by Barb Han
“I’ve never met him,” he said, gritting his back teeth.
Dallas seemed to take the cue because he got to his feet quickly and scooped the dog in his arms gently. “I need to head back to the ranch.”
Maria walked Dallas to the door.
“Call when you get more news about Denali,” Austin said to his brother. There was so much swirling around in his head right now as anger roared through him. His parents’ murderer was loose. Denali was with the vet, his life hanging in the balance. And that was on top of everything going on with Maria and the lies he was being forced to tell her.
Austin took in a sharp breath. He hated deceiving her.
She looked exhausted and he was relieved when she wanted to curl up on the couch and watch a movie for the rest of the afternoon.
Halfway in, she fell asleep.
A midday knock at the door caused her to stir, but she didn’t wake.
Austin had settled in at the breakfast bar with a fresh cup of coffee and the newspaper. He opened the door and introduced himself to the agent.
“My name’s Special Agent Cliff Ford, but you can call me Cliff,” he said as he shook Austin’s outstretched hand. The guy looked to be in his early thirties, close to Austin’s age. He was about five foot nine and built like he maintained a military-precise workout regimen. He was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and would fit easily into the Austin crowd were it not for his crisp haircut, which gave him that law enforcement look.
A knot formed in Austin’s gut from thinking that this guy might be friends with DeCarlo. He already knew from Tommy that it was a small world. “Did your boss brief you on the...situation with Maria?”
“He did,” Cliff said. “Said not to bring up anything about the past and to tell her that he isn’t exactly thrilled that she tried to get into the database.”
“Is she in trouble for that?” Austin asked.
“Nah, Vic will get over it,” Cliff said with a casual smile before motioning toward his head. “Her personal life’s been wiped out, too?”
It was more question than statement, so Austin nodded.
“Still thinks we’re married,” he whispered.
“I thought you were,” Cliff said, a look of surprise crossing behind his light eyes.
“What?” Maria told everyone they were still married? He had divorce papers on his desk to prove that she wanted something else. He sure as hell hadn’t been the one to initiate the paperwork. And then there was the inconvenient issue of Mitch DeCarlo.
But then Maria had always played her cards close to her chest. Maybe he should tell her to call the guy and see if talking to him stirred any memories. It might make life easier for all involved if she remembered something.
“You want to come inside?” Austin asked, opening the door wider.
“No, thanks. I figure I’ll walk the perimeter. Keep an eye on things from out here for a while,” Cliff said. “We should stay in touch, though.”
“Here’s my cell.” Austin rattled off the numbers.
Cliff entered the digits in his phone and then provided his. “It goes without saying but if you two go anywhere, you let me know first. Feel free to text or call anytime.”
“Same here,” Austin said. “You see anything you don’t like, let me know.”
“There’s nothing I like about an agent being stalked. People who mess with law enforcement have a few extra screws loose in my experience,” Cliff said.
The thought had occurred to Austin. With extra hands on the case, maybe they’d get to the bottom of it and he could walk away. His heart clenched at the thought.
Leaving her a second time might just kill him.
* * *
MARIA WOKE AND STRETCHED. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been asleep but her head felt a little less like someone had slammed it in the door ten times. At least she had progress in one area, she thought with a frustrated sigh. She looked up at Austin, who was sitting in the same spot where she’d last seen him.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
“I could eat,” she said, thinking for the first time that she actually felt pretty hungry. Not being focused on her pain was a good thing and she considered it a good sign.
He got up and moved to the fridge where he pulled out a container of Chinese noodles.
After two minutes in the microwave he poured them onto a plate.
“Your security detail is outside,” he said.
“Oh, yeah? Who’d they send?” she asked, settling into the chair next to him and then taking a bite.
“Cliff Ford,” he supplied.
“Oh, good. He’s really good at his job,” she said after finishing chewing. “I’m glad Vic sent him. Where is he?”
“He’s walking the perimeter. I have his cell if you need to talk to him,” he said.
“Did he say how much trouble I’m in?” she asked with a small smile.
“He said it’ll blow over.” Austin dug his fork into the noodles piled on his plate.
“I was thinking that I could maybe pick his brain about my caseload, but that’s probably not a good idea,” she said. “I’m pretty sure he’s been briefed by Vic.”
Austin nodded and she was glad the earlier tension seemed to have eased. Or maybe the nap gave her a better perspective.
“That’s a safe bet,” he stated.
“We still don’t have much to go on and all I ever do is draw blanks when I try to remember,” she said. “I’m getting frustrated.”
“It’s okay.” There was no conviction in his tone. “The more you try, the harder it’ll be on you and it’s only been six days.”
Maria focused on finishing the rest of her food. The doctor had said the same thing but not being in control was an awful feeling. That’s all a person really had was their memories, right?
