I didn’t say anything of the kettle. The kettle is don’t touch. But it was a secret. It was a secret time like the knife. Meemaw twizzled up the bread bag.
Come on, teeth!
Tale of a Tooth! Tale of a Tooth!
We brushed our teeth. Meemaw did a wee flushed away my poo. I was glad of it gone. Our pjs were still in a bag from Mick’s house. Meemaw opened the bag and smoky smelly smell of Mick’s house rushed out.
Yuck! I don’t want smelly!
Fair enough. Bloody hell. You don’t notice how bad it is when you’re there, do you?
She zipped it up again the bag.
We’ll just keep these on.
We were just our t-shirts. Meemaw’s legs. Gone thin like poles on the climbing frame.
Meemaw went to turn off the big light. She putted her head in the cupboard of the meter.
Shit! That’s gone down quick!
Meemaw looked all around.
What’s eating that up then? Christ, that’s all I need, bloody meter going mad.
Meemaw plugged in her phone for charging. Then she getted in next to me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
On the bus Karen holded Meemaw’s one hand in her two hands. She looked on the floor. Meemaw looked out the window only sometimes little slippy smiles at Karen. I sitted on another seat across. Even though a stranger might come. Even though that.
Meemaw had telled me Karen not coming in our flat again. Meemaw had been hitted by Karen in our flat. But still Karen was coming home on our bus. Meemaw had telled me another lie.
At our front door Meemaw letted go of Karen’s hand to go in her bag for the key. Karen standed droopy. Her arms dangled down beside. A sad penguin of all alone.
I standed Spiney on the wall and he looked at her trainers. They were the pair of one gone dark. Of the Coke on the pier. I thinked of that day. I thinked we had gone on the pier but never standed in the sea. It was a other day I standed in the sea. Just me and Meemaw. I maked a wish promise to Spiney we will do it again. A promise of go in the world of sandy beaches. Just our three family.
There was no lights when we getted in.
Ah, damn it! I hoped that’d last a bit longer.
Karen flopped on our sofa. Looked at her feet.
Well, never mind. Cup of tea, K? I can boil the water on the hob.
Yeah, thanks.
Meemaw maked tea of water in the saucepan. I like to watch that. One day I watched. It maked silver bubbles in our silver saucepan. Meemaw said don’t you touch sunshine but letted me watch. On a other day. A better day.
Meemaw gived tea to Karen.
Ugh.
Sorry. No milk.
Karen holded the tea of her two hands but not drinking. She looked at it the smoky tea. Blink blink. Meemaw maked a cough of not real.
I wondered if you’d like me and Danny to walk you over to your place after we’ve had this? Settle you down for the evening?
Karen speaked at her tea not up at Meemaw.
I’m not safe to be left.
I slided under the table into dinosaur land.
Meemaw sitted on the chair then blowed on her tea. She speaked in her very most gentle voice for it’s a hard thing Danny. For sadness of a breaked thing or lost.
I didn’t know if there was someone I should have called, K?
I heared upstairs man flush his toilet.
I can call anyone you’d like me to. I’ve got plenty of minutes.
Karen standed up very sudden her trainer bumped her tea. It runned all across the carpet tiles and sitted in a shiny puddle of one second. Then it sinked in.
You know there’s no one.
The sun was in the end window. The wet carpet shined in the slanty rectangle of light. Karen’s voice went sudden loud. It getted louder of every word.
I lost everyone when my bitch ex left me and told everyone lies about me! I told you this! I told you no one believed me, no one stood by me because every fucking one of them was poisoned. Every one! And I know you don’t give a shit either but I’ve made it clear, I’ve told you I’ve got no one else. There’s no one and nothing and I won’t be safe on my own. I can’t do it. But, you know, kick me out if you want. If it’s easier for you. I’ll just end up dead.
It’s going to be all right, K. You know you can get through this. I’m not saying I won’t be here at all. I’m not saying anything like that. It’s just I think maybe we’re both in a difficult place just now and…
Karen bursted into tears. She talked all through the crying. Words running on very fast each in the next one.
