by Amber Lynn
It felt weird prying into his personal life. Evidently, the whole world was on board with doing it, though, because there were millions of search results and most of the ones Hope noticed had nothing to do with his play on the ice. She tried to shy away from the personal things and stuck to learning more about him as a hockey player. It was impossible to not get a sense of his nasty divorce and some of what went down with his wife, but she did what she could.
“Is something wrong? I know I’m not sitting in front of you ordering a beer, but usually you’re a little more talkative.”
Hope bit her lip as she thought about how to respond. She had hoped she could pass off being mildly distracted by something else for her uneasiness, but Jason didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would easily buy that, and she didn’t want to lie to him.
“How’d the game go tonight? I haven’t had a chance to check the score.”
A sudden intake of breath came from the other side of the call. It had taken Hope months to figure it out, but it shouldn’t have come as a surprise she eventually did. It was Jason’s turn to take a second to come up with a reply.
“I’d avoid the highlights, unless you like seeing me sitting in the box.” Jason took another pause before he continued. “Just to verify, you haven’t known what I do for a living all along, right?”
Hope could tell the question meant something to Jason, even if she thought it was silly to ask. The fact that she was able to ask him what he wanted every night without her tongue twisting in knots was all the proof needed. Of course, he didn’t know that, because he knew absolutely nothing about her.
“Someone pointed out you were on the news Tuesday night. As far as I know, until then, none of the regulars had any idea who you were, including the staff.”
“Was it highlights or a piece on my divorce?”
“It was your fight against Drake.”
Hope took a deep breath. It seemed like they were both trying to clear their minds before every sentence they said. It was strange, but on her side it was better if she consciously thought about each word before blurting things out.
“Before we get too far into this conversation, I’d like to know why you gave me your number. You have to know we’re not exactly the same class of people. I like to think with my two jobs I make a decent income, but I don’t make six million a year.”
Seeking out his salary wasn’t something Hope had set out to do, but just typing his name in a search field put that information in front of her face. Knowing how much he appeared to like privacy, Hope had a feeling Jason hated the fact people could know everything about him within seconds.
“I’m not looking to get married.” Jason’s voice had turned a little cold, something Hope generally only heard when he decided to respond to one of the women who tried to hit on him at the bar. “I’m sure you already know that I tried that once and it didn’t work out too well for me.”
Hope thought about hanging up. The change in his attitude caused a sinking feeling in her stomach and for some reason she felt the beginnings of tears welling up in her eyes. She tried to cover her confused feelings with a sigh of relief. How much it sounded like relief was left to interpretation.
“Good.” It was an uncomfortable answer and Hope was going to leave it at that, but she came up with more to say to try to keep the conversation going a bit longer. “So, the calls tonight, were they as bad as the ones on Thursday?”
Jason scoffed. “Not only do you know who I am, but now you’re watching my games. I should’ve known I can’t make friends.”
The statement confused Hope. She got the sense Jason was going to hang up, so she hurried to comment.
“I don’t understand. You don’t like your friends watching you play?”
The nonverbal response that came was more of a laugh than a scoff. It was hard to know which of the two responses was better. The one that had a hint of laughter seemed more comfortable, but it was difficult to know if it was genuine.
“The problem is I don’t have anyone I consider a friend. After the man I thought was my best friend ended up getting my wife pregnant, I’ve found it a little hard to let anyone in. I thought maybe since you were a good listener and seemed to be able to keep secrets, you’d be someone I could talk to without worrying about backlash.”
It was hard to challenge Jason’s logic as far as trusting people. It was a little weird that he thought she could be his sounding board. She did it all the time in the bar for other customers, but he’d never tested his theory out.
“And because I know who you are, you’re scrapping your plans.”
Hope thought about adding how that seemed like a cop out, but she wasn’t sure she wanted him to change his mind. She didn’t really have enough time in her day to dedicate to a friend. She worked from four until ten at the bakery and then from about seven to close at the bar. She had Sundays off at the bar and Mondays free from the bakery, but most days she had an hour when she wasn’t working or sleeping.
“I’m reevaluating. I guess I’m hoping for a little quid pro quo before I make my decision.”
“I have no idea what that means, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t just your decision since it involves me. I confess I was curious about who you were, and, yes, I have been able to find out some of that on my own, but I’m not one to believe everything I read on the internet. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m confused about what you’re looking for from me. It sounds like you need a psychiatrist, and I’m definitely not qualified.”
Rotating her body, Hope stretched her legs out on the couch. It wasn’t comfortable to sit on and filling it with her full body wasn’t any better. It was only a matter of time before one of the springs started poking through the fabric. She could feel one of the pieces of metal below her right knee. No matter how much she loved and missed her meemaw, the couch was going to have to go. It was easier to make plans involving it than try to figure out what was going on with Jason.
