Meemaw help me help me!
I knowed it would be hard to blow. And fiddly the stoppy bits.
Meemaw!
Meemaw didn’t say. I looked over and she was pinked. Pinked and holding her phone. Meemaw’s fingers fast shaky doing a message. It meant Karen. All in me came cold sliding. And a go away feeling.
I looked back at the new dinosaurs. Good new dinosaurs. But I fetched Spiney.
Spiney said first a battle with the T-Rex. T-Rex a mighty carnivore Spiney not so but he winned. Spiney was the leader then of them all.
They standed in a line to go on the voyage of discovery through the land. But not good with everything flat. I looked at Meemaw. Laughing little laughs in her phone very pink.
MEEMAW! HELP ME!
She looked sudden like Danny was a surprise.
Do you need a hand with that?
It taked long of Meemaw lied down flat on the floor. Huff puff into the trees the rock the volcano. I sitted on Meemaw’s back.
Huff puff I’ll blow your house down!
Danny, that really isn’t helping…
She wriggled all about. I getted off.
At the last all the things were bouncy fat. Bouncy fat.
The dinosaurs hided behind and jumped off. They loved and loved it. A world I never had before. After in a little while leaky tree went bendy over. Not so good. I holded it up but it falled to floppy.
Are you listening, Danny? I said Karen’s coming over later.
I didn’t say anything of Karen. I maked Spiney do a hard jump. Jump bang boing on the squashy rock.
Go Spiney!
Bang on the ground landed. Meemaw sitted down near.
Look, Danny, I know it’s hard. It’s tricky in such a small flat. She’s not going to stay over though. It’s just for a little while after tea to watch a film or something.
Stamp stamp stamp Spiney across the world.
Danny, can you hear me?
Down lied the apatosaurus. T-Rex and Spiney devoured him.
Okay, well I’ll take that as a yes. I’m having a bath.
Meemaw went in the bath without me. Meemaw singed songs on YouTube very annoying loud.
I dragged dinosaur land to by our door. I maked a line all of dinosaurs in the front of it. Spiney Apato Deiny Tricytop Rex. Behind them was the volcano. Boily hot orange on its sides. Orange called lava. Super hot from the earth’s core.
I had maked it. Maked it a trap of Karen. Her horrible foot to go in. Lava all on her trainer and inside hurting. Aaaargh! Go back away down our steps. Lava droppy dripping. Hop hop away down the road Karen. Not come back.
Meemaw pulled the plug I heared water google oogle off down the pipe outside.
Beans and bready sausage for tea!
It is my best tea. Meemaw doing my best tea but for badness reasons of Karen coming later. I knowed it. Still it is very yum.
I showed Apato how Meemaw maked bready sausage in the bowl. Scrunch-up crust a slimey egg and grater cheese from a new piece Meemaw buyed. I picked it up the big bit of cheese. Bited in.
Oi, Danny! For goodness’ sake!
Meemaw taked it away in the fridge slam. Fatness of cheese in my mouth. Yum and yum.
The sausages sizzly in the frying pan but Meemaw wasn’t singing the song of it today. Meemaw was pink of Karen coming and all gone away in her head.
I eated four sausages Meemaw three. All the beans for me for me.
Meemaw washed up straightaway I didn’t have to help. All was to be a hurry and tidy away. I stayed with the dinosaurs in their world. At the end Meemaw came.
Wow, it’s a great thing, this, isn’t it?
Meemaw on her tummy doing looking. Not touching. I didn’t say.
How about if I read to you and the new dinosaurs now, eh?
I wanted that. I wanted that and to cuddle Meemaw now.
I nodded.
We curled up. I had all the new dinosaurs. Showed them each every one pictures.
Meemaw’s phone was on her lap under the book. Sometimes she taked it out looked at it. I thinked it was a Meemaw egg but not hatching. No hatching of Karen in it.
I went to yawn yawn yawn in strings like paper rings of Christmas.
Come on, tired boy… Teeth!
Meemaw carried me to the bathroom. I wanted all all dinosaurs in bed.
I don’t think any of us would have a comfy night like that, do you? How about they snuggle together on the table?
