by Lara Adrian
He caught up in a blink, blocking her path. “What the hell are you so upset about? I did this because of you. Don’t you understand that? When Crespo pulled that gun on you, I thought—”
“You thought what?” she shot back. “That you needed to protect me? I didn’t ask you to. Dammit, Trygg, I don’t want your protection. All I want is—”
She cut herself off on a miserable-sounding groan.
“All you want is what?” he demanded. “Say it, Sia. For fuck’s sake, tell me what this is about.”
Her gaze was stark, even accusing. “All I want is a chance to get back home to the colony. To my people. Back where I belong.”
He drew back. He hadn’t been expecting that. She had admitted to him once before that a day didn’t pass when she hadn’t thought of her old life. He just hadn’t considered how deeply she obviously wanted it. Especially since she’d been banished from ever returning.
And that raised a question that had been troubling him ever since he’d seen her at the command center earlier today.
“What does this mission have to do with your getting back to the colony?”
Her bleak look said it all. “I made a deal with Lazaro Archer. I’ll assist the Order in any way I can to help get rid of Santino, and he’ll do whatever he can to convince my people to allow me to return home.”
The truth of her words belted him like a punch but he kept his face impassive. “That’s a long shot and you know it.”
“Yes, I know that. But it was the only hope I had.” She glanced past him to the dead bodies and the end of yet another lead on Santino. “You just took that hope away from me.”
Trygg tried to harden himself to the sadness in her eyes, the desperation. But it wasn’t easy to do. Not when the one thing he wanted was for her to stay. Not just in Rome, but with him. He should have told her that before now.
His chest felt hollow in the silence that stretched out between them. He ached with an emotion he could neither name nor reconcile.
He felt bereft as he watched her pivot on her sky-high heels and start marching away from him. He felt strangely empty and alone.
Fuck no.
This wouldn’t do. This hurt, this yearning.
This weakness where she was concerned.
He should be glad for her animosity toward him. He should be eager for the chance to see her gone from his city and his life.
He told himself he was.
He promised himself that since what Sia wanted most was to be rid of him and be free to go back to her own kind, he would do everything in his power to make that happen.
Chapter 11
“I thought I’d find you up here,” Phaedra said the next morning, joining Sia on the roof of the shelter house.
Her Atlantean friend had fashioned one area of the rooftop into a private garden space filled with large potted plants, blooming flower beds, citrus trees, and marble statuary. It was small, just five hundred square feet of tranquility, but it was a tiny slice of paradise, the closest thing to home that Sia had found anywhere else in the city.
She soaked in the peace and quiet, her arms spread out at her sides, her head tipped back to greet the newly risen sun. The cleansing rays poured into her, soothing and warm. This was a ritual for their kind, one required to rejuvenate both their bodies and souls.
Today, Sia needed healing on every level possible, most especially her heart.
Phaedra offered a concerned smile. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m fine. Much better today.” It was mostly a lie, but she was tired of feeling sorry for herself. She had plenty of time for that when she was alone. “It’s beautiful up here.”
Phaedra inclined her head at the praise. “This is the only space in the house that’s off-limits for the other residents. Sometimes I feel guilty for not sharing it.”
Sia smiled. “Thank you for sharing it with me.”
“The pleasure is mine, Tamisia. I have enjoyed having you here.” She quieted, growing reflective. “I only wish you were happier on this side of the veil, my dear friend.”
“I suppose I’ll have to learn to be, right?”
Phaedra nodded gently, aware of Sia’s wish to go home and her dashed hopes after last night. When she’d returned to the house with blood on her dress and the acrid stench of bar odors and gun smoke in her hair, Sia’d had little choice but to explain what happened—and why.
She didn’t have to confess about her feelings for Trygg, but she’d been an emotional wreck and it had helped having someone to lean on. Phaedra had listened patiently, offering no judgment for Sia’s foolishness in getting involved with a man who was incapable of seeing her as anything other than an obligation, a liability.
But it was worse than that. Sia had allowed herself to care for Trygg the way she never had for any other man.
When she wasn’t frustrated or infuriated with him, she was terrified of having to admit to the realization she might actually be falling in love with him.
Which only made the prospect of remaining in Rome even less appealing.
“Maybe I should travel the globe,” she mused aloud, resuming her meditation. With her eyes closed and her face tipped back into the sun, she tried to imagine all of the wondrous places she could explore in this mortal world. “I could go wherever my whim takes me, then pick up and move on to the next adventure before I even have a chance to get bored. If I want to, I could take a new lover in every port—or two!”
Phaedra laughed beside her. “It sounds exciting.”
Sia nodded, but behind her closed eyelids she felt nothing. She might enjoy seeing new places and doing new things, but the most engaged she’d felt in a very long time was right here, working at the shelter.
And then she’d crossed paths with Trygg. He’d made her feel alive. He’d made her crave, for the first time ever, a life outside of the colony. A life with him. At his side, as his partner in more than just his missions with the Order.
But that’s not how he saw her.
He proved that last night when he’d yanked certain victory out of her hands because he didn’t trust her to see it through without his interference.
