by Marnee Blake
She didn’t pretend or offer any false disagreement, because they both knew he was right. He kept so many secrets and now in the face of the truth about his father, that it had all been for nothing, that was what he regretted the most: lying to her.
It had all seemed worth it, before. Back when he believed his cause was righteous, that he would be vindicated when the truth was out. He’d convinced himself that she would understand. Of all his mistakes, that had been the most reckless thing he’d done.
“I’m going to go along with a transfer. I think Bates and Joe are right. There’s nothing here for me. Team requires trust and I’ve lost that.”
“You could fix that. You could explain yourself. You could apologize.” She stood up, her spine straight and her eyes broken. “You could stay and fight for me. For us. For what you’re doing here.”
“You know it won’t work. No one sees me as anything more than his son, just as irresponsible. I’ll never be anything else.” Even considering that he would be in a situation again like this one, with Will not having any faith in him…it couldn’t happen. It wouldn’t.
“I never saw you like that.” Her voice was soft, but it didn’t conceal how much she was hurting. All he ever seemed to do was hurt her.
But it was so clear. He couldn’t stay in Redmond this way. Someone had been trying to hurt him, and if it wasn’t because he was trying to find information about his father, then it was because they didn’t want him here. Someone hated him enough to harm him. He wouldn’t stay in Redmond and put Meg or any of his teammates in any more danger.
What happened with Will exposed exactly how much suspicion of him still existed. If the team didn’t believe in him, he couldn’t work with them.
And he was definitely having some difficulty believing in himself.
“This is for the best.” The words choked him. Watching her absorb them, it was daggers in his gut. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, shifting to stand, and gasped as pain radiated up his spine. He gritted his teeth, forcing himself to take it.
He should have never returned here, to Redmond.
He held his arm out. “Can you remove these IVs for me? I need to get out of here.”
“You don’t want people to think you make reckless decisions? Then make a smart one and stay.” She stood, her back stiff and straight. He could see the pain in her, but her anger was stronger. “Besides, you’re plenty capable of running away without my help.”
Turning on her heel, she swept from his hospital room. From his perch on the side of his bed, he watched her go.
Was he running? He buried his face in his hands. No, that wasn’t what this was. He was accepting reality.
This wasn’t the place for him.
* * * *
After leaving Lance’s room, Meg crept in to Will’s. Her mom sat next to him, clinging to his free hand.
“Second time in less than a month I’m holding the hand of my unconscious son in the hospital. Different son, different bed, but the same helplessness.”
Meg stepped next to her, dropping her hand on her shoulder. “Why don’t you go get something to eat?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You haven’t eaten all day, Mom. Go. I’ll stay here with him.” She didn’t want to tell her mother that she would prefer to be alone, but it would be easier to recover herself if she wasn’t around.
Her mom must’ve seen something on her face, because she nodded, getting to her feet. “I suppose I could take a break. I’ll be back.” She paused, looking over her daughter. “I’ll bring you some food, too.”
Her mother squeezed her arms as she walked out, vacating her seat. Meg took up sentry duty, reaching for Will’s hand. “Wake up.”
“I’m here.” Her brother’s voice was raspy, probably the result of the air tube they’d removed earlier or not having eaten anything or drunk anything in forty-eight hours.
She shot out of her seat. “My God, you’re awake.”
“The girl, the girl.” His eyes were hazy, and she wasn’t sure if he even knew what he was talking about.
“She’s fine. You guys got hurt.” She hoped he couldn’t hear how heartsick her voice was, but the effort to hold back tears right now was more difficult than she expected.
“Lance…”
“He’s fine, too.”
“His fault…all his.”
“What are you talking about?” From every account, Lance had been a hero on that mountain. When her brother didn’t answer, she debated waiting, asking him later. She shouldn’t push him too hard, not in his condition. But she needed to hear. Had to understand what he was saying. She shook his hand. “Will. What do you mean?”
“Shouldn’t have come.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and she leaned forward to hear better.
“To the cabin?” Did he mean that Lance shouldn’t have followed him in to help the girl? That’s what Lance had said, that Will hadn’t wanted him there, hadn’t trusted him.
“To Redmond. Should have stayed gone.” His eyes found hers briefly, but they weren’t focused. Maybe this was the drugs talking. He might not even realize who he was talking to.
“He saved your life.”
“Doesn’t make up for killing our father.”
“He didn’t do that. That was his father.”
“Only a matter of time before he makes that kind of mistake, too. I tried to get him to leave. So stubborn.”
Meg’s stomach dropped. Her throat tightened, and the tears she had barely been holding in trickled from her eyes. No, this couldn’t be. “Will, no…”
“The parachute. The sand. Didn’t want to hurt him, only wanted him to go.”
She shook her head, stifled a sob. Her brother, someone she had grown up with, her family. “No, it can’t be…”
This time, when he turned his head and met her eyes, she could see her brother. He might be drugged up, but he was telling the truth. “Joe needs to know. Maybe, maybe it will be enough to make him leave anyway. I can’t keep it to myself anymore.” He swallowed with difficulty. “I didn’t want him to stay in the burning house because I can’t live with what I’ve done anymore. Can’t live with myself. It would have been better if I’d died.”
