Jackie, call me as soon as you get this.
Just as he sent it, he heard the slam of a car door. Aunt Cassidy was home and it didn’t take a genius to know that she’d found out what had happened. He briefly considered escaping out the back door, but it was too late.
His aunt was in the kitchen in what felt like record time. Her face was nearly devoid of emotion, though he could see she was holding some. He didn’t care to know what it was.
“Tell me it isn’t true, Nathan.” She was breathing heavily, and she looked like she was ready to explode.
There was no point in lying, though the prospect was appealing. “It’s true. I can explain, Aunt Cass.” He wished he’d been given five more minutes to think of something to say.
She turned away in horror. He was unsure what to say to the woman who looked about ready to murder him. She took a few more deep breaths and replied, “So, last night you were with her, weren’t you?” Her face turned red with emotion and she screamed, “You lied to me, Nathan. Again and again.”
He thought back to the New York trip, and the night before. “I’m sorry I lied to you.” He didn’t apologize for what he’d done with Jackie.
Aunt Cassidy’s face shifted from red to a paler pinkish white. She poured herself a glass of water. “Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to call your father and we’re going to arrange for you to see a psychiatrist. Clearly his departure has had an effect on you that your uncle and I are simply unequipped to handle.”
The suggestion of a psychiatrist surprised him. He didn’t want to argue with his aunt, but he wasn’t being left with much of a choice. “Absolutely not,” he said. “I don’t need some psychoanalytical doctor telling me I did something wrong.”
This was not the answer his aunt had wanted. “Nathan, you lied to me repeatedly and you committed adultery. Your head is not in a good place right now and we need to get you some help.”
Nathan grew angry with the repeated suggestions that there was something wrong with him. “My head is fine, Aunt Cassidy. I did what I did knowing the consequences and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Jackie and I had something that she hadn’t had with her husband for years. It was real.”
That last part may have been a little melodramatic, but Nathan stood by his statement. A psychiatrist would never be able to figure him out accurately and he didn’t want to spend forty-five minutes in a room with someone who had already formed an opinion on everything he had to say.
His aunt looked like she was growing impatient. “Nathan, this is nonnegotiable. If you expect to continue living in this house, you will meet with someone to discuss this abhorrent and sinful behavior of yours.”
His hand had been forced. There would be no trial for his actions; he had been found guilty in the court of Cassidy Thompson, and his sentence was months of intense scrutiny from someone he didn’t even know. This was not a sentence he was willing to accept. Unless he picked an alternative course of action.
He reached for his car keys, which were on the kitchen table. His aunt displayed a look of horror as she watched her nephew reject her ultimatum. “What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded.
The only thing on his mind at that present state in time was getting out of that house. He could worry about his possessions later, but Nathan needed to flee this hostile environment and get himself together.
“Aunt Cassidy,” he said, with the same type of dispassion that she displayed when she’d first entered the house. “I thank you for all you’ve done for me this past year. You, Uncle Martin, and the girls have been great. But you’ve issued an ultimatum that I simply cannot accept. I don’t expect you to understand why I did what I did, but I respect your wishes to not have an influence like that living under your roof. I shall now seek alternative housing options. I’ll be back sometime to pick up my belongings. I love you. Goodbye.”
With that, he left the house. Aunt Cassidy, presumably shocked, did not follow. He was thankful to have avoided a lengthy conversation. He had figured out early on that there was nothing he could say to convince her.
As he got into his car, he thought about where to go next. He didn’t really need to be anywhere, though many public places were out of the question until he knew the full extent of the gossip. He really wanted to see Jackie, but her house was the last place he should go. If she didn’t pick up her phone, chances were that she didn’t want to see him. He didn’t have much doubt that she knew as well.
Nathan instead drove to the Rousseau residence. That was the only place where he could cool off without fearing that some adult would scream at him or a kid his age would patronize him for what he’d done. He hadn’t regretted much of what he said to his aunt, but his mind was not in a great place. He’d worked with the hand he’d been dealt.
