by Keeland, Vi
“Sebastian . . . it’s okay. I get it. You don’t have to say anything. We had fun, but you don’t want more than that. It’s fine. You don’t have to feel bad.”
“Is that what you think? That I feel bad because I’m done with you?”
My brows drew together. “Isn’t that what you’re stressing over? Hurting my feelings?”
He started to laugh maniacally. Shaking his head, he pointed to the glass I’d just set down. “Give me that, will ya?”
I handed it to him and watched as he downed the entire contents of my glass. Offering it back, he said, “Fuck a clear head. I just need some balls.”
Was he saying what I thought he was saying? I fought to not let my hopes get up. “I don’t understand.”
He raked his hands through his hair and turned to face me. “How was your date tonight, Sadie?” He’d said the word “date” weird, almost spitting out the “t,” as if the word itself sickened him.
“It was . . . fine.”
“Well, I’m glad. Then at least one of us had a good evening.”
“You didn’t have a good night?”
“Let’s see . . . I broke the handle off an oven, burned my arm twice, put in three orders wrong, and almost fired a waitress who did nothing wrong. And that was all before six o’clock.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I couldn’t focus, Sadie. The thought of you going out with another man—no less a half dozen men while speed dating—makes me feel violent.”
“It was eight actually.”
He scoffed. “Thanks. That makes me feel a hell of a lot better.”
I’d been so certain that he was coming home to break things off that even though he’d just told me he hated the thought of me dating anyone else, I still guarded my heart.
“If you didn’t want me to go, why didn’t you tell me that? Or better yet, why didn’t you even call me this week?”
“Because I feel like I’m not supposed to want another woman all to myself.”
I swallowed. “But you do? You want me like that?”
Sebastian looked into my eyes. “I want you in every way, Sadie. And that scares the shit out of me.”
I smiled sadly. “If it makes you feel any better, you scare me, too.”
“I want to move on. But I have so much guilt about doing it.” He shook his head. “Did you ever play tug-of-war in school when you were a kid?”
“Sure. Of course.”
“You know how they told you not to wrap the rope around your hand?”
“Yeah . . .”
“Well, that’s sort of what I feel like I’m doing right now. I’m playing tug-of-war, only I have the rope wrapped around my hand really tight because I’ve been afraid to let go for so long. But now my circulation is getting cut off. And if I don’t just let go of the damn thing, I’m going to cause more damage than I would if I just finally let go.”
I looked down at Sebastian’s hands. They were balled so tight, almost like he was physically hanging on to that imaginary rope. And I wanted to help him, even if it wasn’t to tug him to my side and win the game. So I reached over and gently pried his fist open, then put my hand inside his and held on.
Sebastian stared down at our joined hands for a long time. “I want you to be mine, Sadie.”
My heart thumped in my chest. “I’m pretty sure I have been from the start.”
He smiled. “I’m sorry about this week. For acting like such a dick after our afternoon together.”
“It’s okay. Just talk to me next time. I get you’re going to have mixed feelings, and I’ll give you space when you need it.”
He nodded. Bringing our joined hands to his lips, he kissed the top of mine. “So how does this work? It’s been a long time since I went steady with anyone.”
I chuckled. “Went steady? What are you, sixty?”
He tugged me from next to him up onto his lap. Pushing a lock of hair behind my ear, he said, “I know dating is part of your job. I won’t ask you to give that up yet, but maybe we could have a few ground rules.”
“Okay . . .”
“I’d like us to be exclusive, as far as anything physical goes.”
“Of course. I’d like that, too.”
“Anything else that you have to do for work, just don’t tell me about it. Don’t even mention you have a thingy.”
I smiled. “I’ll figure something out for work. I can do articles on different types of dating out there, interview people for worst-date stories . . . my research doesn’t always need to be me trying out a different type of date.”
Sebastian cupped my cheeks. “So we’re going steady?”
I smiled. “We’re going steady, you nerd.”
We sealed the deal with a kiss. When it broke, I looked over my shoulder toward Birdie’s room. “What about Birdie?”
“I’m thinking I should tell her. What do you think?”
I nibbled on my lip. “That’s up to you. But I guess it’s better to be honest than to have her find out by catching me sitting on your lap like this.”
He nodded. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow. How about after that, the three of us go out to dinner and a movie or something. Me and my girls.”
My heart melted, and I couldn’t contain my smile. “I like the sound of that.”
“Good. Me too.”
CHAPTER 21
SEBASTIAN
This was definitely something I was going to have to wing. It wasn’t like I had a handbook at the ready on how to tell your child that you’re dating someone. Someone who wasn’t her mother. I knew Birdie had wanted this, but I often wondered if her attitude about that might change once it actually happened. My palms were sweaty as I walked down the hall, headed toward my daughter’s room. Birdie knew Sadie would be joining us for dinner and a movie tonight. She might have suspected something, but I needed to have “the talk” regardless.
Birdie was listening to music, bopping her head and lying flat on her stomach. Her long legs reached much farther than they used to. She was getting so big. It was hard to believe she’d be eleven soon. I couldn’t even think about what having a preteen would be like.
