by D L Lane
“Like what?”
“First, nothing is going on between Jenny and me. She moved to Seattle recently and is here to see her mother.”
She crossed her arms and glowered.
“She wanted to take a few minutes to catch up,” he said, “that’s all.”
“All right then. You need to get this straight. First, I don’t care what you are or are not doing with Jenny Lansing.”
“Vanderlyn.”
Her nose wrinkled in that cute way she had. “Huh?”
“It’s not Lansing. It’s Vanderlyn.”
“Whatever. I don’t care.”
“You don’t?”
Her hand shot up. “Why would I? What you choose to do is your business and none of mine.”
“It’s not?”
“No, Gage. It’s not. I’m a married woman. I couldn’t care less who you see.”
“I’m not seeing Jenny. It’s just a friendly visit.”
Fire snapped in her eyes. “You know. I just don’t get how you could still be friends with that, that woman, especially after—” She clamped her pretty mouth shut.
“I thought you didn’t care?”
“I don’t!”
“I think maybe you do.”
It was wrong, he got that; but his heart and mind pleaded with her, Say you do. Tell me you care.
“Aah!” She stomped around him. “Either arrest me or don’t, but this foolish conversation is done.”
With a smirk on his face, Gage watched Danny hustle back the way they’d come, totally enjoying the view before he got hold of himself. He cleared his throat, put his cuffs away, and strode down the sidewalk, waving when her Escalade passed.
Amused, he shook his head. He’d swear, by the expression she wore, she’d love to flip him the bird and do it with vigor. But while she might secretly consider it, she’d never actually do it.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Before
When the bell rang, Gage shot out of his seat, ready to commence his covert guard dog duties. Everyone knew, when Danny turned sixteen, she could date, so she had been attracting the boys like bees to honey—which meant he’d been doing an excellent job of threatening them within an inch of their lives if they so much as looked at her.
It had worked. One visit from him, be it at school, around town, or after youth group, did the trick—they’d leave her be. Except for…
Gage’s eyes narrowed on the new kid who had transferred in from the sunny shores of California—Max Dillon, a junior and golden boy with a big smile full of entirely too-white teeth. Teeth he wanted to bash in, and would if he didn’t get his arm from around Danny.
Making his way down the hall, shoulder clashing with someone he didn’t notice only hearing a masculine, “Hey, watch it,” Gage stepped in front of the pair, eyes laser-focused on his target.
“Get”—Gage balled his fist—“your”—he stepped closer—“arm”—he put his chest against Max’s—“off”—he gritted through clenched teeth—“Danny!”
Danica glowered up at him. “Don’t be such a jerk!”
Max did the smart thing and removed his arm. But then for some stupid reason, he maneuvered her behind him.
As if Gage would ever physically hurt a single hair on Danica’s head!
Gage's attention went to her peeking out from Max’s decent-sized frame. “Come here, Danny.”
“No!”
“Do it now, Danica Dawn!”
“Dude,” Max said, “I don’t know what your glitch is, but you’re not going to talk to my girl that way.”
“Your girl?” he snarled, eyes going to the kid he wanted to pound.
“His girl,” Danny said, stepping out, looking at him with pure disgust on her face.
It was that expression, not the shove to his shoulder she gave him, which knocked him back.
“Come on, Max,” she said, “let’s go.”
Danica took hold of the kid’s hand, and tugged—the guy not budging for a second, then he turned with her and started to walk away.
Everyone in the hall had stopped whatever they were doing to watch the scene. Of course, the word about Jenny had spread, but keeping his business out of the spotlight had worked for about five months until she came back home for her grandfather’s funeral, and he’d become her shoulder to cry on—literally. Coach Ames even called him into his office to confirm the rumors. So, yeah, he was giving everyone more ammunition to fire around town again. But right then, he didn’t seem to care.
“Danica!”
She spun around and hit him dead center in the heart with, “I hate you!” causing him to flinch.
She left with Max, leaving him standing there. He wasn’t sure he actually could locate his legs since every muscle in his body seized. Nor did Gage think he was breathing.
At some point, he finally became aware of two things. First, the hall cleared out, becoming a virtual ghost town. And second? The bell rang, indicating the start of third period, making him late.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“She’s in love with you, you know.” Jenny’s soft voice had Gage putting his coffee cup down.
“No. I think to see us together just stirred up some past hurt for her.”
“Danica Lorry has been in love with you since you were kids, and she still is.”
“She’s married, Jenny.”
Her perfect brow arched. “And your point is?”
“I guess that is my point. She’s a married woman, end of.”
“A married woman, who’s in love with you.”
Gage shook his head.
“Do you believe for one second, if she didn’t love you, she would have been so upset seeing me with you after all these years?” Jenny picked at her brownie. “Come on, Gage. Buy a clue.”
He knew Danica cared for him, even though she tried to hide it, and at one point he believed she did love him until he ruined everything. But now? Their friendship had been mended to some extent, although the thought Danica could love him, as in present tense, did something strange to his stomach. Or maybe it was his heart.
