by Ronica Black
The words stung her down deep. She would have to analyze them, search for their validity. She would rather die than be anything like Veronica Ryan. Shawn had been intoxicated and angry, but even so. She wanted to be sure. Maybe Shawn would talk with her about it sometime soon.
After making herself a fresh pot of coffee, she resumed her position on the floor. She opened the boxes Allen brought and delved back into the letters. She worked until dawn, searching for their UNSUB. She knew the letters had most likely come steadily at first, slightly beckoning Veronica to correspond with her. If this was the case then the letters would have a true return address. It was vital she find them.
As she was filing through letter after letter, sleep weighed heavy on her. She was just about to call it a night when one letter caught her eye. She read it and reread it. Her heart rate sped up. She stood.
Dear Ms. Ryan,
I hope this letter finds you well. I wanted to write and tell you how much I enjoy your work. I think you are an incredible actress. No one is better. I hope others see your talent as I do.
Please feel free to write me anytime. It would be great if we could be friends. I’m also enclosing my phone number should you feel the need to call. I believe God has brought you to me for a reason. We need to embrace that. I look forward to hearing from you. Please don’t take long.
Sincerely,
Ashley (Ash)
This was it. She could feel it. The letter was handwritten in black ink. The handwriting looked like the writing of a young girl. She searched for the envelope. The Bureau had been sending her copies of the letters and they’d copied the envelopes as well, attaching them to the letters. This one, though, was missing.
Panicked, she dug through the box. She rifled through all the papers and re-checked the ones she’d been through. Nothing.
She started in on the second box, studying the black ink and feminine handwriting.
“Come on, come on.”
She found one. A new one. The copy of the envelope was attached.
“Yes.” She hopped up. Looked for the return address. Her heart fell to her feet. There was only a name. And a postmark. It was mailed from Yonkers.
Hurriedly, she searched the letter.
Dear Veronica,
It’s me again. I hope you know who I am. I wrote you before and waited for your answer. I never got one. Maybe it got lost. That happens sometimes. I know you are very busy but we have to do as God says. We have to see God together. I will send you another letter with a time and date. I will check your schedule and arrange a meeting time for us. You will hear from me soon.
If you find my other letter and you want to write me, go ahead.
I am here. I will be here for you. I will come to you when you need me. Always.
Sincerely, Ash
She searched again for the first envelope. Where the hell was it? She dumped the boxes, fanned the papers along the carpet, spreading them out.
Damn it.
Looking again at the name on the second envelope, she leaned back against the sofa and dug out her phone. She called Allen and woke him.
“I’ve got something.”
She could hear rustling and imagined him reaching for the light and his eyeglasses.
“Okay.”
“I found two letters. They both scream UNSUB. There’s no return address but there is a name.”
“Go ahead.”
“Ashley Williams.”
“You think it’s real?”
“I think so. I think she really wanted Veronica to contact her at first.”
“Then where’s the address?”
“The envelope for the first letter is missing. It’s on there, I’m sure of it. Have those agents go through everything to see if they can find it.”
“Will do. Anything else?”
“The postmark is Yonkers.” She crossed the room to the small alcove where a computer and fax machine sat. “I’m faxing it all to you as we speak.”
“I’ll start the search right now for Ashley Williams in Yonkers and surrounding areas.”
“We also need to go over those employee lists from the cleaning agencies.”
“Got it.”
“This is it, Allen. We’re closing in.”
“She knows.”
“She’s eyeing the case. Following Veronica. Be careful.”
*
Shawn stared out at the beach below. Dawn greeted her with blues and grays, the sea a churning tide of the emotions coursing through her veins. She ran her hands through her damp hair. Unable to sleep, she finally gave in and took another shower, allowing the steam to help clear her head and the hot water to massage her aches.
Her head throbbed in a soft, steady way. More of a nuisance than a pain. However, it did not distract her from the memory of the night before. She could recall every moment, every gentle touch, every long stare. And the whiskey bottle on the nightstand reminded her of the other details. The less pleasant ones.
Exhausted and strung out, she carefully dressed in a pair of soft jeans and a T-shirt. Her shoulder was angry and red and terribly sore. She’d done some damage to it, pounding on the sand, acting like a crazed animal, desperate to know why and what for. Answers that had yet to come.
The house was quiet as she walked to the girls’ room. They were sound asleep, curled up in their beds. Kiley was snoring. The sight seemed to relax her rib cage, enabling her to breathe easier. Her girls always had that effect on her. She said another prayer of thanks. Where would she be without them?
After she adjusted their covers, she headed downstairs. She walked slowly, unsure of her weak and exhausted legs. The smell of coffee came and she immediately craved some. Maybe it would nurse her soul as well as her head.
Entering the living room, she saw Monty through the back door. He was outside sitting by the pool. He waved. She reminded herself to thank him for helping to care for the girls. She owed him and Kennedy big time.
