“Desiree, you are there and you are listening. I know. I was told you were seen entering the perfumery…”
“Dammit.” So Harry had his spies in the hotel. I went around the desk and sat in front of the web camera.
“I’m here. What do you want?” He was silent, yet I saw anger on his face. I was trying hard not to yell at him in the presence of the girls. I didn’t miss the sharp intake of breath they both made hearing me talking like this to Harry.
“Alone.”
I shook my head.
“No. Not today.” Before I knew it, both Michelle and Lucille had run out of the office and closed the door. I had no time to ask them to stay. We were watching each other.
“Christ, Desiree, what do you think you’re doing?” He finally broke the silence. I rolled my eyes.
“I needed to be alone, Harry. We were at each other’s throats. It wasn’t a healthy environment for either of us.”
“You were at my throat.”
I sighed.
“I know.”
Again silence lay between us.
“But you’re not sorry.” I didn’t have the answer to this. He was right but at the same time he was wrong. I just couldn’t choose.
“When are you coming back…” he asked, “tomorrow?”
I shook my head.
“I don’t know, Harry. One month. Did you forget? I can’t do anything for a month.”
He nodded. He hadn’t forgotten.
“I’m waiting for the phone call…” he started, but I interrupted him.
“It’s not enough. I will go insane. I need to distract myself with something.”
“He is not in Monaco!” Harry yelled back. I felt tears rising from inside and threatening to fill my eyes, but I had myself under control.
“How the hell should I know where he is?! I went home, Harry.”
“Who are you talking about?” he finally asked.
“My son, Harry. My lost boy.”
“Right. I’m coming to Monaco tomorrow…”
I shook my head forcefully.
“No. You won’t. I will be here during the weekend and I will come back to Paris on Monday.”
I didn’t need him. I needed a break. Suddenly something occurred to me.
Who was Harry talking about before?
“Who isn’t in Monaco?” I asked him and saw that unusual expression on his face. He was turning red.
“Forget it.”
“You meant Shore isn’t in Monaco. Did you think I came back because of him?”
“You said yourself you needed distraction! Who better?”
I put my hands to my head, in despair. I just couldn’t believe it: my own brother. Yet, although I tried to avoid the man we were talking about like the plague, I had my share of responsibility, and … I started to think.
Was Harry really so wrong? I could have gone back to my real home, to England. Why didn’t I?
Harry didn’t say anything for a while. When I raised my head to look at him again, he asked,
“You will be back on Monday?”
I nodded.
“Yes, Harry. I will be there in the morning.”
“Take care. Call me if you need anything,”
I stayed in the office for a while. I needed to collect my thoughts. What exactly was I doing? Nothing made sense anymore. That crazy private detective Harry hired had managed to mess up my mind more than Blackbird ever had in the past. I needed to get a grip on reality. And that was impossible to do where I was.
It was close to five in the evening when I looked at the clock:.it was time for me to leave. I needed to find a ride back to Nice and I didn’t want to let Anne-Marie know that I was coming. Thinking about that, I actually hadn’t eaten properly during the whole day, so I decided to take the girls out to dinner. I really needed a distraction and what better than listening to the gossip about life in Monaco?
The evening passed quickly. The girls refused to close the perfumery sooner than usual, and in the end I had to stop insisting and waited for them in the hotel cafeteria. It was funny looking around at all the people that I knew and who somehow didn’t recognise me. I was without my glasses with my hair down. I never understood how people looked only at surface presentation.
Soon after six, the girls joined me in the cafeteria and we were off for an early dinner. I started to tease the girls about the men they were attracting. At first they refused to talk to anyone but, in the end, I persuaded them to go for a late drink with two of their most persistent admirers. I managed to make my excuses and vanished into the night. Before I did that, I had to promise the girls we would repeat it all again the following night.
Although I had worked in Monaco for over three years, I didn’t know the night life, and for this I was sorry and a little sad. This night had given me an insight into what I was missing. I was twenty-five years old but I was acting like a retired lady. I was at home every night, mostly torturing myself.
After leaving the restaurant, I knew I must find a taxi to get me home to Nice. However, I had a funny feeling that I was being watched. It was an uncomfortable feeling and made me feel anxious about getting a cab as quickly as possible. Getting one was not difficult and soon I was on my way. Then that strange feeling left me.
I relaxed a little when I unlocked the door to the house. Soon I fell asleep and it was the first night after many that I slept without interruption: neither nightmares nor dreams.
The next morning I was already in the perfumery when the girls came in. As I’d decided to abandon my ‘camouflage’ outfit, I surprised Marcel so much that he was barely able to say ‘Good morning’ to me. Seeing me in the perfumery also shocked the girls.
“What are you doing here?” Michelle asked.
I smiled.
“I need to do something otherwise I’ll go insane,” I confessed.
Lucille took the handbags to the back office.
“Well, we were doing fine without you…”
“Do you want to get rid of me?” I asked.
She stopped abruptly. I looked at Michelle who turned dark red.