I knocked to get her attention.
She looked up and took out her earbuds. “Hey, Daddy.”
“Hi, pumpkin. You looking forward to the movie?”
“Yeah. And getting to hang out with Sadie, too.”
That makes two of us.
“Good.” I sat down on the edge of the bed. “So . . . that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”
A look of concern crossed her face. “She’s still coming, right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course, honey.” Rubbing my palms together, I said, “What I need to tell you is that Sadie has become more than just the dog trainer. She and I . . . have gotten to know each other and, well, we really like each other’s company.”
The few seconds that passed felt like torture.
Her mouth curved into the slightest smile. “I’m not surprised.”
My brows lifted. “Really?”
“You act sort of funny when she’s around. Plus, she’s pretty.”
“How come you never told me that you suspected something?”
“I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”
“So it makes you happy that I’m dating Sadie?”
She nodded.
Feeling a sense of relief, I grinned. “You really like her, don’t you?”
“Yes. I really really like her.”
I grabbed one of her stuffed toys and looked down at it as I spoke. “You know it’s important that whoever I spend time with be someone you get along with and who also makes you happy. I would never bring anyone around who didn’t fit in with us.”
“I know, Daddy.”
“I also hope you know that just because Sadie and I are getting close, that doesn’t change how much I loved your mother. Okay?”
Birdie glanced over at a photo of Amanda that hung on the wall, then said, “I kn
ow. Mommy’s never coming back. You’d still be with Mommy if she were here. Mommy knows that.”
That was an interesting comment, because I often wondered whether Amanda and I would have lasted had she not gotten sick.
Placing the stuffed animal back down, I said, “Do you have any questions for me?”
“Is Sadie going to live with us?”
Well, that was more direct than I was expecting.
“No. Not anytime soon. Maybe someday if things work out. This is still very new. That also means that there’s a chance it might not work out.”
“You mean you might mess it up?”
I chuckled at her assumption. That’s probably the more likely scenario, yeah.
“That’s not my intention, but adult relationships are complicated, and sometimes even though we don’t intend for them to fail, they don’t work out.”
She had no clue that even her mother and I had struggled.
“Is Sadie still gonna go on dates for her job?”
Yeah. Sore subject.
“Not real ones.”
“Because you’re her boyfriend now?” She smiled.
I took a few seconds to let that word sink in. “Boyfriend.” Jesus, I hadn’t been someone’s boyfriend in ages.
“Yeah. I guess I am.”
“Is she still gonna train Marmaduke?”
Scratching my chin, I said, “I get the impression she likes spending time with you and the Duke, so I bet you can convince her to keep taking him out with you.”
She sighed. “Alright, Daddy.”
I squeezed her knee. “No more questions?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“Okay.” I leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. “I’ll come get you to leave soon.”
As I was walking out the door, she stopped me. “Wait.”
“Yeah?”
“I do have one more question.”
“Shoot.”
“Can I get the big box of Milk Duds at the movies?”
I chuckled. “We’ll see.”
Another wave of relief hit me as I left her room. That had gone way better than I’d anticipated. I hoped nothing would happen to jinx it.
Birdie ended up really enjoying the Disney movie we watched. As for me, I really enjoyed holding Sadie’s hand as I sat between them. Not to mention I’d been so busy taking care of everything over the past several years, I’d forgotten what it felt like to have someone who was looking out for me. Sadie would do subtle things like move the hair off my face or brush crumbs off my shirt. She definitely had a very protective instinct. And I had to say, I loved being looked after by a beautiful woman.
It was too soon to have Sadie spend the night with Birdie home, but I wanted nothing more than to have her in my bed tonight. I’d have to figure out a way to get alone time with her, whether it be in the middle of the day or by having Magdalene do a few overnights here and there.
When we left the theater and Sadie took Birdie down the hall to the bathroom, it occurred to me that it was the first time in ages that I didn’t have to stand outside the door while my daughter used a public women’s restroom to make sure she was okay. That was definitely one thing I’d taken for granted when Amanda was alive.
After the movie, the three of us went to a restaurant of Birdie’s choosing and, as usual, she chose fondue.
My daughter dipped a piece of bread into the melted cheese as she looked up at Sadie, who was sitting next to her.
“Don’t you like fondue, Sadie?” she asked.
Sadie seemed to be enjoying watching Birdie eat more than enjoying the food herself. “You know . . . you might not believe this, but I have never had fondue before tonight.”
Birdie’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “Whoa. How come?”
“I know. Seems crazy, right? I never really started going out to eat until I moved to the city, so I had a lot of catching up to do. Still catching up, I guess.”
“Your daddy never took you out to eat?”
“We didn’t have a lot of money growing up. So my dad preferred to cook at home.”
“Your daddy could cook?” Birdie looked at me with an impish grin. “Mine can’t.”
My shoulders shook from laughter. “Thanks for that, sweetheart.”
