When Mr. Graham’s surgery was finished, I bent down to look him in the eye.
"Everything went really well," I said, squeezing his shoulder. "As we discussed, you'll still have the tremor until your surgical wound has healed, but once it has, you'll come back in and we'll activate the electrodes. You should be completely free of your tremor."
"Thank you, Doctor," Mr. Graham said, tears in his eyes. "Thank you."
I left the OR, removed my mask and gown and went directly to the waiting room to tell his wife and children about his surgery.
His wife cried when I delivered the news that the operation was successful. When she held her arms out, I allowed her to hug me briefly. She was probably afraid she'd have to start feeding him herself, wiping his ass and changing his diaper.
I loved my job. I'd do it for free.
After I finished dictating my report, I left the hospital and drove to my apartment in Chelsea.
Driving in Manhattan taught you two things: patience and ingenuity. When traffic was backed up, as it was that night, you had to either wait it out or find an alternate route. I decided to wait because, sometimes, a shortcut really did turn out to be a long journey, especially when everyone else had the same idea and the streets became one traffic jam after another.
That evening, I was tired after a long day of teaching and surgery, so I was anxious to get to my apartment as soon as I could for a shower and bite to eat. As I waited for a tow truck to remove a car that had been involved in an accident on 57th Street, my cell chimed.
ALERT: Appointment with Allie – MR.
Allie was my current submissive. I went to her apartment three times a week, on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, ten o’clock sharp, for a ninety-minute session of bondage and dominance.
Tonight's appointment wasn’t our usual scene where I tied her up, blindfolded her and tortured her with pleasure. MR meant ‘mock rape’.
Mock rape wasn’t my personal preference. I didn’t respond to a woman’s fear or inflicting pain – quite the opposite. I responded to a woman’s trust to let me tie her up and blindfold her. I responded to her cries of pleasure. I chose my submissives carefully to ensure that they didn’t have inclinations for pain or humiliation. Although Allie and I had been together for eight months and I thought I knew her desires inside and out, I'd been wrong.
I thought we had explored every kink we both had, so when she asked me to fulfill her secret fantasy after months of silence about it, I agreed because we were otherwise very compatible. Once every week or two, as a treat for being especially obedient the rest of our time together, I’d sneak into her apartment at a random time, chase her around, force her onto the bed, tie her up while talking dirty to her, and pretend to rape her. When I did, her orgasm would be explosive and that always made my own so much better.
Before the light changed, I saw a text from Ken, my band mate and the best man at my wedding. He’d arranged an extra gig at O’Riley’s, his family's Irish Pub, for later that night, before our Friday gig at The Front. We had added some new songs to the usual sets we played. Playing at O’Riley’s would give us the extra practice.
I considered – it would mean either canceling my appointment with Allie or seeing her earlier than 10:00, and I knew she’d be disappointed if I did. Still, my band came first and so I would have to postpone to another night or come by at 9:00 for a short scene. I texted her to let her know.
Change in plans. Have another last-minute appointment at 10:00 and have only an hour. Will be by at 9:00 for a brief B&D session. Be ready.
Next, I texted Ken that I’d be at O’Riley’s, 10:00 PM sharp. Enough time to get home, eat a light meal, take a shower, and head off to Allie’s place for a quick scene. Mock rape was off the agenda for the night. I knew Allie would be disappointed, but events were out of my control.
At 8:30, I received a text from Allie as I was finishing a bowl of leftover pasta and tomato sauce I warmed up in the microwave.
I’m at a restaurant with my friends. Can we make it 9:30 instead of 9:00?I wasn't expecting you until after 10:00…
I noted with some irritation that she didn’t use the proper form of address. If I didn’t go until 9:30, I would have barely any time before heading out to O’Riley’s.
No time for anything but vanilla, then. I want to find you kneeling by the front door, in your hose and garters, in proper position. Quick and dirty against the wall.
She wasn’t pleased.
What’s the rush? You know what I wanted…
I did know what she wanted. But I couldn’t do a proper MR scene in less than half an hour. They always required greater aftercare and that took time to do properly.
Allie, do I have to remind you about the terms of our contract? I have to come by early, or not at all.
I waited for her response, but it didn’t come for a few moments.
All right, Sir. I’ll be waiting.
I texted right back.
In proper position.
She replied.
In proper position, Sir.
I exhaled, glad that she’d submitted despite her disappointment. I didn't need the trouble.
Good girl. See you then. Be ready for me.
I finished my pasta, had a quick shower, and dressed in jeans and a white linen button-down shirt. I stowed both my guitars in the back of my Mercedes GL450 SUV before driving to her apartment.
I had a bad feeling about the night as I drove away. There was nothing I could do but face it.
CHAPTER TWO
When I arrived at her tiny apartment in an old brownstone in the Upper East Side, she wasn't in proper position, on her knees by the entrance. Instead, she was in the kitchen pouring herself a shot of vodka, and talking on her cell. She was wearing street clothes – a black skirt and white blouse instead of her heels, garter belt and hose.
She looked every inch the law clerk with her platinum blonde hair pulled back in a bun and wearing a pair of black horn rimmed glasses. In fact, she looked very much like Lara and I wondered if that wasn't why Lara chose her for me.
