I tapped my hand against my leg. “I say we wait until tomorrow. This isn’t the place.”
And then the tears came. “I’m dying inside, keeping it all in. And, I want him to be mine.” She wiped her cheeks. “And maybe, just maybe, this baby will bring us together.”
Oh. I didn’t think that scenario worked very often, but it was worth a shot.
She reached out to clasp my arm. “I wished it was yours. You’ve done so much for me...” her voice trailed off.
I studied her pretty features, the oval face, the golden highlights in her hair. She didn’t make my heart race. Never had. Thoughts of her body didn’t keep me up at nights or keep me in the shower until I’d spent. She wasn’t even close to Dovey.
She gave me a sad smile. “It’s that silly ballerina, isn’t it? She’s the one you really want.”
I shrugged.
“And I don’t understand why you can’t be with her. Because I think, maybe, she feels the same.” Her voice quavered at the end. And I knew it was a growing point for Emma, to say something in the interest of someone else. To admit she wasn’t the one for me.
How to explain why Dovey and I couldn’t be together? I didn’t want to go there.
And maybe I was ready to get this done so I could focus on my own mess.
“I guess we can talk to them in the lobby.” I’d noticed a small alcove out there on the way in that had looked private. “You ready?” I asked.
She nodded and with her hand on her tummy, followed me over to the crowd.
Sebastian and Spider both laughed at something April said, but turned when they saw us approaching. Sebastian leveled his eyes at me and then bounced to Emma, his face getting tense.
“You alright?” he said to her.
She nodded, not meeting anyone’s eyes.
“Need to see you in the lobby,” I said to Sebastian.
Seconds ticked by as he got still, catching on to the vibe I was sending out. My hands clenched, thinking about how this whole scenario might play out.
He was my friend. I didn’t want to ruin that.
Sebastian laughed, but it sounded weird. “Dude, this is way too serious. Do you mean me or Spider?”
My eyes roved around, searching for a way to get Sebastian out of this room and outside without making a big deal out of it. And then I saw it: a pink lace bra draped around Spider’s stool on stage like a decoration.
No, it couldn’t be…
Was that Dovey’s?
Something roared in my ears, and my entire body drew up, my face burning hot from the blood that had rushed to my head.
“Her bra?” I ground out. “What the fuck? That’s real class there.” My eyes found Spider’s.
I was going to kill him.
Spider smirked. “Hey, I earned it. Girls I’ve shagged love to give ‘em to me. Looks good, huh? I bet you like that pink. Let me tell you, that’s the best one of all. She was hard to nail. Best fu—”
I snapped him up by his shirt, my face up in his, my teeth bared. “I want it gone.”
He struggled, pushing at my chest until I shoved him away from me.
I came at him, my hands drawn up tight. “She’s supposed to be your friend and you do this?”
“Me? What about what you did to her?” he roared. Planting his legs wide, he ran at me.
Bring it. I’d been waiting over a year to kick his ass.
Lunging at me, we hit the ground, fists flying, both of us connecting. We grunted and slammed into each other, neither of us holding back. I had more muscle and about three inches on him, but he didn’t give up. Girls screamed as we rolled around, ending up pressed against the stage. Sebastian and a couple of other guys yelled for us to stop, but no one seemed too keen on jumping in and separating us.
Getting on top of him, I landed a punch in his gut, making the air whoosh out. But he was wild, his knees shoving up to get a shot at my groin, but missing. I held him down, knowing this was futile and stupid. Fighting him wasn’t going to make her come back or change the fact that we couldn’t be together, but he would never do this to her.
As if from a distance, more voices yelled for us to stop, probably chaperones and the coaches. One of them sounded like Dovey even though I knew it wasn’t. But it was enough to make me look. And when I turned my head to check, his fist connected with my temple and lights went out. Down, down, down, I fell, and as the ground met my body, Dovey’s face took center stage in my head. I remembered the first time I’d seen her dance, and how my heart had known she was mine. I hadn’t understood it; I hadn’t understood why she called to me; she just did. The lines of her body, the way she held herself, the way she moved. Hell, just the tilt of her head and I’d been lost.
