He needed a lifeline, some way to counter what his father had just said. Nathan thought about all the times he’d mustered up the courage to approach Jackie in the face of potential and likely rejection. He needed something grandiose.
“No,” he said. It hardly felt like the grand solution he’d been trying to come up with, but it was a start. He had confused his father.
“What did you just say?” Jerome took another sip of his drink in an attempt to mask his confusion. He had never seen his father react that way to one word.
Some confidence began to return to Nathan. “I said no, Father. I am not going with you to England.” He regained a stoic tone to emulate the man he was trying to duel.
Jerome looked like the one on the defensive now. “Nathan, this is not up for discussion. You slept with a married woman and that is not behavior a normal teenager exhibits.” Jerome was no longer trying to hide his disapproval.
The discussion had remained relatively civil, but Nathan felt the sting of his father’s judgment and decided to retaliate with a sting of his own. “Okay, I’ll make you a deal. If you can name one time where you acted like a normal father, I’ll pack my bags and come with you tonight.”
Making this statement felt like his only option; he hoped his father would realize that forcing him to leave the country was not an acceptable response to what he’d done. The repercussions that it would have on his relationship with his father were worth it if it saved him from having his whole life uprooted.
There was a twitch in his father’s eyebrow, which showed how hard he was working to control himself. His right hand was clutching the table and his mouth was clenched shut. Besides that, he maintained his stoic composure. Nathan knew that it was made even harder by the fact that as hurtful as his comment was, it was true.
Nathan didn’t hold much resentment for his father. He knew that his mother’s departure and subsequent death had been hard on Jerome, and it left him unable to fulfill a role that was expected of him as the head of a family. It would’ve been nice if he had gotten over it, but life didn’t stop because he hadn’t.
Jerome provided Nathan with the financial flexibility to pursue all his interests. That was a poor substitute for being a loving father, but Nathan knew there were countless children who had been without either. That was all fine until his father become a direct deterrent toward allowing Nathan to lead the life he wanted to live.
He felt little guilt for what he’d said. The words were years in the making, even if there had never been an opportune time to say them until now. He stayed silent as he watched his father react.
Jerome opened his mouth a few times only to shut it, struggling to find the right words. Nathan relished the opportunity to hear his father say the first sincere thing to him he’d ever spoken, even if he had forced it to happen. Part of him now wished they were in a more private setting.
“Nathan, I know I have not been a very good father,” he said. “I’ve got no excuses to give.” He paused for a moment. Though he stuttered, he maintained eye contact. His words couldn’t seem to emerge.
His father’s struggle to articulate his thoughts allowed Nathan to remember what he wanted out of their encounter. And it wasn’t a big revival in his relationship with Jerome. He hadn’t come there for a heart to heart.
“I didn’t come here for you to explain yourself,” Nathan said, who offered an olive branch to his suffering father. “I know things were hard for you after all that happened when I was little.” He’d never made it a habit of mentioning his mother in conversation, who unlike Jerome had never done anything for him at all.
He abandoned the chess game that he’d expected to play with his father and said, “I’m okay, really, and we’re okay. You did what you did and I’m not going to sit here and pretend like my whole life has been ruined by your choices. But I don’t need you to make choices for me anymore. I don’t need to go to a therapist or to England. I don’t expect you to understand what happened, but I don’t think it’s fair of you to come across the ocean to change my life just because I did something unusual. I had a romantic relationship with a woman I care about, and now she’s gone. That’s not your business or anyone else’s. I am fine and that’s all you need to be worried about. You and I are fine, too, as long as you don’t try to make drastic decisions that affect me based off what Aunt Cassidy heard from a bunch of crazed housewives at the club. That is not okay.”
Nathan could’ve continued for as long as the café stayed open, but he’d made his point to his father, who know sat in a pensive state while he processed his son’s words. He didn’t feel great for saying what he needed to say, but he was at least relaxed knowing that he’d said it. He just hoped that his father had been persuaded.
“You’re right, Nathan,” Jerome finally admitted. “I should not have drawn such an ultimatum. Your aunt tried to do what was best for you and maybe she wasn’t fit for that position. I wouldn’t hold it against her. She was only looking out for what was best for you.”
Nathan didn’t have strong feelings of animosity toward his aunt, but he didn’t wish to return there either. “I know, but I’m not going back there. I’ll live with the Rousseaus for the rest of the year and then I’ll go to college, so it doesn’t matter. I don’t think the Thompson household is a good fit for me anymore.”
He hadn’t checked with Megan and Victoria to verify such a change to the living arrangement, but he didn’t anticipate it being a problem. They had been his support when everyone else turned him away, both past and present, and he hoped they’d continue to be. Jerome didn’t seem bothered by the fact that Nathan had presented this as a statement rather than a question.
Instead, he had ceded the fact that he couldn’t be controlling over his son. His eyebrow had stopped twitching. He still came across as cold, but that was more indicative of his usual personality.
“That’s fine with me as long as it’s okay with the Rousseau family. I’ll give them a call later today,” he said in a more pleasant tone of voice. “I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position. Are you doing okay?”