I know I know I’m no good for you. I know I fuck things up! I just thought you… thought you were the one, my fucking soulmate. Nat, can you really not see it? You know we’re meant to be together! You do, you see it! You feel it like I do, Nat! I can’t, I can’t if you don’t want me, I can’t!
Crying and crying. Snotty and screwed up her horrible horrible face.
Meemaw still. Waiting.
Karen stopped talking. She jumped up sudden and walking to me. Fast to the table. I slided quick out from under. I runned by the bathroom door in case she was coming to get me.
But she stopped by the table still. Like a giant come over the sky of the dinosaur world she standed. She holded the table edge of her two hands. She looking down at its woody top.
I had Spiney I had Spiney but the other dinosaurs were still underneath. I thinked she was going to flip over the table bring down a disaster on their world.
But not that. Karen taked a big deep breath like going underwater. Then BAM!
Karen bammed her head down on the table. I did a big jump my shoulders leaping up. Karen reared back like a injured allosaur. But no roar at all. Another BAM her head went down. Meemaw shouted.
KAREN! STOP! STOP IT!
She runned at her. Meemaw flinged out her arms to catch around Karen. But Karen shoved Meemaw of two hands and Meemaw went falling flying across the room. She bended sideways over the chair tumbled on the floor.
BAM! Karen’s head again.
Karen panting of a dog. Panting her mouth hanged open of a dog.
I taked a step to Meemaw. Meemaw sitting up on the floor by the chair. I wanted to go. Then Karen lifted her head up looked at me. Karen looked at me the last bit of the sun gone shining in her eyes and wee came. Wee runned fast hot as a hot finger of a witch down my leg in my sock. Lots. My trousers going soaked. I couldn’t move my feet.
And then there was a knock on the door.
Upstairs man’s voice came.
Are you okay in there?
Meemaw getted up. She was walking to the door and Karen swooped. Karen’s hand over Meemaw’s mouth covering. Her fingers pressed in Meemaw’s cheek.
We’re fine! We’re fine! Sorry to disturb you. Just the kid having a tantrum.
Meemaw’s eyes big round. Meemaw breathing hard. Her nostrils big to suck in the air and Karen her one hand still on Meemaw’s mouth. Her other hand pulled Meemaw close. Tight. She wrapped one leg round Meemaw’s legs. My Meemaw couldn’t move.
Well, can you keep it down? I’ve got company.
Sure thing! Sorry about that.
Clump clump of upstairs man on the stairs.
Karen spitting words. Spit flied out.
You fucking dare make a sound.
She twizzled Meemaw round throwed her on the sofa. Meemaw coughed. She coughed lots.
I standed still as still. Karen walked over by the window and speaked at the glass. Her voice was gone sing song then like talking about a story of a sunny day. Happy things of a story.
It’s never good enough is it? No matter what I do, people think they can just piss on me. Everyone pisses on Karen. You think you can too, don’t you? After all I fucking told you. After everything. You just come swanning up to work. Spin me some shit. Some toxic shit about let’s be friends. Patronising bitch.
She turned round and Meemaw jumped. Put her hand on her mouth. Hand on her mouth like Karen’s hand before
.
Let’s be fucking friends? I told you. I told you what my ex had done to me and you were all… You were all big eyes and ‘oh sweetheart…’ Now you just dump me. Spin me shit about friends. I know what you are. You’re some fucking benefit scum with your little freak kid living in this shithole and you think, you reckon, you can take me for a fool. You think you’re too good for me! Think you can just dump me.
Karen turned round speaked quiet then. Quiet at the window.
Well fuck you. That’s not happening.
Front of my trousers and one leg was sticked on me. Sticked on me. I standed still as still. Meemaw looked at me. Just one tiniest look of lifted eyes then she leaned down on the floor picked up the bag.
Karen runned. She grabbed the bag pulled it out of Meemaw’s hand.
What is it you’re needing, eh?
She started taking things out. Meemaw’s purse the keys Meemaw’s tobacco. Dropping them on the floor. Then she getted Meemaw’s phone. She holded it up.
Is it this you want?
Give me the phone, Karen.
