns, startling me, delighting me, causing me to throw back my head and moan and pant like an animal.
“My body feels warm, voluptuous, thick with desire for you. As I watch you rearranging my body, turning me onto my belly, inserting a feathered pillow beneath my hips, removing my boots, my stockings, my bloomers, I feel the throb of the universe around me and in me. We are like two beings locked into a contained space and I know that what has come before could only lead to this feeling and to what will follow.
“The air around me is close, in a pleasant way. The candlelight is perfect. It is quiet. Kinetically, I sense your body, but we are not touching.
“Where the clips have been removed, my nipples are pins and needles. The feeling is not unpleasant at all, surprisingly so. I dwell very much inside my own skin, and yet at the same time am somehow connected to everything around me, the air, the dim light, the linen beneath my body. Your hot, smooth body crawling up mine.
“I feel your hands on my legs. You lift my ankles and press my calves over my thighs, so my knees are bent. My legs are spread wide. This action lifts my bottom, and offers my openings to you. I find this especially arousing. My ass is alive with a life of its own, a new life formed of sensations I have only dreamt about and now am experiencing. These sensations and everything else that has occurred leave me highly excited. My cunny lips blaze in a manner that rivals the heat along the skin of my bottom. The fire starts at my clitoris and ignites all the way to my bottom. It is a wondrous feeling to incinerate over such a large area.
“Your cock kisses my vaginal lips, and my wet lips kiss you back. We are meant for each other. I understand that now. As your firm cock slides into my willing cunt, I feel myself in that odd light again: responsive. We are like two finely-tuned instruments, in play together. You are playing the melody and I am playing the perfect harmony. Your notes inspire my notes, which inspire yours. What I have gone through has taken my ego and broken it down in a way that lets me simply flow with the music; I am a part of this masterpiece, not all of it, not none of it.
“Your cock enters me to the barrier. You pause, as if for breath, and then proceed. I feel myself sliced into, separated inside, your rod the instrument that is the conduit through which I pass from one state to another. The pain of loss hits me. And the physical sensation, as this virgin land is investigated for the first time.
“You bury your cock deep in me I gasp with delight at being filled so utterly that I cannot question or worry or be anything other than your mate. My wrists are still tied behind my back, and my face is pressed into the bed. The elevation of my ass, and my face pressed down allows me to feel that my cunny is an offering, and you are the deity that has taken this offering as your due and found it acceptable.
“I cannot move my body as you fuck me, I can only receive. Your cock thrusts in and out of me and I love your pace, your intention. My cunt surrounds you with love and yearning that is not opposed to your will, but in conjunction with it. I am more aroused than I have ever been—I had not known this sensation even existed and now it is mine! Vita was right. Women have the best of all worlds!
“I want nothing more than to please you. Pleasing you is fulfilling to me, more than I suspect you can know. My yearning is simply to be what you need and in that, to fulfill my own needs.
“I am surprised at your love and kindness, that you stroke my cunt with desire and purpose that includes me. You stroke me until my pussy answers your call as you wish to be answered. And when I climax, it is with a complete abandon that I had not known before.
“Your cock thrusts quick and hard. I can feel your hot juice entering me, anointing my insides. My cunt embraces you with love and humility and equality and I think I might at last be on the verge of understanding the term ‘Master’.
“My body vibrates with life. Every cell feels alive and tingling. I am so warm, so in touch with life, so close to you.
I am exhausted. Everything that has occurred has left me drained, but in a marvelous way. My mind is calm—I understand, for once, what I want, what I long for. My body is sated—the massive longing I have lived with for so long has been temporarily put to rest—my soul floats within me, dancing its appreciation. All because of you. I feel such love for you.
Tears come to my eyes. And, once again, I am sobbing.
“I feel my dress being removed, my corset, the bindings taken from my wrists. I hear you moving about the room. The candles are snuffed. You climb onto the bed. Your body moves very close to mine. You pull the quilt up over both of us. You move even closer. I am still on my stomach, and you hook your leg over mine in a proprietary manner. Your arm goes around me, and you pull me tight against you. I feel your breath on my face, your kiss. I sigh. Such rapture! And drift…
“I am dreaming. The dream is dark and heavy, like thick syrup, not unpleasant. I feel weighted to the earth. This is desirable. I want to be on the earth. There is nothing distinct in the dream, just the feeling, the details and images are not clear to me, but I do not mind. I know that they may or may not surface, and I accept that.
