You’re on your back with the Black Knight astride you, forelegs crossed under you, thighs gripping you, leaning over your face with that blank unreadable mask. But your arms are free, your back is strong, and you raise your torso upwards with lower back muscles alone like a cobra, hands reaching out to grab your opponent by the throat.
The Black Knight then has no problem grabbing you by the throat, and there you squat in a most peculiar sort of lotus position, with you and the Black Knight face to face in extreme close-up holding each other by the throat, your upper torso held upright by the force in your pelvic chakra, as it were, but the lower body that contains it pinned to the mat.
“This would appear to be a checkmated position,” the voice of the Black Knight says, “I don’t think it’s in the Olympic wrestling manual, and there’s no referee.”
Is there something different about that voice? Certainly the lighting is different, unshadowed or shaded, but a rosy red now, a rose red floodlight on a wrestling mat turned satin rose colored sheets.
“One of us is going to have to give up or we’ll be here like this forever,” you declare.
“Let us simply wrestle it to one fall,” replies the Black Knight. “Whoever pins the other to the mat gets to work their will.”
It’s definitely the voice of the Princess now, though the electronic cutting edge of the Black Knight is still there too. “I warn you, the Black Knight is not rolled over easily. This is the real thing, this is not show business.”
You feel the Black Knight’s hands tightening around your throat. You tighten yours. Using all the strength of your back, you try to pry yourself free from the grip of Black Knight’s thighs.
There’s something different about the thighs wrapped over your pelvis now, no lessening of strength, yet a kind of softening, and there’s the fragrant smell of rose perfume in the air. It’s coming from the black mask breathing it in your face as she speaks.
“This isn’t in the Kama Sutra either, is it, hon?”
“Neither is this, and it probably isn’t in the Marquise de Queensbury either, but maybe you won’t really mind,” you say as you suddenly roll sideways, turning the tables as you release your hands from the Black Knight’s throat, rip off the black hood, and come up atop the Princess kissing her rose-red lips, inhaling the perfume of her avid hot breath, as the Black Knight suit does a dissolving striptease.
She leans back in a nest of pillows and opens her arms to you and her legs delightedly and delightfully akimbo.
“Any knight in shining armor might rescue a Virgin Princess from her Dragon, hon,” she purrs, “but you gotta be something special to rescue her from her Black Knight. Maybe that spell is still working? At least we can give it the old college try.”
“I am your tireless perfect lover,” you tell her, “and tonight’s your night to howl!” you declare as you glide atop her perfect body saying the magic words.
Norman Spinrad is the author of more than 20 novels and 60 or so short stories, feature film scripts, TV scripts, songs, and much assorted other stuff. He is a former president of the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America and World SF. He is currently working on co-producing a film of his novella Vampire Junkies and writing a novel called Welcome To Your Dreamtime, from which this story is taken.
SUMMER READING WEIRDUCOPIA!
Vacation season is here—and that means it’s time to turn off the TV, log off the Internet, and pick up a book! Here’s an eclectic look at some fun recent releases—starting with an exclusive sneak peak at the hot new steampunk epic from Tor Books …
The Court of the Air
Chapter One (excerpted from the novel in stores now)
by Stephen Hunt
Molly Templar sat dejected by the loading platform of the Handsome Lane laundry. An empty cart bore testament to the full tub of clothes inside, bubbling away. At least Molly tried to imagine what dejected would feel like, and scrunched her freckled face to match the mood. In the end, though, it was one of the other poorhouse girls, Rachael, who came to fetch her, not the Beadle, so Molly's player-like mastery of ‘dejected. went unappreciated.
Damson Snell, the mistress of the laundry, came out to see who had turned up, and looked disappointed that it was just another Sun Gate workhouse girl. ‘The Beadle too busy to see the quality of the idle scruffs he's forcing on my business, then?’
‘His apologies, miss,’ said Rachael. ‘He is otherwise engaged.’
‘Well, you tell him from me, I got no room for workers as slack as this one.’ Snell pointed to Molly. ‘You know what I caught her doing?’
‘No, miss.’ Although Rachael's tone suggested she might have an inkling.
