“Hey, Jackie, I saved you some stir-fry,” he said as she walked into the living room. He realized how much he sounded like a housewife when he said that, but he was hardly emasculated. Plus, he assumed she would be drunk.
She was. “That sounds great, I’m starving. We didn’t actually eat anything,” she replied as she took off her heels. Nathan went to the kitchen to retrieve the plate of leftovers to put in the microwave. He moved around her house like he belonged there. She was too drunk to pay attention to those little details.
After he’d put Jackie’s food into the microwave, Nathan started to head for his backpack to put his things away. There were many books strewn across the coffee table even though he’d only used a few of them. Jackie didn’t appear to like this.
“You’re not going to stay while I eat?” She made a puppy face and sounded like a little kid who found out that Santa Claus wasn’t real. Jackie had clearly lost all the feelings of guilt over asking him to babysit in the first place. Finals were of no importance to her.
And yet, Nathan decided to indulge in her company. He thought of Steve and the dislike his family held for him. Mrs. Buchanan’s words echoed in his ears as he realized the beauty of this situation he found himself in. This wasn’t some sick scenario that he concocted in his head. Jackie was asking him to stay. This was put in front of him just as he gave Jackie a plate of food he’d prepared. All he had to do was go with the flow and there would be no wrongdoing on his part.
As Jackie munched away on her food, Nathan asked, “So, how was your night? Were the drinks everything you could hope for?” He feigned interest in what was presumably a standard night of adults using each other’s company to indulge in alcohol, which at least in Nathan’s mind, defeated the practice entirely. Restraint and alcohol didn’t seem to go hand in hand in his mind.
“It was okay, I guess,” she said. “Boring, though I guess that’s to be expected. What I need is for something interesting to happen. You know, out of the blue.”
Nathan saw an opportunity being dangled in front of him. He hadn’t wanted to tamper with fate, but this was too tempting to pass up. He wanted to be a little more proactive.
“You know, we never talked about that dinner you mentioned last week,” he said in a moment that required him to exist outside his own consciousness for the duration of the time it took to ask the question. There would be no going back from this as he took his leap of faith.
Jackie looked up from her food which caused Nathan’s heart to sink as he faced the possibility that his brief romantic possibilities with her had already passed him by. “No, we didn’t,” she said with a flat tone that didn’t reveal much about her opinion on the matter. This was not exactly the answer that Nathan had wanted to hear, but it wasn’t necessarily the end of the world.
Before he could think of a response, she added, “Tell me, Nathan. What would you cook for me? What is the first thing that comes to your mind?” Her flat tone was now edged with seduction.
The volcano of ideas rapidly flowed through his head and he said, “Swordfish, my house, this Thursday.”
Nathan had finally cast the gauntlet against Steve. He had now stepped foot into the dragon’s den and asked a married woman to dine alone with him on an exquisite piece of fish that he had no idea how to make. He wasn’t even sure that he could get swordfish in two days’ time. He wasn’t sure if he even liked swordfish.
He questioned whether or not he’d followed Mrs. Buchanan’s advice. The time had felt right, but there were so many emotions swimming around inside of him that he could never be sure now. Everything in his head was swirling around at such a fast pace that all he could think was, Jesus, what have I done?
While Nathan had felt a rapid fire of emotion, Jackie returned to a reserved demeanor that barely let on to what she was thinking if she was in fact thinking of anything at all. “That sounds lovely,” she said. “I can’t remember the last time I had swordfish. I’ll bring the wine.”
Nathan almost couldn’t believe what was happening. He kept sneaking direct glances at Jackie trying to gauge her true level of intoxication. He also wanted to leave, but he thought that if he departed now so abruptly, she would come to her senses later and call the whole thing off.
The two exchanged small talk for a bit after the dinner plans were made. This gave Nathan some comfort, as Jackie appeared to be serious about her desire to have dinner with him. Her early arrival had been negated by the time he’d remained there and he wanted to return home to get some studying in before his next exam.
As Nathan picked up his bag, he looked at Jackie once more in another effort to try to understand who this person was who’d entered his life. He tried to pick up on any facial expressions, but if they were telling him something, he sure as hell had no idea. All he knew was that he was now deeply attracted to her.
“I should get going. Only two more days of school,” he said. He felt a bit self-conscious after saying this, like his young age was something hidden. He did not want Jackie to feel old, though.
She looked sad to see him go. “Wait, let me pay you—lest you stop being such a knight in shining armor for my children.” She took out her wallet and started to count out some twenties.
Nathan tried to stop her. “You really don’t have to pay me that much. Your kids are great.” This had little effect on her.
Jackie put the money in his hand and stopped to stroke his arm for just enough time for the two of them to know there was most certainly something going on. “I can’t get over how cute you are. Goodnight, Nathan.”
He wanted to kiss her right there, but he knew that was a bad idea. She had been drinking and her kids were home. He left the house with the assurance that he’d handled the situation properly. The next time he’d see her would be in a romantic setting, and that would be a much better scenario in which to make a move.
