Damn. He wasn’t going to let that go and I had no idea how to answer him either. How could I answer him though? Looking into his eyes was like…shit. I felt like I’d done it before. The face was all wrong. The body wasn’t exactly right, although he moved the same.
The eyes though…those misty, beautiful eyes. I felt like I knew them, had known them a long, long time ago, in a memory hidden by the mists of time and the pain I’d spent too much of my life shying away from.
Something weird was going on…too weird, and until I understood it, I couldn’t give him any answers.
“I’ll hold you to that,” I said, forcing a smile I didn’t feel.
Unable to keep standing in front of him naked, I turned away. From the corner of my eye, I saw a shirt hanging on the doorknob and I grabbed it and tugged it on. It smelled of him, and as it warmed against my flesh, I was hard-pressed not to bury my face in the faded cotton and breathe it in.
“You know so much about us, Jack. I’d be freaked out about it, but Will isn’t worried,” I said, padding into the bedroom and settling down on the edge of the bed.
Jack followed but stopped in the doorway. With one shoulder braced against the doorjamb, he stared at me. “Why would you be freaked out? It’s not like I’m any kind of threat to you.”
Oh, he had no idea. He was all sorts of threat…to me. I kept quiet about that part though.
Absently, I stroked my hands down my thighs and frowned. “I’m not overly worried about you specifically. More about the general idea of a mortal knowing about us. Can you imagine what would happen if some of those conspiracy kooks got wind of us? The hell they could make our lives?” Then I sneered and added, “Or worse…imagine the hell we’d get if it came out what we have to do. You know what we hunt, and why…and you understand. The typical mortal doesn’t. They’d look at us and see us as murderers. They don’t realize the lives we save when we kill the demonic hosts. And none of us are about to go to prison for doing what needs to be done. Nor can we stop doing what must be done.”
“Okay.” He nodded slowly. “I get that. But it’s not like I’m going to take out a front-page ad.”
I grinned at him. “I know that.”
“And if I did, people would just assume I was insane.”
“Yes.” Swiping my damp palms down the sheets, I sighed. “But that’s not even what I need to talk to you about. I’m definitely still curious about how you know.”
Jack blew out a frustrated breath and shoved a hand through his hair. “Damn it, Perci. I just know. Okay? I always have. Always.”
Always. How could he always know…
I closed my eyes and in the back of my mind, I saw Jacques. The first time I had seen him he was riding toward the chateau where I had lived with Luc. The first time I’d seen him, I remembered thinking he looked like some tarnished knight from some old tale…and he had frightened me.
Forcing myself to look at Jack, I let myself wonder.
Could it be…? It would explain—
I looked down and crossed my legs, folded my hands. I couldn’t think about that now. “Fine,” I said, my voice husky and rough. I couldn’t believe I was even considering the idea. Couldn’t believe it.
“Jack, why do you think I’m here?”
He was quiet for so long, I wasn’t sure if he’d answer. From under my lashes, I looked at him.
As our gazes locked, a crooked grin slanted his mouth and he shrugged. “Beats the hell out of me. Either you’re here to torment me or I’ve really, really got some trouble coming after my ass, I figure.”
“Why would you think that?”
“If Will thinks I need a full-time guardian-angel bodyguard? Yeah, that would mean there’s trouble coming after me.” He jerked a shoulder again.
“Why would you have trouble coming after you?”
He snorted. “Princess, you got any idea how many of those things I’ve killed in the past seventeen years? It’s a miracle one of them hasn’t gutted me already, and unlike you, I don’t have any of the supernatural hiding skills. I’m just me and sooner or later, they’ll catch up with me.”
A chill ran down my spine.
“And what do you plan on doing when that happens, Jack?”
He shoved off the wall and sauntered off to the nightstand. “As long as I’m able, if they show up?” He pulled open the drawer and pulled out the gun.
The sight of it made my heart clench.