No snuggling! They are a guard!
They standed in a line all looking at me. I got in with just Spiney to hold for usual.
In bed warm. Dinosaurs were one way Meemaw the other way. She smoking her rolly blowing smoke out the open window.
I could hear cars swish swish down the road. I couldn’t see Meemaw’s colour. But her shape just. On the floor by the door the land of dinosaurs. All very of peace and good in our flat. No Karen had come in at the end. I holded Spiney in one hand. Other hand my willy. All was good.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
I opened my eyes and knowed it right then. The air cold on my nose sleeping bag silky all about trapping. No Meemaw. I was in the bathroom.
Meemaw?
My voice came a crackle not loud enough. So much noise already in our flat. Noise of crying very crying and words in it. Words of wobbles. Sometimes they falled apart into not words. Just crying.
I holded my hands over my ears shutted my eyes. But too loud.
I tried standing up but all twisty going tight on me. Slip slip the sleeping bag silky and dark and the noise.
I thinked of it the bang of my head on the bath. I thinked of the yellow bright pain rushing. The sicky of hurt of it. The lump. I holded to the edge of the bath went slow. Careful. Stepping one foot one foot. The bathroom floor cold on my bare feet. I standed still.
I knowed it must be Karen in our flat. My Meemaw cries quiet. Only sometimes shouting out of Spanish in her asleep.
Bloody fuck.
I whispered a swear of Karen in our flat. It was a bad swear and I meaned it. Bloody fuck of her horrible crying.
I went by the door crack one eye looking. I didn’t want any of in the nude. Not Karen disgusting bot. But I looked. I looked. Brave to look.
Meemaw and Karen sitting on the bed in clothes. Meemaw arms rounded Karen crying. I feeled roars coming in me of fury. Rumble umble up up fast. Meemaw had did a lie.
Meemaw had putted me in the bathroom when I was gone asleep. A trick of such badness. Now her arms rounded horrible Karen. Karen of calling me Professor. Karen of saying Spiney that thing. Horrible Karen.
All the fury roar was in my body. Big thunder of it. But deep deep in. Thunder inside but no coming out. I heared my breathing only. I watched at the door crack more.
I couldn’t see Meemaw’s face because it was wrong way round. But Karen’s all red of crying eyes. Piggy small eyes I saw.
You don’t, you just don’t understand, Nat, what it was like, what she put me through…
Meemaw shushting and stroke stroke.
She nearly broke me. I didn’t think I could feel again but then this… You’re my dream. I just know, I just know this is meant. Nat…
Crying crying. Meemaw stroke stroked the flops of the Karen spiky hair.
Shh Shh…
Putted her mouth by Karen’s ear. Hmm hmm of words close. Rocking.
I didn’t want to see of it then. I shutted my eyes counted inside of three hundred. Hands pressed hard hard on my ears all was rushy inside my head.
When I opened it was kissing. Eating kissing devouring. My Meemaw would get eated up. I must to stop it to stop it I holded the edge of the bathroom door ready. I will go in! Then they were apart. Karen words all panting like running up the hill.
Christ, I want you so much, woman…
Dark words of a growl and more the eating kissing. I stepped back in the bathroom. Back in the dark. Away.
I wanted Meemaw I wanted my Meemaw but Meemaw gone with Karen on the bed. All my body w
as shaking very very. Hard my teeth nnnnnng nnnnnng. I crawled back in the sleeping bag. I slided deep in.
Spiney there my Spiney. I taked him down to the end darkness. Sealed. Maked a curve for my back. The boulder of a story cave. To block. A cave of great depth and darkness. Danny and Spiney in. Inside we spelled. Spiney speaked clear in my mind his voice. I whispered it for him.
I shall kill Karen. I shall bite in her throat Danny the blood going to her head. It will squirt out she will be dead. A mortal wound to her.
I whispered back.
Good good Spiney.
I holded him by my face. Tears went on him but quiet quiet. Meemaw must not come. Meemaw bringed Karen. Karen her blue eyes of wrongness such wrongness. I didn’t want her eyes to look at me again. Not ever again.
