She didn’t think. She couldn’t think. Finally, after all the months of worrying about the move to the lake, and packing up the New York apartment and saying good-bye and making the trip, after wondering if she were just a phony with no talent who would find at the end of the year all she’d done was nothing worthwhile, after worrying that she’d meet only people who carried rifles and ate deer, rabbits, or bears (which was pretty much like the neighborhood she’d grown up in), after all that, and after deciding to do the still life and setting up the silver with apples and working on it, working on it and getting twisted in the gut with the instinctive suspicion that it wasn’t right and nothing she could do could fix it, after waking up in the middle of the night and stalking into her studio and inspecting the still life and realizing it really was awful, after seeing Petey on the beach and getting that massive hit of urgency, that need to paint him as he was at that moment—after all that, suddenly she was relaxing.
Because she knew her sketch was good. It was going to be extraordinary.
Flipping her feet lightly, she let herself be carried by the water. By the universe. She was eased to the point of sleep, eyes closed, heart slowed, tension melting out of her muscles into the lake. She drifted.
She didn’t know what made her finally wake from her spell. Flipping over onto her stomach, she treaded water and gazed around, looking for her aunt’s beach.
She didn’t see it.
She dog-paddled a slow circle in the water.
She saw her aunt’s house—and it was a million miles away.
A thrill of fear ran down her spine, chilling her, and her feet, now hanging down into the depths, went cold. How had she drifted so far? What had she been thinking? Well, of course, she hadn’t been thinking! Okay, she told herself. Okay. First of all, she didn’t have to swim to her aunt’s house. She could swim to the closest shore and walk home.
The closest shore was a million miles away.
Another surge of fear shot through her. Calm down, she told herself. The shore is not a million miles away. It’s not even a million feet away. It only looked like it. And, true, she had never been a strong or efficient swimmer, but she wasn’t in a hurry. She didn’t have to get back soon. She just had to get back. She could do that. She would take her time, head for her aunt’s beach, and calmly swim back to shore.
She set out. Left arm, right arm. Kicking her legs. Left arm, right arm. She tried to turn her head and breathe like professional swimmers but she kept getting water up her nose, and then she had to quit swimming and tread water while she blew her nose and caught her breath. Left arm, right arm. She splashed water in her face with each stroke. The water no longer supported her. It sucked at her, pulling her down. She forced herself not to look at the shore because keeping her head up slowed her down, so she turned her head to the side as she swam. But when she did look up, she saw that she’d gotten off course and was almost swimming in a circle.
Well, damn!
She straightened her course and began swimming again. She was tiring. She’d never been much of an athlete, and she could feel her body running out of gas. Still, she continued to plow through the water, sloppily sweeping arm after arm. Her breath tore her lungs. She was wheezing, puffing. She stopped to check: it seemed she was making some headway. The house was closer. She could see the pot of pink geraniums on her deck. She swam.
Left arm, right arm, and then, she didn’t know how it happened, she stupidly took a breath and filled her mouth and throat with water. Choking, she paddled frantically in the water, gasping for air. Her body, of its own accord, suddenly just sank. Once again she swallowed a huge gulp of lake. All around her, the water bubbled and frothed as she thrashed.
Fighting now, arms and legs out of sync, she kicked and flailed back to the surface, spitting and gasping and gagging. Gravity dragged relentlessly on her entire body, which had hardened as heavy as stone.
“Help!” she cried, a feeble attempt that made her sink again, water surging into her mouth. Her throat burned. Her lungs were on fire. Her heart was hammering against her chest. All strength evaporated from her limbs as she slapped at the water, struggling to get her nose and mouth up into the air.
Something touched her arm. She screamed, or tried to. Panic flooded her veins, shooting fear on a dazzling course through her body before she understood that it was a hand on her arm, a strong hand hauling her upward. With a monumental effort of will, she forced her body to stop thrashing and blindly turned toward the hand, her eyes flooded with water. Another hand groped at her chin, her shoulder, and finally grasped her under her arm. Her head banged against wood.
