by Tanya Kelly
As she tried to decide what to say or do, she felt Reilly get off the bed. He left the room, presumably to use the bathroom. She listened to the water running and he returned a few minutes later. Lacey had pulled the blanket over herself, feeling vulnerable naked. Reilly picked up his clothes and began to put them on, not once even looking at her.
“I’m going to head home,” was all he said, doing up his jeans.
While she knew their relationship was casual and friends with benefits was what she’d wanted, she had never felt used before like she did now. She said nothing as he finished dressing.
He finally looked at her once he was dressed. “Take it easy on your ankle. If you need something, get Kim to get it for you. Try to keep the weight off it. I’ll, um, I’ll talk to you later.”
As he moved to the door, Lacey couldn’t stop herself as she called out. “Reilly?” He turned back around. “Did I do something wrong?”
He ran his hands through his hair, looking deep in thought. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” he finally responded. “I’m just angry at myself.”
“Why?” she asked, more confused than ever.
He looked at her long and hard. “I guess I was…” His voice trailed off. “Never mind.”
“No, tell me.” She sat up further on the bed and clutched the blanket around her breasts.
“Tell you what, Lacey?” he demanded angrily. “You were looking for a fuck buddy and I just fucked you. What more do you want from me? Friendship? Are we friends?” He waited a split second for her response before he continued. “Or am I Kim’s friend you just had to come with tonight?”
Realization dawned on Lacey. He had heard her conversation with David. Oh shit. She hadn’t meant it that way. “Reilly, I didn’t…”
“Forget it, Lacey,” he cut her off. “It doesn’t matter if we are or aren’t friends. This isn’t working for me. I don’t want a fuck buddy. I want a girlfriend. One who wants to hold my hand in public or at a party. Someone who wants me for more than just my cock. I thought I could give you what you wanted but I want more and we both know you’re not prepared to give more.”
She sat back, her mouth hanging open in shock. Reilly waited, watching her but she was at a loss for words.
“That’s what I thought.”
And she watched, dumbfounded as he walked out.
Chapter Ten
Reilly wiped sweat off his brow and continued working. He hadn’t stopped all day, not even for lunch. After he’d left Lacey’s last night, he had tossed and turned in bed for hours before finally falling asleep at the break of dawn. The bed was empty without her.
“Fuck!” he swore as he made another mistake on the piece he was working on. Reilly threw it across the room. He’d been at the workshop since early morning and it was now getting dark. He’d done some work done although not as much as he would have liked or usually did. The problem was he was distracted. He couldn’t get Lacey out of his head.
In a little over a week, she’d gotten under his skin big time. Ending it was the right thing. Reilly kept telling himself it was a casual affair like Lacey wanted. But he’d developed strong feelings for her quickly which only grew the more he got to know her. His mind had given him ample warnings to cool it, that she didn’t feel the same. But he ignored those warnings. Last night had been the final straw.
Reilly had been looking forward to a night out and introducing her to his friends. Except Lacey’s biggest concern was how he would introduce them. Then she’d pulled her hand out of his when they arrived at the party. But the icing on the cake was overhearing her talk and flirt with that David guy, telling him she was a friend of Kim’s. Reilly had been incredibly pissed and it had taken everything not to confront them. Watching that fucking guy lean close to her, her body brushing his as she passed him. His fists clenched at the memory. He’d wanted to smash his fist in the guy’s face and had to take breaths to calm down. He didn’t want to ruin Nick’s party. Julia would have killed him.
What the fuck was wrong with him? First he’d fallen for Erica, who’d also been emotionally detached. Reilly later realized it was because she’d been hiding a damn husband. Now he’d developed strong feelings for Lacey, whom while didn’t have a husband, seemed to be emotionally unavailable as well.
After he’d witnessed the flirting between her and David, he wanted to get the hell out of the party, take her home and end things once he’d calmed down. It would be for the best before his feelings developed anymore. Reilly didn’t need another situation like Erica where he’d waited too long to listen to his gut. But then Lacey had fell and hurt herself. Concern had filled him immediately. He planned to get her settled in and leave. Despite being worried about her ankle, his anger had still vibrated through him.
But she’d looked so distressed and shook up in bed. Her hair floated around her face and her eyes wide and sparkling green. Reilly leaned in, the scent of her lavender shampoo filling his nostrils. Desire warred against his anger. He recalled Lacey flirting with David, touching him as she brushed past and her disregard for what was between them and he saw red again. In his fury coupled with lust, he’d done the unthinkable. Reilly had taken her in anger. One last fuck, he’d told himself. He’d been cold and harsh which he regretted the moment he’d calmed down. Lacey had hurt him and he’d wanted to strike back. And now he was feeling like the biggest asshole ever. She’d been nothing but honest with him from the start about her expectations. He was the one who developed feelings and then punished her for it.
But he was sick to death of being perfectly acceptable to fuck but not dateable. Like any man, he loved sex, but he wanted more. He wanted a relationship and to share his life with someone he cared about. Maybe get married one day—have kids. But it seemed the women he fell for didn’t feel the same.
