by Rae, Rachel
Lost in my reverie, I felt a hand enclose around my waist from behind me. I jumped back to see Josh, Sloane’s strange boyfriend. His eyes were hazed over, and I could tell he was wasted. “Hey ssss-sexy,” he slurred as he grabbed my boobs and tried unsuccessfully, to grab for my ass. We were off to the side away from people, and there were still a lot of mingling going on and people near us. I looked toward Van, and he was still talking and signing autographs. I didn’t want to make a scene with all these well-to-doers, so I gently pushed him off me and headed toward my Van. He must have sensed me, because the minute I headed his way he looked up from signing. His smile dropped when he noticed I was uneasy.
He left the poor socialite who must have been in her fifties, but looked like she was thirty years old thanks to mountains of plastic surgery.
“What’s wrong, baby? Are you all right?” He looked me over. Assessing my form, but for what I don’t know.
“Yeah, I’m ok. Just a creepy guy groping me.”
“WHO?” Van bellowed. “I will fucking kill him.” He yelled looking around the room like a crazy man.
Fellow event goers were beginning to stare at us.
I grabbed his face and made him look at me.
“Van,” I whispered. “You’re making a scene. It’s ok. I. Am. Fine.”
He sighed and kissed me on the forehead.
“You’re sure?” he asked again, worriedly.
“Yes, I’m ok.”
“Ok. You ready to head out?”
“If you’re done here, then, yes.” He looked over to where the guys from Ripping Pages were drinking and talking to fans. He put up his hand, and they all nodded once and tipped their beers to us. Jensen winked at me and smiled.
Van led me to the limousine waiting outside. We walked through the swarm of people and flashing lights and screaming fans and into the car.
Once inside, Van closed the door and turned to me. I was taking off my heels, proud of myself that I was a big girl and wore them all night without wimping out. As I finished taking them off, I was engulfed by Van’s heavenly scent. He laid me down on the huge bench seat of the limo. Straddling my hips, he took off his suit jacket. Untying his tie, he brushed his nose along my neck, licking and sucking in that spot that I loved. “Baby, I have wanted to taste you since we were at the apartment. Fuck, the things you do to me.” He slammed his mouth to mine. We kissed like there was no tomorrow. No one had ever made me feel this way. It was intense, and it was amazing. He lifted the hem of my dress caressing the garter belts as he went. “Oh my god, these are so fucking sexy, Tin.” Hearing him call me the nickname that only James called me caused me to tense up.
Van sensed the change and looked up at me with hooded eyes blazing with heat. “What’s wrong, Sweetness?”
What was wrong? Oh my God, Tinley. Get over it. This sexy ass man wants you. Quit thinking about that stupid fucker.
“Nothing, baby. I’m ok. Please…” I grabbed the collar of his dress shirt pulling him to me.
“What? I want to hear you say it.”
I felt like a stupid idiot. James had never been vocal in bed, and I wasn’t a good dirty talker because of it. I never had to be. Having a potty mouth was one thing, dirty talk was quite another. This was so awkward.
Fuck it. I was a big girl with a hot hunk of man between my legs about to give me whatever I wanted.
“Van,” I said panting as he suckled my breasts. “Fuck me, Van. Please, Fuck me.”
“Fuck, yes,” he said as his mouth found my nipple, and he roughly moved my soaked lacey panties to the side. He slammed into me, filling me.
“God, Sweetness,” he said around clenched teeth. “So fucking tight… So. Fucking. Good.” He grunted each word on a thrust. Just hearing him talk dirty to me and knowing he was feeling the same crazy intense passion as I was with him, made me reach my peak far sooner than I expected. He pumped into me, and I cried out coming around him. He thrust a few more times before grabbing my legs. “Flip over on your knees, baby,” he whispered licking my ear. I did as he asked, and he took me from behind, slamming into me so hard that I came again. He coarsely grabbed the front of my neck lifting my chin so I could see him above me as he fucked me roughly. Still holding on to my neck, he placed a kiss to my forehead. It was the sweetest thing. I almost wanted to cry as he continued to make love to me. I came for the third time as the car coasted to a stop. Van came at that moment, groaning loudly. He lay on top of my back, placing small kisses along my nape. “You are so gorgeous, baby. That was amazing. I wasn’t too rough, was I?” He sounded concerned.