He walked up to their front door, giving it a knock. Since Griffin was at work, he’d have to use the spare key from behind their garage if no one was home. Fortunately, Megan opened the door.
“Come on in, sweetie. Everything will be all right,” she said, hugging him. As much as he wanted to be alone, Nathan embraced the sight of a friendly face.
He sat down in their living room while avoiding direct eye contact with Megan. She might be supportive of him, but he was still afraid of being judged. She brought him a cup of coffee.
“Do you need anything, Nathan?” she asked him as she sat down in a chair next to him.
The only thing he really needed was to find out if Jackie was all right, but that wasn’t something she could help him with. Instead, he asked, “How bad is it?” referring to the gossip at his yacht club.
Megan looked unsure of how to respond to the question. “I’m not really sure, sweetie. People are shocked. It’s definitely the talk of things around there right now, but I guess that was to be expected. No one’s saying bad stuff about you. It’s just that there’s nothing else going on and what you did is the flavor of the moment.” She had a smile on her face but she still looked sad for him.
It didn’t really make him feel better. “So, Jackie is the one getting all the slack then?” He sounded unintentionally hostile. He couldn’t get over how unfair that was to her.
“Nathan, people are going to talk. Jackie is the adult and she was already in a position to be gossiped about. Just relax. This will all blow over.”
He hoped it would, but he wasn’t feeling like much of an optimist. He told Megan he was tired so that she would show him to the spare bedroom where he could lie down and collect his thoughts. He didn’t normally sleep here when he slept over at the Rousseaus’ home, but he got the eerie feeling that this room would serve as his purgatory for the foreseeable future.
The bed at least felt comfortable as he climbed on top of it. Megan brought him fresh sheets and said she’d be happy to swing by the Thompsons’ house to get anything he needed. Nathan just wanted to be by himself.
In less than twelve hours, he had seen his chances with Jackie improve when she told him of her intentions to leave her husband, only to see them snatched away out of nowhere by the clutches of overbearing, nosy adults. In the back of his mind, he’d always seen this as a possibility. Even when he danced with the devil on the train ride back from the city, he’d never considered the idea that their affair could actually become public knowledge.
His feelings of loss were secondary to the anxiety he felt for Jackie, who had significantly more to lose in this public scandal. It was anyone’s guess as to whether or not Steve had figured it all out, which would make their divorce both faster and far more complicated at the same time. He thought of April, whom he hadn’t seen in a long time and wondered what she would say when she found out he’d been sleeping with her mother.
The pain he’d caused to Jackie and her children made him sick. His guilt came from feelings of selfishness, as if this fate was a forgone conclusion that he had allowed to happen. He’d been warned about it by Griffin, and chose to write off the possibility that someone in this town might
catch on.
He thought of what he’d do to Corrine Kalford if he could be alone in her presence. Nathan wasn’t certain she’d been the one responsible for the leak, but he couldn’t think of anyone else who would do such a thing. Her gossiping was legendary but she’d never done something this cruel before. Either she was jealous of what he’d had with a woman far more attractive than her, or she did it out of pure evil against two human beings who were simply enjoying each other’s company. He suspected the latter.
Nathan dialed his phone once again in an effort to divert his attention from feelings of hatred. Despite his anger, he wanted to know Jackie was okay more than anything else. The call went to voicemail. Nathan thought about leaving a message but ended up just dialing again.
By the fourth ring on the second attempt, she picked up. “Nathan, I can’t really talk right now.” She spoke in a tone that seemed uncharacteristically empty of emotion. If anything, she sounded scared.
“Jackie, are you okay?” Going to her was the last thing that he should do, but he wanted to be ready for that.