She’d wasted enough of her days—and her nights—being pushed around and underestimated by men. Perhaps it was unfair to put Trygg in that category so soon, but she’d meant it when she told him she could protect herself just fine on her own.
And right now, the smartest thing she could do was protect herself from the irreversible mistake of falling in love with him.
Which meant putting as much distance as possible between them.
She drifted deep into her own thoughts as she and Phaedra completed the rest of their morning meditation in silence. When they finished, Phaedra turned to her, considering her for a long moment.
“In case you don’t know this, Tamisia, you deserve happiness. Wherever you decide to look for it.”
Sia shook her head. “No, I probably don’t—”
“Yes, you do.” Phaedra unfastened the leather thong attached to her wrist. The small silvery orb of Atlantean crystal sparkled as she freed the bracelet and held it out to Sia. “I want you to have this.”
“No, I cannot.” She shook her head. “That crystal is yours.”
“I don’t need it anymore. I haven’t needed this for a very long time. I am exactly where I want to be.” She smiled conspiratorially. “Use it to take you on all of your exciting travels.”
“Phaedra, no. I didn’t actually mean any of that. I was only pretending I wanted to do those things.”
“Then use it to take you home,” she said, affixing the strip of warm leather to Sia’s wrist in spite of her protests. “Plead your own case to the council. If you need someone to vouch for your honor and your worthiness to be accepted back into the colony’s fold, I will testify for you. Mine is only one voice, but there was a time when it meant something in the realm. I will help you in any way I can.”
Sia glanced back down at her wrist and
at the extraordinarily generous gift from her friend. “Phaedra, thank you for this. And for everything else you’ve given me since I arrived here. Thank you for being my friend.”
“The honor is mine.” With a placid smile, she rested her hand lightly on Sia’s arm. “How about some tea?”
Sia nodded, but she couldn’t find her voice. Her throat was tight and her eyes stung as she stared at the glimmering, otherworldly amulet. The magical chunk of cosmic stone would carry her anywhere her heart desired. Even back to the colony.
She only needed to have the will to use it.
Chapter 12
Savage was waiting in the corridor as Trygg came out of a closed-door meeting in Lazaro Archer’s office late that afternoon. “How’d it go in there?”
“About as good as you might expect.”
Savage grunted. “Shit. That bad, huh?”
“Five dead bodies, and one of them just happens to be an embedded JUSTIS operative who’d been working Santino’s crew for the past two months.” Trygg shook his head. “The commander should’ve handed me more than just my ass. If Lucan Thorne had his way, I’d be tossed out on it right now.”
Trygg’s own honor—thin as it was—practically demanded he resign his post with the Order and find something else to do with his time and varied skills. The fuck-up outside the club with Sia was completely his fault. He’d lost all sense of reason when he watched Crespo leave with her. Seeing the bastard pawing Sia out in the parking lot like some barfly whore had pushed him right to the edge of a red fury he couldn’t leash. But it was the scent of her spilled blood—the realization she’d been wounded—that had obliterated all of his logic and control.
He’d not only forfeited the night’s mission to track a member of Santino’s inner circle, he’d jeopardized months of work for both the Order and a covert team inside JUSTIS.
To put a cherry on top of the whole stinking pile of mistakes, he’d also lost Sia in the process.
They had gone their separate ways after the massacre at the club. She headed straight to the shelter on foot, a fact he knew only because he covertly followed her there, needing to be certain for his own peace of mind that she made it home without issue.
As for him, he’d been at the command center ever since, doing his damnedest to glean more intel off the SD card and any other data lead he could chase down. What he really wanted to do was smash something with his bare fists.
Sia was livid with him and for good reason, evidently.
He still couldn’t believe she had planned to return to her colony without so much as telling him about it.
Then again, if she was that hellbent to get back to her people, who was he to stand in her way?
He should be the one holding the damn door open for her to walk her haughty ass out of his life, out of his thoughts. Out of his heart.
Her fine ass, he corrected himself grimly.
But he didn’t want to think about that or any other of Sia’s many fine qualities.
He had a mission to put back on the rails and he intended to do it.
Savage broke into his thoughts as the two of them started down the corridor. “What do you suppose the odds are that Santino’s business in Trapani tonight is still a go?”
Trygg shook his head. “We can’t be sure, but we also can’t risk losing the chance to find out. Lazaro and Lucan just gave me my orders. I’ll be heading south to stake out the area as soon as the sun sets.”
Savage cocked his head. “A stakeout? Last I knew, we were gearing up for a raid if the lead turns out to be a hot one.”
Trygg swiveled a flat look at him. “Change of plans, courtesy of JUSTIS. Since I put a wrench in their side investigation, they’re demanding the Order surrender any collars to them. If there’s a bust to be made, they get the win. We’ve just been downgraded to an eyes and ears operation only.”
Savage scoffed. “In other words, we do all the work, and then we phone it in to JUSTIS for them to take the credit?”