I giggled as I turned around and tried to adjust my clothes before we exited the car. “Not at all. It was perfect.” I smiled.
He helped me out of the car and wrapped his arms around me as he nodded for the driver to take off. He bent down a little and looked me deep in the eyes. “I know things have gone really fast with us, but I want you to know, that this isn’t some fling for me. I’m done with all that. I think I’m falling in love with you, Tinley. You’re the only thing that seems to matter to me anymore.” My heart soared. I hadn’t felt this way in a long time. Actually, I hadn’t felt this way, ever. Van was different, and I wanted to believe he was going to be true.
However, for some reason, I just had a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I smiled and grabbed his neck bringing his lips to mine, trying to kiss all the fears away.
Monday was looming. I was sad I would have to leave the Van-licious bubble I had lived in for the past week. This man was too good to be true. On Sunday morning, after a few more rounds of fun sexy times, we finally passed out from sheer exhaustion at around five a.m. I woke around noon to the sounds of Van coming into the master bedroom and to a seriously yummy smell. “Wake up, Sweetness. You need to eat. I’ve been using your body, but not nourishing it enough.” He laughed.
I grunted and flipped over onto my back sitting up against the headboard. I wrapped the sheet around my naked body and stared in awe as my sexy, and currently shirtless, rock star who only kept cereal in his huge bachelor pad, greeted me with a tray of biscuits and homemade sausage gravy. “What did you do?” I asked as he placed the bed tray in front of me.
“I cooked breakfast for my girl. I’m kind of awesome that way.”
“Hell yeah, you are. Biscuits and sausage gravy?! That’s like totally my favorite breakfast ever. Thank you. How did you know?”
He chuckled as he sat next to me with his own plate of goodness.
“I didn’t, actually. It’s the only thing I really know how to make. When I was growing up, our cook, Ellie, taught me how to make a few things. She was from the south, and this was the only recipe I really remember.”
I took a bite and moaned. “Oh my gosh, Van. This is absolutely delicious. I bet you make this for all the girls after a night of mind-blowing orgasms, don’t you?”
“Oh I love that sound you make when you really like something,” he said his eyes darkening. “I’ve never cooked for anyone. Ever. You’re my first. You stole my virginity. I feel so dirty.” I laughed and hit him in the shoulder, taking another bite.
“You are dirty.”
“Don’t act like you don’t like it dirty, baby,” he said, his voice seductive as he grabbed my fork and fed me another bite. I licked the fork provocatively.
“Ok, breakfast is over. I need some dessert.” He bit my lip as he laid me down.
Several hours later, he took me home to my apartment so I could get a good night’s sleep and be ready for rehearsals in the morning. I wasn’t sure how good a night’s sleep I would get without Van. He’d become like an addiction to me. I was already missing him.
He walked me up to our new apartment that I hadn’t even spent a moment in yet. Tatum was out of town again for another photo shoot, and I hated that I was going to be alone—especially after the love-fest I had reveled in lately. I walked into my room with Van trailing closely behind me, his hands exploring my body and lightly tickling me. I plac
ed my bag on the bed and turned around to see a solemn looking Van.
“What’s the matter?” I asked him.
“I’m going to sound like a little bitch, but don’t leave me. I’m going to miss waking up to that beautiful face and that impeccable little body of yours.”
I giggled and kissed his plump lips biting the bottom one as I pulled away.
“Van, I can’t live with you. I have to focus on this. It’s my dream and the reason I came here. I have had the best week of my life, but I have to be good at this. I want this.”
He pulled my body flush to his and licked along my collarbone, sucking and kissing.