“Oh, my God. I didn’t mean that,” Lucille was horrified.
I started to laugh.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t tease you like this.” By the expression on their faces I knew I had not convinced them. They both laughed, but with reservation. When Lucille came back from the office, I tried to explain to them why I was in the perfumery.
I wanted to tell them some facts about what was going on and how long this disruption would last, but the truth was, I had no real answer or knowledge about the timetable. Soon however, the first customers of the day had started to arrive and we were too occupied with sales to discuss the matter further.
It was near to closing time when I finally heard Michelle call me.
“The billboard is still there.”
I’d only been half listening. I didn’t realise what she was talking about.
“Sorry? What?” I turned around. Lucille and Michelle looked at each other.
“The billboard. It’s still there. But today was the first time no one asked about Demain.”
I threw my hair back over my shoulders and spoke as calmly as possible.
“Really?”
“Really,” Lucille answered.
“But, the day is not over yet and…” The front door opened and all three of us turned and looked at the new customer. He was the last person I had expected.
“We’ll check the messages,” Michelle said, trying to break the awkward moment. Without saying another word, she dragged Lucille with her to the back office and closed the door.
Harry said he wasn’t in Monaco! It looked like he’d lied to me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked first. It sounded like an attack. Lorcan was still standing at the door and looking at me. He was dressed the same as the day that we kissed in the perfumery: black jeans, black tee shirt, messy hair and sparkling silver eyes. I had to admit it,
I was mesmerised by his eyes. I just couldn’t look away when he was around me.
“A little bird told me you were here,” he said with a big smile on his face.
Michelle? Lucille? As if reading my thoughts, he shook his head.
“No, it wasn’t your staff.”
“Shh…” I silenced him quickly. “They don’t know.” He looked confused.
“They don’t know that I’m Harry’s sister. So please; don’t say another word. What are you doing here?” He stepped closer to me. I knew I should be running the other way but I was glued to the spot. If he wanted to, he could … I shook my head forcefully. It was enough I dreamt about him … I didn’t need to daydream about what could happen when he was around me.
He smiled when he saw my reaction. I was angry that I had let him confuse me completely.
“I came to finish what I couldn’t in Budapest.”
My mind was completely blank. The memories came flooding back to me in a flash: the anger, the evening, the drinking—his request for conversation. And last but not least: my sleep instead of conversation.
“Not here and not today,” I said sharply. He smiled.
“Better for you that it is today, otherwise I will start talking here and then the girls….”
“Shhh,” I hissed and looked over my shoulder. The girls closed the door.
Although I thought I’d run away from everything, I realised I’d fallen into another trap.
“Harry said you weren’t in Monaco.”
“I wasn’t, and as far as he’s concerned, I’m still not. I came yesterday evening after…” I gritted my teeth, angry at him.
“Hell, you all have spies here. Do I really need so much attention?” His smile was even bigger than before. His hand came closer to my face and he touched my chin.
“You cannot…” he couldn’t finish his sentence because another customer entered the shop. He let me go and stepped away.
“So you really cannot tell me when you will have more Demain?” Lorcan said so suddenly that I had a hard time reacting. Luckily for me, Michelle and Lucille came out of the office immediately. I asked myself if they were watching the show on the security cameras.
Lucille answered Lorcan’s question and Michelle went to the customer. Getting an answer from Lucille, Lorcan finally left the shop. I saw out of the corner of my eye that he was trying to tell me something but I just ignored it.
When we were finally alone, both of them were looking at me, quite impatiently, actually.
“What?” I asked.
“Go,” said Michelle.
“What are you waiting for?” asked Lucille. I didn’t know what to say.
“He isn’t waiting,” I finally managed to say. Both of them rolled their eyes.
“Do you want to bet?” Michelle asked. “I can go and check but I don’t need to. He’s waiting.”
“What about our girls’ night out?” I said, grasping at straws.
“Oh, Christ. Do you really mean it?” Lucille said impatiently. She turned, went back to the office and only a moment later she was back with my handbag in her hands. Michelle had a big smile on her face.
“Go. We have some other arrangements for tonight!” I didn’t know whether to believe them or not. Michelle pushed me to the door.
“Don’t come back tomorrow!” was all I heard, before the front door closed and was locked behind me. When I turned around, all I saw was the door sign flipped ‘Closed’. I had no choice. I had to leave the hotel.
Exiting through the main gates, I realised the girls had been right. Lorcan was standing next to his car, parked on the other side of the street to the hotel entrance. Although I wanted to ignore him, I couldn’t. He had crossed the road before I managed to get down the stairs.
He offered me his hand. I didn’t know what to do but I didn’t want to embarrass anyone so I took it. I knew people were watching us as they recognised him. I decided to ignore all those looks.
“You wanted to escape,” Lorcan said simply when we were halfway to his car. He was right.
“Will you be so kind as to drive me to my car? I need to go home.” He turned around and looked at me with astonishment.
“You’re not serious?”
I didn’t want to look at him. I stayed silent.
“No. I won’t.” He unlocked the car and opened the passenger door.