She was held like that, her head above water, gasping for air. Someone said something, perhaps “Hang on,” and the hand on her wrist moved to her other underarm.
“Just catch your breath,” a man said. “I’ve got you. I won’t let you go.”
She steadied herself in the water, allowing her legs to sink down, her body to straighten into an I, as her shoulders and head remained in the blissful air. After a moment, the man said, “Okay. I’m going to pull you up.”
Her senses focused. It was a rowboat. Her cheek scraped along the wood. She was steadily pulled upward until she could grasp the side of the boat with her hands, but she had no power in her arms to get herself over into the boat. The man moved his own hands to her waist, clutched tight, and hauled her up, her butt and legs unceremoniously plunking down into the bottom of the boat.
She lay there for a moment, breathing hard. She was lying on a couple of fishing rods and a coil of rope, curled in fetal position around a pair of large feet in old deck shoes. The sun beat down on her, but she shivered.
“Can you sit up if I help you?” the man asked.
“I think so.” She grabbed the plank of wood serving as a seat and dragged herself up. That took every ounce of energy she had left. She just sat there, head falling forward, chest heaving.
“Take off your top,” the man said.
She lifted her head. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
Then she recognized the man. It was Bella’s brother Ben, wearing a swimming suit and a cotton polo shirt.
“Your teeth are chattering,” Ben told her quietly. “You’re covered in gooseflesh. You’re probably in shock.” In one smooth movement, he peeled off his shirt and handed it to her. “Put this on. It will warm you up.” When she just gawked at him, he said, “It’s clean. Out of the drawer this morning.”
She was encouraged to believe that she was going to live because of the completely frivolous but urgent question that blinked in her mind: What bra had she put on this morning? She had several comfortable and rather saggy old white or nude bras she wore to paint in, and it would be a shame if she were wearing one of those, because she had so many pretty bras, with lace and silk.…
“I’ll close my eyes,” Ben told her, and did as he said.
She wrestled off her sodden tank top, which water had glued to her body. It made sucking noises as she pulled it away, and it felt creepy and suffocating as she pulled it over her head. She dropped it into the bottom of the boat and quickly yanked on his shirt. The dry cotton against her cold skin was like a soft robe after a freezing rain.
“Oh, that feels better. Thank you.” Still, she wrapped her arms around herself for warmth.
Ben began to row with quick, rhythmical strokes. “We’ll get you in the house. Get some hot tea inside you.”
Perhaps it was the rocking of the boat or the thought of tea—Natalie flung herself to the side of the boat in time to vomit into the lake. Most of what came up was water. Afterward, she was so weak that for a moment she just lay against the boat, resting. She became aware of sunlight beating down on her body, drying her legs, her arms, her hair, yet beneath the surface of her skin, she still felt intensely cold. Deep down in her soggy tiny reptilian brain where she was beginning to return to self-consciousness, she also felt humiliated, half drowning like that and then having to be heaved up, helpless, to saf
ety.
She dragged herself back up to a sitting position. Well, a slouching position. With effort, she stared at Ben. “What are you doing here? It’s a weekday.”
“I don’t teach this afternoon. I went in to the lab, checked a few things, decided I wanted to be out here. I like it on the lake when it’s quiet like this. People are mostly at work and school. I can hear the birds.”
“Well, I’m glad you were here. Thank you, Ben. You saved my life.”
“Glad to do it.” As he spoke, he looked over his shoulder, steering the rowboat neatly up to the Barnabys’ dock. In one graceful leap, he jumped up on the dock and tied the rope around a stanchion. “Think you can make it?” he asked.
Natalie summoned her energy, pushed herself to a standing position, and reached for his hand. He held her steady while she stepped up onto the seat, then onto the edge of the boat, then onto the dock itself. If she hadn’t already made a fool of herself, she would have thrown herself down on dry land and kissed it.
“I’m going to pick you up now,” Ben said.
