"Welcome to my world," Brady bit out. He swept a hand behind him and held me tight against his back. I felt his fingers flex against the lower muscles of my back, but any reassurance fell to the wayside. I could only hear my grandmother's damning words.
I was a failure.
And I sucked in my breath when Brady massaged my back because a part of me didn't care that I had failed. I wanted his touch. I needed his touch. I knew that if given the opportunity, I'd feel that touch again.
"I cannot believe you two…," Viola grumbled.
I hesitated to ask. "Should we…are you going to tell my mother?"
Viola snorted. "Hell no. Your momma ain't here and your momma ain't a part of your life, not in that way. She don't have no say whatsoever in what we do. Now," she seared us both with her glare. "You two get in your car and you head straight back home. I don't want no stop-over in between. You better be in the house in ten minutes flat. I don't have the time and patience to play games."
As she left the store Brady dispelled a deep breath
"Why didn't she make me go with her?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to guess, but I already knew the reason. She couldn't stand to be alone with me. She couldn't handle having me right next to her.
When Brady hugged me to him, I closed my eyes, just for a moment. I relished the firmness of his chest and the safety of his arms. A tear teased the corner of my eye because I knew he'd pull away in a moment and I'd have to feel the cold alone.
"You okay?"
I burrowed against his chest. I didn't want to answer. I wouldn't lie and I couldn't tell him the truth. My world was ending. I was going with it because I hadn't realized how much I needed him. Now that Viola knew what happened, I knew it'd all end somehow. It'd unravel and I'd be left standing, empty and alone.
"I'm fine," I whispered, raw.
He squeezed my shoulders once more. "You sure?"
I nodded with my eyes closed and pulled away. Then I blinked back more tears. "I can handle it."
Brady frowned.
"I can," I reassured him, but we both knew I was lying.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
When we got to the house, Neil was sent out to the car to make sure I went in alone. He looked regretful as he explained it'd be best if Brady didn't come inside, but it didn't matter. The damage was done. My grandmother had essentially cast him out of the house. In Brady's world, that meant the family. Of course, a part of me knew this wasn't how it really was, but that's how it felt that moment.
When I got out of the car, I looked at the house. It was large and looming in that moment.
"It'll all be fine. You know that, right?"
I didn't, but I mustered a smile and turned to Brady. "Of course…"
He saw through my lie but didn't dispute it. I sighed in relief.
Brady patted the steering wheel. "I'm going to go. Should I call you later?"
"No. No!"
"What?"
"I mean, it might be best if I talk to you tomorrow."
Brady sighed and nodded. "Fine. I'll—screw it. See you tomorrow." He jerked the car around and sped down my driveway. Then he braked and reversed. I watched as he parked underneath the weeping willow, climbed out, and tossed the keys towards me.
He grumbled as he passed by, "Forgot it's not my damn car."
I pocketed the keys as he walked past the house and through the small line of trees that separated our home from the Forresters. When I heard a door slam shut, I knew he was home and couldn't stall any longer.
I still didn't move.
In fact, I stayed for another five minutes. I should've gone inside. I'm a rational near-adult type of person. I had sex with my best friend. Yes, we were stupid and didn't use protection. Yes, we didn't tell our secret, but who does? Yes, I might have to face certain huge, huge circumstances, but Brady was right. We'd handle it. Me and him. But…I'd disappointed someone who looked out for me. There were only three of them.
I wiped a tear away and tried to rationalize that the world really wasn't ending.
"Rayna."
I looked up at Grandpa Neil's soft voice. He stood outside the door with a hand that held it open. One of his coverall straps slipped off his shoulder.
"I'm okay, Grandpa. I just need some time."
"Come on in. She went to bed."
She didn't want to face me.
"Okay." I nodded. My throat was thick. "I'm coming in." As I went inside, I felt a chill in the cozy living room. "Did she tell you?"
He nodded and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. One squeeze and he murmured, "It'll be okay. We've gone through this before. You're not the first to have made a mistake."
A mistake. Was that what Brady and I had done?