“I’ll die before I let one of them take me. And if I can’t stop it? I just hope one of you are around to put an end to me fast.”
Shit.
I shoved off the bed and started to pace. The words boiled up my throat, blasted out of me before I could stop them. “I’m not here to be your bodyguard, Jack. I’m here to train you. You’re supposed to be one of us.”
The look on his face was one of poor bewilderment. If I had taken the gun from him, pressed it to his brow and pulled the trigger, I don’t think he would have been any more surprised. But the shock passed quickly, bleeding over into anger.
“One of you?” He raked me with a contemptuous glare and shook his head. “I’ll pass. Just make sure you’re close by when my end comes.”
It was a blow to my heart, and my soul. He’d rather die…no, he’d rather a demon take him, and me have to kill him than be one of us.
But I didn’t blink, didn’t so much as flicker an eyelash. Keeping my voice calm and steady, I held his gaze. “Why? You already do what we do. What’s so bad about being one of us?”
“You abandoned my mother—left her to suffer, to rot from the inside out. And you want to know what’s so bad?” His lip curled and he shook his head. “Fuck it, Princess. Just fuck it.”
He stormed past me out of the bedroom. As he left me alone, I stared at the wall. Once again, I’d royally screwed up. Toying with the pendant I wore, I whispered, “This job should come with a handbook.” Then I sighed and stood.
I needed to get dressed. Needed to figure out where to go from here. Outright leaving wasn’t an option. And somehow, I didn’t think Jack was up to more discussion just yet.
I had a bag stashed in his living room. He hadn’t noticed it yet. I grabbed it and I tugged out a pair of black BDUs and a snug black sport bra and tank. Without looking around for him, I took another quick shower and got dressed.
My gut told me that Jack was going to be itching for a fight tonight and unless I was reading him way wrong, he wasn’t going to take the easy way and have that fight with me. He’d leave. And since he was pissed off, and distracted…
Nope. He wouldn’t leave alone. If he did decide he had to have a fight tonight, he could damn well have it with me at his side… The hair on the back of my neck lifted. The cloying taint of evil flooded my entire being. I felt something pressing closer, and closer. Closing my eyes, I lowered my shields minutely and reached out.
Vankyr.
Orin.
And more.
With a hiss, I jerked my shields back up and stormed out of the bathroom. I found Jack striding into the kitchen, his hair hanging down to his shoulder in wet ropes. Apparently, he’d taken a plunge in the bay.
As he stalked through a small door off the side of the kitchen, I followed him.
“Out of sheer curiosity, lover,” I drawled. “Just how many of those things have you killed in the last seventeen years?”
He swiped a towel over his damp, naked body and then started to rub it over his hair. “Lost count after the first couple of years. A lot.”
A lot.
As he reached for a pair of jeans, I knocked them out of his hands and grabbed a pair of black cotton instead. A little looser, easier to move in.
“What the—”
Baring my teeth at him in a mean smile, I said, “Maybe I get to play bodyguard for a while after all. Until you get your head out of your ass. You do have trouble coming. A lot.”
Too much for me to handle, actually. Especially with nobody but a mortal at my side.
>
Even if he was a damned talented mortal who moved with more skill and speed than any mortal I had ever seen.
Reaching for the pendant, I met his gray eyes.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“You seemed to think they’d come after you. You’re right.”
“They’re coming? Now?”
I nodded. “Yes. We have a few minutes. They are miles away still. But it won’t be that long.”
His eyes darkened to black and he looked past me, as though he could see through the window. His home was isolated and I suspected he’d picked it, in part, because it was isolated…and he had always known a day like this would come.
“Will.” I knew he’d hear me. The pendant warmed under my hand, a single pulse. What that answer meant, I didn’t know.
“What are you doing?” Jack asked, as he tugged the pants on. He stormed past me and I watched as he headed into the living room.
“Calling for backup.”
“Like that will help,” he muttered and flipped open the lid on the trunk that served as a coffee table.
