“You’re being reassigned.”
“You can’t do that.” My hand curled into a fist and I wanted to hit something—no. Not something. Will. I wanted to hit Will. “Damn it, what about Luc?”
“Luc isn’t your concern.”
“And who in the hell is going to be his eyes?” I shook my head. “You can’t do this to him. He needs me.”
“He’ll have a new partner…and I imagine it will be one who will be well-suited to his needs,” Will said. He glanced at my hand where I still clutched his arm, and then back at my face. “And no, he doesn’t need you. Stop telling yourself that. It’s been your crutch for far too long, Perci.”
“It’s the truth,” I growled.
“No. It’s your truth, and you refuse to see anything else.” Will sighed, and then he waved a hand. The light collapsed in on itself and he reached out and caught my arm.
I stiffened, but reluctantly followed as he led me to the bed.
“Persinette, you have never let yourself heal from what was done to you, to him, to your children.”
I flinched. Heal? How could I heal…? Swallowing, I shook my head and whispered, “I don’t want to talk about this.”
Will gazed at me, his silver eyes gentle and warm. “Nor would I. And we don’t have to. But it’s time you and Luc let go of the past—it’s past time you let go. You can’t heal, you won’t love him…and worse, you blame him.”
“No, I don’t.” I jerked away from him and stormed across the room. My voice shook as I said it again. “I don’t.”
“You do. Just as you blame yourself.”
“It wasn’t our fault it was done. I know that.”
Will lifted a brow. “Yes, and logic always goes so well with heartbreak and grief. Of course, you know it isn’t his fault. Just as you know it isn’t your fault. Nonetheless, you blame Luc for the deaths of your children. For what was done to you, to him. Just as you blame yourself. That is why you were never able to love him as you once did.”
Each word was a brutal, bitter dagger in my heart.
He was wrong.
“No.” I shook my head. Tears burned my eyes. He had to be wrong.
“Look inside your heart, Perci. Am I truly wrong?”
I turned away and covered my face with my hands. Cold air danced along my skin and I realized I’d dropped the sheet, but I didn’t—couldn’t care.
Then something warm came around my shoulders—the robe from the bathroom. Will wrapped a comforting arm around me. “There is too much grief, too much pain trapped inside you, Perci. I feel it any time I am near you. Luc feels it every day. It’s a festering wound—a poisoned one—and it’s tearing you apart. It’s destroying Luc.”
I could handle the pain tearing me apart. Hell, I lived with it.
But as I realized what Will was saying, and just how glaringly obvious it was, I started to shake. No, I hadn’t been in love with Luc for centuries. But I did love him. And I’d been torturing him.
“Oh, God, what am I doing?” I whispered. “What have I been doing?”
The truth was there, lurking…waiting for me to see it, to acknowledge it.
Will wasn’t wrong.
Deep inside, I had blamed Luc. I had blamed myself. I could live with blaming myself, hating myself. But blaming him, letting him feel that…no. I couldn’t stomach that.
And all this time, Luc knew.
“Oh, God…”
My legs gave out and I would have fallen if Will hadn’t been there. He caught me, but I barely noticed. Sick inside, full of so much self-hatred, I wanted to scream. I wanted to rant. I wanted to hurt myself.
Badly.
“You will not,” Will said, his voice flat and hard.
“Leave me alone,” I rasped.
“No.” His hands braceleted my wrists when I would have pulled away, and although I’m strong, nobody can move Will when he doesn’t want to be moved. “You will not harm yourself, and if you think I’ve told you this so you will place more blame, more guilt on yourself, then you’re a fool. Perci…you are not a fool.”
I jerked against his hold. “Damn it, let me go and leave me alone.”
“No. I’ve let this go and I’ve left the two of you alone, hoping you would work it out on your own for far too long. But if you haven’t dealt with it in the past three centuries, it’s rather clear you will not work it out on your own. So I’m stepping in.”