“See, I knew you were more talkative than those one-syllable responses. And I’ve tried psychiatrists. Why do you think I end up at your bar most of the nights I’m in town? Other than on the ice, it’s the only place I’ve been able to get my brain to shut off.”
“Alcohol will do that to you.”
The continuing of the conversation was coming back to bite Hope. She didn’t know what she was looking for from Jason. It had sounded like he was going to push her away, and she should’ve been fine with that. Since the focus had changed, she felt the uncomfortable feeling of confusion making itself known like a hammer pounding on her head.
“I don’t know if you noticed, but the beer doesn’t really have an effect on me, at least not in the quantities I drink it in. I like observing other people, and maybe even more than that, I like observing how you interact with them.”
The admission left Hope speechless. She wasn’t sure her brain cells could come up with a response that would make sense, so she decided saying nothing was the best move.
“Don’t get the wrong idea. There’s nothing romantic about how I was hoping this would work out.”
Jason took her silence differently than how she’d meant it to be received. Knowing more about him, there were no fantasies that he’d fallen madly in love with her and was hoping to spend more time together. She thought she’d made that clear when she pointed out there was a vast difference in their salaries.
“Some people would be offended by that, but I think we both know that it would be a joke for us to be romantically involved. It’s just a little weird that you admitted you liked watching me work.”
Hope looked up at the clock above her television stand and saw she only had an hour before she needed to be at the bakery. She’d lived in the apartment for four years and every piece of furniture other than her bed was handed down to her. Not that there was much in the way of furniture. It was literally just the couch, TV stand and bed. The apartment wasn’t big enough for much more than that.
She made it
her own by adding some of the watercolor paintings her younger brother did in his spare time to the otherwise bare white walls. They were relatively small paintings compared to others in his collection, but they made the house seem like less of a temporary living arrangement. After four years, things weren’t temporary, but her mom liked to ask when she was going to settle down and buy a house. The paintings helped reiterate Hope didn’t have any plans in that direction.
“Even if I’m not looking for something romantic, I can’t deny I find it hard to look away from you. Obviously, you’ve got the girl-next-door look down with that curly hair and your heart-shaped bottom, but I tend to focus on your smile and the compassion I see when you interact with other people.”
“Careful, it sounds like you’re trying to butter me up and I’m still trying to make sense of you giving me the time of day. Speaking of the time of day, I have to grab something to eat so I can get ready for work. My mom would probably throw a party if I was late, but I like to keep her calm.”
Jason laughed. It wasn’t exactly whole-hearted, but it was better than the one she couldn’t tell whether he was mocking her or not.
Making good on her statement, Hope kept the phone to her ear as she got up and walked across the room to the kitchen. A short breakfast bar with a tan top was all that separated the two rooms. The bar was never used, so she didn’t have stools under it to offer seating to the familial guests who appeared at her door once a month.
“What exactly is this second job? I don’t remember you ever mentioning it before.”
“That’s because we’ve never talked about anything personal,” Hope said as she opened the freezer.
She’d learned at a young age that it was better to go into work with a full stomach than snack on baked goods throughout the day. The nicknames in high school when her metabolism decided to change unexpectedly were a reminder of how easy her stomach could expand when her sweet tooth ran amok.
“That’s where the quid pro quo comes in. You don’t even have to ask me any questions to know about my personal life. I want to hear about yours to know whether you are as trustworthy as I think you are.”
It was clear that Jason wasn’t great about getting on people’s good side. There’d been a couple of times during the conversation when Hope had felt like he was taking jabs at her, but she had a feeling he didn’t know they tingled on the hurt scale.
Hope pulled out a frozen dinner and plopped it on the counter. It was little fancier than the dollar meals they sold at the store, but not by much.
“If you’re still willing to be seen in the bar now that the regulars know who you are, come down Monday night and you can evaluate me in person.”
“Crap,” Jason said, stopping Hope from finishing sliding her finger along the edge of the dinner box to open it. “I forgot you had Sundays off.”
Finishing opening the package, Hope smiled. She didn’t say anything as she took the package out and lifted one of the corners before putting the pasta bowl in the microwave.
“Do you have plans later tonight? I assume you’ll sleep at some point after you get off from your mystery job, but I like the idea of seeing you in person and away from the bar would be a nice change.”
The smell of tomato sauce started filling the room and Hope moved over to the fridge to grab some breadsticks she’d baked the night before. It gave her a few seconds to try to figure out how she was going to respond.
“How about I call you later and see how things go? You may come to your senses and remember how grumpy you were when you found out I knew you were Jason Miller.”
“I’ve found when people know who I am, they start wanting things from me, and most of the time I’m not able to give people what they’re looking for. It took me a few minutes to remember that I gave you my number because you aren’t like normal people.”
“You’re too charming for your own good, Jason. My food is just about done, so I’ll call you if I’m up for hanging out.”