“It will. Regardless of what you think, we don’t abandon our own,” I said quietly. “And you’re one of us…even if you won’t claim us. We’ll still help.”
My heart ached as I said it. For the first time in long, empty years, I really didn’t want to be quite so isolated, but this man didn’t want me with him. Perhaps this was karma, I thought. I was reaping what I’d sowed with Luc all those years.
“Nobody’s going to help me. Will may or may not, but he can shove his help if the price tag is being like you. Which means I’m probably on my own,” Jack said, shaking his head. He had emptied a small arsenal onto the floor beside him and he gave me a tight smile. “Hang around if you want. Or just come back when the blood bath is over and deal with me then.”
I narrowed my eyes and sneered at him. He actually thought I’d leave him?
“Yes.”
I looked up as Will stepped through the arched doorway that led to the kitchen. And he wasn’t alone. I’d been so focused on Jack, I hadn’t even paid attention. Stupid, stupid. At least it wasn’t the demons yet.
Krell caught sight of me and wagged his tail. “Hi, boy,” I said, smiling at him.
Luc stood next to Will and on his other side was Sina. Greta and Rip were there, and now that I was focused, I could feel others.
Jack stood and glared at Will. “Why you here now, old man?”
“I always told you that if you had a need, we’d be here,” Will said quietly.
Jack snorted, still more focused on his weapons than anything else.
“He seems to think we would abandon him.” I narrowed my eyes as I gazed at Will. “He feels we abandoned his mother.”
“His mother owed him a life…and once she’d paid that debt, her time was done,” Will said cryptically. “And now…”
There was no more time for talking. Glass shattered and I whirled, putting my body between Jack and the vankyr.
Just come back when the blood bath is over, Jack had said.
Oh, yes, there would be a blood bath.
I kept myself locked at his side. If he fell, I’d do my damnedest to heal him, even though it was suicide with this many demons. At least I wasn’t alone. I knew my friends would lay down their lives to protect me.
An orin lunged for me, struggled to get past me. Judging by the look in her eyes, she wanted to get her hands on Jack. I was just the obstacle. Problem for her was that I was one very skilled obstacle. I used my dagger to destroy her heart, and as the demon’s essence faded, I watched the mortal’s body die. Pity stirred my heart, but there was no time to pause. Already another was coming at me.
They’d overwhelm us by sheer numbers if this kept up. I heard a hideous bellow of pain—felt it tear through me. I screamed and went to my knees. Behind me, I knew Jack had done the same.
One of them had gotten to him. And because I hadn’t shielded against him, I felt it.
Blood rose in his throat, and I tasted it. I heard Luc, saw him fighting to get to me. Krell bit and tore through everything that blocked him, and although Luc’s eyes no longer functioned, it didn’t slow him. He used a bladed staff with a speed and skill no sighted mortal could ever hope to duplicate.
But he wouldn’t reach me in time.
Then, brilliant, blistering white-hot light ripped through the small cabin. The demonic hosts screamed…and all went gray…then black. And silent.
Luc saw her fall through Krell’s eyes. He watched her sway, then falter and go down. A bellow of denial rose in his throat, but he bit it back as he hacked his way through to her side. He wanted to send the dog to her, but he needed the canine with him to see as he fought to get to her.
Perci.
White-hot heat scalded him. Instinctively, although he had little fear from injury, he lifted an arm and shielded his face.
As quickly as it came, the heat faded.
And his sensitive ears detected no sound of the demonic. He tried to see through Krell’s eyes, but the dog couldn’t see anything…just a blinding, brilliant light.
Chapter Twelve
Jack was bleeding out. It was amazing how he could feel that. Even more amazing was how he could see it as he hovered over his own dying body.
“You’re not supposed to die.”
A familiar voice spoke to him and he looked up, saw Will striding toward him through a misty, insubstantial world.
“Everybody dies,” Jack said. He bent down and tried to touch his own body out of some morbid fascination, but his hand just passed through, and it was like touching fire.