This was the first time Nathan could recall his father asking him a serious life question. Their few phone conversations were typically neutral and impersonal.
Nathan struggled with a response even though the battle was over. His emotions at the current moment had more to do with his father than with Jackie. As far as selecting something to keep his mind off of his loss, a heart to heart with his absentee parent was fairly effective. He wondered if his encounter with Jerome would make the gossip rounds at Seers Point. He didn’t want his life to become a local soap opera.
He didn’t need his father’s sympathy, but he also didn’t see a reason to say anything but the truth. “It’s been a whirlwind. I miss Jackie and I wish that what happened hadn’t happened, but I’ll get by. Time heals all wounds and I’ll survive this one.”
Without any prompt, Nathan started to tell his father how he’d come to be in the company of Jackie and why she mattered to him. He left out the sexual parts, but he didn’t hide the fact that he’d felt genuine emotion toward her. It was the kind of conversation that he wished he’d had with his aunt, but it felt good to be able to talk to his father about it.
He finished with the predicament of not knowing what to do and the frustration of not really being able to do anything at all. The only word he could really come up with to describe it was “shitty.” He let out a laugh of frustration while taking another sip of coffee.
Jerome’s phone rang about ten times at the table showing that his availability was dwindling. He constantly ignored it, but Nathan knew that his business was increasingly taking over as his predominant thought. His father was a busy man who hadn’t expected to need to step away from his work. Nathan would’ve liked to feel like he was the ever important center of attention of Jerome’s life, but he could accept that he wasn’t.
Ignoring the phone, Jerome said, “Well, this is what romance does to p
eople, Nathan.”
He felt cheated by that lazy and unhelpful statement. “That’s it? I tell you the story that led to me becoming the talk of the town and that’s all you have to say. Surely there’s more on your mind, Father.”
Jerome laughed in a rare showing of positive emotion. He was not a man known for his sense of humor. “I don’t think you need my help on this one, son. You’ll figure it out.”
As Nathan took in his disbelief at what he’d thought could be a pivotal moment between the two, his father stood up and put his laptop in his briefcase. “I must return to London. This was not the best week to have affairs go public, but that wasn’t your doing. I will call the Rousseaus on my way to the airport. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything,” he said as he gave him a pat on the shoulder.
Before he left, he added, “One more thing, Nathan. I’m proud of you. You’ve done well.”
He took this for face value and replied, “Love you too, Dad,” as Jerome left. He gulped down the rest of his lukewarm beverage and looked down at a magazine. Of all his experiences with Jackie over the past month, none seemed as bizarre as the encounter he’d just had with his father.
He sort of understood why Jerome had been reluctant to offer any advice for how he might approach Jackie. He appreciated that his father had shied away from expressing an opinion on the morality of what he’d done. Like Steve, Jerome had been on the other end of infidelity. Nathan had no idea whether or not he deserved it, though the rare mentions of his mother showed that she was likely the one at fault.
He could accept the fact that his father also wouldn’t feel comfortable expressing an opinion on his son’s exploits with a much older woman, even if she was much younger than Jerome. Nathan wasn’t sure how old Jerome was. The age difference between Jackie and Jerome was not too dissimilar from the one between her and Nathan. Jerome was uncomfortable talking about any kind of feeling.
It made him both horrified and oddly satisfied that he had been able to so accurately emulate his father while the two were conversing. He respected the way his father conducted himself, but wasn’t really okay with being able to accurately impersonate him, though it gave him a sense of maturity that could explain how he found himself in a position to court Jackie in the first place. He didn’t want to be like his father.
Nathan likened his opening up to the game of catch that Kevin Costner’s character played with his dad at the end of Field of Dreams. His conversation with Jerome wasn’t the sign of anything other than an acknowledgement that the two had a relationship. When it was over, Jerome could go back into the cornstalks and life would go on.
He grew anxious that he might somehow be destined to relive the same tragic fate that had plagued his father once his relationship with his mother had crumbled. Jerome had tried to move on, but the pain of rejection by his wife for a man so beneath her was a horrible blow to his psyche. Her death made him give up on the world for a long time. Nathan would have plenty of time to move on, but he needed closure to really know it was over.
A rational person might have told Nathan not to worry and that the circumstances were far different. Knowing he shared so many of his father’s quirks and reservations when it came to people, Nathan couldn’t help but worry about the long-term effects of Jackie’s departure. He had experienced a minor victory with Jerome that day, but there was still work to be done.
Nathan left the coffee shop with an increased understanding of his father. The angst he felt toward the man had started to dissipate. Jerome had seen the light after some persuasion. That didn’t make up for his shortcomings, but it eased Nathan’s ill will toward him.
Like Aunt Cassidy, Jerome had his flaws and shortcomings that Nathan was just going to have to put up with. His arrival might not have been out of concern for Nathan, but he would leave the country having given his son some reassurance that he could get through his situation. He thought of a day where he might even look to Jerome as a friend.
Nathan headed back to Griffin’s house to be by himself for a while. He imagined his father was probably letting off steam in his own way as well. He only wished he could tell Jackie about the day he’d learned to understand his father.