He was pleased with himself. He had every right to be. Nathan was in such a good mood as he left that he didn’t see Mrs. Kalford peering at him from her bedroom window.
Chapter 14
Finals were tedious for Nathan, but not so much because of the tests themselves. He found there wasn’t a subject in which he’d done poorly, but there was certainly room for improvement that he’d neglected to care about. This had gone unnoticed by his aunt, who thought she had an A student in her nephew.
Nathan spent much of his time trying to find out the best way to prepare swordfish. He had grown angry with himself for suggesting it at first because he thought it would be impossible to make, but the recipes indicated that it might not be so difficult. It required a little more finesse than he was used to, but it was doable.
After some research, he decided the best way to cook it would be on the grill. This complicated his planning just a little because he wasn’t going to be cooking at his aunt and uncle’s. He was finally going to use his own childhood house for something exciting.
His father’s house had all the bare necessities, but Nathan wanted to make sure things were perfect. He bought a new gas tank for the grill, which hadn’t been used in well over a year. Nothing was going to stand in his way. He even cooked a few burgers on it to make sure all was well. Seeing that the interior looked a bit drab, he went to the florist and picked up some flowers.
This came at the expense of a few social opportunities that had come his way. Griffin had been reminding him of a big party at Georgia Lewis’s house that Thursday. Nathan had not been sure how to break the news that he wasn’t going. He didn’t regret making his dinner for the same night, but he needed to provide his friend with a proper excuse for missing the first official party of summer vacation.
He approached Griffin on Thursday morning in the cafeteria. “Hey, man, I totally blanked on tonight and I told Jacqueline McCarthy that I’d watch her kids tonight.”
Griffin looked a bit annoyed, but he wasn’t as crushed as Nathan thought he would be.
He still supplied the almost obligatory guilt trip that
Nathan expected. “That’s no good. It’s the first party of vacation.”
“Oh, come on. When are you going to stop making up faux ceremonious occasions just to get drunk? Just do it. Besides, are you sure you should be going to these after everything with that girl last week?”
Griffin looked slightly annoyed. “Never. Everyone celebrates stupid things. I doubt those hockey players will even be there. And if they are, I’m ready to go with or without help from the likes of you.” The melodrama showed that he was not actually mad, just a little disappointed.
Seemingly getting over his own frustration, Griffin said, “So, the McCarthy mom is pretty hot. Any potential plans to tap that?”
This disgusted Nathan just enough to show him that he cared without giving Griffin any weird ideas. “Her name is Jacqueline, or better yet, Mrs. to someone like you. Secondly, that’s a very inappropriate question for you to ask and it shows why thoughts like that will forever remain in your head.”
By answering this way, Nathan avoiding having to lie to Griffin. Lying was not something he was accustomed to doing, but fibbing had increasingly become a common part of his life. He had lied to Aunt Cassidy about his whereabouts repeatedly and had still not told Griffin about his break-up with Sarah. He remained conflicted as to how he felt about this constant need for dishonesty.
Most children learn to lie to avoid getting into trouble, but Nathan rarely found himself in these positions. As a young child, he had relatively little to hide from anyone. If something did happen, his father usually didn’t take an interest, negating the need for fibs. His date with Jackie McCarthy was the first juicy secret of his entire life.
This made him feel good, which inherently made him feel bad because of guilt. He liked the idea that he had a secret that other people would want to hear. It was easy for him to engage in conversation with people, but usually because he had varied interests. Nathan rarely talked about himself unless it pertained to a situation in which he was part of the narrative.
Nathan possessed the same excitement that any kid his age would have for school letting out for summer, but with a bit of nervousness that would have been confusing to anyone, and in this case everyone, who knew what he was going to do that night. His fantasy world precluded him from caring about any of the risks, even if he was half aware that they were right in front of him. He didn’t exactly ignore them, but was indifferent to their presence.
When he arrived home, Aunt Cassidy was already there having just picked up the twins from their last day of school. He congratulated his cousins on finishing fourth grade, but he had hoped that no one would be there, allowing him to prepare for his date with privacy. He wished he’d brought clothes over to his father’s house ahead of time.
His aunt spoke up after Nathan was done talking to his cousins. “Hey, I thought we’d go out tonight to celebrate the start of summer,” she suggested.
Nathan stopped for a second as he prepared to come up with a good reason for his lack of availability. “I’m so sorry, Aunt Cass, I’m going out with Griffin and some of the boys for some burgers and then we’re going to hang out.” Seeing the disappointed look on his aunt’s face, he added, “Rain check for tomorrow?”
He was going to celebrate, just not the end of school. He was about to embark on an adventure that many of his contemporaries could only dream about. For all his nervousness, he felt good about himself.
It made Nathan happy that he was doing something unique that other people would actually care about, even if he couldn’t tell them. His affection for strange adventures generally reserved for his friends’ parents had not made him unpopular, but he had a certain personality few knew how to describe.