Stepping in? I glared at him and tried once more to pull away from him. When that didn’t work, I kicked him. But he was prepared for that, and the second time I tried to kick him, he narrowed his eyes. “Either act like an adult and be still, or I’ll make you.”
“Bite me, Will,” I snarled. I kicked him again—I wanted him to retaliate. Hell, I needed it. Poison inside me? Damn straight, there was poison. Poison and I needed to spew it out somehow. Oh, hell, Luc…
Tears burned my eyes. I shoved my weight against Will and this time, he retaliated.
But not physically.
Of all of us, he’s the strongest. He has gifts I know nothing about, gifts I want to know nothing about. Someone once told me that if it’s a talent one of the Grimm has, then Will has it as well…just in case nobody else is able to help train.
This was one of the gifts I knew nothing about, and as his mind slammed into mine and froze me, physically, I wished I’d listened when he said he would make me be still.
As I struggled to force my body to respond to my commands, Will stepped back. He adjusted the robe I wore, tying it shut at my waist—such a gentleman—and then crossed his arms over his chest and watched me narrowly.
“Do you think this is easy for me, Perci? Do you think I want to come down and intervene in everybody’s lives?” he asked.
I could speak, I realize. “Why the hell not? You’re constantly doing it.”
“No—not constantly, and think on this—if I didn’t hate seeing you so miserably unhappy, I wouldn’t bother.”
Well, that was one way to take the wind out of my sails. “Damn it, Will…”
He sighed and looked down. White hair fell down, shielding his face.
I could move again.
But I didn’t try to attack him. Wrapping my arms around myself, I moved to the window, opened the curtains and stared outside. The hotel was perched on the edge of the beach and I stared out over the sparkling water, but I wasn’t seeing the water, the sunbathers, or anything else.
All I could see was Luc.
A hundred times, a thousand times.
“How many times have I broken his heart?” I whispered.
“I don’t know.”
Closing my eyes, I pressed my brow against the sun-warmed glass. I was freezing, I realized. Freezing. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know. I should have. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry…” Tears clogged my throat. I turned around and looked at him. “I’ve been ripping his heart to shreds for three hundred years and I’ve been too fucking blind, too self-centered, too caught up in my own pain to even care. How can I face him? How can I make this up to him?”
“Perci, you don’t need to.” Will came to me then, reached up and cupped my cheek. “All he ever wanted, more than anything, was to see you happy. You can’t have that until you forgive yourself. Do that…and you’ll be able to look at him again without so much anger and rage in your heart. That’s what he needs from you.”
“He wants me to love him again and I can’t.” I licked my lips and shook my head. I tried to picture myself loving Luc, being with him. And despite the raging grief in my heart, despite the pain, I found myself thinking of the mortal…of Jack.
Blood rushed to my cheeks and I banished the thought of him from my mind.
Luc. I needed to think of Luc now.
“I have blamed him, you know. You’re right. And he’s not to blame. I…I have to acknowledge that and let it go. Forgive him. I can do that, and I will, but even after I do that, I still can’t give him w
hat he wants. He wants me to love again, for us to be what we were.”
“Nothing is ever as it was—life is about change. For you…and for him.”
I looked up, saw a weird glimmer in Will’s eyes. “Will?”
He smiled.
Something fluttered in my heart. Maybe it was hope. For Luc.
“Is there…is he…?”
“Luc will move on, Perci. Once he knows you’re happy. Once he knows you will be fine.”
The hope that had begun to bloom died.
“Happy?” I shook my head. “I don’t deserve to be happy.”
“Yes.” He pinched my chin. “You do. And you will be.”
He pressed a kiss to my brow. “I think we tore open that badly healed wound…let the poison come out now, Persinette. And remember what I told you the other day. Life is for living—go live. And find your trainee before he gets into too much trouble.”
Chapter Six
Dying.
He couldn’t get drunk enough to wipe those words from his mind.
The mind forgets. But the body doesn’t.
The body doesn’t forget what?
Dying.
“Fuck,” he muttered.