Hope hung up the phone before she could say anything else stupid. The whole conversation seemed a little surreal and hadn’t ended with the cordial plans to never see each other again that she thought would follow her trying to get him to see sense. Thankfully, she had at least six hours of work and what she knew would be hours of restless sleep ahead of her before she had to make any decisions as far as Jason was concerned.
Chapter Five
No matter how many times Jason mentioned things weren’t going to be romantic, he couldn’t help wanting to look his best when Hope came over. He’d waited for her call as patiently as a little kid who had been promised a piece of chocolate cake if he finished eating his vegetables. When she finally called at six, he’d jumped in the shower and spent longer than he remembered trying to tame his long hair.
Having to decide what to do with his hair for once reminded him he really needed to get it cut. He brushed it out every day, but he hadn’t gotten a trim since he’d moved to Nashville. He wasn’t even sure where the nearest barber was, but it was time to introduce himself.
Shaking his head, he looked away from the mirror and down at his phone on the bathroom sink. Hope had said she’d be up in thirty minutes and it was getting close to time. They’d talked for a few minutes about meeting somewhere more public, but when they figured out they were already in the same building, going out seemed silly for a conversation they both preferred to be private. Being alone in his apartment was a little more privacy than necessary, but she hadn’t balked at the suggestion.
Jason turned on the faucet and gathered a little water on his fingertips to splash on his face. He was nervous about Hope coming over and the mirror showed his cheeks were as flush as they felt. Before he could do it a second time, he heard a knock on the door.
He quickly turned the water off and grabbed a hand towel from a hook next to the mirror to wipe the moisture from his face. Leaving the towel and his phone behind, he straightened his maroon t-shirt and made his way towards the door. The knock was soft enough that Jason expected Hope to knock again when he didn’t immediately answer. It didn’t take him minutes to get to the door, but as impatient as he was, he would’ve knocked a second time.
When the cool metal of the doorknob was in his hand, he took a deep breath and swung the door open. He’d thought about wearing something a little dressier, but was happy he didn’t when he caught sight of Hope in a simple sundress. It was the dead of winter as far as he was concerned, but it was hard to reconcile that when it was seventy degrees out.
“Thanks for coming,” Jason hurried to say as he held out his arm to usher her in.
He focused on her brown eyes because he’d never seen the tone legs Hope hid behind the bar, and they were something to get lost looking at. With whatever she had going on with her two jobs, she somehow worked in some time for her legs. Since she claimed she didn’t have time for anything, it was probably all the standing and moving around she did at work that helped keep her in shape.
“Once we figured out we lived three floors away from each other, it didn’t make sense not to at least come up and welcome you to the neighborhood.”
They both chuckled at Hope’s joke. Something about the quiet tinkle of her laughter made him make note to get her to laugh again before the end of the night.
Jason watched as she looked around his sparsely furnished living room. He’d never had anyone over before, so the black leather couch he’d picked up when he first moved in was all he had. He didn’t watch television because he was afraid he’d see himself on it, so the single piece of furniture was it.
As Hope looked at it, Jason tried to see her fascination. He hadn’t mentioned on the phone that he only had one place to sit, but he assumed it wouldn’t be a problem. She’d said she had a single bedroom apartment too, so she had to know how small the space was.
“Do you want me to take that?” Jason asked, trying to break the silence that had taken over once he shut the door.
Hope shook her head and the
n looked down to where Jason pointed. She smiled and lifted the six-pack of beer towards him.
“A bartender never comes empty handed. It’s not your usual, but I think you’ll like it.”
Jason took the beer, noting that he didn’t recognize the brand. He wasn’t big on any kind in particular. He just drank what he knew, which was the kind his dad always had on hand.
“Well, thank you. I’m going to stick them in the fridge if that’s okay with you. Can I get you something while I’m in the kitchen? I basically have beer, water and apple juice for your drinking pleasure.”
Hope raised an eyebrow as she looked around him to take in the rest of the apartment. Aside from hotel rooms, it was the smallest place he’d lived in. Since it was just him and he only spent an hour or two at home a day not passed out in bed, he thought the tight quarters were perfect. They meant he didn’t have a lot of cleaning to do and when anyone got the idea they wanted to come hang out with him, he’d tell them he didn’t have room.
That rule had of course changed when he’d invited Hope over, but he didn’t think he’d have trouble sharing the four hundred square feet with her. She still hadn’t answered whether she wanted something to drink, so Jason headed towards the kitchen to get rid of the beer. He had half a case of his standby beer of choice already cold, but he’d already decided drinking wouldn’t be part of his evening. It didn’t really influence him much, but he didn’t want Hope to think any part of their talk was because he was drunk.
“Maybe I’ll take you up on that juice later, but for now, I’m still trying to figure out how you actually have less furniture than I do. I didn’t think it was possible. I don’t have time to watch TV, but I do have one, and a stand for it to sit on.”
“Ah,” Jason said with his head in the fridge.