Karen holded it and looked at Meemaw. Then she taked it by the kitchen. She lifted the phone up beside her face like smiling of a selfie. CRACK! Crack the screen down on the tiles next of the cooker.
Then she throwed the phone. Meemaw ducked down it went whizzing past. Came close by my head. Then it hitted the door.
Meemaw getted up. She came to me. She pulled my head close by her leg.
Get out, Karen.
Karen laughed. Said it back.
Get out, Karen.
Meemaw picked me up. I maked a almost no because I was covered of wee. I didn’t want it to go on Meemaw. But then I holded on tight. Pushed my face in Meemaw’s neck.
Get out of my flat!
I heared the words inside Meemaw’s body. Wobbly they came but true. I thinked my Meemaw could make her go. Make her go.
Karen whooshed past close. I feeled it the air move. SLAM!
Karen, get up.
Nah. I’m just going to sit here, I think. I’m just going to have a little sit-down on the floor here while you sort out that pissy little freak of yours, eh? You go and do that. He bloody stinks.
I didn’t look up. I didn’t look out from Meemaw’s shoulder. I feeled her walking then we were in the bathroom. She shutted the door I heared click of the silver slidey lock. I whispered.
Meemaw!
Meemaw putted me down on the floor I opened my eyes. Very dark in the bathroom just the orangey street light shine in the pattern window. But my eyes getting used to it. Meemaw leaning on the door breathing fast. She whispered back.
It’s okay, sunshine.
Meemaw bended down helped me get my wet trousers wet pants off. I keeped my whisper so quiet quiet of a mouse’s voice.
Meemaw can we go?
Karen’s sitting by the door. I don’t think she’s going to let us past right now, but we’ll get out as soon as we can.
I thinked crying would come then. But I knowed it she must not hear. Meemaw finded me other trousers in a heap of some things by the toilet. But no pants no socks. She whispered close close my ear.
It’s going to be okay. We’ll just go when she falls asleep. Do you understand?
I nodded.
There is absolutely nothing to be scared of, Danny. There is nothing at all to be scared of. Do you understand?
I nodded again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
It was a other early morning when I waked up. The window was in the wrong place. It was in the wrong place because me and Meemaw were in the chair. Meemaw was awake already. When I moved she whispered.
Shh…
Right in my ear. She holded her finger on her lips for no talking.
I looked on the floor by the door. There was Karen. A crocodile there and I knowed she had never moved in all the night. Still we were trapped.
Near Karen’s head was Meemaw’s phone. The screen was gone to diamonds and diamonds.
Meemaw whispered again such tiny words.
We’re going to go, but we need to be clever. Get your shoes on right now and play on the floor. Play quietly. Don’t say anything, don’t ask me anything. When it’s the moment, then I’ll come and get you and you need to be ready to run fast, okay?
I did a nod.
Meemaw slided me gently gently off her lap. I walked slow and careful as a stalking velociraptor. I finded my shoes one and two and putted them on. No socks. I pressed the velcros.
I went to go under the table in the dinosaur world but Meemaw did a curly finger of come out. Instead I sitted on the floor by the window and the dinosaurs too.
Meemaw went to the wardrobe and taked down her box of special things. She slided it silent silent into the bag. All the moves of Meemaw were slow smooth.
Then she went to the tap and runned two glasses of water. The shoosh of the tap waked up Karen. Her blue blue eyes opened up. She blinked. Meemaw drinked one glass leaning on the kitchen side. She did a smile at Karen and then bringed the other water to me.
Morning, K.
A voice all okay and nothing wrong. But the bright the white silvery of her bursted out. No hiding of it in Meemaw this day. No hiding such brightness.
I thinked no one can see my Meemaw’s colours except me. Please they can no one see. Not Karen. Please not Karen.
Karen sitted up. Her face looked wrong. It was lumped. Her forehead swelled up. Skin reddy purple of maybe to burst. No words.
I need to pop out and get some power on the key, K. And a pint of milk.
Karen sitted leaned back on the door.
Is there anything particular you fancy to eat?