“Whatever I did to you...I’m sorry,” she said when she set her fork down.
“Like I said, it’s nothing.” He picked up their plates and tossed the few leftover bits into the trash. Then, he closed the lid.
“It doesn’t seem like it,” she said under her breath. And then added, “I miss Denali. I hope he’s improving.”
She surprised herself when a sob released and a few tears spilled down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I don’t know where that came from.”
He looked up at her, so she turned to face the wall while sniffing back tears.
She sipped the coffee he’d made for her, prepared just the way she liked it.
“Can we go for a walk? My legs are sore from so much inactivity,” she said.
“I’ll text Cliff.” He fished his cell out of his pocket before finishing his own cup and placing it inside the sink.
“Was it work? Before?” She eyed him curiously. “The reason we don’t talk about anything? Was I always at work?”
“Why don’t you ask Mitch DeCarlo?” He looked sorry for saying it the minute the words left his mouth. “Look. I don’t mean to be... It’s just. Complicated.”
“So I gathered,” she said under her breath as she stood. She moved to the door and slipped into her running shoes. Movement still hurt but it felt good to be going outside.
Her hand was on the door handle, ready to go, when Austin placed his hand on the door, stopping her from opening it. His gaze was intense on her. He looked tormented and...hungry. A thousand tiny butterflies released in her stomach. Before she knew what had hit her, her back was against the door and Austin had dipped his head down and pressed his lips to hers. He tasted like the coffee he’d had a minute ago, her favorite drink. Her body ached to be touched by her husband. Memories of how intense their lovemaking had been assaulted her. Her hands splayed out on his chest and she could feel his rapid breathing through her fingertips. Her
fingers stretched and flexed along the smooth lines of his muscled chest.
He pulled back way too fast. “That was a mistake.”
“Really, Austin? Was it? You kissed your wife. I don’t think anyone’s going to arrest you for doing what every married couple across the nation does,” she said through raspy breaths.
“When I told you that we’d been having problems before, I was serious. I don’t want to take advantage of the fact that you can’t remember and the doctor says that I can’t bring you up-to-date. It would be so much easier if I could,” he said. “But you’d feel different about me, about this.” He kissed her again, both of his hands coming up to cup her cheeks, and her knees almost buckled.
How could that be a bad thing? She knew how her body reacted to him. She wanted him in every way possible. Maria surrendered to the moment, parting her lips so his tongue could slip inside and taste her. He’d always said that he loved the way she tasted.
He repositioned and opened his eyes. Those intense green eyes looking into her, searching...
“Did that help?” he asked, and there was so much hope in his voice that she hated to let him down. “Feel familiar? Bring anything back?”
“No. The only thing it tells me is that we have incredible chemistry,” she said honestly.
“We did for a while,” he muttered.
Frustration nailed her. Not knowing anything, having no connection to her life had to be much worse than any avalanche could be. Hell, she’d take anything at this point because all she knew was that every cell inside her body wanted this man but there was so much hurt in his eyes. There was no question that they still had sexual chemistry. All couldn’t be lost if they still had that, could it? How bad could it be? Maybe she’d worked too much. Or they’d fought and needed to clear the air but didn’t so they drifted apart. Whatever it was, they could fix it. Her body would never want a man this badly who was bad for her in any way.
“Tell me one thing. One thing can’t possibly cause a flood. Give me one bit of reality to hold on to, to build on,” she said, and she was practically begging. Otherwise, the frustration might just kill her.
He stood there for a long moment before he made a move to speak. “You should know that you sent me divorce papers.”
He dropped his hands from her face.
“Why on earth would I do that?” she balked. “Is there someone else?”
“Yes,” he said.
“What’s her name?” she asked, steeling her resolve so that she could take whatever came next.
“Mitch DeCarlo.”
Austin turned, opened the door and walked out.
A sharp pain pierced her chest at the look on his face. So it was her fault? She’d been the one to have an affair with someone at work? Maria searched her mind, trying to figure out how that was even possible. It was so clear to her that she was in love with Austin. That she wanted to return to the ranch and be with her husband more than she wanted to breathe.
And yet if that was true, how could there be another man involved?
At least the hurt in Austin’s eyes made more sense with this new information. Maria churned the news over in her mind. Wouldn’t there be some connection? Wouldn’t hearing that name stir something inside her?
She stood there for a few minutes saying Mitch DeCarlo over and over again, wishing it would ring a bell. Earlier, she’d had a small blip when it came to him but that was nothing compared to the emotions she felt when Austin was near. She thought about the fact that Mitch’s name had been familiar when she’d read it on her phone. She must not have known him for very long if she didn’t have a long-term memory of him. Right?