So yeah. That’s the truth. Honestly and forthrightly, I’d never stopped loving her.
How do you let go of a love that made you soar? It’s impossible.
How do you explain a love that will span time, leaving you bereft because you know you won’t grow old together? Because I’d messed up my life, and I suck when it comes to people. Dovey wouldn’t be any different.
If I was a better person. If I hadn’t hurt her so much already. If, if, if.
Her love was gone anyway.
And with that realization, pain seared me. The hit Spider got in, it was nothing compared to the agony of losing her.
I CAME TO on the floor, my eyes blinking up at light from the ceiling. I groaned and sat up, rubbing my head. “What happened?” I muttered as Sebastian sat back on his haunches next to me, a bemused expression on his face.
“You went down like a tank, man. You seem okay though. Pupils look fine. At least they didn’t call an ambulance.” He smirked. “Coach told the teachers he’d seen you take worse hits on the field. Anyway, you’ll have hell to pay at school come Monday morning when the headmaster finds out.” Then he grinned, shaking his head. “At least I got one band set in before you closed us down.”
I grabbed hold of the stage and stood, feeling off-kilter. I checked my reflexes, tentatively touched my temple. I sat back down on the stage, noticing the bra was gone. I also noted chaperones milling around, ushering students out the door. Several of them gave me a concerned look, and I nodded at them.
“Spider?” I winced at the sound of my own voice. Shit. I needed some Aleve.
“Gone. He punched a hole in the wall first though. I guess we won’t be coming back to The Dorchester anytime soon.” He sighed.
“Here’s the bra,” he added, tossing it at me. “I don’t have to guess who it belongs to, huh?”
My heart dipped looking at it, remembering how she’d taken it off for me, how she’d made love to me. And he’d had it. My fists tightened once again.
His words yanked me back. “Emma said to tell you she’s waiting for us in the lobby.”
Oh, yeah. I took a deep breath, getting myself together.
My eyes found Matt who was now lip-locked with the blonde from earlier. I stood gingerly, and went over and tapped his shoulder until he came up for air.
“Cock blocking, Cuba? Sorry, this one’s taken. Go find Emma.”
“Fuck you, we need to talk.” I’d already been in one fight, what did another one matter. Although I didn’t think I’d win. I was barely holding on.
“Get your ass up,” I told him.
“You spoiling for another fight?” he asked.
“Maybe.” I gave him my football glare. I ate boys like him for lunch.
He puffed out his chest, but let out an exasperated sigh as he followed me and Sebastian to the lobby. Emma waited for us, legs crossed, sitting in a chair by a huge stone hearth where a fire crackled and snapped.
She stood, her eyes flaring when she saw Sebastian and Matt approaching.
Matt gave us a surly look and plopped down on a chair, propping his feet up on the heavy coffee table. He swept his arms out. “Hurry it up.”
Sebastian glowered at him. There was no love lost between those two either.
&n
bsp; And I now knew why.
Emma grabbed my hand and squeezed, and I just said it. “Emma’s pregnant.”
No one moved for about ten seconds until Sebastian’s face reddened, and he started toward me, a vein pulsing in his temple.
“It’s not mine,” I told him, holding my hands out. “She and I were over a while back. It’s one of yours.”
Dead silence filled the space as it settled in. Sebastian collapsed back onto the wall, his hand over his face.
“I’m here to mediate. Make sure the responsible person follows through,” I said.
Matt’s eyes protruded. “Who the hell do you think you are, dragging me in here, away from a sure thing to tell me she’s pregnant? She’s lying. She pulled this once before with me—”
“Shut up,” Emma hissed. “Don’t you dare. You know that was no lie. You know what I did. Because you wanted me to.”