He needed to forget those words, forget them, or wipe them from his mind.
Try as he might, he couldn’t quite manage to convince himself that Will had been pulling his leg.
But since he couldn’t forget, and since he couldn’t make himself believe Will was fucking with him, Jack was determined to get drunk. Shit-faced drunk.
Sitting at the far end of the bar, he tossed back another shot of tequila, grimaced and then reached for the bottle. The bartender was watching him warily, but Jack ignored him. He had plenty of cash to buy more booze, and at some point he’d either pass out or drop dead of alcohol poisoning—either way, problem solved. He wouldn’t have to figure out just what Will had been getting at.
He wouldn’t have to think about it. He’d been trying pretty damn hard all day not to think about it.
A shadow fell across him, but he ignored it. The scent of woman rose above the stink of the bar. Perfumed flesh…a little too much perfume. Jack preferred his women to smell a little more natural. That much perfume gave him a headache anyway. As she leaned in and laid a hand next to his, Jack reached for the bottle again.
“Hey there, sugar.”
Jack flicked a glance at her. Big blonde hair. Big blue eyes. Big boobs. And something inside her eyes he didn’t like. It nipped and clawed to get out.
Demon. Succubae.
Too fucking bad. She wasn’t here looking to body-swap, she just wanted to fuck. He wasn’t interested. “Go away,” he said, pouring himself another shot.
Instead of going away, she sidled closer, pressing her generous chest against his arm. “You want some company?”
Jack sighed. Absently, he flexed his ankle, his forearm, checking for his knives. He’d left the Desert Eagle in the car, but he didn’t go unarmed if he could avoid it. He really wasn’t in the mood for a fight though. Especially not here, and not with a succubae. Any other soul that looked at her would see just a blue-eyed blonde out looking for action, and the last thing he wanted was to get noticed.
He tossed back the tequila, eyed the level in the bottle. If he just guzzled it, would it be enough to put him under? She couldn’t do jack with him if he was passed out. But that wasn’t likely, because he still felt way too sober. Setting the shot glass down, he looked at the demon-possessed. “I’m not interested, lady.”
“You don’t seem to be finding whatever you want at the bottom of that bottle.” She trailed a blood-red finger down his hand.
What the hell… Jerking away, he glared at her as he slid off the stool. “Can you not take a hint?”
The hunger in her eyes burned hotter. Brighter.
She advanced a step, lifted a hand and pressed it to his chest. “You just look lonely. I know I’m lonely…”
“Lonely?”
Jack had been so focused on the blonde, he hadn’t realized the redhead was here watching them. But at the sound of Perci’s voice, he went still. Lifting up his head, he stared past the blonde into big, brown eyes. Sad eyes, he thought, and his heart wrenched.
She looked terribly, terribly sad…and so tired. Her eyes met his for the briefest moment, then she looked at the blonde.
“He’s not lonely. Get lost,” Perci said, her voice flat, hard.
Did she already know? Could she sense it? Them?
“Precious, you don’t want to be here,” Perci said softly, shaking her head. “It’s a bad, bad idea…”
Oh, yes. She knew.
“Honey, if you can’t keep your man at home, that’s not my fault,” the blonde said, smirking.
Those warm brown eyes could flash as cold as ice, Jack realized. He watched as she smiled at the woman, watched as she reached up, ran a finger down the silver chain of her necklace. The medallion wasn’t visible. It disappeared under her shirt, nestled in her cleavage, and although he hadn’t been the least bit interested by the blonde’s offer, all he wanted to do was go to Perci and nuzzle around the neckline of her shirt, nuzzle the pale, soft flesh and taste her. Again. And again. And again.
His cock started to throb.
Like a fucking shark, the succubae sensed his hunger, but she didn’t realize she wasn’t the target. She pressed her tits against his arm and smiled up at him. “You maybe wanna come outside with me?”
“No. I maybe don’t wanna,” he bit off, moving away.