“What?” She tried to laugh, but it came out as a croak.
“Look at your legs.”
She obeyed. They were shaking. “I can make it to my house,” she insisted.
“I’m taking you to our house. You can sit with Louise. She can watch you for any aftereffects.”
Before Natalie could argue, Ben simply swept her up, arms under her knees and shoulders, so quickly that she either had to let her head dangle back or wrap her arms around his neck to keep her head upright. She wrapped her arms around his neck. She was painfully—okay, painfully was the wrong word—she was excessively aware that Ben wore no shirt. She was wearing his shirt, after all, so his shoulders were bare, and his torso was bare. Blond hair swirled over his chest. He was slender, not tremendously muscular, but as he walked up the beach and lawn toward the Barnabys’ house, he did so with ease, as if she didn’t weigh a thing.
“I think I’m fine,” she told him, mostly to prevent him from realizing how she was staring at his thick thatch of pale hair, his elegant ear, his thick eyelashes, his strong jaw. Also to prevent him from considering her thighs, hips, waist, breasts. They were in such an intimate proximity.
Very seriously, he informed her, “You almost drowned. You have water in your lungs. That can alter the sodium and potassium levels, which could lead to ventricular fibrillation. You were immersed in water lower than seventy degrees Fahrenheit, so you might be experiencing some hypothermia. And you’re in shock. Someone needs to watch you.”
“Oh,” Natalie said in a very small voice.
“Also, water taken into the lungs can cause problems as long as seventy-two hours after the event. Water irritates the lungs and disrupts the lungs’ ability to process air.”
Natalie squirmed in his arms. “That’s frightening!”
“I’m not trying to frighten you. You should just be aware, and you shouldn’t be alone. I’m going to put you down.” He lowered her to her feet on the deck of the house and grabbed the handle of the kitchen door. “By the way, what the hell were you doing, swimming alone?”
His sudden anger came at her unexpectedly. She’d been dreamily admiring his profile when he so unceremoniously dumped her on the deck. She knew he was right; still, she felt defensive. “I do lots of things alone!” She narrowed her eyes. “I’ll bet you swim alone.”
“Sometimes. I was also captain of my swim team in high school. I won state medals. Did you?”
For a long moment their eyes met. All Natalie could think was, Damn, you are one gorgeous man. Instead, she admitted, ruefully, “No. Obviously.”
He continued to stare at her without speaking. A shiver went through Natalie’s body, completely different from anything connected to the lake. He makes me feel all prickly, she thought. Then she thought, Well, that was an interesting choice of words. She couldn’t help it. She smiled at him.
He almost walked into the glass door to the kitchen. Realizing it, he flushed red, glancing away from Natalie. He’s attracted to me, she realized. And, good grief, I’m certainly attracted to him!
Ben pulled the sliding door open. “Mom! Natalie’s here. She almost drowned.”
Natalie put a hand on the wall to steady herself. A cat lay on the sofa in the sun, stomach up, blissed-out. A bowl of fresh cantaloupes, peaches, and plums sat in the middle of the kitchen table, filling the air with fruity aromas.
Ben asked, “You’re okay to walk?” Suddenly he was not coming near her in any way.
“I am.” She followed him down the hall and into the living room.
Louise was on the sofa, talking to herself.
“Mom!” Ben bent over his mother and gently removed one of the iPod plugs from her ears. “Turn off your French. Natalie’s here. She almost drowned.”
In a flash, Louise was up, turned toward Natalie, eyes wide with worry.
“Natalie! Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. Thanks to your son. He saved my life.”
Quickly, Louise took in the situation. “Ben, wrap the afghan around her.”
“Um,” said Ben.
“My shorts are wet.” Natalie touched the khaki material. Parts had dried in the sun, but her bum was still soaking.
Louise went into mother mode. “Natalie, go in the bathroom and take everything off. Ben, show her where the downstairs bathroom is.”
Natalie followed Ben. In the privacy of the bathroom, she stripped off her shorts and underpants.
