The men started to chuckle.
“By the time we got back to base camp, my name had become Greenback.”
Doc shook his head with a wide grin. “It’s a much better story than the stuff I imagined.”
Oliver bumped knuckles with him and wandered over to take a seat next to Hawk. “I need to talk to you about something.”
Hawk nodded. “Okay.” He frowned. “Selena okay?”
“So far. But I don’t think she’s telling me everything. She’s twenty-two weeks along and the chemo’s been hard and is only going to get harder. I think it might be time for me to request a temporary duty change until the baby is born. I need to be on the ground and closer to home right now.”
Hawk nodded. “Understood. Captain Jackson and I discussed this a couple of weeks ago. Go in and see him tomorrow. I think he has something in mind for you.”
It was a reassuring to know command had his back in this. “Thanks, Hawk.”
Hawk’s gray gaze remained on his face. “You know this doesn’t mean you’re breaking ties with us, with this team. We’ll still be here when you’re ready to come back. And we’ll still be there for you and Selena until she’s well.”
Emotion gripped his throat, and he looked away. “We couldn’t do it without all of you. Zoe and Trish, Clara and Tess. Since Selena’s mom left, they’ve been dropping meals by, and taking Lucia for play dates. They’re all amazing.”
Hawk gripped his forearm in a moment of commiseration. “Selena would be doing the same for them.”
“Strap in and prepare for takeoff,” the pilot’s voice came over the COM. The engines turned over and then roared as they taxied forward, making it impossible to talk.
At ten thousand feet they leveled off and everyone donned their balaclava face masks, helmets, positioned their goggles and went on oxygen to leach the nitrogen from their bloodstreams. The plane circled for forty-five minutes, climbing to an altitude of twenty-nine thousand feet before the cargo bay door opened and the pilot announced they’d reached their diving height. They rose as one and packed together in jump formation near the incline. As soon as the pilot announced they were over the jump area, Hawk signaled, moved forward, and leapt. They all followed him as they’d done a thousand times before, through training, into battle, down ropes, and even out the backs of planes.
The curve of the atmosphere looked like a convex lens along the horizon, and the sound of the wind filled Oliver’s ears despite his helmet. Up here at what looked like the top of the world, his heart raced and he came alive. Hurtling toward the earth fed the adrenaline junkie in him.
But down below the woman who nurtured his unborn child was struggling. He could do without this for a time. Until she was well.
At thirty-five hundred feet he deployed his chute. Air filled it and jerked him upward. He grasped the wooden handles used to manipulate the direction of descent. Below him Hawk’s chute moved east, and he looked over his shoulder to locate the men behind him, and saw their chutes staggered in a landing formation, one above the other, following him down. His throat tightened with emotion.
Hawk was right. Nothing could break the ties between him and this team. When age or some physical condition made him unable to do this job, he’d still be tied to this life, and the men who lived it with him. He’d lived a lifetime in the five years he’d been a SEAL. He planned to live many more.
Selena was going to get well and he’d come back to his team.
Chapter Eight
‡
Selena turned the key in the door, pushed it open, then stood back for Lucia to precede her into the house. Had she ever been this tired? Maybe it was just an aftereffect of her doctor’s appointment. She couldn’t think about it just now. She’d start screaming the way she had as soon as she’d gotten in the car.
When she made it to the couch she kicked her shoes off and slumped back against the cushions. Lucia sidled up to her and Selena lifted the straps of her backpack free and dropped it next to the couch. Lucia climbed up on the cushions next to her.
She’d been unusually silent since Selena had picked her up at daycare. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“You’re hair’s all gone, Mommy.”
The tremulous tone in her voice arrowed straight into Selena’s heart. She should have taken Lucia’s reaction into consideration before shaving off her hair. Why hadn’t she? Because she was slipping. She couldn’t think of everything, do everything she needed to do and try to deal with everyone else’s needs when it was such an effort to deal with her own.
“Mommy took some medicine and it made my hair fall out. So I had it cut.” She pulled her scarf free and ran a hand over her scalp. There was a small patch of stubble at the crown and at the nape of her neck, but the rest was gone. “It will grow back soon.”
Lucia got up on her knees and ran her small hand over the top of Selena’s head.
Selena looped her arms around her to hold her steady. “Would you like it if Mommy wore a wig?”
“Whassat?”
How to explain? “It fits on your head like a hat, but it’s made of hair.” She pushed herself free of the couch and offered Lucia her hand. They wandered down the hall to Oliver’s small office. The space was actually a spare bedroom. Right now a large, heavy plastic storage unit was tucked in the corner where Oliver kept extra military gear, his personal sig and a twelve gauge he’d had as a boy. She automatically checked the cabinet door to make sure it was still locked before sitting down at the computer desk and opening the laptop. Lucia wiggled up onto her lap. As soon as the browser came up, Selena typed in WIGS.
A whole list of companies who created wigs or sold them came up. She clicked on the image listing at the top and pictures of wigs popped up, some on Styrofoam heads and others suspended in space.
“Which ones do you like?” Selena asked. She breathed in the combination of baby shampoo, crayons and the outdoors distinctive to her active child.