"It's late. Morning will be here soon. You should try and get some sleep. We've got church in a few hours."
I nodded and moved upstairs, but my feet dragged as I went past their door. The light flickered underneath it and their fan was whizzing. Instead of turning on my own light, I just curled underneath my covers.
When I woke, I saw the same darkness in my room. Blinking tiredly, I sat up and squinted towards my clock. I stared long and hard before I realized what I was looking at.
Nothing.
My clock always rested on my nightstand, but it wasn't there. When I looked for my phone I saw it wasn't where I usually placed it either. In fact, I looked around my room and realized nothing was the same. Someone had come in and rearranged my room—then I remembered. My clock had been pushed to the floor from when Brady and I had been in there—when my hand had flung upwards. I remembered hitting it, but I hadn't registered what had fallen. And, patting my pockets, I found my phone tucked into my back pocket. When I opened it, it took a couple seconds before I registered that it said 9:03.
I started to climb out of bed, but my phone buzzed in my hand. There were ten text messages from Brady. The last one read, 'Where are you? Are you ignoring me on purpose or is she that pissed off? She wouldn't look at me in church. Call me.'
Church?
That was at nine—oh God. I scrambled out of bed and lunged towards the door. When I opened it, the entire house was dark. No one was home and there was no way that it was nine in the morning.
"Hey!"
I whirled around and screamed when I saw a dark figure crouched in my window.
"Hey! It's me."
Brady. That was Brady. Gasping, I fell against my door and patted my chest. "You scared the crap out of me."
"I think I just peed my pants. Jeez," Brady grumbled.
"That was shut." I pointed towards the window.
"But not locked, babe. I left it open an inch the other night. Figured we might have to climb back inside." He smirked. "That plan went differently, huh?"
"Not funny," I retorted and closed the door behind me. The room was dark, but an intimate feeling swept over me. I shivered, not from fear or excitement, but ignored it as I sat on the bed. "I just woke up."
"I was wondering," Brady murmured as he inspected the pictures on my wall.
I watched his back, noted the muscular build and thin waist. Brady looked good. He always looked good, as he always would, but I saw an extra tension in his shoulders that he normally swept aside.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
Brady shook his head and asked instead, "Have you talked to your grandmother today?"
My 'grandmother.' He asked so formally. I shook my head. "She went to bed this morning before I got inside and I've been sleeping since. I'm kind of relieved. I really don't know if I can handle seeing how she looked at me last night again."
"Yeah," Brady mumbled as he sat beside me on the bed. Leaning forward, he braced his elbows on his knees, cupped his chin with his hands, and watched me steadily. His normally dusty blonde hair was cast in shadow.
A shiver passed through me at the intensity of his eyes. "What?" I tried to ignore the arm muscles that bunched together when he leaned further on his elbows.
"I was just
wondering how you're handling this. I mean, you usually freak out. How come you aren't freaking?"
"Thanks for your support." I tugged the bottom of my shirt down.
Brady shrugged. "I'm just saying that you aren't acting normal. I'm concerned."
"You want me to freak out?"
"Oh come on. You're going to freak out sometime. Since you haven't done it yet, it means it's going to be really bad. I'd rather deal with it now, not later."
"Excuse me, but you don't get to pick when I decide to 'freak out.'"
"Don't get all huffy about it. I'm just saying—"
"—I don't care what you're saying. This isn't even about you anymore. This is about…this is about…" I turned away from Brady and wrapped my arms around myself. I started towards the door, needing to get away, but stopped short. I couldn't go out there either.
"Rayna?" Brady asked behind me.
I started to tell him to go away, but I stopped that too. Did I want him to go away? Did I want to be alone? I didn't know what I felt or what I wanted. "Maybe you should go. I don't know what to say right now."
I heard the bed creak in protest as he stood up. "Are you sure? I wanted to make sure you're okay."
"I don't think I am, Brady. I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Rayna…come on…"
He wanted me to say that everything was alright, but I couldn't. I could still see the look on my grandmother's face. She looked at me like I was a stranger. I couldn't get that out of my mind. My throat choked up again. I shook my head and rasped out, "Brady, just go. I'll talk to you later."