The handsome cowboy’s reaction made so much more sense to her now. She didn’t want to believe she was the kind of person who could have an affair, not when she still had so many feelings for her husband. Mitch DeCarlo must not be too important to her if she didn’t remember anything about him. Or could he be?
Maria had had the feeling all along that the tension between her and Austin was her fault. Now she had proof.
Maybe a walk would clear her head. As it was, her brain felt cramped. She opened the door and walked outside.
“Cliff, how are you?” Maria walked to her coworker and shook his outstretched hand, ignoring the pain stabbing her chest at seeing Austin.
“I’m good. No hits to the head lately. Although, if I duck out on one more Little League game in the name of work Loraine is threatening to knock me upside mine,” he said with a wink.
At least she remembered him. Maybe talking to him would give her a much-needed break from the tension between her and Austin. As long as she was wishing, maybe it would stir a work memory. He asked, “What about you? How are you really doing?”
“The doctor says I’m on track,” she said. “I don’t feel it so much. Thought a walk might clear my head.”
“Fresh air might do some good,” Cliff agreed.
Maria nodded and managed a smile.
“Where are we heading?” Cliff asked as Austin approached them.
She acknowledged him with a nod and he seemed content to walk behind them a couple of paces. She figured that he needed the privacy. Being around her 24/7 after she’d served him divorce papers couldn’t exactly be pleasant. For the life of her, she couldn’t imagine why she’d want to break up. And he wasn’t talking. He’d said it was for her health.
“Let’s take Veterans Drive,” she said, thinking they could come in at a different angle from where they found the dog last time. There’d be people everywhere this time of day, so it would be easy to blend in with the crowd.
“Near Zilker Park. Nice. It’s beautiful this time of year,” he said.
They were talking about everything but work, which was fine. She’d vowed that she wouldn’t be the one to bring it up first even though a thousand questions racked her brain.
“How’s Loraine?” she asked, remembering his wife’s name.
“She’s good. You know how it is with the little ones running around...” He issued an awkward pause. “Sorry about that. I forgot about...”
“What?”
“Nothing,” he quickly said, eyes forward, focused on the patch of ground two feet in front of them.
“If one more person tells me that it’s nothing I might actually scream,” she stated.
He apologized again.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” she said.
“It must be hell. Not being able to remember,” he acknowledged.
“Believe me, it is.”
It was starting to get dark and there was a crisp edge to the air. Downtown was alive with people, college students, professionals. There was so much foot traffic it was like an ant farm and was starting to feel crowded. But then a crowd was a good thing at a time like this, she thought. Was this her life? How could it be? Everything felt so foreign, so alone and so different from what she really wanted.
Being on the trail should comfort her. Wasn’t that her routine? She’d always been an early riser, a runner. Wasn’t that the reason she kept her shoes by the door?
“Well, how are the kids?” she asked.
“Mikey’s good. He’s getting big, playing soccer and baseball. Janie is sweet as ever and the baby...she’s sweet but this no-sleep business is getting to me,” he said with an exaggerated expression.
The baby? She thought he had two kids. Maria didn’t say anything at first. The third must’ve slipped her mind. Great.
“How old is she now?” she finally asked.
“Four months,” he said with the pride only a loving father could possess.
“Wow, I didn’t realize so much time had gone by,” she said.
“Loraine’s a trouper. She’s the one home all day, staying up most of the night,” he said. “I do what I can
to help her but she’s like Superwoman when it comes to the kids.”
“Have you been working a lot of OT lately?” she asked, trying to sound casual but wondering who was picking up her slack.
“Not too bad,” was all he said.
She was still trying to get over the fact that his wife had had another baby. And that pretty much meant that the last year of her life was completely gone. Her thoughts wound back to Mitch DeCarlo. Was he the reason that she was getting a divorce from Austin? Had it gotten so bad between them that all the love she felt right now was gone? She could hardly imagine it but the evidence was hard to dispute.
The trio had wandered onto the Lady Bird not far from Zilker Park and the crowd didn’t thin. It seemed like there was always a lot of foot traffic in Austin—it was always pedestrian rush hour, save for the super early hours of the morning when there were only a few joggers sprinkled around the city.
Cliff didn’t seem to be too shocked that her husband was around. Wouldn’t someone from work know her well enough to realize that she was separated and, if she could believe the handsome rancher, about to be divorced?
She looked over at Cliff, who was wearing a puzzled expression.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I think that’s the most we’ve said to each other in more than a year,” he said.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, I mean, you’re not much of a talker. Not after...” He made that same gesture with his hands. “You know, life got real for you.”
“Sorry about that,” she said, figuring she’d damaged that relationship, too. She was really racking them up.
“No. It’s no trouble. I mean, we all knew you were going through a lot, so we gave you space,” he said.
“Yeah, separations are hard,” she said, figuring he was talking about her marriage.