Karen shaked her head. She slided away from the door. Meemaw reached out for my hand. Not looking at me just reaching. It was time. I standed up.
Why you taking him?
The white silver of Meemaw maked a shimmer. I heared shimmer in her voice.
I just thought a breath of air’d do him good. He’s spent a lot of time indoors the last few days.
Karen shaked her head.
You leave him with me.
My heart jumped up in my throat and maked a squeak of noise. It wasn’t me it wasn’t. Karen laughed.
What’s with the squeaking, Professor? You a mouse?
She putted her hand up on the side of her head.
Fuck… Can you get me some paracetamol, Nat?
Sure.
Meemaw putted the bag on her shoulder. Going. Meemaw was going and leaving me. She stopped. Meemaw crouched down and picked up poor broken phone.
I’m sorry, honey. I’ll get you another one. I’ll get you something better. I didn’t mean it, you know?
I know.
I think I just need a few days here with you, honey. A few days for us to sort things out, yeah? Just chill together.
Sure.
Karen shutted her eyes. Meemaw looked right to me. Right to me.
Ah shit. I can’t find my keys, K. I’m just gonna leave it on the latch, okay?
Sure.
Still Karen’s eyes closed but talking.
I’m gonna have a quick shower.
Good plan, babe. Back in a mo.
Then Meemaw opened our flat door still looking and looking at me.
In my mind came a second splitted in panic. My legs maked me bob up ready to run but Meemaw holded up her hand. Meemaw meaned wait. Meemaw meaned be clever. I holded down my legs. I pressed my knees of my two hands. In my mind said wait legs.
Meemaw clicked the latch. Latch down means not proper shut Danny. Anyone could push it open. Then Meemaw went out. All the side of the door was a thin crack of black. Not shut.
I heared Meemaw open the front door too and I didn’t hear it close. It was open. I knowed it. It was for me. But not yet. Not yet.
Karen getted up. She swayed like a tree cut of a axe and going to fall. I looked at her knees.
I’m going in the shower.
She taked one step to the bathroom. Then she s
topped. I thinked of Meemaw thrown. I thinked of the fingers of Karen on her face. Such the fear in me like a giant.
On the side in the kitchen was the truck she buyed me on the Brighton day. She picked it up. I thinked she might throw. I went small small. But no. Karen came crouched down and putted it beside me. She rolled it back forward back. All of the world was her smell. Smell of mixture. Perfumey some sicky in it and under arms not Meemaw’s.
You don’t always have to play with the monsters, you know? You play with your truck like a good boy.
Each every word was a breeze of sicky. I nodded. She rubbed on my head. It maked a tiny trickle of wee come. Just tiny not all my trousers. Then fast she standed up and went in the bathroom.
Click the slidey lock then whoosh of the boiler comed awake.
Piiiish of shower.
Fuck!
All the water goes spray everywhere because of broken. Karen in it. All water everywhere. Karen no clothes and all wet. Now.
I grabbed up the dinosaurs. I runned. I pulled our flat door it opened and there was front door all wide open and the day outside. Meemaw there at the bottom of the steps waiting.
Danny!
We runned. All the way along the road we runned together. I was fast fast as Meemaw. At the corner Meemaw grabbed my arm. Cars by the light vrrm vrrrm. We runned across. Runned across the big busy road and all the noise of it.
A blue and white bus at the stop door closed. A winky orange side eye for going now. But Meemaw knocked. Meemaw knocked on the foldy door. Doors popped open.
Thank you! Single to Brighton.
£5.40.
I’ve got it in change here.
All of Meemaw’s hand was money.
Just sit down. Pay me at the next stop.
We sitted down and the bus fast away!
Meemaw puffy puffy from running. She sitted back in the seat.
Danny, you’re a star. You’re an absolute star. You know I wouldn’t have taken another step. I would never have left you. You do know that, don’t you?
Yes.
A lady was watching from on a other seat. She had a anorak of purple. Hair grey in big circles on her head. She smiled.
Meemaw can I put the dinosaurs in the bag?
Of course.
It was then I looked. The borrow dinosaurs were all in my arms. But no Spiney.
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