“Sounds about right,” Trygg muttered. “Lazaro and Lucan aren’t happy about it, either, but since we all want Santino put out of the Red Dragon business, we’ve got to play nice—at least for now. Lucan and the team in D.C. have their own problems with JUSTIS and the layers of corruption that have infected the organization. As for me, I don’t give a shit who I report to. I just want to see the job done and Santino wiped off the board for good.”
As they approached the residential area of the command center, the sound of female voices carried from one of the rooms on the main floor. To hear Savage’s mate, Arabella, and Lazaro’s mate, Melena, was no surprise, but it was the other soft voice that made Trygg’s feet slow beneath him.
Sia.
Trygg couldn’t hide his surprise as he and Savage reached the large arched entryway and found the three women seated together on the sofa and chairs inside. They had a tray of fruits and cheese in front of them and glasses of red wine in their hands.
Trygg’s gaze rooted on Sia. “What are you doing here?”
“Nice to see you too.” Her tone was cooler than her gaze. In fact, if he knew anything at all about females, he might have guessed she’d been crying recently. “I came to say good-bye to my friends.”
“Good-bye?” He tried to ignore the disapproving looks of the two women. “You mean you’re leaving Rome?”
She nodded and his heart felt as if it were suddenly caught in a fist.
“When?”
“As soon as possible. Tomorrow, most likely.”
Fuck. He would be gone to Trapani in a few hours on a mission that would easily last most of the night. Which meant the odds of seeing her again after this moment were slim to none. He told himself it was for the best. If seeing her right now felt like hot iron talons raking deep into his chest, what would he feel like if he had to watch her leave?
“Where are you going to go?” His words came out rough, more demand than question.
“I haven’t decided yet. I may eventually go back to the colony and appeal to the council to pardon me.”
“I see.”
Just then, he noticed the leather thong that looped her wrist, its small crystal orb shimmering in the soft light of the room. He knew what the crystal was. The Atlantean male and friend of the Order’s, Zael, wore the same kind of teleportation amulet around his wrist. It was how he transported himself between the mortal world and his own.
Now Sia had one too. From her friend Phaedra at the shelter, if he had to guess.
So, her mind was truly made up. One way or another, Sia was determined to go back where she belonged. He nodded, the tendons in his neck feeling tight.
“Okay. Then good luck to you, Sia.”
Before he was tempted to say any of the lame things that were leaping to his tongue, he wheeled around and stalked out of the room without another word.
He got all the way to his quarters and had stormed inside the room when Sia’s voice sounded in the open doorway.
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say to me?”
He stood in the center of the room, his glower trained on her as he turned to face her. “What do you expect me to say?”
Her answering laugh was brittle. “You’re right. This is exactly what I should expect. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you with my presence, Trygg.” She turned around, then seemed to reconsider almost as swiftly. “No. You know what? I’m not sorry I’m bothering you. I’m sorry that you weren’t like this before.”
“Before what, Sia?”
“Before I threw myself at you like a fool the other night. If you’d been this cold and detached all along, none of it would have happened.”
He wasn’t so certain of that, but he didn’t point it out. “Fortunately, once you’re gone we won’t have even more to regret.”
She flinched as if he’d just struck her. “What a cruel thing to say.”
“Is it?” He honestly didn’t know. A remorseful sigh gusted out of him. “I’m not good at this, Sia.
I don’t know what things to say that won’t hurt you. All I really know how to do is to hunt, to kill. That’s who I am.”
“No. That’s what you were forced to be as a child.” She stepped farther inside the room. “Who you are now is up to you. The same way I now need to decide who I am going to be.”
“You do know, Sia. That bracelet tells me you’ve already made your choice.”
She touched the crystal orb, then glanced up at him with a plea in her eyes. “Then help me change my mind, Trygg.”
He stepped back, possibly the first time he’d ever retreated from anything in his life. “Don’t ask me to. I don’t have anything to offer you. Not while Santino is alive.”
She remained silent for a long moment, emotion playing over her lovely face. When she finally spoke, there was a quiet resignation to her voice. “Then offer me the truth before I go. Why is it so important to you that Roberto Santino is stopped?”
“You know why. I’ve told you, I’ve pledged my arm to the Order and this is a mission I intend to see through to the end.”
But Sia was too smart to let it go at that. She listened in silence, but her gaze was anything but satisfied with his rote answer. “Why are you pursuing Santino so single-mindedly, Trygg? Is it to put a stop to the pain he’s causing the Breed population with his dealing in Red Dragon, or is it because of how you described the way he’s using young boys?”
“Isn’t either one of those reasons enough for anyone to want the asshole dead?”
“Yes, it is,” she replied quietly. “But I’m asking about you.” She took another step toward him. “Can’t you at least let me in long enough to tell me what happened to you? Trygg, did Roberto Santino—”
“No. It wasn’t him.” His answer was sharp and quick, like the slice of a blade. Trygg rubbed the scar that ran the length of his cheek. He had no intention of taking this jaunt down memory lane, least of all with Sia.
But she was pushing him to give her his truth. Pushing him like she had the other night in her apartment. She had been pushing him out of the safety of his darkness and into her light all along.