“Then I’ll walk,” I answered and turned away. I didn’t get far. I heard the slamming of the door and the next thing, he was right beside me. He took my hand and turned me around.
“I’ll feed you first. We will talk and then, if you still insist, I will drive you back to your car.” He forced me to look into his handsome face. The other option was to look at his chest muscles. Actually, both were tempting.
“Well?” he asked.
“What?” I asked, staring at him as though in a daze. He smiled. He put his hand over my shoulders and led me back to the car.
“You’re playing with me, aren’t you?”
I was silent. I wasn’t playing. I was just lost in his presence. I didn’t dare to confess that to him.
I remained silent and he tried to start a conversation with me several times, but I didn’t respond. I listened to the music from the stereo and tried to picture the conversation he wanted to have with me. What I was truly sure about was that I just couldn’t tell him about Iain.
Suddenly I realised we were driving out of Monaco.
“Where are you taking me?” I finally turned to face him. He didn’t look at me; he was focusing on the road. He smiled.
“Welcome back.”
“I didn’t go anywhere. I was here the whole time,” I said. He was still smiling.
“No, you weren’t,” he said simply. “Otherwise, you would have known where we were going. I have told you.”
“So where are we going?” I persisted. He shook his head.
“Now it will be a surprise.”
I watched the surroundings pass by. The scenery was wonderful and Lorcan’s driving was smooth; something I hadn’t expected from a Formula 1 racing driver.
When he finally drove off the main road, we found ourselves in the parking lot of an inn. It was half-full of different kind of cars. It looked like a secluded place yet the cries from seagulls could be heard and the breeze brought with it the smell of the sea.
I had seen no sign for the inn before the turn. I stepped out before Lorcan managed to get out of the car. I took a deep breath of the sea breeze. That was something I liked the most. It brought back memories of my childhood and that was good.
The inn had only a ground floor and because of that it could not be seen from the main road either. The sun was setting and suddenly ground lights lit up the gardens. The inn was an old but nicely restored building with many colourful flowers dotted around it. Because of the hedgerow, the traffic from the road was not heard.
“Where are we?” I asked when he opened my door.
“In Italy,” he answered, so casually I thought he was joking.
“We can’t be in Italy,” I said.
“Trust me. We’re in Italy.”
I knew Monaco was almost at the border with Italy, nevertheless I hadn’t expected that answer.
“Would you like to sit inside or out?” Lorcan asked. I was still observing the surroundings.
“Do they have a terrace?” I asked.
“Yes. Come with me,” Lorcan said and took my hand. Without even realising at first, our fingers interlaced. Only when we came closer to the entrance, did I release his hand. He tried to stop me, but I was too quick.
He led me around the inn and a beautiful sight opened in front of me. The terrace was not the classical type. Instead, there were several tables divided one from one another with the same kind of hedgerow dotted with white flowers.
Only when we came closer did I recognize the flower and the smell. I looked at Lorcan.
“Jasmine?”
He nodded.
“Yes. I pr
esume you like it.”
“I do.” He stepped close behind me. Instead of jasmine, I caught his scent. It was even better than the pure smell of a fresh flower.
“Come,” he whispered and tried to take my hand but I evaded it. He led me slowly to the only free table on the outside corner of the terrace.
“Are you a regular here?” I asked him.
“Not as much as I wish.” The waiter came and greeted him. I expected some meaningful glance from him, but I got nothing but politeness. I was impressed. If Lorcan was a regular here with his ‘paddock bimbos’ the inn’s staff didn’t let on that anyone knew.
Glancing at the menu, I realised that I didn’t want any food. I wasn’t feeling hungry and was getting nervous again. Lorcan looked at me. He ordered us a drink and I was again surprised when he ordered some red wine for me and apple juice for him.
“I don’t drink when I drive,” he explained. “In all those photos in the magazines, I’m drinking apple juice. It is the closest colour to white wine. The only time I actually drink is on the podium. Anyway, at that time I’m dehydrated so everything goes out of me in half an hour, after all the commitments that we need to attend after the race. Sometimes even sooner.”
He raised his glass. “What shall we toast?”
“Safe journey back home?” I teased him and raised my glass. As always I needed to smell it. It had the smooth smell of berries. That was interesting. He was waiting.
“So, shall we raise our glasses to another Formula 1 Racing Champion title?”
I sipped the wine. It was good.
“I just can’t read you,” he said eventually, very quietly and seriously. I looked away. I didn’t want him to read me. That could be too dangerous.
When I was given a menu, I put mine down on the table. Lorcan looked at me.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m not hungry .
“That’s no excuse.”
That answer surprised me.
“…and I don’t understand Italian. You can order for me if you want.”
And he did, in fluid Italian.
Not much later, when we were in the middle of a conversation about his knowledge of languages. .
“I learned Italian as it was necessary if I wanted to work with Ferrari’s mechanics. As you know, three years ago Crest signed a new contract with Mercedes, who now provides us with their engines.” I nodded.
All That the Heart Desires Page 15