He waited another few seconds, which seemed like minutes, before he crawled out of the window. As soon as I felt him go, I breathed in relief. I didn't know why I felt like Brady's presence was so oppressive, but it was. I shook my head and tried to clear my thoughts. I couldn't think like that. It was no good.
"Rayna, are you awake?"
I opened the door to my grandpa dressed in flannel pajamas, ready for bed. He extended a plate of steaming mashed potatoes with grilled chicken toward me. "I heard voices and thought you might be hungry."
"Sorry, Grandpa. I'm not hungry." My stomach growled. "Is she…?"
"She went to bed again, same damn migraine."
I saw the lie and chose to ignore it. "What about you, Grandpa? Are you disappointed in me, too? How come you'll talk to me and she won't?"
"It ain't like that, Rayray. It's not you that she's avoiding."
"Then what is it? Why couldn't she talk to me last night? Why couldn't she wake me up to talk today? Why'd she go to bed early?" My voice hitched on a sobbing note.
I searched his eyes, looking to see some answer that gave me hope, but he gave me a sad smile. "Your situation just sits real close to something else that happened. It ain't even about you, not really."
"But what? What do you mean?"
"You should eat your food and maybe take something to help you sleep. You have a busy week ahead. It's your graduation and you have lots to finish up with school."
As he left, I felt a small balloon of hope had been burst with a sharp needle. I'd been given a brief reprieve that maybe I hadn't disappointed my grandma so much that she couldn't bear the sight of me, but then with his abrupt departure I knew it wasn't so. It really was me that she couldn't see.
When I shut the door and stood there with the steaming plate, I thought over the coming week. I had one paper to finish. It wouldn't keep my attention and it was almost done.
I left the plate of food on my desk and went to the bathroom. I wouldn't need anything to help me sleep. I felt almost numb from lack of energy. When I finished getting ready for bed, I curled under my blanket and closed my eyes to fall asleep again.
When I woke the next time, it wasn't to darkness. I saw the familiar peeking of light through my windows and even heard the birds again. Unlike the last time, I wasn't disoriented at all; I knew immediately what had happened over the last few days. I quickly rolled over and smothered my face with a pillow. After I screamed into it, I didn't feel any cathartic release, only more agitation. I knew the day was not going to be a fun one.
Later, as I got to school and walked through the parking lot doors, I was right. Instead of everyone not noticing me, everyone noticed me. I felt my face get hot and ducked to shove it into the bag that I was clutching.
"If you take one more step, I'm going to flatten you."
Clarissa stood an inch from me holding a huge cake covered in clear plastic. Her eyebrows were arched in a warning.
"Are you getting married?" The cake was covered in white icing with pink flowers around the foundation. A figurine of a kissing couple was on top with a giant pink bow at the bottom.
"Hell no!" Clarissa scoffed and rolled her eyes. "This is the final project in my home economics class."
"I thought we had to sew our own bag. Wasn't that in seventh grade?"
"I'm in the advanced class. I wanted to get a jumpstart for college next year."
My eyebrows shot up. "We have home economics in college?"
"No, but it's going to be my degree. I'm doing a self-declared major. I want to be a wedding coordinator."
"Really?"
"Really." Her eyebrows went flat. "And before you make some smartass comment, it's not because I want to get married or anything. I just really enjoy weddings. I've never dreamed about my own wedding. I don't even know if I want to get married, but I really like them. I helped plan my sister's and then my other sister's. It stuck for some reason."
"Okay."
"Sorry. I get heated when I think people are making fun of me." Clarissa blew out a breath to cool herself off. Some strands of her hair billowed upwards for a moment before they landed gently and perfectly back into place.
"You'd be great at that job."
Clarissa raked a shrewd eye up and down me, but didn't comment. I thought I heard a slight "huh," but wasn't sure when she turned and went down the hallway. After a while I followed and saw she was at my locker. The cake was gone.
