“Yeah. This works too though. And I figure you owe me for taking ten years of my life when you passed out on me.”
She lifted a brow. “If you’d listened and come inside the house, I would have explained that I’d be in bad shape when I was done.”
“Bad shape and passing out are two different things. I was in bad shape. You passed out.” He shouldered the door open and sat her down on the counter before flicking the light on. “Shower or bath?”
She eyed the bath, a wistful little sigh escaping her. “Shower, although a soak sounds lovely.”
“There’s no reason you can’t have one.”
“Actually, yeah, there is. We need to talk.”
He knelt down in front of her and went to work on the laces of her boots. “Talk about what?”
“All sorts of things. And I can handle my boots.”
“So can I.” He dropped one on the floor. “See?”
As he straightened in front of me, I found myself staring at his chest. I really should look away from his chest—really. I knew this. But I was having the hardest damn time.
As a matter of fact, instead of looking away, I found myself leaning closer and pressing my mouth against him. Just above his heart.
His breath hissed out of him and his hand came up, cradled the back of my head.
“We’re not going to talk, and you’re not going to shower if you keep things like this up,” he muttered. “At least not for a good long while.”
I looked at him from under my lashes. “You could always join me in the shower.”
He skimmed a hand down my side. “You’re not up for that.”
“Aren’t I?” I took a deep breath and there was no pain, no tightness. Leaning back, I glanced down at my torso. All but a few yellowish, green shadows were gone and I barely even felt the discomfort from those. “I feel fine. A little stiff, but that’s what the shower is for.”
Heat, hunger, they burned in his eyes and turned that misty gray to smoke. He laid his hands on my thighs and I could feel the warmth of him through the denim. I wanted to feel it on my bare skin—wanted to feel him on my bare skin.
I shouldn’t do this…
The whisper of guilt tried to rouse in the back of my mind, but this time, instead of ignoring it and shoving it aside—I faced it. Actually, there was no real reason why I shouldn’t, was there? After all, we already had.
There is Luc, that voice whispered. You still need to face Luc.
But Luc already knew. Luc had known for years, and I’d been cruelly, foolishly clinging to him and letting him keep his illusions. But we were no longer married, and although I loved him, I wasn’t in love with him. More…he knew it.
Yes, I needed to tell him that, but it wasn’t enough to keep me from taking pleasure with this man, was it?
Although… I sighed and closed my eyes. Damn my brain anyway. Damn my heart.
Jack reached up and cupped my face. He pressed a kiss to my brow. “So you’re not up for it.”
Yeah. Let him think that. It was easier, right?
As he pulled away, I gave him a strained smile. “You know, I think maybe a bath wouldn’t be a bad idea, after all.”
Baths took longer, right?
Chapter Seven
Luc loved the mountains.
Although Perci wasn’t here with him, he could still enjoy the beauty and enjoy them he would. Alaska didn’t feel the same though. Not without Perci.
Nothing would ever feel the same without Perci.
He walked the paths of the house they had built three decades earlier and tried to find peace. It wasn’t here.
He tried to find comfort. It wasn’t here.
He wondered if perhaps he had given her up too easily, but after three hundred years, was it really easy? It wasn’t like he hadn’t waited for her to heal, for her to come back to him.
It just wasn’t meant to be.
It was edging closer to dusk when he returned home, not that he could tell by sight. He hadn’t used Krell’s eyes once since Perci had been taken from him. For some reason, it was easier to just live in the darkness right now, although he didn’t know why.
He knew it was night by the chance in the air, the feel of it, the smell of it.
When he felt the air draw tight, he was tempted to use the dog’s sight though. After all, it would make it easier to get his hands around Will’s throat if he could see the bastard.
“Hello, Luc.”
His heart stuttered.
It was Perci. And the ache that had resided in her heart for three hundred years…
“Perci,” he said, amazed that his voice sounded so normal. So calm. He reached down and rested a hand on Krell’s head. The dog didn’t stiffen, didn’t blink as he merged their minds and gazed at Perci.
He hissed out a breath at the sight of her. Bruises faded on her narrow torso and her shirt was missing. “You’re in a state.”
“Yeah. Healed somebody and it was bad.” She glanced down and grimaced as she eyed the fading bruises.
That didn’t explain the loss of her shirt though. Keeping his connection with Krell, he released the dog and crossed the ground to her, studying her face. Something had changed on her…within her. Something major, something momentous…and in such a short time.
There was grief in her eyes.
And there was a strange sort of peace as well. That pain that knotted her heart, it was easing. He had waited years, centuries for this…dare he hope?
Perci kicked at the ground and he realized she was missing a boot.
Just one.
Perplexed, he looked at her face. “Perci, where is your other boot?”
She scowled and glanced down. “Shoot.” Shoving a hand through her hair, she said, “I was in a rush. I needed to get this done while it was on my mind and I just got a hold of Will, made him send me here. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
Get it done.
No. He didn’t dare hope. That was something he shouldn’t have even considered. Didn’t he know better than that by now?