Allie wasn't ready for me.
I stopped in the hallway of the dingy little apartment with its dark parquet floors and tiny window letting in barely any ambient light. After putting my key to her apartment into my pocket, I shucked off my shoes and jacket. Then, I entered the cramped living room.
Allie was a law student and there were books and papers and legal briefs all over her coffee table and sofa. Empty energy drink cans littered the windowsill. The room smelled of old coffee grounds.
When Allie saw me, a moment passed between us and I knew what she wanted.
Despite what we had agreed to earlier, quick and dirty against the wall, she wanted me to force her. Or punish her.
I didn't like administering punishment. It did nothing for me, but I knew it did something for a lot of subs. I made it clear to Lara that I did not want to become involved with painsluts, for neither of us would be happy in the long run. I could administer a hard spanking when necessary, I knew how to use a flogger and cane, but doing so did nothing for me sexually or emotionally. Truthfully, it went against my oath as a physician – do no harm.
I had planned on getting my shot of vodka while she knelt by the door waiting. I planned on standing in front of a kneeling Allie, her eyes downcast, her hands clasped behind her back so that her breasts jutted forward. Just the way I liked her to be.
I wanted to order her to take me in her mouth and suck me into hardness while I held her hair in my hand, guiding her mouth. She'd let me, like a good submissive. I wanted to fuck her from behind, fast and hard until she came. Then, I wanted her to finish me in her mouth. It would be pure vanilla, but I only had fifteen minutes to get both of us off, which was far too quick for what I usually liked.
She should have been waiting for me the way I liked. Instead, she was challenging me to make a choice: leave in anger, punish her immediately over my knee, or chase her into the bedroom and rip off h
er clothes before taking her hard and fast.
I considered.
If I left, I'd make it to the gig on time, with some time to spare, but it would be pretty much over between us. Despite being together for eight months with few bumps, insubordination like that, with me leaving, was not survivable.
If I decided to punish her immediately for disobedience, I'd have to sit on the couch and demand that she present herself to me so I could spank her over my knee. I could then fuck her on the couch. She'd come very quickly if so, for she was always worked up after a spanking. She’d need a lot of aftercare, for she’d be fragile after my punishment, so I might be pushing the window in terms of time to do it all properly and would be late for the gig.
If I decided to chase her and force her the way she wanted, I'd probably have enough time, but it would mean that I would be giving in to her instead of the other way around.
She whispered something into her phone and put it on the island. She removed her glasses, her eyes on me, waiting. In an instant, I decided.
I started towards her, my brow furrowed. Usually in a mock rape scene, I had to be a good actor, putting on an angry demeanor to keep in the role. Tonight, I really was angry and had to exert even more control over myself so the scene didn’t become real. She anticipated my response, running to the back of the apartment before I was able to get to her. She made a half-hearted attempt to close the door to her bedroom, but I was faster and managed to wedge my knee in between the door and the jamb.
She squealed a bit in fear, although this was exactly what she wanted.
I didn't say anything. Instead, I used my greater body weight and strength to push the door open, careful all the same not to hurt her. She ran to the other side of her queen-sized bed, effectively trapping herself in the corner. I went to her, now totally calm, unfastening my belt, and then the buttons on my jeans.
She glanced hungrily at my groin, hoping to see an erection, but I wasn't hard – yet. By the time I reached her, she stood against the wall in the corner, her back to me, breathing fast. I placed my hands on either side of her on the wall, trapping her with my body. I leaned in, my mouth next to her ear. I was breathing fast as well, but part of my arousal was due to anger rather than lust. She was pushing things farther than I wanted to take them.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing, trying to escape me?" I said, my voice low, my body pressed against hers.
"Please," she whispered, her voice breathy with desire. "Please don’t hurt me…"
"Don’t hurt you?" I growled. "You're lucky I don’t take off my belt and smack that pretty little ass of yours."
Except, I was beginning to suspect that's what she really wanted. I wouldn't give in and provide it for that was topping from the bottom.
Instead, I turned her to face me.
"You were very bad," I said and grabbed her hair, twisting it in my hand so that her head tipped back. "I have to punish you."
I kissed her harshly, my mouth claiming hers, tongue finding hers, sucking it. With my other hand, I grabbed a breast and squeezed. She moaned into my mouth, her eyes pressed shut.
That aroused me. Not merely the feel of her breast in my hand, the soft swell of it inviting. It was the sound of her desire that finally ignited mine.
I pulled away and turned her back so that she faced the wall, my hips pressed against her butt, one hand slipping around her body to rip open her blouse, grab her breast beneath the fabric of her bra, squeezing it, tweaking her nipple hard between my thumb and forefinger. She moaned at that, pushing her butt against me.
I pressed my erection between the cheeks of her round ass, shutting off my mind so that I responded to her body, to her arousal, my hand slipping down her belly to her groin. I ran my hands over her thighs, then hiked up her skirt roughly, my fingers finding her thong. She was wet, her panties damp, her body ready for me.