She returned the wave and walked farther to find Kennedy asleep on the floor, boxes and letters surrounding her. She looked so peaceful, her face so beautiful, partially hidden by her thick brown hair. She was haloed like an angel in the early morning light. Shawn bent to a knee and brushed the hair aside and gently stroked her face. She hated to wake her, but she needed to talk to her.
Kennedy made a small noise. She was beautiful. And vulnerable. Just like everyone else.
“Kennedy,” Shawn said softly, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Kennedy?”
She stirred and her eyes fluttered open. Upon seeing Shawn she jerked and sat up, on high alert.
“It’s okay,” Shawn said with a weak smile. “It’s just me. Everything is fine.”
Kennedy blinked as reality set in. She exhaled with relief. “I must’ve dozed off. Everything’s okay?”
“Yes.”
Kennedy lifted some of the letters and studied them, as if she was willing her mind to catch up.
“Any luck?” Shawn asked.
Kennedy held up a finger as she scanned some papers quickly. “Yes. Yes, I think so. I could hardly stay awake last night, but yes, I think I found something.”
She showed them to Shawn.
“They sound almost like regular fan mail.”
“They do,” Kennedy said. “But they go a bit further. A bit deeper.”
“Do we know where she is?” Could this really be over?
“No, not exactly. We have a name, we’re running it. And we have a Yonkers postmark.”
“What’s the name?”
“Ashley Williams.”
Shawn mulled the name over. Ashley Williams. Was this her? Their tormenter?
“Do you recognize it?”
“No.”
“What about the handwriting? Or the words?”
She shook her head.
Kennedy lowered her head and sighed. Then she picked up all the papers and placed them back in the box. She kept the two important ones, placing them on the coffee table
. The wind in her sails had seemed to deplete. Shawn tried to cheer her up.
“That is great, though. Right?”
“Yes.”
Shawn smiled. Kennedy stood and nearly lost her balance. Shawn steadied her.
“I think we both need to take it a bit easy.”
“No, I’m all right. Just not awake yet.” She smiled a little back at Shawn. “How are you this morning? You look better.”
“Honestly? I’ve been better. But I feel okay. Will you walk with me?”
“Sure. Give me ten minutes?”
Shawn agreed and busied herself pouring them both some coffee. When Kennedy returned, her face looked pink with life and her eyes were dancing in the sunlight. She’d changed into a pair of jeans and a light blue sweater. Shawn couldn’t help but stare.
Kennedy didn’t seem to notice. “Ready?”
They exited to the backyard where Monty sat by the pool. Kennedy told him about the letters and encouraged him to go look at them. The news was like a much-needed shot in the arm and he hurried inside to do so.
“You know,” Shawn said as they reached the beach, “she seemed so normal looking in that sketch.”
“Yes, she did.”
“She doesn’t look like a monster.”
“No. They rarely do.”
“She hates me, doesn’t she?”
“She doesn’t know you, Shawn. She just knows that you are in the way.”
“I never thought that somebody would want me dead. Would actually try to kill me.” She hugged herself. “It’s—I don’t know—horrifying.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Will I ever get over it?”
“I think you will. You have to remember that this UNSUB, she’s caught up in herself. She’s lost in her own mind. And right now her mind isn’t well. She doesn’t know you. It’s not personal. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. You’re just a barricade. A fly in her perfect soup. An obstacle.”
“So I’m not even human?”
Kennedy met her gaze. “To her? No. She doesn’t have the capability to empathize with you. She doesn’t feel for anyone, really. Just Veronica. And herself. Everything revolves around that.”
“But she doesn’t even really know Veronica. How can she worship her?”
“Because she’s obsessed with the Veronica she’s created.”
“What would happen if she ever met her?”
“It wouldn’t be good.”
“She would hurt her?”
“Yes. The second Veronica turned her down, or told her to get lost, it would anger her. The more Veronica spoke, the more danger she’d be in.”
“Because it wouldn’t be what she’s imagined?”
“Exactly. She might beat her or tie her up. Her mind would struggle to realize that this wasn’t the Veronica she’d dreamed of.”
Shawn thought about the UNSUB. She couldn’t seem to get used to the strange word. UNSUB. She wondered who she was and what had happened to her to lead her down this path. How does someone completely lose touch with reality?
She breathed in the cool sea air, letting it awaken her from the inside out. Her thoughts went to last night.
“I owe you an apology.” She looked over at Kennedy. “I was way out of line last night and I’m truly very sorry for the way I spoke to you.”
Kennedy walked with her hands behind her back. When she spoke, her voice was soft. “Apology accepted. I understand more than you know, Shawn.”
Shawn sighed with relief. “Thank you. After the way I spoke to you I thought for sure you’d be upset. But I didn’t mean it. The part about Veronica, I didn’t mean it.”
“What made you say it?”
Shawn groaned. “Oh God, you had to ask didn’t you?”
“You don’t have to answer. I’m just curious. Was it something I did?”
“No. It’s what you didn’t do.”
“What I didn’t do?”
Shawn wanted to disappear down into the sand. Just completely disintegrate into a million little pieces and be swept up by the sea.