“Let’s change the subject,” he said before he took another sip of his no longer hot but warm-ish drink.
“All right. What would you like to discuss?”
“How is Justin doing?”
Jenny’s face lit up. “He is such a wonderful boy. Well, he’ll be twenty-one in January, so I guess I can’t call him a boy any longer.”
“I would imagine he wouldn’t like it, no.”
“It’s hard to believe Justin is all grown up.”
“How’s he doing in college?”
“Pretty good, though he’s probably told you he’s changed majors something like four times.”
Gage smiled. “He has. It’s Philosophy now.”
“Yes, but what in the world will he do with a Philosophy degree?”
“Anything he wants to, I suppose.”
“Did I send you that picture of him with his new girlfriend?”
A frown formed on his brow. “I don’t think so. I haven’t received any pictures in a while.”
“I would have e-mailed it.”
“Then, no.”
“Here,” she said, pulling out her cell. “I’ve got a bunch saved on my phone.”
After tapping the screen, Jenny held out the little device so Gage could see. “Isn’t she cute?”
“Very,” he said, his attention going from the tiny blonde girl and locking on Justin’s face, remembering the first time he saw him.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Before
Gage considered himself a pretty tough guy, having survived numerous broken bones in his life, as well as getting bashed on the football field pretty regularly. But, being inside the delivery room with Jenny was testing his notion as she squeezed the life out of his hand with an iron grip!
“Give me the epidural!” Her voice had gone guttural, and he wondered if her head was going to twist on her neck like Linda Blair in the E
xorcist.
“Jenny,” he said, using a soft voice, though it was a total sham; he wasn’t calm, “remember to breathe.”
That earned him a string of expletives, and some of them were quite creative, he’d give her that.
As sweat beads broke out on her upper lip, he hoped things would get better soon, glad to see the anesthesiologist until he did a horrible thing with a needle in her lower back. Gage squirmed uncomfortably, even though he wasn’t the one with a sharp object stuck in him. But, okay, he was still standing… then the doctor came in, and the real eye-opening experience started.
“Son? Are you all right?” He heard the older gentleman, but couldn’t locate his voice to speak. “Nurse, make sure he doesn’t pass out on us.”
Am I swaying? He believed he was, blinking when someone came over and asked him to have a seat, or he thought that’s what she said, finally registering, “…or do you think you need to step out for a moment?”
“NO!” Jenny’s response to the question he’d been asked came fast and hard. “Don’t go.”
“I’m fine,” Gage said, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths.
Heck, if Jenny didn’t want to use the breathing techniques they’d learned, he would. And it worked.
“All right,” said the doctor, “one more large push, Jenny, and we’re there.”
She grunted.
“That’s it, that’s it. Good.”
Gage made it back to his feet just in time to see a small, wrinkled, slimy blueish being clasped in the doctor’s hands. And for some bizarre reason, seeing him bent between Jenny’s splayed legs, he thought of the man dressed in a baseball uniform with a helmet, face mask, and a catcher’s mitt instead of the green scrubs, surgical mask, and hair cap he sported. “It’s a boy!”
A second later, the baby’s “Waah, waah, waah” echoed in the room, when they lay the newborn on Jenny’s upper belly/lower chest.
He tried to locate something other than the happiness the pain of giving birth was over for her, and the baby was all right—some type of fatherly joy, a stretching of his heart.
Isn’t this the moment I should finally feel a connection?
“I did it,” Jenny said, exhaustion radiating from her.
Gage smiled down at her, then placed a chaste kiss to the top of her head. “You did.”
~
“It’s a boy,” Gage announced to his parents a few minutes later as he stepped into the waiting room of the hospital. “Seven pounds five ounces.”
His father stood, then clapped him on the back.
“And Jenny. Is she doing okay?” His mother’s brow was crinkled.
He nodded. “She’s doing great. You can see her in a little bit. Right now, they are doing all the post procedures and stuff.”
“Are you all right?” Dad asked, concern on his face.
“Sure. Why?”
“You look a bit dazed, son.”
“It was a lot to take in, I guess.” Gage paused, wondering if he should say what was weighing on his heart.
“What is it?” Mom asked, coming and taking hold of his hand.
His gaze bounced from her to his dad, then back to her. “I just don’t feel anything.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, shouldn’t I have some connection to the baby? Some parental instincts? Instant and unfathomable love?”
“No one says having an instant connection is a hard and fast rule.” His father squeezed his shoulder.
Gage raked his fingers through his dark hair. “But… I’m not your biological child, Dad, yet I’ve heard you talk about loving me from the moment you first saw me.”
“It’s true,” Mom said, “we both felt that way.”
“Then why don’t I?”
~
It wasn’t until an hour later, when the nurses brought a bundled baby into Jenny’s room, and placed him into his arms, that Gage truly saw his son. Justin, as Jenny was calling him (though the birth certificate had yet to be filled out), had milky-white skin, almost translucent.