I wrenched it aside so I could slip my fingers between her shaven folds to find her hard clit, which I teased with long slow strokes. When she moaned once more, I grabbed her skirt, pulling it up to bare her ass. She leaned forward, her arms on the wall while I ripped one side of her thong, sliding the remaining fabric down her thighs so that she was completely exposed. I knocked her legs apart with a knee and removed my erection from my boxer briefs before sliding it between her legs and over her pussy from behind.
She gasped as I stroked the tip over her clit again and again, pressing her body back to meet me. I knew she was aching to feel me inside of her, but I'd deny her for as long as I could.
We were exclusive, had both been tested and so there was no need for a condom, which I used only with new subs until I knew they were healthy. It was a risk, and as a physician, I understood the risk, but I preferred it that way. I loved the feel of a woman’s pussy around my dick.
Nothing in the world felt as good, as exquisite, as mind-blowingly ecstatic as coming bareback inside a woman’s body.
I gripped her hips and pulled her into position so that she fell forward, her forearms on the wall, her thighs spread wide.
"Now I'm going to fuck you," I whispered in her ear, the tip of my erection teasing the entrance to her body. "But you're not going to come. Do you understand?"
"Please…" she whispered, her voice a whimper of need. "Please, Sir, let me come. I need to come."
"Why should you come, Allie? You deliberately disobeyed me."
"I was late getting home, Sir." Her voice was still a bit petulant. She hadn't submitted emotionally yet. I could feel it, a small bit of defiance making her less pliant than she should have been.
"No excuse," I said, knowing that we were at a crossroads. She would either start to obey in mind and body or she resist. If she complied immediately, I'd let her come. If she resisted, I’d punish her with orgasm denial.
If she did resist, it was more proof there was something seriously wrong with our relationship and that I could no longer deny it. She wasn't satisfied with the arrangement we had and we either had to renegotiate our terms or end things.
"You were talking on the phone when you could have been undressing and preparing yourself for me. Now, I'm going to be late."
"Why do you have to go?" Allie whined, craning her head back to me. "You promised me Thursday nights…"
I grabbed her hips and entered her with a single hard thrust. Despite her unwillingness to submit, I was still going to get an orgasm out of this mess so I began thrusting in earnest, focusing on my own pleasure, intent on coming as fast as I could with the least amount of effort to please her. I knew that she was pushing things as far as she could to get me to submit to her wishes when it should be the other way around.
She was more like Lara than I realized…
She was not going to top me from the bottom. I should have dragged her over to the bed and pushed her down over my knee, spanking her ass to drive home my disappointment in her disobedience, but I didn’t have time. Denying her an orgasm would have to be punishment enough.
As if she finally understood, she said and did nothing while I thrust inside her. I didn’t attempt to pleasure her at all, my hands gripping her hips, my focus on my orgasm.
I didn't enjoy straight fucking like that, usually preferring that I had completely spent my sub's need first, but I knew there would be no recovering from this – not tonight. Not without me being late for the gig. I didn’t want to be late, so I thrust intently until I came, white-hot pleasure exploding through me, but my orgasm was less than satisfactory. A hollow knot of disappointment in the pit of my stomach prevented me from truly enjoying myself.
Allie was left unfulfilled, which was my intent, but it didn’t feel like much of a victory nor did I think the lesson would be effective. Instead, it felt like total failure.
I had failed to acknowledge and deal with the signs that she wanted more from me than I wanted to give. I hadn't taken the time to sit with her and figure things out, get back on the right track and salvage the evening – and the relationship. When i
t came down to it, I was more intent on getting to O'Riley's on time than fixing things with Allie.
That alone was a revelation.
I pulled out of her body, pressing my hand against her back to stop her from moving, and sat on the bed across from her. I watched for a moment while I caught my breath. She stood with her thighs spread wide, my semen dripping out of her pussy but even that didn’t satisfy me as it usually would.
I exhaled heavily. "You can get up now."
She stood up and pulled her skirt down as if embarrassed. Then she went to the ensuite bathroom and I heard the water running as she tried to clean up. I followed, providing her with some aftercare, thinking as I held her in my arms and stroked her cheek, that things had fallen to far apart to recover. Instead of being my submissive, obedient to my wishes, unquestioning about my orders and plans, she had instead tried to be my girlfriend.
She wasn't.
She couldn't be. I didn’t do girlfriends.
Finally, I helped clean her thighs, wiping away my semen carefully with a wet cloth, no words being spoken between us. Once I was done, we stood side by side at the vanity. While I washed myself off, she watched me in the mirror. I could feel her gaze on me, and when our eyes met, she made a face of remorse, her brow creasing, the corners of her mouth turned down.
"I'm sorry. I was a bad sub, wasn’t I?"
"You were. I'm sorry, too," I said while I tucked myself in and buttoned my jeans. "I'm sorry you disobeyed me. Now, I have to run or I'll be late."
"Where are you going in such a rush?"
I splashed water on my face and then ran my hands through my hair. She had no right to know where I was going. That wasn’t part of our arrangement. When we signed our contract, we agreed not to poke our noses into each other’s personal lives. She wouldn’t try to learn more about me and my life outside of our sessions, and I would do the same.
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