***
It was day time. I was on the puffy airbed. All was quiet in our flat. Just the fridge noise. Cars outside and a horn tooted.
I getted up looked through the crack again. Meemaw awake in the bed. Eyes blinking. I pushed the crack wide. Meemaw holded her finger on her lips be quiet. Then Meemaw curled her finger of come here.
Karen was a lump. The back of her head dark hair. Alive breathing. I standed close by Meemaw. She cuddled me her arms sticking out of the covers. Bare arms. In the nude. She whispered close in my air. I moved away.
Do you want to go on my phone?
I nodded. Meemaw gived me the phone.
Go and get back in bed.
She meaned the sleeping bag the puffy airbed.
I had a wee. Trickly wee very yellow long. Then I getted back in the sleeping bag with Spiney. We watched Tale of a Tooth a middle bit. I pressed sound to quiet to keep Karen asleep. She could be asleep a hundred years of a story. I wished it.
My wish went wrong and it was soon and sudden she came.
Excuse me, I need to use the toilet.
Her face was the Karen face of normal not crying of the night. The blue eyes. Spiky hair rumpled up and mess. She standed sideways. I scrambled out up and away. I went in the other room.
Meemaw was folding up the bed. Talking to me sideways and not looking.
Do you want some krispies, poppet?
I nodded.
You’d better get dressed quick, it’ll be warmer. It looks like a nice day out there though.
I taked off my pjs quick. Quick pants on because Karen eyes might come. Karen in our bathroom I heared the toilet whoosh flush. I heared the taps. A long time Karen was in there.
I eated my krispies all up. Quick and gulpy swallow. I wanted breakfast all done in case of another Karen flat egg.
Meemaw maked tea two mugs. Hum hum very sweetly. Very brightly dancey pink her colour. The colour of the best scarf of Meemaw. Of stringy and sequins tiny mirrors on. I taked my bowl to her. Speaked quiet in case.
Can we go to the park Meemaw?
Maybe in a little while.
I still had the Meemaw phone. I started it at the beginning again of Tale of a Tooth. I sayed the words back to Walter Kronkite the best words.
A hundred and twenty million years ago!
Karen came out the bathroom I looked quick looks.
Jesus, Nat, it’s like a bloody fridge in here. Can you not put the heating on?
Meemaw stirring tea.
Bit of a cash flow issue at the mo. It’ll warm up soon, though. It’s really sunny out there.
Plonk she putted the tea for Karen by her arm. Best big Meemaw smile for Karen. Karen was looking out our window.
Karen sipped her tea. I watched quick looks more over the top of the phone. Meemaw washing up a can for fizzy drink Strongbow. Not ours. A Karen thing. I slided it back to the beginning of Tale of a Tooth. Back for the best words.
Fuck! I’m freezing, Nat!
She rubbed her hand on her face. White with darkness underneath the eyes.
Does he have to have that on all the time?
Meemaw taked the phone from my hand. Taked it.
Danny love, let’s have a break from that now.
No snatching. No snatching Meemaw. I didn’t say of it. I didn’t say of anything anything. All words swallowed. Eated up.
I went on the floor in the land of the dinosaurs. Karen was a new smell. Not stinky perfume but a new smell of very badness. Poorly of a toilet or sicky something. Yucky strong.
I putted Apato behind the rock. Apato almost was going to say a thing in my mind. His voice was I thinked low and quiet. I almost heared him.
Then Karen did a cough. Loud cough of phlegm.
I think you might have your priorities a bit off, Nat, if you let him on your phone the whole time but you haven’t got the money to heat the flat.
Meemaw looked round from by the sink holding a plate drippy runny of bubbles. She laughed like not actual funny.
We do have the money to heat the flat, it’s just a glitch. I got into a bit of arrears with the council tax so we’re economising.
I thinked the council tax nightmare. It was a good thing. It was how we went to the centre of the toy library and getted the great goodness of dinosaur land. Karen clonked down her tea.
How much?
Meemaw did another laugh of not funny.
It’s not a big deal, K, I’ll get it sorted. I just need to agree a payment plan or something.