“The dream alters. I become more aware of my body. My skin is sensual, sensitive. Liquid. It is as though water cascades over my flesh and I am immersed in a soothing, stimulating pool. The attention of the water is continuous. Soon it changes and becomes an even stronger current.
“I wonder if I am awake. I open my eyes, but it is pitch black. I am in a dreamy half-awake, half-asleep state where senses are heightened.
“I lie on my side. A body is behind me, up against mine. Arms are around me, massaging my breasts, stimulating my nipples. What feels like a cock presses against my ass. My behind is terribly sore, but deliciously so, and I like the pressure of this cock with a will.
“The stimulation soon has me writhing against the cock. I shove my bottom against it. It is firm and hot, and presses hard back against me. My lips part, my head falls back, and small sounds come from me that fill the darkness. I feel like a being that has moved into a land of dreams, a land where the impossible becomes the probable.
“The sensations course through me as I ride what has now become an escalating wave of pleasure. I am being pushed gently onto my stomach—I feel something soft beneath my hips that lifts them. My bottom is being touched by a warm, demanding hand. I can only writhe, lifting my ass to this exacting hand. Fingers, wet, move to my anus and massage a liquid there, something cool and slippery. The sensation is erotic and I cannot stop writhing. My legs part. I hear more liquid sounds in the blackness. I feel a body climb between my legs, and a cock kiss the opening of my anus.
“I lie prone, on my stomach, undulating, as if the wave is no longer liquid but air that surrounds me and lifts my body, high here, low there, in an endless, eternal movement, like a hot-air balloon floating in the sky. My bottom tingles. My anus opens easily—there is no tension in me. The cock enters me, not slowly, not quickly, but at a pace that mimics the waves of pleasure rippling through my body.
“I cannot believe this intensified pleasure. It is overwhelmingly unusual and pleasing. It feels so natural. To be filled in this way. To be taken in this manner. It is as though this opening has never been breached before this moment, and I understand now that each entrance in every orifice will always feel like the first time. I can do nothing more than receive this and open to it. And the cock buried inside does fill me, deep.
“A body drapes along mine. Palms are pressed against the backs of my hands, and fingers interlock with mine. I feel
captured in a way that seems right and necessary. I am fucked slowly in this manner for a long time. The sensations in my rectum are amazingly pleasant, stimulating. I want this to never end. Never. I can only let my cries of delight enter the dark air and be absorbed by it.
“A hand leaves mine to touch my hair and move it away from my ear. Hot breath tingles against my skin. In my half-sleep I recognize you. The deep timbre of your breathing, the sensual sounds you make. Your lips are close to my ear and you whisper things to me, about owning me, my ass, my cunt, my breasts, and tell me to confirm that and I do, gasping out my acknowledgement.
“I slide my hand down the bed, and beneath me, to stimulate my clitoris, but you grab my hand and bring it back. ‘No!’ you tell me. ‘You will come this way.’
“I have never come just from anal penetration. The idea intrigues me. I do not know if it is possible. But I know that if it is, you are the man who can bring me to orgasm in this way.
“The fucking is exquisite. I feel possessed, utterly, and I adore this feeling. Your cock controls me completely and because of that, my only desire is to submit to you. I lift my ass high, trying to find the best position that lets you fuck the deepest. I would give you anything you want at this moment.
“You seem to pick up on my awareness of this. The speed of your thrusts increases. The sensations in my rectum intensify. Your hips banging against my ass revive the agony in my raw cheeks, making me realize on another level how helpless I am, how much I want to let you take me fully.
“I have felt nothing like this climax before. The orgasm is similar to a vaginal orgasm, but there is an entirely different quality to it. The explosion rocks not just my rectum, but my vagina as well. Spasms crash through my entire pelvis. I cry out loudly. Startled.
“The orgasm goes on and on, rattling me, pummeling me, breaking me against the shore of life. As I feel your final thrust and ejaculation, I feel filled with you. Every inch of me belongs to you. And you belong to me. And I know I will know this forever.”
Darker Passions: The Picture of Dorian Gray Page 18