“We’re heading to the airport soon. Steve called, and then his lawyer after I stopped speaking to him. We have to go to Seattle to deal with this. He’s coming at me hard. Nathan, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. I’ll call you when I get the chance. Goodbye.” She hung up the phone, depriving Nathan of the chance to get the answers he so desperately desired.
He fell back against his pillow in a motion that was almost reactionary. He knew things were bad, but he never guessed they could’ve gotten this bad this quickly. He cringed at the thought of Steve, who was undoubtedly in a state of pure rage. His moves against her would be without mercy. He wondered if Corinne Kalford knew Steve at all.
She would be waiting across the street if he tried to get anywhere near Jackie. He wanted to give her a hug and a kiss and tell her everything would be all right, but he had no idea if that was the case. It probably wasn’t.
He wanted to go to her and be the knight in shining armor that she needed. It ate him alive to know there was nothing he could do for her. He thought going to Seers Point might take some of the attention away from Jackie. The best thing that could happen right now would be for there to be as much distance between them as humanly possible.
Instead, he laid there and wallowed in his own sorrow. A few minutes prior, he wondered if there was any way things could get worse for him without thinking of how they were getting worse by the minute for Jackie. He had nothing to lose from their affair, but she sure did.
Sleep felt like an escape he was undeserving of at the moment, not that he could fall asleep even if he’d tried. He was left with a void that nothing could fill. Time was elusive and unimportant to him.
He had nowhere to go and nothing to do except wait to hear from Jackie, who wouldn’t be able to call for hours even if she wanted to. This felt like a big if, and he could sympathize with that sentiment. Nathan wouldn’t want to talk to the person who’d ruined his life either, even if these negative thoughts only existed as figments of his vivid imagination.
After a few hours, there was a knock at the door to the bedroom. He didn’t answer it as he knew Griffin would come in regardless of what he said. Megan or Victoria would’ve made their presence known immediately after the knock.
He rolled over in bed to face his friend, who had a somber look on his face. Despite all the causal dire warnings about what would happen if he continued his relationship with Jackie, Griffin had been right all along, but he didn’t look pleased by his victory. He was holding a plate with a sandwich and a bottle of Yoo-hoo in his hand.
“I brought you some nourishment, and I’ve been instructed not to leave until you’re finished eating it,” he said in an upbeat tone that was understandably forced. He pulled a joint from his pocket. “I think on a day like this, no one would mind if we sparked up in the house.”
Nathan displayed as much of a smile as he could. He wasn’t hungry at all, but he took the plate as an appreciative gesture toward one of the few people in the town who was genuinely on his side right now.
There wasn’t much taste to the sandwich. Griffin once joked that his mothers were bad at sandwich making because neither had a husband to practice on, but that sexist comment was poorly received from Megan and Victoria. Griffin was thinking of the same moment as he said, “I made it to spare you from the awfulness that my parents might inflict upon you.”
Words had left Nathan who struggled to think of anything but Jackie. All he could do was nod. He wasn’t used to being without a place to escape to alone, so Griffin’s kindness was oddly foreign to him. Past mishaps were completely trivial compared to the evil that marshaled before him now.
Nathan’s lack of participation didn’t stop Griffin from carrying on with a conversation. “I know things are shitty right now, but I’ve thought of a few positives that you can try to take away from this.”
Nathan just sat there.
Griffin continued. “Since your aunt didn’t take the news so well, you can live here. I’m sure that’ll be more fun than the stinky Thompson house with your boring uncle.” This was true, not that Nathan was in a mood to hear about the positive effects this would have on his life.
Having failed to pique Nathan’s interest, Griffin added, “I know this won’t matter for a long time, but this little thing is surely going to make you a legend at school.”
Nathan raised his eyebrow at his friend, who took this recognition as a cue to elaborate.
“No, really, it will. All the adults are freaking out about it now, but you did what every kid our age only dreams of doing. You bedded a—”
“Don’t say MILF,” Nathan snapped.