Karen getted up very fast and my body did a jump. Hurry hurry she taked her jacket from the Meemaw peg. Her wallet was shiny black as a beetle fat. Pop. Inside lots of brown tenner notes.
Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty!
Plonk plonk on the table.
Then she putted on her jacket. Please. I wished and hoped it. Go away.
I won’t have you going short, baby, not if I’ve got spare. Will that cover it?
Meemaw looked at the money. Then looked at Karen.
You don’t have to.
Shhhh!
Karen kissed Meemaw but not too of devouring. Whispery quiet but I heared it.
My angel.
My my my Meemaw.
Karen zipped up her jacket zooop. It was a moment of please please please go. Loud in my mind. I thinked too loud and Karen heared it. Sudden she looked down in my eyes. A hard hit of look.
You need to put some boundaries down for him though, Nat. He’s got to understand he can’t just have what he wants the whole time.
Inside my ears was whoosh whoosh. I feeled my face gone hot. Tummy tip tip tip. I feared of a sicky.
Oh you don’t need to worry about that, K. He’s a good lad.
Karen still her eyes on me. Spiking. Sharpness. Hardness.
Yeah, but it’s important he understands discipline.
She pulled her spiky bits of hair. Dark points to the sharp eye spikers. All over spikes. All over.
You don’t see what I do every day of the week, Nat. People who never heard the word no in their lives and think the world owes them a living.
She tug tugged of her jacket to puff up.
Half of them wouldn’t be in the mess they are if they’d been taught a bit of respect and given some boundaries. You’re not doing him any favours being so soft.
Meemaw still and watching. Just watching.
I’ll see you after work then okay?
Going actual going. Opening the door. Meemaw voice all jollity.
See you later! Have a good day!
Doors bang and bang. I heared her gallopy down the steps.
I didn’t look at Meemaw. I maked Apato walk up the back of the sofa over the top down the front.
Danny love, you were a very good boy about last night and being in the bathroom.
I maked Spiney jump. Jump he jumped over the sofa roaring. Meemaw talked louder.
I know I said Karen wouldn’t be staying but she was upset when she came and you know sometimes when we’re upset we need some extra cuddles and we don’t want to be on our own? Well, that was how Karen was feeling last night.
Spiney roared again.
It’s difficult for Karen, Dan, because she’s never had a
child and she doesn’t know all about getting along together. It might take her a little bit of time to learn. But you can be patient, can’t you?
I looked at Meemaw then. Inside me very hard rocks had come. Hard heavy rocks had come.
Can we go to the park?
Meemaw looked back at me. Her head on sideways of a question. She looked steady steady. Then a sigh.
Yes, yes, we can go to the park a bit later. After lunch, okay?
Then Meemaw spended a long time hoovering. Meemaw singed songs of happy loud as the hoover. And the dinosaurs killed enemies in our flat. All every one.
***
The park was gone warm buzzy of the insects and take my coat off. We went up on the high slope. Tea for Meemaw and Mister Man lolly of orange for me.
We’re celebrating the sunshine!
I bited fast for no drips. Ice and ice. I gived Meemaw the stick.
Blimey! That was quick!
Meemaw lied back on the grass. Her book open on the sky.
Inside the gates, remember, Dan.
I thinked I am the little manual remember Meemaw. I didn’t say of it.
I runned down the slope did big steps up. Runned down again. Again again. Three four. My knees went to wibbly then so I went in the sand.
Most in the sand were girls of long hair. Yellow brown all long. Special yellow road-digger man coats said Play Days Nursery. All very the same they came round me. Fast talking. Telling things of their game laughing loud. Other things. One looked in my face.
What’s he called?
I didn’t know if she meaned Spiney or Danny. I didn’t say. Then they all went away in a line. Two ladies taked them. All gone. Quiet. Spiney maked tracks and singed.
When it was time for after school lots too much of children came. Voices were louder louder. So much of shouting.
I closed my eyes holded my hands on my ears by the wall. Meemaw came. I smelled her there. She taked my one hand off my ear holded it. I walked eyes closed with her. I heared the gate clang.
The shouting went quieter quieter. Splinkle splash of the fountain I heared. I opened my eyes.
Isn’t it a glorious day, Dan?
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