“Dat one.” Lucia pointed to a bright pink wig made of synthetic fibers.
“You think I’d look good with pink hair?”
“Yes.”
“Or do you think Lucia would look good in pink hair?”
A wide smile spread across Lucia’s face. “Yes.”
Selena laughed and gave her a hug.
“Does my hair have to fall off?” Lucia asked.
“No.” God forbid her baby would sink her teeth into the idea. She’d cut it off herself to hurry things along. “Mommy doesn’t want your hair cut. I think it looks beautiful just as it is.” Selena curled a long, shoulder-length strand around her finger to form a barrel curl. “But you can wear a wig over your hair if you want to.”
“If Mommy gets a wig, Lucia will have to have a pink one,” Oliver said from the door.
“Daddy!” Lucia wiggled free of her lap and ran to him. He swung her up into his arms. “Mommy’s hair is all gone,” she announced in a whisper.
“I see. She looks beautiful, doesn’t she?”
Lucia turned to look over her shoulder. “Like the Moon Lady.”
“It’s a Chinese folk tale she learned about at daycare,” Selena explained. She walked over to Oliver to lean against him. “The lady isn’t bald, but for some reason it’s how Lucia imagines her.”
Lucia shimmed down and went to the computer to look at the pictures again.
His lips skimmed Selena’s eyelids and he lay his cheek against her bare head. “I brought a couple of movies home. One for Lucia and a few for us. I thought we’d have a family night.”
“Okay.”
“I’m cooking. Doc sent you some mahi-mahi. He caught a thirty-pound dolphin fish. Can you believe that?”
“I didn’t know they got so big.”
“Bowie and Bullet voiced some disbelief and Doc has uninvited them to his next fish grill.”
She laughed. “You know he’ll change his mind. He’s a soft touch.”
“They know it, too. But he thought you might like some before e
veryone else, as a treat.”
“That was really nice of him.” The guys were forever doing thoughtful things. “I’ll call and thank him.”
Oliver ran his hand over her bare scalp. “You look like Sinead O’Connor.”
Selena smiled. “With an Italian nose.”
“What’s wrong with your nose? I think it’s perfect.” He kissed it. “Why don’t you lie down and rest while Lucia and I cook?”
She nodded. She was sure Langley had warned him about her hair, giving him time to adjust before seeing her. But just once she wished he’d come straight out and say she looked like shit. She had dark circles under her eyes and, though she forced herself to eat, she had lost weight. She was just a bald baby bump.
How could Oliver be so supportive about everything else and not about the baby? She wanted to march into the kitchen and confront him, but exhaustion born from two hard knocks in one day dragged at her limbs, and she could hardly keep her eyes open. She had to tell Oliver, but the prospect was just too much for her right now.
She went into her bedroom and pulled the top cover down. She shed her dress, put on a T-shirt and shorts, and slipped beneath the comforter. She was asleep in moments.
She woke to the sound of the television in the living room with an overwhelming need to urinate. She bailed out of bed and went into the bathroom.
When she came out Oliver stood at the dresser, removing his watch.
What time is it?” she asked.
“Nearly ten. You were sleeping so soundly I didn’t want to wake you. Lucia and I ate fish and watched Finding Nemo. I assured her we weren’t eating clown fish or a tang.”
Selena smiled. “How did you know what kind of fish Dory was?”
“We had to look it up before she’d eat.”
Selena laughed.
“Are you hungry?”
“No.” She slipped beneath the covers and pulled them up. She opened with the easier of two pieces of news. “I told my boss today I needed to take a leave of absence.”
Oliver strode to the side of the bed and sat down on the edge next to her.
“We knew you’d have to eventually.”
“I made a mistake on a big contract which could have cost the bank thousands, Oliver.” She started to run her fingers through her hair to push it back and caught herself when she met the soft skin of her scalp. “If Diana hadn’t caught it, I’d have probably been fired.”
He rested his fingers against the exposed nape of her neck. “I’m sorry, carina.”
“I should have discussed it with you, but—I couldn’t take the risk of being fired. At least this way I might have a chance of going back.” So why did it feel like such a defeat?
“It’ll be okay, Selena. It was the right thing to do.” He remained silent for a moment. “I talked to Hawk today about a change of duty so I can stay more available. He said Captain Jackson already had something for me. I’m seeing him tomorrow.”
They were both losing out on important bits of who they were.
“I’m sorry, Oliver.”
“It’s just temporary for us both, Selena. As soon as you have the baby, and get well, everything will go back to normal.”
No it wouldn’t. Nothing would ever go back to the way it was before cancer. Their new normal was going to be something else entirely. “The doctor talked to me about what he called another measure of defense.” She closed her eyes against the pain. “They want to take out my ovaries once the baby’s born. I’ll never have another child.”
“Two will be enough, honey.”
“I’ll be thrown into menopause at twenty-eight. I’ll have to stay on medication for ten years to make sure the cancer doesn’t come back.”
“Whatever it takes, Selena.”
He clearly didn’t understand what she was saying. Everything that made her a woman was being ripped away, one piece at a time. “My sex drive will be gone, Oliver. What if I can’t want you anymore?”