Griffin looked taken aback by the sudden outburst. “Relax. I wasn’t going to say it. I was only trying to put things into perspective.”
“How does that put any of this into perspective? Jackie is going back to Seattle to face her husband who is going to be ballistic, and you’re saying that it’s all going to be fine because I’m going to be considered cool by a bunch of people who have no idea as to the circumstances of what actually went down between me and this woman, who everyone but me is objectifying. Am I the only one who cares about her?”
For someone who hadn’t spoke for most of the day, Nathan found himself with a sudden burst of passionate energy to defend the woman whose life he felt responsible for destroying. This energy didn’t last for long and he laid back down on the pillow shortly after he had finished yelling at Griffin.
Seeing that he had lashed out unjustly, he sought to do some damage control. “Look, I’m sorry. You know that I’d be in a pretty awful position right now if it wasn’t for you and your family. I just feel like I ruined her life and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.”
“Nathan, you didn’t ruin her life. Sure, you did something that maybe wasn’t the greatest idea in the world, but it takes two to tango. Wasn’t she the one who asked you out in the first place?”
He had brought up a fair point. Jackie had been the one who first used the word date to describe what the two of them might have. Nathan’s guilt was then possibly explained by how unfair it was that he’d escaped the fallout relatively unscathed compared to her, even if he had been thrown out of his present living situation.
He expressed his uncertainty for Griffin’s questioning by saying, “I don’t know, I can’t help but feel like I took advantage of a lonely woman facing months of isolation on the east coast. It’s not like she fit in with the crowd here.”
That part was true. Jackie and her baseball wealth and West Coast mentalities did not make her an instant match for the dynamic of the other women her age. As much as anyone could laugh at that last statement, it was an accurate portrayal of Jackie’s situation. She represented a deviation from the norm.
Griffin took a defensive stance on behalf of his friend. “Who’s to say she didn’t take advantage of you, Nathan?” he asked, playing devil’s advocate
to Nathan’s self-loathing.
“Go on,” he said.
“It’s who you are, Nate. You’re this enigma who draws girls in because you’re someone no one quite understands. Heck, I’ve known you for most of my life and you still do things I could never figure out. But beyond that, you have a real crappy track record of people hightailing out of your life. I don’t know if there’s anything to say to make this right, but you can’t beat yourself up about this. You were both consenting adults who got caught up in the gossip of a bunch of people with nothing better to talk about. It sucks, but this kind of stuff doesn’t go on forever. Anyway, I’ll leave you alone, but don’t miss out on dinner and don’t mope for too long. We can play video games or something. Take it easy,” he added, as he got up to leave.
Nathan took a deep breath, thinking of Jackie and the shit storm she was headed into. Griffin had made some sense; his affair with Jackie would have a major impact on his reputation. The parents might be disgusted and his days of self-improvement classes were likely over for a while, at least in Roxburgh.
He didn’t particularly care that his social status would be elevated by his actions. If that had been a priority, he could’ve leaked what he’d done to Griffin before it got out. He could’ve spread it around and it would never have reached the point where adults would take a serious interest in a teenage rumor. It was somewhat relieving that he wouldn’t have to spend his senior year in isolation, but that seemed like a bitter consolation prize.
What other girls might think of him didn’t really cross his mind. Nathan wasn’t concerned with the fact that the majority of the girls his age would be appalled by what he’d done. Only a handful of strange women would somehow be turned on by his relationship with someone old enough to be their mother provided she gave birth at a time that would make her a viable candidate for the MTV show, Teen Mom. In this day and age, he couldn’t be too sure.
Thoughts of people who would be turned off by this behavior reminded him of a point that Griffin had made earlier regarding his persona. He wasn’t arrogant enough to call himself an enigma, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he was a bit of a strange person. He wasn’t sure if Jackie had known this from the start, but it might explain why she’d gravitated toward him in the first place. That or the alcohol.
Courting Mrs. McCarthy Page 16