“Yes, everybody dies, you fool. But you weren’t supposed to. Not yet. Why didn’t you accept what Perci offered you?”
Jack looked at Will. “I don’t want to be one of you.”
“You are already one of us. Or you were.”
Jack realized that Will looked pretty fucking pissed off. Those weird eyes of his all but burned and his face was a cold, hard mask. It was easier to focus on that oddity than what Will was talking about—so much easier…
“By God, you will listen,” Will snarled, and he reached for Jack.
Jack smirked, expecting Will’s hands to pass right through him.
But the silver-haired man’s hands gripped Jack’s arms, solid, certain and unrelenting. His grip was too strong to evade, too strong to break, and as Jack struggled, Will said, “You need to remember, Jack…Jacques. Remember, because you won’t get this chance again. Cosette has made amends for the mistakes she made, and now you have a chance at the happiness you couldn’t have in life. But you have to remember…”
And even as Jack struggled, he was already falling.
“Why are you doing this?” Jacques stared at Cosette and tried to understand what had changed the woman before him. Although he knew. Love could do strange things to the mind, and this woman had loved. Grief had turned her love to madness.
She gave him a wide-eyed, innocent smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Nothing reached her eyes. Nothing changed that pale blue gaze. Always, a madwoman lurked there.
“What do you mean?” she asked, her voice husky and soft.
“I saw the woman you tried to take to Persinette. You cannot continue to bring her these people to heal. She is too ill with the child. Do you wish to kill your grandson?”
“But Persinette is a healer. God has given her this gift and she must use it to do God’s work,” Cosette said quietly, her voice soft, pious…and under it, so very malicious.
She went to go around him.
Jacques caught her arm. “You will stop this.” The woman before him once had kindness in her. He had seen it. He had to find it again, for Persinette’s sake. “You must stop this, before you destroy her…and yourself.”
For long, tense moments, Cosette stared at him.
And then, abruptly, tears flooded her eyes and she hissed, “I am destroyed, because she would not give me aid. Because she
would not heal my husband. Have I not lost enough? What else must I lose? What else is left that I can lose?”
“How about her love? The love of your son? Your people? What about your soul?”
Cosette snorted. The demure, refined image she presented to the world fell away and she stared at him with flat, hard eyes. “My soul? And what do you care of my soul, Jacques? You do not truly believe there is a god watching over us, do you? If there was, he would not have taken all from me. Again and again. No, there is no god. But there is a cruel, heartless wretched woman who will pay for what she did—and she will pay.”
She tried to pull away from him, but Jacques only tightened his grasp.
“If you harm her, you will know cruel and heartless, woman,” Jacques warned. And although it was forbidden, he lowered the mask he wore around mortals and allowed her to see the man he was, not the man he pretended to be. “She has done you no ill and could not have saved your husband.”
As he spoke, he drove the words into her mind, knowing she did not just hear them, but felt them, ached with them, shuddered with them. She would hear those words in her sleep. They would follow her and haunt her.
But Cosette was no simpering, shy miss, and although she flinched under his power, she didn’t buckle. Instead, as he released, she jerked away and glared at him. “So…you are like her.” Cosette stared at him. Then she shook her head. “I do not care. She will pay, and I do not care what the cost is.”
“And if the cost is the life of an innocent child?”
Her lids flickered. But then her face hardened. “She made her choice.” Cosette turned and walked away.
Jacques murmured quietly, “As have you. And as have I.”
“Choices, Jack. Life is about them,” Will said.
Jack tore away from Will and stumbled into the wall. Or rather…through it. The moment Will wasn’t touching him he lost whatever solidity he had. “What in the fuck…you’re messing with my head,” he muttered.
“No. I’m showing you the truth you’ve hidden from for too long. Your mother always knew.” And with that, Will grabbed him and once more, shoved him hurtling back.
Tarnished Knight: Grimm's Circle, Book 4 Page 11