“Last night, I was in a bad, bad state. And more than anything I just wanted you to hold me, to tell me you—”
“Go on.”
“I don’t think I can.” Her heart was going wild. She was sure Kennedy could hear it.
They walked on in silence.
Kennedy let her off the hook. “Rain check?”
“Yes, please.”
Kennedy laughed.
Shawn was grateful, still confused over her growing feelings. She moved on to a more somber topic.
“There’s something I need you to do for me.”
“Yes?”
“I need you to find the truth for me.”
“The truth?”
“About Veronica. I need to know…everything.”
Kennedy stopped walking. “I thought Allen already had.”
“I asked him if there had been others and he told me yes. He didn’t give me details.”
“Why would you want to know? Why put yourself through that?”
“I need to know the truth. All of it. I want to know how long this”—she motioned with her hands—“all this has been going on.”
“But why?”
“If you were me, Kennedy, if you truly understood like you say you do, you would want to know too. I need to know if my whole life the past eight years has been a lie.”
They started walking again, Kennedy shaking her head.
“I don’t know, Shawn. I can understand wanting to know, to put your life in perspective and all, but can you handle it?”
“I have to. I have no other choice. I have to know so I can move on with a clear head. I don’t want lingering demons in my life. I don’t want this to ruin my next relationship.”
Kennedy glanced at her. “Your next relationship?”
Surprisingly, Shawn felt herself smile. Sort of. “Yes.”
“That sounds good. Very positive.”
“It does, doesn’t it? So will you help me?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you.”
*
“So you found the letters?” Keri asked, cutting up spaghetti for the boys.
“I’m pretty sure.”
“That’s good. Does Shawn know?”
Kennedy nodded, twirling some noodles around her fork. Outside, the waterfall on the pool ran and beyond that the ocean churned, muted. The sunset was beautiful.
“How’s she doing? Really.” Keri slid the plate over for Landon, who dug in.
“Not too good.”
“I didn’t think so.”
“Mama, I’m thirsty,” Luke said, his mouth already stained with marinara.
“Here, baby. Here’s your milk.” She placed it in front of him and watched as he gulped. “She doesn’t look well.”
“She’s in pain. Shock too. It’s just one piece of horrible news after the other.”
“If anyone knows how that feels, it’s you.” She took a hearty bite and stared at Kennedy as she chewed.
“Yes, I do. But still, I feel helpless. She holes up in her room, self-medicates.”
“A lot of people react this way.”
“I just wish I could soften the pain. I hate that she sits up there in misery.”
“Go to her.” Keri took another bite. The boys slurped up their noodles and giggled. Natalie played drums on the high-chair tray. “You know you want to.”
Kennedy held her gaze. She took a sip of iced tea. “This isn’t about what I want.”
“No, of course not. Nothing ever is.”
“Don’t start.”
“It’s hard to sit back and watch you waste your life, Kennedy.”
“I’m not wasting it.”
“You have. You’ve put everyone else first.”
“I care.”
“Well, maybe you should care about yourself too.”
“Mama, I want some bread,” Luke said.
“What do you say?”
She handed him a piece of garlic bread. “You say please when you ask and thank you after you receive it.”
“Yeah,” Landon said.
He took it with a grin but shot his brother a quick look.
Kennedy was glad for the interruption but Keri didn’t forget.
“Go to her, Ken. Hold her. Love her. Tell her how you feel.”
Kennedy played with her spaghetti. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because of her current situation. And because I’m here to help her.”
Keri dropped her fork. “Boys, cover your ears.”
They did so quickly, giggling. Keri stared her down.
“Pardon my French, but screw Veronica Ryan. Shawn has filed for divorce. And as for you, you aren’t doing anything wrong. You’re not even working for the Bureau. So you go to her. Go to her before I pull you over there and shove you in her face.”
“What if she doesn’t feel the same way?”
“Oh my God.” She sat back in her chair, incredulous. The boys continued to giggle. Natalie continued to beat on the tray of her high chair. “For someone who can delve deep into the criminal mind, you are mighty naïve.”
“You’re not helping.”
“Yes, I am. Kennedy, she wants you. She feels for you. It’s written all over her. All over the both of you. Surely she’s said something or done something…”
“She did kiss me.”
Keri blinked. Then laughed. “You’re unbelievable.” She motioned for the boys to lower their hands.
“What did you say, Mama? Something bad?”
“No, I just told Kennedy a secret. That’s all.”
“What was it?” They looked to Kennedy.
“I can’t tell.”
“Man!” Landon shoved his arms down to his sides. “I never get to know the good stuff.”
Kennedy laughed. “It wasn’t anything you would want to know, buddy. I promise.”
“Then tell me.”
“Landon,” Keri said.
Kennedy leaned into him and whispered in his ear. His face lit up and he clapped his hands. Luke demanded to know the same, so she rose and whispered in his ear.
“That’s it?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s not exciting.”
“Excuse me?” Mike, one of Keri’s security, approached the table. “We may have an issue.”