Sadie chimed in. “Yeah, but your daddy has so many other great qualities. He’s smart and witty and an excellent businessman. So, if he could cook, that would make him, like . . . perfect . . . and no one is perfect.” She winked at me, and it made me want to leap across the table and devour her beautiful lips.
“That’s true,” Birdie agreed. “He’s smart and really nice and tells really good bedtime stories off the top of his head.”
“See . . .” Sadie smiled.
Birdie’s eyes brimmed with curiosity. “So, what kinds of things did your dad cook for you?”
“My dad has a really big garden, so he’d make all kinds of things with vegetables. Tomato sauce for homemade pizza, fried zucchini . . . stuff like that.”
“Zucchini!” Birdie scrunched her nose. “I don’t love vegetables. I only love olives.”
“Birdie wishes her dad would grow cookies in the garden, right, sweetie?” I said.
Sadie pointed her finger to her chin. “Hmm, we’ll have to find some creative ways to get you to eat your vegetables, Birdie.” She raised her brow. “Do you like shakes?”
“I love them. Especially with ice cream.”
“I’ll bet you I can sneak vegetables into a delicious shake, and you won’t even know they’re there.”
Birdie looked skeptical. “Really?”
“Yup. In fact, I make them all the time for myself, and I can’t even taste the spinach.”
Her mouth dropped. “Spinach?”
You’d think Sadie had uttered an obscenity based on my daughter’s reaction.
“Yup. Wanna bet it’s good?”
“Can you come over and make it tonight?”
Sadie looked at me like she wasn’t sure how to answer that.
“I think Sadie has to work tomorrow,” I said.
Sadie looked a little disappointed that I’d closed the door on her coming home with us. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her to. I just worried I might mess up tonight in front of my daughter. But I really did want her to head back with us, even if for a little while. So I added, “But if she wants to come over and make you a shake for dessert, I’ll make sure she gets home safe.”
I signaled to her with my eyes that I really hoped she came over tonight. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed her to come over so that I could at least kiss her good night.
Sadie smiled at me. “Okay, maybe I can stop by there for a little bit.”
Birdie jumped up and down in her seat. “Yay!”
On the way home, we stopped at a market so that Sadie could buy the ingredients for what she dubbed her “magic shake.”
Once we got to the house, she laid all the ingredients out on the counter.
“Now, I shouldn’t even be giving out my secret recipe, but since I really like you, Birdie, I’m gonna show you exactly how to make my special shake.”
Birdie watched with excitement as I got the blender out for Sadie. Then I rolled up my sleeves and leaned into the counter to just enjoy watching the two of them interact.
Sadie peeled a banana. “So the first magic ingredient is a really ripe banana. Because that makes the shake super sweet without having to add too much sugar.”
Birdie looked up at her. “I love sugar.”
“I know, Miss Cookie, but sugar isn’t that great for you. I promise you that this will taste just as sweet as sugar, okay?”
My daughter shrugged. “Okay.”
Sadie opened up a jar of peanut butter. “This is the next secret ingredient . . . which does have some sugar in it . . . but I’ll let it slide.” She winked.
“I love peanut butter. Especially peanut butter cookies,” Birdie said.
“W
hy doesn’t that surprise me?” Sadie chuckled.
My daughter eagerly hopped up on her toes. “What’s next?”
“Next is a cup of vanilla almond milk.”
Birdie scrunched her nose. “Milk made from almonds?”
“Yup. And it tastes kind of like vanilla ice cream.”
She looked skeptical. “Hmm.”
“Are you challenging me, Miss Birdie?”
My daughter giggled. It was nice to see her this engaged. Sadie made her so happy. She made me so happy.
“The next ingredient is . . . frozen blueberries.” Sadie ripped open the bag of fruit.
“I love blueberries!” Birdie squealed.
Sadie walked over to the ice maker and placed a cup under it. “Next, I’m adding a few ice cubes to make the shake extra cold. Then, last but not least, comes the most important ingredient.”
“What’s that?”
“Have you forgotten? It’s spinach, silly, remember? Veggies?”
“Oh yeah. I was hoping you’d forget.”
“No such luck.” Sadie added a handful of raw spinach to the blender.
“Are we done?”
“That’s it!” Sadie put the top on. “Are you ready to blend it all up?”
“Can I?” Birdie asked excitedly.
“Yup. You do the honors.”
Birdie pressed her little finger down onto the “Blend” button and watched as all the ingredients turned into a dark-green color, almost a purple with the blueberries.
“You know what I call this drink?” Sadie said.
“What?”
“The green monster.”
“That’s so cool.”
Sadie stopped the blender and grabbed a plastic iced-coffee cup and straw from the cupboard.
“Are you ready to try it?” Sadie asked as she placed the cup on the counter.
My daughter nodded.
Sadie poured the concoction into the cup and fastened the lid before adding the straw. She slid it down the counter to Birdie.
Sadie and I watched with bated breath as Birdie tried it. After a hesitant first sip, she stopped and licked her lips, then took another, longer sip. She looked over at us.