He took her into his arms. “You promised me, and yourself, you would fight. Whatever it takes. As long as you survive, we can work on everything else. As long as you survive.” His expression was fierce, intent.
She rested her cheek against his shoulder. If only she had his strength.
“If I lost an arm, a leg, you’d still love me, wouldn’t you?” he asked.
“Yes.” Her arms tightened around him.
“This is the same. These things don’t make up the person you are. Your ovaries aren’t what make you my Selena.”
But it was part of what made her a woman. Because of all the hormones coursing through her, they couldn’t be certain the chemo was slowing or stopping the spread of the cancer. The lymph node swelling under her right arm never went away, though she tried to keep the limb elevated as much as possible.
“You want to know what the sexiest thing about you is?”
“What?”
“Your laugh. It was the first thing I noticed about you in college. I’d gone to the party at Joe Rollins house, and the place was packed. Some babe in tight jeans and a barely-there top was putting the moves on me. And I should have been raring to go, since I was just one big hormone then, but I kept hearing your laugh.
“Finally I just walked away from the babe and followed the sound to the kitchen. You were there with a group of girls. You looked like you’d just graduated from Catholic high school. Fresh-faced, young, and less underdressed than most of the other college freshmen there. I asked you to dance and spent the rest of the night trying to make you laugh. Every time I hear it, I get hard.”
How could she not love him after that story? She kissed him, then said, “You’re so full of it.”
He laughed. “I’m serious.”
He looked so earnest she had to believe him. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him again, this time with feeling. “What movie was it you brought home for us to watch?”
“The guys made a list and I got all the ones I was able to find.”
If his team had made the list she could hardly wait to see what they’d chosen. “Go get them and we’ll pop one in.”
She drew a deep breath after he left the room. The tight feeling of pain and frustration had eased, and she was actually able to smile when he came back in. He fanned the stack of DVDs out on the bed. For a moment she was stunned, but then dissolved into a fit of the giggles.
Every movie had a bald heroine: Alien 3, Empire Records, V for Vendetta, G. I. Jane and Star Trek: The Motion Picture.
“Let’s watch G.I. Jane,” she suggested.
“You don’t have to choose one you think I’d like. Contrary to popular belief, military operators do watch things besides war movies.”
“I need to watch someone who’s ready to kick butt.”
He grinned. “Okay.” He sauntered over to the small entertainment center angled in the corner of the room, popped in the DVD, and turned on the television. “You want some popcorn?”
She shook her head.
He shucked his shorts and slid beneath the covers in his boxer briefs and T-shirt. She cuddled close against his side and felt the baby move.
She was entitled to a few meltdowns. But she had to keep a positive attitude. The mistake at work, her hair loss, the chemo, the doctor’s strong suggestion about her ovaries, and worry over the baby—they had all combined to knock her off her feet.
If adversity knocks me down, I will get back up. I will never give up the fight.
The opening credits of the movie rolled forward and she tried to lose herself in the story. At the point, when Demi Moore was doing sit-ups while hanging from a top bunk, Selena slipped her hand into Oliver’s boxer briefs and curled her fingers around his penis. He hardened in an instant and a smile curved her lips.
He shifted to look down at her, his brown eyes already darkening with desire. “I thought we were watching a movie.”
“We are watching a movie. But I’ve been asleep for hours and I’m feeling rested and…ready for something more
.”
He eyed her, his expression serious, as his hand moved beneath her T-shirt and he palmed her growing baby bump. “Are you sure it’s okay?”
He might have freaked out about the baby because of her diagnosis, but his protective concern made her smile. His need to keep his distance was constantly at war with his paternal instincts. He might fool himself, but he couldn’t fool her. Once the baby was born, he’d be as loving to it as he was to Lucia. She knew he would.
Her hand covered his. “It’s okay.”
He reached for the television control and turned it off.
She smiled. One of the best things about making love with her husband was on the way he paid attention to detail. He spent at least a decade kissing her, though she wanted to rush toward other things. She finally peeled his shirt up and he got the message and tossed it aside, then wiggled free of his briefs. The spiraling pattern of hair on his chest was soft beneath her hands. His nipples tightened while she toyed with them and tasted the salty heat of his skin. He shuddered in response and caught his breath.
In return, his hand fished beneath her T-shirt and found her left breast and caressed and toyed with the nipple. She had never allowed him to see the area where her right breast had been for fear it would crush any sexual feelings he had for her. But she reveled in the sensation when he touched her.
If he could still want her without a breast, without hair, maybe they would survive cancer as a couple. She trailed her lips to his collarbone and then nipped his shoulder while she looped her knee over his hip and moved against him.
“You’re very impatient,” he complained. “And you still have your shorts on.”
“Carpe diem,” she murmured into his ear and sucked on his earlobe.
He groaned and tugged her shorts down and off. There was a tremor in his arms as he moved up over her to wedge himself between her thighs, and she smiled at his excitement. His muscle-hardened stomach brushed hers distended with child. With one slow glide he thrust into her. The pleasure of their bodies joining, being as close as they could get, was both a joy and a relief.
Hot Alpha SEALs: Military Romance Megaset Page 107