Gage skimmed a fingertip along the little one’s soft cheek, studying the child, looking for something familiar that might come from him, like the shape of his nose, the line of his pink bowed lips, the curve of an ear…but… there was nothing of Gage there.
He gently took off the blue stocking cap to see a fine sheen of peachy fuzz on top of Justin’s tiny head. Touching it must have roused him—the baby opened his eyes. They were blue-green, though he’d heard a newborn’s eyes could change color as time went on, but still.
“Jenny,” Gage said in barely a whisper.
Her watery gaze came to his.
“Is this baby mine?”
She broke down, crying, she stuttered, “I— I— I don’t know.”
Getting up and carefully placing the baby into the bassinet beside her bed, he went to her and took hold of her cold hand. “Tell me the truth.”
“I am telling you the truth. I don’t know. But I’ve been hoping and even praying he would be.”
“He doesn’t look like me at all.”
“I know.”
“If he’s not mine, then who does he belong to?”
Jenny shook her head, wiping at her wet cheeks. “I don’t know.”
Gage frowned. “What do you mean? You have to know.”
“No. I don’t.”
“I’m confused here,” he said, sitting down on the side of her bed, keeping his attention trained on her face.
“I’d gone to a party with my bestie, Karen. It was like most frat party’s we’d attended, nothing any crazier or anything. Then she saw a guy she’d been hoping to hook up with and went off with him. I thought about leaving, but for some dumb reason, I stayed.”
Jenny swiped a palm over the blanket, covering her legs.
“You hooked up with someone there?”
“No. I didn’t. I hung with a few college friends, some boys I had classes with, and a few I didn’t know. Then after having more than a few drinks, I excused myself for the restroom. When I came back, I fell right into the conversation with them again. But soon after, my head started spinning, and the space I was in began to tilt. I knew something was wrong with me and told someone. I wasn’t speaking to any one of them in particular. I just said I didn’t feel well.”
She paused, glancing away from Gage, looking out the window of her room. “I remember a voice saying he would help me, staggering down a long hall, and to what I thought was the front door.”
Jenny rubbed at her temple.
“What happened?” A sense of dread for her hit him.
“I think I said something about helping me home, and hearing he was, then I don’t know. It was like I slipped into darkness. I didn’t dream. I wasn’t aware of anything. I was just… gone.”
Gage placed his palm over her sheet-covered knee.
“I woke up in my dorm room. The morning light shone in. I winced. It hurt my eyes. I couldn’t figure out how I’d got there or when I’d gone to bed, then I tried to get up and realized I was half-dressed and missing some important items of clothing. That’s when I felt it. The soreness in places I shouldn’t have been sore.”
Jenny looked at him. “I think someone slipped me something, took me back to my dorm, and raped me while I was unconscious. I should have perhaps gone to the campus nurse, or campus police and reported it—” Jenny scraped her teeth over her bottom lip and looked away from him. “But I didn’t. I just pushed the whole thing out of my head, and then I got the call Mom was going to have knee surgery, so I came home to be with her, and well—” she met his gaze “—you know the rest from there.”
Her chin quivered, right before she let loose of the pain.
“Oh, Jenny.” Gage held her in his arms while she cried, with deep, body rocking sobs that his body absorbed. “I’m so very sorry.”
“So am I,” she whispered while he was rocking her.
“Shh… You’re going to be okay.”
; Once she settled, she said, “If Justin’s not yours, then he won’t ever know who his real father is, because I don’t. And after what happened, even if I somehow knew, I wouldn’t want a rapist in my son’s life.”
“Don’t worry.” Gage smoothed the hair back from Jenny’s face. “No matter what, I won’t leave you or Justin hanging. Even if I’m not his dad, I’ll do everything I can to be there for him.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“I’ve never thanked you.” As she placed her warm palm over the top of his hand, Gage glanced at Jenny’s pretty face, his brows pulling down.
“Thank me for what?”
“For being a part of my son’s life. You are there for him when he needs a man to talk to.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Yes, it is. How about all the times you came to visit when he was growing up? You taught him how to throw a ball, showed up for important events.” She shrugged. “Thank you for being a stand-up guy when you didn’t need to be. You could have told us, ‘See ya later,’ but, you never did. So, for all of that and more, I’m grateful.”
Her words seemed to soften Gage some. “I’ve been honored to be a part of Justin’s life. Although I know it hasn’t been anything like having a full-time father around, I did my best.”
“You did a great job under the circumstances.”
“I made you a promise, and I always keep them. Besides, Justin was a great kid, so loving him wasn’t a hardship.”
“He’s a great kid because of you, Gage.”
He grinned. “Thank you, but I would suppose you have something to do with that too.”
“You’re right. I do. But he has known from day one he can count on you, and that means the world to me.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Before
The moment Gage received the results of the paternity test, he went to look for Danica. She might not want to see him, but he had to find a way to tell her. Make her listen. What happened after that between them, he couldn’t know, but he had to try to repair—at least—their friendship.