“Get what done?” he asked. Although he hadn’t thought it was possible to hurt more, the crack in his heart widened and started to spill something vile and bitter through him. He wanted to back away—perhaps go into the house, away from her. Could she make him listen if he wasn’t here?
“I need to tell you I’m sorry.”
Caught off-guard, Luc stilled. “You are sorry.” He curled a hand into a fist, wished he could reach for her. Inside her mind, she was a dark tangle of misery, and although it had eased, the pain was there. He wanted to take that from her, but he couldn’t. She had never allowed him to help ease that pain. “Why are you sorry?”
“For blaming you…all this time. For never letting go of you, even when both of us knew it was over.”
Over. Luc closed his sightless eyes against the burn of tears. She’d finally said it. He wanted to make her take the words back. But he couldn’t undo what was happening inside her. And he couldn’t make her love him again.
“Perhaps I wasn’t ready to admit it was over,” he whispered quietly. “I wasn’t ready to let you go either.”
She sighed and it was a sad, desolate sound. “We were only married for fifteen years. And nearly half of that, you were gone from me. Why is it so hard to let go of something that existed so long ago?”
For him, it was only yesterday. But he didn’t tell her that. She needed this. He would let her have it. He still loved her, after all. How could he do otherwise?
Crossing to her, he laid a hand on her cheek. Memory slammed into him…yes, for him, it was only yesterday. He remembered the day they wed, the day she pledged herself to him. He had touched her just so and promised always to love her…and he had meant it. Although theirs had been an arranged marriage, as had so many, it had also been one of love. A gift, he’d always thought.
Until the day the gift had become a nightmare.
“We were happy,” he said quietly. “And although
we’ve lived many, many years, Persinette, it was the only time we were truly happy. Is it any wonder we cannot let those memories go?”
She took a deep breath and it caught in her throat. “I’ve been so unfair to you, Luc. You were never to blame, and if I hadn’t spent the past three centuries hating myself, blaming myself, blaming you, maybe you could have moved on, found something…found somebody. You deserve to be happy.”
Pressing his thumb to her lips, he said, “Enough. I have spent this time exactly where I wanted to be. Yes, I had hopes you would in time heal…and return to me. But in my heart of hearts, I knew I fooled myself. And that fault is mine. Not yours.”
“Luc—”
“Shhh.” He kissed her softly. “You are my heart, Perci, and I have hoped, have prayed, that in time you would come to love me again. But that is not meant to be. But it was my choice to wait, to hope…my choice. Not yours. Because I knew it wouldn’t happen, even if I didn’t want to admit it.”
“If I could have made it happen, I would have. I do love you. I just can’t love you like I did when we married. Before…”
“Shhh.”
She was crying now. Crying, and every tear tore a dagger into his already broken heart. Brushing the tears aside, he said gently, “If we could control the heart, what good would we be? The heart isn’t meant to be controlled, love. And you know it. Now stop hating yourself. Let it go, Perci. Perhaps we have both clung to the past for far too long.”
She rested her head on his shoulder. One harsh sob escaped her.
He stroked a hand up her back and closed his eyes. For years, he had prayed one simple prayer… Bring her back to me.
But he realized, he had prayed for the wrong thing.
Now he opened his sightless eyes and stared at the heavens he could no longer see. Give her peace. Let her be happy again.
If it was without him, then fine—he’d swallow that nasty, bitter pill.
Because he just couldn’t handle thinking about her out there…and without him there to watch over her.
“It was never our fault, Perci,” he murmured. He kissed her brow. “Never.”
The air grew tight.
He knew what it meant and he wanted to cling to her, press her close.
Instead, he caught her chin in his hand. “One kiss, Perci?”
He tasted her tears as she pressed her mouth to his.
“I’m going to make myself okay, Luc. I wanted to tell you that.”
Although it was the very last thing he wanted to do, he let her go. “I’ll hold you to that.”
“But you need to promise me something.”
She was backing away from him, and because he couldn’t stand to watch her leave him for the very last time, he severed his connection with Krell. Lost in the darkness, he forced a smile. “And what would you have me promise you?”
“Will told me that life is for living…even for us. If I’m supposed to go and live, then so are you. We both held on too long. Go and live, Luc. There’s something, somebody out there for you. Find her.”
And then she was gone.
Luc closed his eyes. “I found her three hundred years ago,” he said quietly.
Krell pressed himself against his leg and whined. Luc shook his head, unable to find comfort in his friend’s presence. “Just give her peace…and I’ll make myself accept this,” he muttered. “Somehow.”
Chapter Eight
The water was cooling by the time I sank my aching bones into it.
I felt old. Yeah, I am old, but I usually don’t feel that way.
Shit, that had been hard. I’m not tuned into emotional pain, thank God, but I didn’t have to be for me to feel his agony.
I’d just broken Luc’s heart.
Again.
For probably the thousandth time. I worried the medallion absently. He’d be better for this though. He’d have to be. I was like the albatross around his neck and once he realized that…
The door flew open. Jack stood there, his eyes narrowed and furious.
“What in the hell…” he growled.
I lifted a brow.
“I could say the same thing.”
“Where have you been?”