Reilly got up and stretched his tired, sore muscles. Enough for the day. He wasn’t getting much done at this rate. He cleaned up and shut the lights off before locking up and climbing tiredly into his truck. He debated grabbing a beer with Nick but he wasn’t sure he felt like company. Might as well head home, have a shower and try to get some sleep. He looked at his cell phone again but no missed calls or texts. It annoyed the shit out of him that part of him longed for Lacey to contact him.
As he approached the house, Reilly noticed a car idling in the driveway. When he got closer, he saw it was Lacey’s car. Reilly tampered the excitement he felt seeing her car. He pulled in beside her and jumped out of the truck at the same time she turned off the engine and got out as well.
“Hi,” she said timidly.
“Hey.” She looked young and vulnerable, standing there with her ski jacket zipped all the way up. Her hands, encased in warm mittens, fiddled nervously with her car keys.
“Can we talk?” Lacey asked.
“Come on in.” Reilly waved for her to go ahead of him and she limped as she walked. He quickly came to her side and stopped her. “Your ankle, you shouldn’t be putting weight on it.”
“It’s fine,” Lacey protested. “The swelling is pretty much all gone. Just a bit sore.”
He gave her a look before taking her arm over his shoulders to help support her and walked her inside. He helped her off with her boots and brought her to the couch. “You want something to drink?”
“No thanks.”
“I’m grabbing a beer. Be right back.” She didn’t want a drink so what she had to say probably wouldn’t take long. Probably wanted to smooth things over until he was done with the work in their store. Reilly grabbed a beer from the fridge and took a long swig before going back to the living room. Lacey sat where he’d left her looking small and lost. Her hands were tucked into her lap. She wore black yoga pants, a soft pink hoodie and her long hair in a messy bun with tendrils loose around her heart-shaped face.
Her face was devoid of makeup and she had dark circles under her eyes. She jumped when he set the beer down on the coffee table, her eyes wide. Reilly thought she looked even more beautif
ul than ever with an air of vulnerability surrounding her.
He sat next to her and waited silently. She fiddled with the drawstring around her hoodie. “I’m sorry,” she finally said. “About what you heard between David and me last night. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Well, I mean, I guess I did but I didn’t. Wow, this is hard.”
Reilly raised an eyebrow and didn’t say anything. He learnt being quiet usually had the other person filling the silence.
“I don’t like talking about myself much and it’s hard for me to open up to people.” Lacey looked at him with huge eyes imploring him to understand. He didn’t but he could see this was difficult for her. Again he stayed silent, urging her to continue.
“Remember I told you about my mom and her drinking and going through lots of men?” He nodded. “Well what I didn’t tell you was it was always younger men. My mom loved to party and I was home alone a lot from as early as I can recall. By eight years old, I was doing most of the cooking and cleaning. I basically took care of myself.
Lacey looked down at her hands as she continued. “I never had many friends growing up because it wasn’t like I could have them over. I tried to once and my mom came home drunk with a young guy to party. It was embarrassing. The next day the girl must have told everyone at school and I became the brunt of a lot of teasing and bullying. I kept to myself after.”
She coughed lightly and swallowed. “By the time I was a teenager, I was a book worm. I didn’t have any friends. I buried myself in school work and got top grades. My plan was to get away to college and never look back. Obviously at that age, I started to fill out and become a woman. One night, my mom brought a different young man home to party and they were so loud, they woke me up. I heard a crash and I ran out of bed to check if my mom was okay. They were fine, having just broken a lamp. They were both half naked and about to do the deed.”
“Lacey,” he finally interrupted her, taking her hand in his. “You don’t have to tell me this if it’s too hard.” Reilly wasn’t sure he wanted to hear where this story was going. His was sick to his stomach thinking of her, living in such a nightmare.
“No, I want to tell you and it’s not what you think. My mother told me everything was fine and to go back to bed but the guy was eyeing me in my pajamas and drunkenly suggested some mother-daughter action as he reached for me. My mom was furious and kicked him out but her anger wasn’t only directed at him. She was also mad at me. As I went from awkward gangly adolescent to a teenager and then to a young woman, she seemed to see me as competition.”
Reilly squeezed her hand. “I know she sounds horrible and she wasn’t perfect but she didn’t have an easy upbringing either. She was obsessed with not wanting to grow old and I think being with younger men and partying kept her from feeling old. But she did love me, in her own way.
When I went off to college, I was a serious, no party kind of student. But then I met Kim and we became best friends. She was the first person I opened up to and she helped me loosen up and have some fun. She’s met my mother and she’s more like a sister to me than just a friend.” Lacey smiled when she talked about Kim.
“I started dating a bit but nothing ever lasted. I think subconsciously I had a deep distrust of men in general. Kim talked me into seeing a therapist to discuss my issues which helped. Right after college I went to work at the bank and met someone. He was older and mature and everything I thought I wanted in a man. We were getting serious and talking about moving in together when I finally introduced him to my mother. She’d just married husband number three whom I hadn’t even met yet. I had them all over for dinner which was a disaster.
My mom’s husband got pretty drunk and kept flirting with me. I guess my mom decided flirting with my boyfriend was fair play. The evening ended awkwardly and later, my boyfriend broke it off and said he couldn’t be part of such a fucked up family.”