“Are you decent?” Ben asked.
“My top half is,” she said through the door.
“Just a moment.”
She waited. He knocked and opened the door wide enough to toss in a pair of loose black yoga pants, no doubt Bella’s. She pulled them on. She looked at herself in the mirror. Somehow she was both pale and sunburned. Her nose had gotten shiny red from the sun, but the rest of her face was white, and her lips were slightly blue. All in all, highly attractive. Another knock came and a patchwork afghan flew into the bathroom. Natalie wrapped it around her, savoring its warmth.
She left the bathroom, returned to the living room, and dropped into a chair facing Ben’s mother. She was shocked at how good it felt to sit down.
“Ben said you were swimming alone, quite far out,” Louise said gently.
“I know. I’m an idiot. Actually, I didn’t swim that far, I was simply floating on my back, drifting. It’s so peaceful here. I just sort of melted.”
Louise laughed. “I understand completely. It’s relaxing on the lake when it’s quiet like this. On the weekends, the lake is different, full of people and boats. Are you warming up?”
“I am. This afghan feels so cozy.”
“Your color’s returning. You must have had quite a scare.”
Louise’s concern was so unexpected, so poignant, that tears swam in Natalie’s eyes. “I was frightened,” she admitted. “For a moment there I was certain I was going to die.” Shockingly, tears flooded down her face. Her shoulders shook. “Sorry,” she gulped. “Sorry.”
“It’s a normal reaction, for heaven’s sake,” Louise told her. “You deserve to cry.”
Grateful for Louise’s response, Natalie continued to sob. In truth, she wasn’t sure she could stop herself. She’d drawn her knees up to her chest, her feet resting on the chair near her bum, the afghan wrapped completely around her like a nest, and tears spilled down her cheeks.
Ben came into the room, took one look at Natalie in tears, muttered, “Oh God,” and hurriedly left.
“Ben!” Louise called. “Was that a mug of tea in your hand?”
No answer.
“Bring it, and be sure there’s plenty of sugar in it, and bring the box of tissues, too. It’s sitting on the counter near the phone.”
Ben returned, mug of tea in one hand, box in the other.
Natalie wiped her face, reached for a tissue, dried her hands, and blew her nose. Ben stood next to her, holding the mug, his eyes aimed at the ce
iling. Natalie’s fit subsided, leaving her truly exhausted. She took the mug.
“Thanks, Ben.” She sipped the tea. It was strong and sweet, and she could feel it sink down through her throat, esophagus, and into her stomach, warming her all the way. She closed her eyes and moaned softly, snuggling into the chair.
“I’ve got to get back to work,” Ben said to his mother.
“Oh, Ben, stay awhile,” Louise coaxed.
“Sorry, Mom. Gotta go.” Bending down, he kissed the top of his mother’s head. “Bye, Natalie,” he said when he was pretty much out of the room. Then he left, slamming the front door.
“He saved my life,” Natalie told Louise again. “He was so strong. I was so cold, and choking, and the water seemed to be trying to suck me down.”
“Honey, don’t think about it. You’re safe now. Put the mug on the table and rest.”
Natalie did as Louise told her. Her body surrendered its final tension of fight-or-flight response, her head nestled into the chair cushion, and she fell asleep.
She woke very slowly. Hearing came first, a whisper of pages. Across from her, Louise was reading. Natalie felt warm, perhaps too warm, but as relaxed as if her bones had dissolved. Secretly, she studied Louise. All the Barnabys had the same cheekbones, high and rounded, blue eyes slightly slanted down. Louise’s forehead was etched with wrinkles, and her lower jaw sagged slightly, but she was beautiful, especially now while she was in repose. She had about her the meditative calm of a Vermeer.
Natalie cleared her throat and shifted position.
Louise looked up. “Feeling better, dear?”
“Oh yes.” Natalie stretched her arms. “Thanks for letting me sleep in your living room.” She sat up straight, feet on the floor, letting the afghan slide away.
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