“Ok, I know. I just got used to waking up to your sexy ass. Focus and you will be amazing, baby. I’m proud of you.”
“Well, I’m just an understudy and in the chorus line, so I’m not like super awesome or anything, but it’s exciting.”
Van bit my lip and playfully squeezed my ass. “Don’t diminish this, Sweetness. You’ll get there and this is a great accomplishment.”
I beamed up at him. “Thank you, Van. That really means a lot to me.”
He kissed my forehead and then placed a small kiss to my nose and then my lips.
“I mean it. Every word.”
The next day, after a fitful night’s sleep and no one to cuddle with, I walked the few blocks to the theater. This was it. The moment I’d been fantasizing about for as long as I could remember. I was a member of a Broadway theater. Ok, a small member of an off-off-off Broadway theater, but I was here. I was doing it.
Before I rounded the corner, I got a text from Van.
Hey, baby. Good luck today.
He was so sweet. I couldn’t wait to see him later. I had missed him last night.
I walked through the doors that I had only been through once before, and that started my dream coming true.
The smell of old leather and musty draperies engulfed me, and I instantly knew this was where I’d always wanted to be. There were tons of people milling around on the stage and several sat in the empty seats. I wasn’t sure where to go. I suddenly felt like the new kid at school. My stomach churning in knots, I walked up to the man I remembered from my audition as Seth Brown, the casting director. He was average height. Medium build, broad shoulders and extremely gorgeous. He was yelling at a girl standing center stage. She looked like she would burst into tears at any minute, but she kept it together. “Traci, I told you to box step! Do you not know how to fucking box step? It really isn’t that difficult!” Lord, he was such a dick!
He turned around at the sound of my shoes slapping on the floor. Why I was wearing flip-flops in the middle of October in New York, I didn’t know. I guess it was the Texas girl in me.
“And you are?” he asked, annoyed that I’d interrupted the progress of rehearsal.
Why did I feel like I was sitting in the principal’s office at school?
“Um—Uh.” I cleared my throat. “Tinley Michaels. I was told to be here at ten?” My voice was small and meek, and it came out as a question.
I remembered Seth from auditions, and he had called me pretty quick and was very nice then, so I wasn’t sure why he was a dick all the sudden.
“Ok, Tinley, get up here. and let’s get back to rehearsing. I assume you’ve been rehearsing on your own?”
“Yes, sir. I’m ready,” I said, with more confidence, though inside I was so nervous.
I was the new kid with all these professionals who had been with the theater for way longer than I had.
“All right, then. Let’s get to it.”
We rehearsed different scenes. I was the understudy so I didn’t have nearly as many run-throughs as Laura, the lead for Glenda. But I did sing a fair share of songs over and over again. It was exciting and everything I ever thought it would be. Just being in this theater, albeit small, was huge.
Van texted me once during the day just to check on me. Every time I had a break, like a lovesick puppy, I checked it. I smiled at finally seeing his name across my screen.
Hey, Sweetness. How is my Broadway Star?
You coming over later? I want to take you to dinner if you can.
I miss you.
I texted him back with a stupid grin
Sounds great! Can’t wait to see you! <3
The day drug on, and Seth only yelled about eighty more times. When I had to sing a few of the songs for everyone just so he knew I had them down, I watched him and saw the slightest glimpse of a smile, which I had not seen on his face all day. It made me feel really good and gave me a boost of confidence.
Everyone in the theater was extremely nice, and I really got along with Laura. She was also from Texas. She was twenty-three, from Dallas, and she had lived in New York for about three years. She was beautiful—slender with curly blonde hair and striking green eyes.
They had lunch brought in from the deli down the street, and Laura and I spent lunch getting to know each other a little better.
The day turned into night, and I realized that I hadn’t checked my phone in a while, remembering Van wanted to take me out to dinner.
Seth told us we could pack up to go home and to meet back in the morning at eight a.m.
As I was leaving and waving my goodbyes to my new friends, Seth came up behind me. I spun around and there he was, a little too close for comfort.