I glanced at the water. “Taking a bath?”
“Don’t lie to me.” His lip peeled back from his teeth, and although my heart was still aching from what I’d just done, I felt a ridiculous little quiver too. “I came in here fifteen minutes ago to check on you and you weren’t here.”
Oops.
I just stared at him. He glared back at me.
Huffing out a sigh, I said, “Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?”
He stalked over to the tub and bent over, bracing his hands on either side. “Is there any particular reason you’ve decided to plant your cute little ass in my life? Is there?”
“Actually…yes.” My heart banged against my ribs so hard, it was a miracle neither of us actually heard it. “And we can talk about that. After my bath. Now if you don’t mind…”
For the longest time, he didn’t move. I didn’t dare breathe until he straightened up and pulled away. When he did leave, I sagged and sank into the water until it covered my head.
Shit.
This had been one hellaciously exhausting day. Yeah, so what if I’d felt more alive than I had in centuries? Even just now with Luc, when I’d been shredding his heart—yeah, it had hurt—but I’d let myself feel. I hadn’t let myself feel in so long…
Right now I wasn’t entirely sure this was a good thing.
Jack stormed into the kitchen and only one thing kept him from plowing his fist into the solid granite counter top.
It was the knowledge that if he did it, he’d end up bashing the hell out of his hand, and then what? If Perci did felt the physical pain of those around her, what in the hell would he do if he actually busted his hand?
He was pissed enough right now to do that, but shit, he couldn’t risk actually causing her pain.
Where in the hell had she been?
“Have a care with her, would you, Jack?”
He spun around, snarling as Will stepped through the doorway.
Will.
Jack knew him by no other name. As far as he knew, the man had no other name. In all the years he’d known him, Will hadn’t aged a day, hadn’t changed a bit. He was Jack’s height—topping off at six foot two, but where Jack was broadly built, Will was lean. He was pale, his hair silvery-white, although it wasn’t from age. No, the guy’s face was unlined and smooth.
He wasn’t a young man though. Jack knew that just by looking in those silver-gray eyes.
Will had seen things. He’d seen civilizations rise, fall. He’d seen life and death and things Jack didn’t even want to think about. Not that Will had ever told him. Jack just knew.
Normally, he wouldn’t have minded seeing the man in his home, even though he did have a problem knocking. Will just tended to appear. Wherever, whenever he wanted.
But right now, he wasn’t in the mood.
Closing one hand into a fist, he snarled, “Get the hell out.”
Will cocked a brow. “Have a care with her,” he repeated, his voice soft. Mild.
But the warning was clear.
Jack curled his lip. “It’s not like I’m going to go whaling on her. Even if I was inclined to beat women, she’s one of yours. She could kick my ass and we both know it.”
“I didn’t mean physically.” Will sighed.
He looked…tired.
Jack frowned and shoved off the counter, crossing his arms over his chest as he studied the other man’s face.
But any questions he might have asked fell to the wayside as Will focused his strange, unearthly eyes on Jack’s face. “Perci doesn’t need gentle physical handling, and you’re quite right, she’d hand your ass to you on a platter if you had a mind to get rough with her. Not that you would. Perci is just…fragile right now, Jack.” He looked away, staring off into the distance.
In an a
bsent voice, he said, “I pushed her too hard, I think.”
“What are you talking about?”
Will looked back at him. “Some wounds, they are buried so deep…they heal wrong. You know that? Perci’s wounds healed very, very wrong. She finally faced some of that, but I should have forced her to do it long before now. Long before…”
Will went quiet.
“Before what?”
But Will wouldn’t say, and as he shifted his silver gaze to the doorway, Jack figured out why.
Perci was coming.
“Have a care with her,” Will murmured again, his voice almost soundless.
Jack snarled but kept the question behind his teeth, ready for Will to disappear, the way he liked to do.
But as Perci appeared in the doorway, Will lingered.
She didn’t look surprised to see him, although her mouth went tight.
“Damn it, haven’t I had to handle enough in the past few days?” she muttered.
As Jack tried to figure out how to address that cryptic question, Will moved to join her. “Yes.”
Tension jerked Jack’s spine straight as a poker as Will came to a stop at her side. He rested a hand on her shoulder and Jack couldn’t help but notice…they looked…well…nice together.
Not exactly like a matched set, but Will had that easy elegance about him, and Perci looked like she’d been born to well silks and satins and lace. Jack felt more at home in his jeans. He’d take a beer over a glass of wine any day. He was out of place with her and he knew it.
And what the hell did that matter? They didn’t know each other. He had no idea why she was in his life. Once she’d taken care of whatever she felt she needed to take care of, she’d be gone and he’d probably never see her again. Just thinking that left a bad, bad ache in his heart. An old, old wound…one that had never healed…
Perci edged away from Will and Jack wanted to grab her, pull her against him. He didn’t want the other man touching her. At all. Not at all.
She shot Jack a shuttered look, and it was a punch in the gut to see the grief there. That pain.
Have a care with her.
Perci is just…fragile right now.
Tarnished Knight: Grimm's Circle, Book 4 Page 7