She was like a damn two-armed octopus though. Following him, clutching at him and rubbing against him. All he had to do was look in her eyes and see the demon peering out at him to lose interest, but then he’d see Perci again. That was all it took.
And fuck, she was smirking now, watching him with a glint of amusement in her eyes, one that had managed to chase the shadows from her eyes.
“You think this is funny?” he growled at her as the blonde slid her hand down the front of his crotch.
She cocked a brow at him. “It has certain amusing aspects,” she drawled.
Then she reached over and grabbed the blonde’s hair.
Hard.
The blonde screeched and whirled, lifting a hand. She came down with a force that would have shattered bone if Perci had been human.
Perci just blocked it easily, and then she used her grip on the succubae to hurl her to the floor.
There was knowledge in the demon’s eyes as she looked up at Perci. Perci stroked a finger down the chain and tugged it free.
The succubae hissed, leaped to her feet and took off out the door quick as a blink.
Perci shot him a look. “I’ll be back. You be here when I am.”
Then she was gone.
“What the…”
He might have tried to go after them, but he wouldn’t be able to catch up and he knew it.
Plus, he realized a few too many people had been watching them, and there was a look of uneasiness in their eyes.
Too uneasy. They’d seen something their minds weren’t wanting to process—didn’t want to process. Although it was just two women with unusual strength and then the blonde moving with a speed that just a little too much, it still wasn’t…normal.
People didn’t like the unexplained. All he had to do was give them an explanation. They’d let it go.
“The redhead’s my girlfriend,” he said, the lie coming with just a little too much ease. “The blonde is her cousin—used to be big into running, almost made it into the Olympics, but had a drug problem. They’ll work it out.”
It was far-fetched as hell, but people would rather believe the improbable than the truth, Jack had realized. Even when the improbable was a little far-fetched itself.
Within another thirty seconds, the small crowd was no longer paying him much attention. And he was sitting back on his stool, contemplating the bottle of tequila once more.
If I’d been asked a few hours earlier, I would have said a
kill would do me good.
But right now, I was tired. So fucking tired. By the time I’d dealt with the succubae and the human’s body, all I really wanted to do was sleep.
Except that I had to go back to the bar and find Jack.
The mortal Will expected me to train. The mortal I’d slept with. The mortal who made me feel strangely alive. The mortal who seemed to know far, far too much about things he shouldn’t.
He hadn’t said as much, but he’d known there was something not right about me…something different. And he had known there was something weird about the blonde earlier—I’d seen it in his eyes.
I wasn’t ready to face him, to deal with him. I felt too drained. I wanted to curl up someplace and sleep for weeks. Months, even. Idly, I wondered if Will had ever had one of us request stasis. Right now, it would suit me just fine.
Except I’d already let some part of me exist in limbo for too long and look at the damage I’d done.
Shit, Luc…
Tears burned my eyes, and I wanted so desperately to go see him. To find him. To tell him how sorry I was.
I needed to get myself together first though, because Will had been right. Luc needed to see that I’d be okay first. But how could I make myself okay…?
As I drew closer to the bar, I heard the rumble of noise. Too much noise. I paused and closed my eyes, filtering through it all. Fight.
Hell.
I didn’t even have to see it to know Jack was involved. Somehow.
Picking up my pace, I made it inside just in time to see one of the guys in the bar take a cue stick and swing toward Jack’s back. I winced in sympathy as it broke, watched as he staggered a little, then shifted around and aimed a kick at Cue Stick Boy’s knee. The guy went down hard, and judging by the sound of bone crunching, he wouldn’t be getting up soon, and not without crutches and a cast for a good long while.
Good. Hitting at somebody’s back?
Dismissing him, I looked around the bar. Hell. It was trashed.
Besides Cue Stick, three more lay around in various stages of injury. I glanced at Jack, watched as he drove a fist into somebody’s gut and then followed it up with an elbow. And another one bit the dust.
Tarnished Knight: Grimm's Circle, Book 4 Page 5