What the hell was up with these guys lately. First Josh and now Seth.
“Can I help you with something, Seth,” I said not wanting to be rude to my boss.
“Actually, since you’re new here, I wanted to take you out to dinner.” His voice dripped with suggestion and I wanted to run away. First of all, I could have sworn he was gay. I guess I was just naïve.
I stuttered as he stared at me intently waiting for my answer, “I—oh, I’m sorry, Seth. But I have plans already.”
I gave him a small smile.
“Boyfriend?”
“Yes, sorry.”
Whether I was apologizing for having a boyfriend, or for declining his dinner invitation, I wasn’t sure. I guess I should have been flattered. I mean, Seth was delicious and sexy, but he was not my Van.
Crap. Van. It was already well past nine p.m., and he hadn’t heard from me since around two.
I quickly called him. His voice when he answered sounded husky from sleep, and I instantly wasn’t hungry for food anymore.
“Hey, Sweetness,” he said, his voice raspy.
Why was a guy’s sleepy voice seriously the sexiest thing ever?
“Hey baby. Are you already sleeping? Without me?” I laughed.
“Damn, what time is it?”
“It’s only nine. Sorry we were so crazy busy today, and I didn’t realize what time it was. Do you still want to go eat, or do you want me to grab you something on my way.”
“I’ll order us some Chinese. Just get your sexy little ass over here.”
“Yes sir, bossy.” I giggled.
“That’s right.”
I hung up the phone and grabbed my things and headed for the door. Seth was waiting for me.
I ducked around him and out the door.
“Night, Seth. See you tomorrow.”
“Night, Tinley,” he mumbled.
I hailed a cab and practically jumped out of the moving vehicle, past the doorman, and up to Van’s penthouse.
I knocked softly.
The door opened and there stood every girls fantasy in the form of my boyfriend.
He was shirtless and those rippled muscles that went all the way down past the low-slung South Park pajama pants he was currently sporting, were glistening with beads of water. My mouth immediately went dry, and I suddenly wanted to quench my thirst with the water dripping off him. Inch by magnificent inch.
Snapping me out of my gawking, Van laughed. “Enjoying the view?”
I laughed and feigned innocence. “I have no idea what you’re referring to.”
“Come here.” He grabbed me and kissed me… hard. He felt every part of me
, his hands everywhere. It became intense and fast. Even though we’d seen each other not twenty-four hours ago, it was as if we couldn’t get enough of each other. We needed each other to breathe.
We pulled away, panting.
Van cupped my face in his big hands and kissed my nose and then my forehead. Leaving his lips there he whispered, “I missed you. How was your first day?”
He pulled back and grabbed my hand leading me to the couch.
Sitting in the middle of the coffee table was a dozen purple orchids in a silver vase and a small blue box sitting in front of it.
Seeing the Tiffany box made a tiny pang in my chest because it reminded me of James and the ring he left for me before he actually left me.
Just the night before, after Van had left, I had done some unpacking. There were several small boxes that had come from my closet. One in particular left me crying for quite some time. I had been trying to make one trip from the far side of my room to my closet to put them away so I carried far too many than I should have. Me, being a klutz, tripped over a shoe on my way and dropped all the boxes. The top and smallest one flew across the room, scattering the contents all over the floor. That was my James box. I knew I should have just gotten rid of the memories as James got rid of me, but I could never bring myself to do it. There were notes and little mementos. Concert and movie tickets. Dried red roses from the many times he had surprised me. Deflated helium balloons from when I was sick. Cards from birthdays and anniversaries. I picked them all up and dumped them back into the box. Only one thing remained on the floor from that box. The envelope where James had ended everything. The one I had sealed shut with the engagement ring still inside that I couldn’t bring myself to sell. I held it and broke open the envelope reading the words over and over again.
Tinley,
I'm so sorry Baby.
Please know that I am not trying to hurt you.
I will love you forever.
Would it always hurt when I thought about James? No matter how fantastic Van was, would I always have a spot in my heart for my first love?