‘Reading!’ Damson Snell's face went red with incredulity. ‘Some gent had left a thruppence novel in the pocket of his coat and she — ’ her finger stabbed at Molly ‘ — was only bloody reading it. And when I bangs her one, she cheeks me back. A fine little madam and no mistake. You tell the Beadle we runs a place of work here, not a library. When we wants a lady of letters, I'll send for an articled clerk, not some Sun Gate scruff.’
Rachael nodded with her best impression of contrite understanding and led Molly away before the laundry owner could extend her tirade.
‘A fine lesson in business from her,’ said Molly, when they were out of earshot. ‘She who slips the Beadle twenty shillings a month and gets her labour free from the poorhouse. Her lesson in economics forgot to include a fair wage for those who have nothing to sell but their labour.’
Rachael sighed. ‘You're turning into a right little Carlist, Molly. I'm surprised you weren't turned out for trying to organize a worker's combination. That thruppence novel in the gent's pocket wasn't a copy of Community and the Commons, was it?’
‘From one of her customers?’ Molly snorted. ‘No, it was a naval tale. The jolly aerostat Affrayand its hunt for the submarine pirate Samson Dark.’
Rachael nodded. The Kingdom of Jackals was awash with writers from the publishing concerns along Dock Yard, sniffing out heroes, bandits, highwaymen and privateers to fill the pages of pocket news sheets like The Middlesteel Illustrated News and the cheap penny dreadfuls, fact and fiction blended into cut-price serials to hook the readers. The more imaginative stories even plundered legend, culling gods from the dark days before the citizens of Jackals embraced the Circlist meditations; writing devils like the wolftakers onto the pages of their tales, fiends sent to kidnap the wicked and terrify the immoral with their black cloaks and sharp teeth.
Viewed from the workhouse, the stories were bright distractions, an impossible distance from the children's lives of grind and hunger. Molly wanted those stories to be true, that if only somewhere there might be bright ballrooms and handsome officers on prancing horses. But the hard-bitten streak of realism in her realized that Samson Dark had probably been a violent old soak, with a murderous temper and a taste for cargoes he was too lazy, idle and stupid to earn himself. Far from fighting a glorious battle, the jolly airship Affray had probably blundered across the pirate fleet feeding innocent sailors to the fish, then held position over Dark's underwater vessel while they tumbled fire-fins into her masts and deck, leaving the burning pirates to the mercy of the ocean and the slipsharps. Days later some hack from Dock Yard would have chanced across the drunken aerostat crew in a tavern, and for the price of a keg of blackstrap, teased out an embellished tale of glory and hand-to-hand combat. Then the hack would have further embroidered the yarn for his editors on the penny dreadfuls and Dock Street imprints like the Torley Smith Press.
‘Have I been blown to the Beadle yet?’ asked Molly, her concerns returning to the present.
‘As if you wouldn't have been,’ said Rachael. ‘Though not by me — I'm no blower. This is the fourth job you've been chucked from in as many months. He was going to find out somehow.’
Molly teased her red hair nervously. ‘Was the Beadle angry?’
‘That's one word for it.’
‘Well, what can he
do?’ asked Molly.
‘You're a fool, Molly Templar,’ said her companion, seeing the flash of defiance in Molly's eyes. ‘What haven't they done to you? The strap? Administrative punishment, more days on than off? Short rations? And still you ask for more.’
‘I'm out of it soon enough.’
‘You've still got a year to go before your ward papers expire and you get the vote,’ said Rachael. ‘That's a long time to have the Beadle pissed off at you.’
‘One more year, then I'm out of here.’
‘To what?’ asked Rachael. ‘You think an orphan scruff like you or me is going to end up nobbing it up in grand society? Being waited on with partridge pie and the finest claret? You don't settle to a living soon and you'll end up running with the flash mob on the street, dipping wallets, then the crushers will have you and it'll be a transportation hulk to the Concorzian colonies for our young Damson Molly Templar.’
‘I don't want to end up back there.’ Molly flipped a thumb in the direction of the Handsome Lane laundry.