Nathan wasn’t attracted to the whole MILF thing, which was the primary reason he’d kept Griffin out of the loop. Growing up in a household with varying nannies, and a father who worked all the time, put him into quite a bit of contact with people older than him. This matured him faster than he probably would have liked. Mrs. Buchanan told him he was born in the wrong era, but Nathan wasn’t so sure. He just knew he had different interests than the average person his age, and he was okay with that.
He could still enjoy the thought of jealousy that would flow through every one of his friends if he shared the details of his time with Jackie. Was this wrong? Possibly, but Nathan let himself relish the moment.
Aunt Cassidy took the news of his plans well and told him she wasn’t expecting him home that night. That meant he’d have to spend the night at his father’s house for the first time since Jerome had left for London. He wasn’t sure how he felt about this, but he wouldn’t be able to take his car to his house and then back to his aunt’s without arousing suspicion that he might have been drinking and driving. It appeared to be a fair tradeoff for a night with Jackie.
Nathan went to his father’s house a little early to vacuum and to make sure everything was as perfect as he could make it. Jerome had his house cleaned once a month to avoid dust and presumably to have someone make sure that Nathan had not been using the house for parties.
He had bought the swordfish right after school and it was waiting in his kitchen for him to prepare it. He cleaned the grill twice to avoid any chance that his masterpiece could come out tasting like burnt hamburger.
Jackie was supposed to come at six-fifteen so Nathan relaxed on the couch to watch some TV. He wore a blue button down, un-tucked with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of khakis, once again to show that he was classy but without wanting to seem like he’d put too much effort in. He wore cologne that he took from his father’s bedroom. Jerome only liked nice things so he was sure it was the best he could have.
As the clock moved closer to the time when Jackie was supposed to arrive, Nathan felt something he hadn’t experienced in a long time. He was nervous. It wasn’t a paralyzing feeling, but was certainly enough for him to stop and think about what was about to happen.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt genuinely nervous about something. Normally he just tackled things head-on. When he was younger, he often worried about his father and he’d carried a fear of abandonment with him for so long that it came as a second nature to him. By throwing himself into so many unique situations over the years, Nathan taught himself to roll with whatever came his way like when he learned he’d have to live with his aunt and uncle and he’d presumably face a similar situation in a year’s time when he went off to college.
With the nerves came feelings of doubt about Jackie. He had lived in the moment so much in the past few weeks with regards to her that he had reached no definitive conclusions as to what she must have been thinking. The first thing that came to mind was “not much,” but that was not the kind of positive thinking that would guarantee him success with his night. She obviously viewed him as a mature individual, which would require him to act like one until the alcohol kicked in. Doubt was something that plagued nearly every adult he knew with the possible exception of Mrs. Buchanan.
The only thing he knew for sure was that Jackie was a beautiful, lonely woman. The latter part of that not so elaborate piece of information required him to exercise restraint. She might be much older than him, but she was still vulnerable and he could not take advantage of that.
Nathan had almost forgotten about the time Jackie called him cute. The compliment alone could be taken at face value; after all, Griffin’s own mothers had said the same thing countless times. Coupled with everything else, it was a potentially important detail Nathan could’ve used to ease his doubts.
Jackie’s vulnerability was a factor in Nathan’s attraction to her. Not because she would be an easy conquest, but because he himself was vulnerable. He considered himself someone who could make friends easily, but there was always that lingering thought on the impermanence of human relationships that made him nervous.
With age, these fears became manageable, but they left him with his own vulnerability that he liked to ignore but would never go away. This knowledge along wit
h the ever-present reminder just to go with the flow provided him with some desperately needed stability. He thought more about the potential similarities in character between Jackie and him when he heard a knock at the door.
Chapter 15
It was two minutes after the suggested time of arrival. Nathan was generally pretty strict about punctuality, but he couldn’t berate Jackie the same way he could yell at Griffin. The only thing that surprised him was that he hadn’t been constantly checking his phone for the time while he was on his journey of self-reflection.
He opened the door and saw Jackie in all her magnificence. She was wearing an elegant purple dress with black tights and high heels that Nathan could only think of as “expensive.” Her hair and make-up displayed the kind of restrain that girls his age knew nothing about. Jackie was beautiful and she appeared to know it without feeling the need to overdo it.
Nathan said hello right off the bat before stumbling over what he was going to say next. Most of his brain cells were telling him to compliment her appearance, but he held back while he looked for the right word. Earlier than morning, Nathan had compiled a list of conversational taboos that he could only engage in if Jackie brought them up.
This list was just as important as his finals. Nathan decided to avoid bringing up any topics pertaining to age as well as anything that could be perceived as generational. He would certainly not be talking about his day at school or what he was going to do about college visits.
He also was not going to make any mention of Steve or her children. This was a very large and very obvious elephant in the room. So, they didn’t exist tonight. It was not preventing the dinner from happening, which was already one slap in the face from popular convention. He saw no reason to test his good luck.
The next one was not as obvious, but Nathan still considered it to be very important. He was going to tread lightly when it came to flirting. This went against some of his inclinations when it comes to wooing, but he needed to let Jackie take point on that one. There were too many landmines in that field to be too forward on that front.
Courting Mrs. McCarthy Page 9