He’d meant to die there, wanted to?
Meg pulled her fingers from his hand. “I’m in love with him. You knew how I felt about him.”
“I’m sorry. For that, I am sorry. But not for trying to save the rest of us. Not for that.”
She pushed back in her chair. “Will, how could you? You could have killed someone.”
A tear trickled out of her brother’s eye, but he didn’t respond.
“You’re sick.” There was no explanation. Her brother had changed irrevocably after their father died and somewhere along the line, he’d begun to suffer. But she’d had no idea that his pain had transformed into this single-minded hatred. Staring at him, listening to the fervor as he explained the things he’d done…something in him was broken and he needed help.
Still…she couldn’t look at him now, and there weren’t any words that would patch things. This was a level of horror she didn’t understand and refused to accept. She’d go to the air center now, to tell Joe and Bates, get the proper authorities involved. This couldn’t wait.
Standing, she gazed down at her brother’s broken form. He wasn’t going anywhere soon. This hospital bed could be his prison for now.
She had no idea if she would ever get over this, if she would ever be able to look at her brother without seeing someone who would risk another person’s life. All she wanted to do right now was get away from him. “Goodbye, Will. Be well.”
In the hall, she leaned against the wall, her head falling backwards until it smacked the cinderblock behind her. She needed to tell Joe. She had to tell them right now. Her own brother…it was so impossib
le, except it wasn’t. She knew Will was angry, and she hadn’t been able to get through to him. None of them had.
“Meg?” Her mother’s voice broke her out of her daze.
She pushed away from the wall, turning to face her mother and attempting a smile. This wasn’t the time, not to break her mother’s heart. Not with him in a hospital bed. There would be time for that in the days to come.
“I need to get back to the air center. I forgot to do some paperwork for the end of rookie training.”
Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “Right now? I’m sure Uncle Joe would understand.”
“Yes, right now.” She clutched her handbag closer to her side, using a steely grip to focus her energy.
Her mother sighed. “Well, then, if you have to go, you have to go.”
Meg folded her mother into a tight squeeze. She dropped her face into the crease of her mother’s neck, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply. How were they ever going to get through this?
That was a question for another day. Today, though, she could do this. She could tell Joe, and she could do the right thing.
She pulled away from her mother, holding her at arm’s length. “I’ll be home tonight.”
Her mom nodded. “Drive safe. I can’t do this anymore.” When Meg cocked her head in question, her mother glanced toward Will’s room. “Sit by another hospital bed.”
Meg couldn’t respond around the lump in her throat, so she offered a sick smile and left.
Checking her watch, she realized it was close to six o’clock. Joe might not be there, but she hoped he was finishing up paperwork. She slipped into the elevator, determined to do the right thing.
Chapter 22
“Borrowing Sledge’s truck to come get you?” Dak grumbled, his hands tucked into the pocket of his cargo shorts. “That guy’s going to remind me forever that I owe him one.”
“Thanks.” Now that Lance was up and moving, all the aches and pains he’d been ignoring earlier decided to scream. “I appreciate it.”
Dak shrugged. He hit the lock on Sledge’s key fob, and the truck beeped its alarm in the parking lot of the air center. “How you feeling, now?”
“Everything hurts.”
“Think we passed our final jump test, though, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” He let out a mirthless laugh. They were official. A few more days in the building, but it was a formality, really. Smokejumpers. This was everything he’d ever wanted. He’d been training for this, sweating and working for it for years. Now that the moment had arrived, he’d expected it to be filled with triumph. He’d proved to the world that he wasn’t his father.
Except that wasn’t what was singing through him. With Will in the hospital, the result of not wanting to work beside him, with someone still on the loose who wanted to hurt him, this milestone was overshadowed by fear and disappointment.
“I’m going to request a transfer.”
“What?” Dak pulled to a stop next to him, snagging his sleeve. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Come on. You’ve been here. You can see what a disaster this has been. Someone’s sabotaging my stuff, my truck. They almost got Hunter killed with that parachute stunt. And now? Will doesn’t even want to work with me.” He buried his hands in his hair. “This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come back here.”
“Holy drama.”
The comment stopped Lance short. “What does that mean?”
“This.” Dak waved over him, amusement on his face. “You’re acting as if you thought this would be easy.”
Lance could only stare at him.
“You planned to come in here like a conquering hero. All, my father was wrongfully accused, and look at how amazing of a firefighter I’ve become. And, a little bit of, this town abandoned me, but I still succeeded.” He chuckled. “But the truth is, shit like this is hard. People don’t want to be proved wrong. They want to be proved right. Now that you’ve found some resistance, you’re ready to turn tail and run.” His face sobered. “I never figured you for a quitter.”
The words were harsh, and so much harder than anything he expected out of his friend. “You don’t understand.”
“I do. I’ve been watching you search for information. I’ve watched you hold yourself away from the rest of the team. I thought I was the distant and brooding one. You had me beat.”