‘Nobody wants to end up there, Molly girl. But if it puts food in your tummy and a roof over your head, it's better than starving.’
‘Well, I'm being starved by a gradual process in the poorhouse, or by a quick one out of it,’ said Molly. ‘If only …
Rachael took Molly's hand. ‘I know. I miss the damson too. And if wishes were shillings we'd all be living like princesses.’
There was only one damson for the orphans. Damson Darnay had been the head of the Sun Gate poorhouse before the Beadle; four years now since her heart attack. A reformer, she had argued that the rich financial district of Middlesteel could afford a model poorhouse on its doorstep. A house where the children were taught to read and write, where the mindless make-work of the poorhouse was replaced by an education and a good Circlist upbringing.
It was a vicar from the Circlean church who had taken away her shroud-wrapped body on the back of a wagon one cold morning, and the Beadle who turned up to take her place. In the pocket of the local merchants, the cost of their keep was now defrayed by placement in local businesses. Ward apprenticeships to prepare the grateful orphans for their necessary adult living.
It was strange how the children's placements never included perching behind a warm desk in one of the fancy new pneumatic buildings along Gate Street, or an articled clerk's position along Sun Lane. Sewer-scrapers, yes. Laundry jobs that would see your nails fall out from constant dipping in chemical bleach. Positions in dimly lit workshops and mill works, hunched over a loom or cutting engine, splashed by metal and losing a finger a year.
Small for her age, Molly had spent her own twelfth and thirteenth years as a vent girl, climbing the dark airshafts of the Middlesteel pneumatics with a brush, unclogging the dust and stack smoke. That was before the Blimber Watts tower breach. Fifty storeys high, Blimber Watts had been a pioneering design for its time, able to house thousands of clerks, marble atriums and even a sun garden inside its rubberized and canvas skin. But the draughtsmen had got the stress calculations wrong and the water walls had burst, sending the pneumatic structure tumbling down into the clogged streets.
Molly had been in the vents on the thirty-eighth floor when the tower lost cohesion, coming down even faster than it had gone up. Clawing in darkness at the deflating walls as her stomach turned in freefall; a smashing impact, then lying trapped for five days between two leaking water cells, licking at the walls for the stale, dirty liquid. Throwing up in terror, her voice a knife-slicing croak screaming and screaming for help.
She had lost hope of being rescued, lying in the embrace of a pressing crush of rubber. Then she sensed the steamman worker cutting through the building's remains above her. Molly knew she possessed an unnatural affinity for the mechanical race, the polished boiler hearts and intricate mechanisms of cogs and silicate prisms calling out to her to be examined, turned over in her fingers, assembled into intricate patterns. She had screwed her eyes shut and willed the worker to hear her thoughts — here, here, down HERE.
Minutes later the silent steamman had peeled back a foot-thick strip of rubber, letting a flood of impossibly bright daylight come gushing in. It stood there silently, an iron statue, until Molly noticed its voicebox had been removed. A gentle nod of its head and the steamman was moving off, as if bloodied, blackened girls crawling out of the ground were an everyday occurrence for the creature of the metal.
How the Beadle had cursed and beaten her to try to get her back into the vents. But the only time she had tried, two other vent girls had to be sent in to drag her trembling, mute form out of the passages.
‘Come on,’ said Rachael. ‘Let's take the turn down Blackglass Lane; they were putting on a march across Grumblebank when I came to fetch you.’
‘The King?’ said Molly.
‘Better than that, girl. The Special Guard.’
Despite the trouble that was waiting for her back at the workhouse for another job lost, Molly smiled. Everyone loved the Special Guard. Their extreme powers. The handsome cut of their uniform. Days spent at the muscle pits to whet the curves of their athletic build.
The two girls cut across a series of old rookeries, bent and puddled with garbage filth, before emerging on one of the broad clean avenues that ran parallel to Sun Street itself. There, a crowd of eager onlookers were thronging the street, a line of crushers from the local police precinct holding the press back, dark bandoleers of gleaming crystal bullets crisscrossed over their black constable's uniforms.
