The devil was in his grin. “You should stick around and find out.”
The sun lighting the room was doing something to Alex’s temperature or maybe it was his eyes. It was time to roll the dice. “If I ask you nicely, will you jump me?”
He slowly worked his eyes over her face. “How nice can you be?”
She dropped the sheet and shrugged one shoulder. She could be a devil too.
“Hmm, that is nice.”
“So?”
“I’m thinking about it.”
“You need to think about it?” Her voice had hitched up an octave. Who was this man of steel in the bed beside her, regarding her coolly?
“I’m a considerate kinda guy.”
“It’s not feeling like it from my end.” He was making her sit there naked and beg. It didn’t feel like a winning hand.
“What’s it feel like at your end?”
She said, “Lonely,” and made it sound plaintive, amazed when he still didn’t move. He said, “Oh baby,” in a way that made her hotter, so she turned mournful into grumpy. “You’re doing this deliberately.”
Dan dropped the smile, gave a kind of helpless sigh. “I’m just waiting for instructions.”
If she laughed, he’d win, so she bit it back. “I asked you to jump me.”
“No, you asked me what I’d do if you asked me to jump you – nicely.”
It knocked the laughter out of her. What was he playing at? “And you need more of an invitation than that?”
“You have no idea the depth of my need.”
He didn’t move and neither did she and suddenly this felt serious. Something deeper, a more dangerous game, it made her unsure of what to do next. “It’s too early for this.” She reached to pull the sheet back over her breasts and he said, “Don’t,” in a way that made it a command and she dropped the sheet.
He said, “Come here,” and she obeyed that order too, settling on her side, the mirror of him, face in her hand.
“Alex, I am going to jump you. I am going to enjoy jumping you, every lick and bite and stroke of it. I’m going to touch you in places you barely know exist. I’m going to make you wish you hadn’t teased me with that sheet and I’m not going to stop, even when you beg.”
She gulped. Commander Dan was so hot he might scorch the sheets. Her brain had gone all liquid and she nearly missed him say, “Is it too early for you?” so he said it again in just that tone of voice that made her desperate to obey. She got a “Not too early,” out of lips she was biting. Her whole body was humming and the bastard still hadn’t moved.
He said, “Good, but first I want something,” and she groaned. If he didn’t touch her in a minute, she’d have to jump him. What could he possibly want right now that didn’t include full body contact?
Whatever it was, he moved. But not the way she wanted him to. He sat up and shifted to the foot of the bed, miles away, settling crossed legged, a tail of sheet across his lap, a life drawing artist’s dream of physical perfection.
“You are pure evil.” She flopped down on her back and pulled the sheet over her head. He laughed and grabbed her by the foot dragging her off the pillow and down the bed towards him, sheet and all.
“Tell me what you want in your future.”
She flipped the sheet off her face. “In my future I want you to keep your promises and jump me.”
He squeezed her ankle and tugged her further down the bed. “Try a little longer in the timeline.”
He was so frustrating. He had a grip so tight on her ankle he might cut off the circulation to her foot and he was looking down at her in a ‘he who must be obeyed’ manner.
“I want to have breakf...” He tugged again, she slid further down the bed, so she tried again with a longer timeframe in mind. “I want to win the competition, buy a new second-hand car, have something left over for books and living expenses, and not have to take a part-time job other than teaching.”
“Tell me something I don’t know. Tell me what comes after uni?”
“I’ll have a degree. I can get a better job than I would have without one.”
“What type of job?”
“In a bank or a big corporation with a graduate program.”
Dan let go her ankle but pulled at the sheet and moved his hand under it to lie warmly on her shin. “Go on.”
“I want something secure. I want somewhere I can keep learning and advance up the ladder, you know.” Except maybe he didn’t, the only ladders he used were the kind with real rungs.
“That’s really what you want?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. I want to understand what you dream about for the future.”
“What do you want in the future?”
He grinned and his hand moved up to her knee. “Jumping you, breakfast, and winning the competition.”
“Why do I have to project into the next ten years and you get to quit after a morning and a couple of months?”
“I’d like to jump you every morning, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and because I’m asking the questions.” There was that voice again, strong black coffee, authority and power and be careful what you wish for.
“Not fair.”
“Life sucks.” He’d made the word ‘sucks’ sound like sin. “What you just told me about your career, is that what you dream about doing?” His fingers stroked the back of her knee and it was hard to concentrate.
“No. I dream about doing something more creative, having my own business, working with people, not numbers and spreadsheets.”