Chapter 25
The next week was filled with plenty of ups and downs for Nathan. His meeting with Jerome had provided him with a temporary morale boost, but that didn’t fix all of his problems. He was still without closure on the Jackie front and essentially an outlaw in his own town.
Nathan was fairly limited with activities to keep his mind occupied and off Jackie. Megan and Victoria had told him that people at Seers Point had stopped talking about it, but he wasn’t sure he believed them. He also knew the talk would start right back up the second he walked into the club and he wasn’t ready to face that.
He still received numerous messages on a daily basis from friends and acquaintances who wanted to know the details of his relationship. Nathan avoided all of these requests, as he was not ready to go talk about it. He hoped to hold out long enough so that people would stop caring. That time was a long way away. The first party he attended was going to be an unpleasant bombardment of interrogations, so he decided he would hold off on attending any social functions.
He had ruled most of the town off-limits as well. He didn’t want to put himself in a position where he’d run into someone who would ask him questions or even look at him funny. He treated every visit to get coffee or food like he was entering a village of zombies out to get him. Paranoia was rampant.
The town was big enough that Nathan was free to walk around without fear that people were on the prowl for him. The odds of a public confrontation were low. His exile was largely self-imposed as he didn’t want to risk the chance that people might be following him. For someone who actually was followed, it was somewhat understandable.
He and Griffin ventured up to parks in Connecticut and traveled aimlessly around the city. Nathan’s mood was mostly determined by how much he time had spent thinking about Jackie on that particular day. This proved frustrating for Griffin, who seemed to take it personally when his efforts to cheer Nathan up failed. He was trying very hard.
What Nathan hadn’t told Griffin was that he’d made contact with Jackie a few days after she’d departed for the West Coast. He was worried about how that might be perceived. Nathan had sent one text message and left one voicemail a day for her as an effort to let her know he cared without smothering her unnecessarily. These efforts were finally reciprocated, though the news was far from pleasant.
Steve had figured out about the affair the same day it became public. He’d received the e-mail from an anonymous contact that contained multiple pictures of Jackie and Nathan. Corinne Kalford had sent them out of spite, though she would never be publicly exposed. Nathan knew it couldn’t have been anyone else.
Steve had wasted no time in levying a punishment toward his wife. His lawyer, who had been with him since his steroid days, called her threatening to bring her to court if she did not return to Seattle at once with the children. She had been frozen out from all of her funds save for a credit card and a checking account with a mere two hundred dollars, leaving her options limited.
Jackie had managed to get a divorce attorney of her own, albeit a less experienced one. It didn’t help that she’d deleted the angry voicemail Steve had left her. That was the only thing she had of actual use against the man. The children were in his custody, and Jackie described the situation as bleak to Nathan. She had also made the mistake of admitting to the affair with Nathan, which gave Steve even more leverage.
This news been very rough on Nathan, who blamed himself for what had happened. Despite her efforts to alleviate his responsibility, he could not stop thinking of the pain the McCarthy children were going through all because he’d slept with their mother. He felt worse knowing there was nothing he could do to fix the problem.
He knew he needed to put on a happy face for the Rousseau family, who were stuck with him as a burd
en. Jerome had called Victoria in a diplomatic fashion, offering monetary incentives for them to take Nathan off the hands of his sister. He seemed unable to process the idea that the Rousseaus could do something like that without expecting a reward. Nathan fell into a hysteric laughing fit when he heard the story of his father’s phone call.
Life at the Rousseau house was pleasant. Nathan was still afforded the down time that he enjoyed at the Thompsons, but there was a stronger feeling of family unity. He only wished that Megan or Victoria would watch Cheers in the living room so that he didn’t feel homesick.
He had only one encounter with Aunt Cassidy since the exchange that led to his departure. He and Griffin had gone to their house to pick up the rest of Nathan’s stuff. They had planned it at a time when his cousins would be at practice so they wouldn’t be upset or confused, but Nathan was surprised to find his aunt home. She was quiet as they moved his belongings and only asked if he was doing all right. Nathan gave her a hug on the way out and thanked her for everything she’d done over the past year.
He had not been to the library since the affair went public. Encounters in the real world were hard enough when he was trying to avoid anyone he knew. The idea of seeking out people he did know was not very appealing. He wasn’t really sure how Mrs. Buchanan would feel about his actions, but given that she had been a devoted wife for decades, he didn’t care to find out just yet.
He also felt guilty that she was the only person besides his aunt who had been lied to about the affair for a long period of time. He’d never outwardly fibbed to her, but he’d created scenarios, which served as surrogates to what had actually happened. Mrs. Buchanan had served as an unknowing advisor to his affair and he didn’t know how to address that.
The purgatory at the Rousseau home wasn’t terrible. Nathan spent his time reading books and watching shows on the TV he’d put in his new bedroom. Any boredom he felt was justified as an adequate punishment for the trouble he’d caused. It definitely beat what Jackie was going through.
Courting Mrs. McCarthy Page 18