Back down the thoroughfare a column of the Special Guard moved with their trademark sweeping leg march, high boots whip-cracking on the road in unison. The ground seemed to vibrate with their approach.
‘There's your guardsmen,’ said Molly.
‘And there's your king,’ added Rachael.
His Majesty King Julius, eighth monarch of the Throne Restored and King of the Jackelians, sat on a cushioned red seat in an open coach and four, staring sadly back at the curious crowds.
Molly gestured at Crown Prince Alpheus sitting to the king's side, hardly any older than either of the poorhouse girls. ‘He doesn't look happy.’
‘Why should he be, when his father's got the waterman's sickness? His pappy won't see out another two years as monarch, then the boy's for the knife.’
Molly nodded. The King's robes had been subtly tailored to accentuate the fact that both of his arms had been surgically removed, and in time the young prince would no doubt be dragged bawling to the bone-cutter's table by his Special Guard jailers.
It had been ever thus, since Isambard Kirkhill strode across the land in a sea of blood and pistol smoke to assert parliament's right of supremacy at the head of the new pattern army. No monarch shall ever raise his arms against his people again.
Five hundred years since the civil war and the House of Guardians were still adhering to the strictures of Isambard Kirkhill, ‘Old Sabre-side. as his enemies had nicknamed him. There was the weekly march to Parliament Square from the palace — the latter little more than an empty marble jail now. The symbolic unchaining of the king's iron face-gag, then the king would bend down on one knee and assert the House of Guardians. right to rule for the people. These days his only witnesses were a few uninterested spectators, a handful of curious foreign visitors and the long line of silent statues of Guardian Electors past.
‘Look,’ said Molly, pointing behind the carriage. ‘Captain Flare.’
Rachael pushed at the costermongers and fish-stall hawkers in front of her to get a better look. ‘It is him. Molly, will you look at those muscles? He could crush a regiment of Cassarabian sand riders between them thighs.’
Molly knew that Rachael favoured the lewder penny dreadfuls, adventures that featured the action between the silks of dune-swept harems as much as the ring of sabre steel across a battlefield. But it was true. The commander of the Special Guard was impossibly handsome. None of the penny dreadfuls’ cover illustrations had ever done him justice. Captain Flare's cloak drifted
behind him like a thing alive, a dancing shadow, his piercing blue eyes sweeping the crowd, making them feel he was staring straight at each of them alone. A flash of light glinted off the captain's restraining neck torc, blinding Molly for a second.
‘Hooray the Guard!’ An almost hysterical scream from one of the crowd, and as if it were a trigger, the entire multitude took up the shout, cheering and stamping along the broadways. Someone in the crowd started singing ‘Lion of Jackals. and soon half the avenue had joined in the bawdy patriotic lyrics.
Molly stood next to Rachael, cheering, a swell of pride rising in her chest. Hooray the Guard indeed. Between the Royal Aerostatical Navy ruling the sky and the powerful and heroic Special Guard on the ground, demolishing any enemy that dared to threaten Jackals, the kingdom was the most powerful force on the continent.
Other nations would have used that power to build an empire, bully their neighbours into subservience. But not Jackals. Their people suffered no rule of mad kings, powerhungry caliphs or rapacious senators. The quiet, peaceful Jackelians had pulled the teeth of their own would-be overlords and had prospered for centuries — trading, building, and quietly, doggedly innovating. If a Jackelian had a town garden to potter around in, or a village field to snatch a quick afternoon game of four-poles in, their empire was complete.
Other nations had dictator kings, political assassinations, and the heart-tugging wail of starving children and barren fields lying fallow while peasant armies slaughtered each other at the whim of local warlords. Jackals let its over-ambitious fools argue and wag fingers at each other across the House of Guardians.
Other nations had dark gods and wild-eyed prophets that demanded obedience, child mutilation, slavery, and poverty for the people while wealth flowed to an all-powerful priest class. Jackals had its deity-free Circlist philosophy, gentle meditations and a wide network of oratories. A Circlist parson might drop round and request a quick brew of caffeel, but never call for the beating heart of a family's firstborn to be ripped out of its chest.
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