Reilly shook his head. “He’s a coward and a loser for letting you go.”
Lacey smiled and looked down at their fingers entwined together. “My mom and I didn’t see each other for a long time but I eventually made a fragile peace with her. We’re not close but we try to maintain some form of relationship.”
Lacey looked up at him and tears shone in her eyes. Reilly wanted to take her in his arms and hold her but he let her finish. “Anyway, I’m telling you all this because I guess I’m still a bit fucked up.” She laughed through her tears. “I didn’t mean to hurt you but when David asked me if I was there with you, all the old insecurities of being teased by school kids and being embarrassed by my mom’s behaviors resurfaced. I panicked and lied. I have this obsession with being conservative and normal. I don’t like to stand out in any way and being the older woman dating a younger guy stands out and reminds me of my mother. That’s why I kept pushing you away.”
Reilly brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it before wiping away a tear that had fallen down her cheek. “I appreciate you telling me all this and it certainly helps me understand you better. But when I look at you, I don’t see what you see. The older woman, younger guy thing. I like you Lacey, a lot. But I can’t continue the way we’ve been going, pretending we’re just friends, despite what you’ve told me. Shit, Lacey, you look so young I don’t think anyone even thinks, look at the older woman with the younger guy.”
She smiled indulgently at him as if to say, yeah right.
Reilly grabbed her hand back in his. “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, I don’t care how old you are. It doesn’t change how much I want you.”
He scooped her up and sat her in his lap and kissed her. Her lips were soft and full under his. After everything she’d told him, he wished he could take away all her pain. She melted into his arms and kissed him back hungrily. His cock hardened against her the curve of her ass. He tilted his hips upward, pressing it against her.
“If you don’t believe how much I want you, feel that. My cock is unable to lie.”
Lacey laughed and kissed him back. Reilly ached for her. He wanted her but this time he couldn’t ignore his other head. Yes, Lacey had confided in him but he wasn’t sure if anything had changed and he couldn’t just be her fuck buddy anymore. He broke their kiss and searched her face questionably.
“Last night was the longest night of my life. I do like you Reilly. A lot.” She looked at him, her eyes wide and shinning. “But I’m scared. I want to give us a shot but are you sure you want an older, screwed up woman?”
“Yes, you’re describing the woman of my dreams.” He smiled teasingly and pushed a tendril of hair behind her ear. “Last night was torture for me, too, Lacey. I barely slept. And I’m sorry, too. For the way I treated you.” He had taken her in anger and acted like a complete jerk.
“I think I needed that.” She smirked. “I kept saying all I wanted from you was sex and nothing more. Last night I realized I did want more. I wanted the laughter, the kisses, the cuddling and all the emotional baggage that comes with sex.” She traced the outline of his jaw.
“Most guys would run from the words emotional baggage. This is your last chance and no hard feelings.”
Reilly shook his head. “I’m not most guys.”
Lacey nodded and buried her hands in his hair as she kissed him.
He breathed in her scent, his body tense with need. But he needed to finish this discussion. He reluctantly tore his lips from hers. “I met someone when I first came here and we started dating. Long story short, I fell in love and she didn’t. She was married, which she’d kept from me. But all she wanted was a good time and great sex. I was angry and still lonely for my friends and family and I did my share of sleeping around after that, trying to bury my hurt and loneliness.” He watched her face intently as he spoke. “But I got tired pretty quick of meaningless sex. I want something more. It feels like I’m heading down the same path with you, getting involved with someone that doesn’t return my feelings and only wants sex.”
She shook her head. “I do have feelings f
or you, Reilly, and I’ve just stupidly been trying to fight them.”
“When you were talking with David, it wasn’t just the words which infuriated me Lacey. It was the way he looked at you and the way you flirted.” Still his blood boiled thinking about it. “The worst was that I couldn’t tell him to fuck off. Or hold your hand or anything to let everyone know you were mine. I had to respect your friendship boundaries.”
“I’m sorry.” She gave him a pleading expression. “I did flirt, you’re right. My insecurities were in full swing watching that bottled blonde, Sophie, come on to you. Can she be any more obvious?” Lacey’s voice had risen and her eyes flashed with irritation. Reilly smiled, unable to help the twinge of joy from her jealousy.
“Then David was there and I kept wishing I was attracted to him because my mind tells me he’s more suitable. He’s my age and we have things like our professions in common. Or my previous profession anyway.”
Reilly narrowed his eyes, his smile disappearing. “Is that what you want?”
“No.” Lacey touched his cheek with her hand. “I was wishing I was attracted to him but I’m not, at all. When I went on a date with him I was bored stiff and all night, I kept comparing him to you even though I’d just met you. And believe me, there is no comparison. I want you.”
He turned his head and kissed the inside of her palm. “Good, cause I don’t share Lacey,” he declared firmly. “I want you as well, all to myself. I’m not a controlling guy but I’m like every other man and I get a bit possessive. It killed me not being to declare you mine at that party, or bunch that idiot in the face for touching what’s mine.”