Sebastian gathered himself, swaying a little. “Wait. Hold on.” His eyes jerked from Matt to Emma and then back to Matt. He licked his lips. “You told me you were over him. You told me you hadn’t been with him or anyone since Cuba last fall. You told me you were just waiting until school was out and we were going to be a real couple? Because you didn’t want to go from one relationship to another. Was that a lie?”
A flush crept across her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I do like you, but Matt and I…we can’t stay away from each other, Sebastian.” She swallowed, briefly closing her eyes. “I tried to.”
He rubbed his temple. “So the whole time we’ve been together, you’ve been with him too? Both of us?”
She hung her head, not meeting his intense gaze.
She’d told me the entire story as soon as her doctor told her she was only six weeks pregnant, which meant it wasn’t mine. She’d been with both guys, on and off for the past two months, sometimes using condoms, sometimes not. Sure, she was on the Pill, but it wasn’t always fool-proof, especially if you didn’t take it regularly. She was stupid, but hey, I didn’t tell her that. I’d done stupid stuff, too.
Sebastian’s chest heaved. He pointed a finger at her. “You told me you cared about me.”
“Tell him, Emma,” I bit out, hating this, but the truth was the only way. “Come clean with everything.”
Her hands fluttered. “Last year April slept with Matt, and when I found out that she’d fallen for you, I wanted to get back at her. And you were sweet, and it seemed so easy—”
He sliced his hands through the air. “You fucking used me?” Dipping his chin, he gripped his head, and I knew that look, knew he was trying to grasp on to the truth. That she’d never cared.
With slumped shoulders, he spoke. “It’s mine or his. Whose do you want it to be? Huh?”
She sniffed. “Sebastian, there are so many reasons why we won’t work. And—and I love Matt.”
“You’d rather be tied to that dickhead than me?” He rocked on his heels, his voice incredulous and hurt at the same time.
Matt rose up. “If that’s all you got, I’m outta here. This party’s over anyway.”
I grabbed him by the arm. “You’re both going to undergo prenatal paternity testing. Emma’s going to need financial support. Her family has disowned her, and besides that, it’s your responsibility.”
Matt snorted. “Bitch ain’t getting my money.” He shot a smirk at Sebastian. “And you, my friend, don’t have any.”
“If you’re the father, you will pay up,” I told Matt. “Legally, you’ll have to.”
He huffed and sauntered off, but I could tell by his white face that he was shaken by Emma’s news. And since there’s no way he could get out of a court order for a blood test, I let him go.
Sebastian’s eyes careened around the room, as if looking for answers.
“I’m sorry, man,” I said. “I had no idea all this was going on. I was too caught up in my own shit to notice.”
He didn’t seem to hear me, instead stalking over to Emma. I knew he wouldn’t hurt her, because that’s the kind of guy he was. But I didn’t take my eyes off him.
He scowled down at her. “Whatever happens, I’ll take care of what’s mine. But don’t you dare ever look at me or talk to me. Because I’ve written you off. You’re the coldest bitch I’ve ever met.”
Wham! He kicked the stone fireplace and stalked back into the ballroom.
“Does doing a wicked thing make you bad inside?
I must believe it doesn’t.”
–Dovey
THE MAN INSISTED on walking me to the lobby, and because I didn’t want to be weird, I let him. It was just past ten o’clock, so more than likely, the BA dance was still going strong.
We stepped off the elevator and onto the first floor, his hand at my elbow again, this time more firmly, as if he’d staked his claim and now I was his.
I walked fast.
We passed by the bar where we’d met earlier, and a guy with white hair caught my attention at one of the bar stools. With dawning horror, I realized it was Spider.
He sat there, nursing a whisky, his brown eyes widening as he caught my eyes through the glass wall that separated the bar from the hotel. I tried to make myself disappear, but yeah, that didn’t work. His mouth opened as if to speak, but then he noticed The Man. Red colored his cheeks as he bolted from the stool and came barreling out the door.