“That’s not what I was doing. They’re the ones who were judging me.”
“Please.” Dak snorted. “Get over yourself. You expected them to snub you.”
“That’s not true.”
“Things are hard, but I never pinpointed you as the sort to run away.” Dak paused. “Like what you’re doing with Meg Buchanan.”
“I’m not running away.” Even as he said the words, he couldn’t deny he’d thought this would be easier.
“You’re going to leave here, let whatever dickhead’s trying to scare you win. That’s what you’re doing.” Dak put his hands on his hips. “Mostly, though, you’re going to leave the woman you love behind because you’re too afraid to let her down.”
“You’ve gone too far.”
“I should have gone further before.” He stepped forward. Though his words caused Lance’s chest to hurt, he didn’t find any anger in his friend’s face, only sympathy and concern. “I’m your friend and I love you, man. But you need to take a hard look at what it is that you want. I thought you wanted to come home, to prove you were your own man. Not only that you weren’t your father, but that you made your own choices and lived your own life. If you are, then show them that. You’re too caught up in what they think. Show them what you think. Show them who you are. And have some faith.”
Dak stepped back, then, and turned toward the air center, leaving Lance alone with the havoc he’d wreaked.
Is that what this was? Had he expected this to be easy? In his soul, he’d never believed his father would put anyone at risk without a good reason. But that didn’t mean everyone else felt the same way.
Was he too caught up on how the rest of the town viewed him?
Meg’s face played across his mind. He closed his eyes, inhaling through the pain. He’d convinced himself that he’d lost her because of the circumstances. If he had to admit that he lost her because of his own choices…
The agony tore at his chest.
Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Meg had said as much, that he was running instead of staying and standing his ground, helping to find whoever was trying to hurt him. Someone at the base was threatening him. Would he leave here and allow that person to remain?
Was his ego worth giving up Meg? His brain offered him the future without her. Of never seeing her smile, of never watching the flush rise in her cheeks when he pushed her buttons.
He would never be able to touch her again.
No. Absolutely not.
God, he’d been so stupid. He had wanted her his entire life. Yet he’d thrown that away because the town didn’t see him the way he hoped. He’d been ashamed, and his ego had taken a hit. Is that what had kept him from standing and fighting?
That’s not who he wanted to be. That’s definitely not the man Meg deserved.
Decided, he strode toward Joe Buchanan’s office. He’d tell him right now that he wasn’t going anywhere. That he’d do whatever he had to do to find the person threatening him, and that he deserved the chance to follow his family legacy here.
Then, he’d beg Meg for forgiveness and hope she was willing to give it to him.
Except Joe’s office was dark. Where had he gone? He wouldn’t know that Lance was out of the hospital, and Will was still there. If he wasn’t here, maybe he was at the hospital.
He sauntered to the desk, scanning it absently.
Usually, it was covered in paperwork. Today, there was only a note on it.
He didn’t m
ean to read it, but it was there.
It was short, but by the end, his heart had kicked up. He rushed out of the room, hurrying to the barracks and Dak. When he found him, his friend was taking off his shoes, getting comfortable.
“We need to go,” he said. “Joe’s in danger.”
* * * *
Meg tried to call Joe twice on her ride to the air center, but he didn’t pick up. When she arrived, the place was teeming with Forest Service personnel, but Joe’s office was dark. According to one of the other administrators, Joe left for the hospital over an hour earlier to see Will and Lance, but Meg knew that wasn’t true. She’d come from there, and she would have seen him. An hour was plenty of time to get to Bend.
In the parking lot, she tried calling him again, but she went to voicemail once more. Where the hell was he? Now wasn’t the time for him to go missing, not after Will and Lance were hurt. Something was wrong.
Meg dialed her mother. When she picked up, she asked, “Is Joe there?”
“No. Why?”
“They told me he was on his way to the hospital.” Meg pressed her palm against her forehead. “Don’t worry. I’m going to find him.” She said goodbye, and hung up. She glared at her phone. Where would he go?
He’d been working hard. Maybe he’d gone home, to get something before he went to the hospital to see her family. Decided, she got back in her car and drove the short distance to her uncle’s apartment. His truck was parked out front, and she sighed with relief. After everything that had happened to Lance, she’d been worried.
She texted her mother that she had found him as she walked to ring the bell.
No answer. She knocked, texting her uncle again. He had to be inside. Her anxiety ratcheted up, and she started banging on the door, calling for him, “Joe. Are you in there?”
The door opened, like the last person in hadn’t closed it all the way. That was strange. The hair on her neck tingled. She pushed forward, stepping into her uncle’s foyer. “Hello?”
Maybe something had happened to him. He could have fallen, hit his head. He wasn’t a young man, and he didn’t always eat right. With visions of cardiac and stroke victims swirling in her head, she hurried forward, finding the living room and kitchen empty. She pushed open the door to the bedroom. While she had been entertaining thoughts of him unconscious from stroke or heart attack, what she found was even more chilling.