"How'd you know this was my locker?"
She snorted in laughter. "Are you serious? Brady might've been done with school for a year, but he comes around. Trust me. When Brady Remington hangs out around a locker, everyone notices. He liked to wait at your locker."
"Really?" I hadn't realized how much attention we'd drawn.
"Uh huh," she remarked dryly, waiting.
As I exchanged my bag for my books, I watched Clarissa. She pursed her lips in a flirtatious smile at two athletic guys as they walked by. Both of them turned and looked over their shoulders until they were out of eyesight.
"I love boys. I love men. I love anyone with a penis," she declared, laughing to herself as she tucked a strand of hair over her shoulder. It seemed to bring out the golden tan of her shoulders. Of course, her halter-top tank top might've helped since it was black and sexy. Well, it was actually simple, but it seemed sexy and really sexy when it was paired with her ripped miniskirt. I sighed in wonderment at Clarissa. She knew how to always look so beautiful whereas myself…I cringed when I looked at my pair of jeans and white tee shirt.
"But you probably knew that, right?" Clarissa distracted me.
"Why are you saying that?"
She narrowed her eyes for a moment, stared at me, and then laughed abruptly. "I'm starting to get why Brady likes you so much. You have no clue what's going on, do you?"
I gulped. Images of a firing squad came to mind.
"Okay. Not that I think you care or are even curious, but I love males, and because I'm in a sharing mood, I want to tell you why I love males."
I waited, unsure if I asked for this or even wanted to know this information.
"Because they're simple. Some girls won't agree with me, but it's because they're stupid. Males or anyone with a penis are very, very simple. They like what they like. They want what they want. And they don't care if other people have an opinion about it. Case in point, if a guy likes you, he doesn't care if other guys
either think you're hot as hell or as unattractive as a pig rolling around in mud. Well, most guys. The narcissistic ones care."
I frowned.
Clarissa kept going, "The truth is that they don't want other guys to like you. You're theirs. They've pissed on you. They've marked their territory. The funny thing is that Brady marked his piss on you fifteen years ago. It's not even new to people, not like Kid, who should've known. He should've come back, known what was going on, and stayed away, but he didn't. He talked to you. That's why Kid is not simple and that's why I think I'm so attracted to him."
Wait—what?
Clarissa laughed throatily. "Those two guys that just walked by us, they are simple. They are the most simple of what males can be. They see a girl they like; they want the girl they like. Girls aren't like that and Kid isn't like that. He cares about you, but he doesn't think you're hot. I know that."
I bit my lip as I frowned even more.
"I think I'm in love, Rayna. Is this what it’s like? Does your whole body tingle for his touch? Do you want the entire world to stop moving if it means you could see Brady?"
My mouth dropped open. How was I supposed to know that? Did I…was this love? Was that what I've been feeling for Brady? And I only thought I had my pregnancy to worry about.
"What?" Clarissa barked out.
"Huh?" I blinked at her.
"Are you pregnant?" she hissed.
I clamped a hand on her arm and jerked her into an empty classroom. As soon as the door shut, Clarissa whirled on me. "You guys did it and didn't use protection? Are you stupid? Is Brady stupid?"
"Why does everyone keep saying that?"
"Brady's smart. You're not. Did you guys have sex?"
I swallowed tightly. "Maybe you're Viola's real granddaughter."
"What?"
"Nothing." I wet my dry lips. "We had sex."
"I knew it!" Clarissa snapped her fingers in the air and grinned in triumph. "Brady didn't use anything, did he? That a-hole. It's like he wants you pregnant or something."
I was fed up. "Why does everyone blame Brady? I was there, too. I was a part of it."
"Yeah, but you're you. Brady knows about this stuff. Hell, he would use two rubbers if he could." Then her eyes went wide again. "But you can't do that—that does the opposite, but if he could, Brady would do it. He is anal, no pun intended, about that stuff. But he's just so freaking blind and selfish when it comes to you. He wants you all to himself. I'm guessing your grandmother blew a fuse, huh?"
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