My stomach dropped, and I walked more briskly for the exit, putting some distance between us.
“Dovey!” he yelled. The sound of his footfalls were like a death knell in my head.
The Man stopped and looked over his shoulder. “Friend of yours?”
I licked my lips. “He’s one of the students at my school. There was a dance here tonight.”
“Ah,” he murmured. He brushed his lips against mine. “Perhaps I should be going then?”
Please, yes!
“Yes,” I whispered.
He turned and walked away just as Spider reached me.
“Who the fuck was that douche?” he shouted, his voice loud and carrying down the hall of the hotel. He literally bounced around me, jittery, with a wild look in his eyes. Something was more wrong with him than just seeing me with someone. Maybe it had something to do with his black eye.
“Calm down,” I said, tugging on his arm, ushering him to the side.
“You turn me down, but you’re with some old fuck?” he hissed at me.
“Shut up,” I seethed. “You messed us up, not me.” And then I pivoted, my heels clicking against the tile.
“Don’t walk away from me.” He whipped me around, and nose to nose, we faced off so close I could smell the bourbon on his breath. How much had he had tonight?
“Why were you coming from where the rooms are with a man twice your age?” He enunciated the words slowly.
“Let go of me,” I snapped, pulling away my arm. “You do not own me. I do not have to answer to you.”
He let me go, and I stumbled back but caught myself on one of the heavy pieces of hotel furniture. He immediately looked sorry, but my mouth tightened.
“Go away, Spider. I’m not talking to you when you’re trashed.”
He waved his hands around. “I’m not drunk.”
I shook my head, words I shouldn’t say spilling out. “Yes, you are. And you only want me because I keep telling you no. And that man you saw? I was making the money I needed to pay back the loan shark. Because if I didn’t, he was going to hurt Sarah or me or anybody I cared about. Maybe you.”
His face whitened. “To pay off your debt? But I thought—”
“You thought what? You haven’t spoken to me! You’re too busy getting blow jobs in your car.”
“I tried to give you money—”
“I don’t want it,” I bit out. “And it’s not like you’ve tried to ask me how it was going anyway. You didn’t call me or try to talk to me at school. What was I supposed to think?”
He clutched his stomach, his anger gone. He gazed at me in horror. “You fucked him for money?”
&n
bsp; A low voice growled at me from behind. “What have you done?”
No. Just no.
Please, not him. Not Cuba.
I turned.
The hotel lobby shrank down to just me in my black dress and him in his black tux. All the sounds disappeared around us except for his heavy breathing and my short pants. His jungle cat eyes were the darkest I’d ever seen them, his neck corded, his nose flared.
He clenched his fists. “You whored yourself out for money when I had plenty? When Spider had plenty? Why?”
I clung to my purse, swaying on my feet, trying to quiet the screaming in my head. I didn’t have an answer for him that he’d understand.
And so. A second later, I took off in a dead-run for the exit, and part of me wanted him to yell and call me back, but all I got was silence.
Blinded by tears, I somehow managed to crawl inside a waiting taxi that drove me back to Ratcliffe where I belonged.
“Everyone’s got a limit.”
–Dovey
I CAME HOME and sat on the front porch until the dawn peeked her yellow fingers over the horizon. Heather-Lynn found me there when she came out for the morning paper.
She didn’t seem surprised by my all-nighter. She simply plopped down beside me, dressed in her housecoat and kitten heels. Together, we watched Ricky look for a place to potty. She smelled like tea and cigarettes. She smelled like home. Not this old house, but the warmth of our threesome, the way it held us all together.
Sighing, I leaned my head on her shoulder. “I did something bad.”
She was quiet for a while, mulling over my words. She was a smart lady in the end. “You lied about Alexander waiting for the house to sell, didn’t you? He wants his money now?”
I nodded.
She wrapped her arms around me. “You wanna talk? Tell me what you did?”
I chewed on that, played it through my mind. “I don’t know, but it seems I’m more like my mama than I ever thought.”
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