He stilled. “Why isn’t that your answer?”
“Because it’s a dream and, in case you haven’t noticed, dreams don’t put food on the table and buy cars and give your mother the occasional holiday.”
“They might.”
“They don’t.”
“Since when are dreams and success mutually exclusive?”
“Since forever. That’s why they’re called dreams. People who chase dreams take risks. I’m not a risk taker. I’m not a gambler.”
He leaned forward so his face was closer. “You gambled on me.”
She frowned. “You’re a small-time risk.” She knew saying that was a tactical error the minute she looked in his eyes. There was nothing small time about Dan. He unfurled and braced a hand either side of her, looming dangerously close. “But I’m still a risk.” It was a statement not a question.
Alex nodded. He wasn’t smiling; he was trying to psyche her out, but his eyes were full of play. “But you think I’m, what, manageable?”
“Yep.”
“Disposable?”
“Yes, if you don’t keep your jump-me promises.”
He tried to hide his smile as he pushed away, went back to his cross-legged position. “Fair enough. But why isn’t doing something more creative than what you’ve mapped out for yourself manageable?”
“Because there are too many ways it could go wrong.”
“Like what?”
“I know you had a crappy childhood. Mine was nothing half as bad as yours, but still we didn’t have much. Gran was sick a lot, Mum had to work all the time to pay for her treatment and school fees, there wasn’t much spare. We moved nine times in fifteen years and I want something better than that. I want to help Mum and Gran have an easier time. I need security for that. I need a plan and I need to stick to it. Things don’t happen by magic. You have to work at them, and, in the real world, dreams don’t happen at all.”
“What about dancing and teaching?”
“This is my last year. I have to give it up and get more focused about study. I have a more difficult academic load next year and if we don’t win I’ll need a part-time job that pays more. And after that, well you’ve seen what it’s like, the ballroom scene is mad. It’s not a good fit for a career professional.”
“That seems a shame.” He drew wistful little circles with a finger on her thigh.
“I’ll miss it, I’ll rea
lly miss it, but you can’t have everything.”
“Wouldn’t it be good to try to keep it?” His hand had moved to her inner thigh where the circles were a lot more distracting. He couldn’t possibly expect a serious answer when he was making a serious move on her.
“Wouldn’t it be good if Jeff could make us breakfast?”
He clamped his palm down on her thigh, very no nonsense, very still. “Leave Jeff out of this.” Alex parted her legs to give him some encouragement to move again. “Why are you asking me all this?”
He didn’t move, but his hand was hot on her thigh, his fingers splayed, tentacles of heat tenderising her whole body. “I want to understand what you want in life.”
She didn’t know how he could be so still and so frustrating. When she said, “Why?”, she wanted an answer to both questions.
Now he moved. One hand up and over her hip, a hot trail that made her writhe, the other tearing the sheet away. He levered himself over her, knees either side of hers, hands either side of her shoulders. “Because you’re in my life and what’s important to you should matter to me.”
Alex said, “Oh.” Her heart was hammering hard in her chest. She was awed by the simplicity of what he’d said and how it made her feel – vital. Loved. She stroked his chest. “What do you dream about?
“Staying lucky, big waves, fast cars, faster women.” He lowered himself so they were nose to nose. “You.”
“Oh, but...”
“Shut up. I’m jumping you.”
It was an order she was thrilled to obey.
43. A Game for Two Players
Scott played the song one last time for the night. “They’re ready.”
“They’re certainly something.”
“You knew it. You’ve always fancied yourself a matchmaker.”
“I have not.”
“Face it, Uncle Trev, you win. You picked it and I can only worship at the feet of your superior ability to play cupid.”
“As you should,” said Trevor, rising to the occasion and waving his coffee mug with the air of a benevolent dictator.
“I would never have matched them together. I thought he was so not right for her, but now I’m kind of on his side.”
“Why does he need a side? Look at the way she is with him. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.” Trevor used his mug as an imaginary sword and stabbed at the air. “Take that Brad and Anna.”
“She says it’s just lust. She’s in it for a good time, not a long time.”
Trevor’s mouth opened, his lips formed a circle. “No!”
Scott nodded. “Says he’s just a mechanic, he has no ambition. I did predict it would end badly.”
“Nooo!” It was a drawn out sound, a cow in pain. “I can’t look anymore. I have to think about this,” Trevor said over his shoulder, as he made for the kitchen.
When the track ended, Scott had to look away too. The heat in the kiss Dan and Alex shared made his face burn. She’d never looked like that with Phil, or the one before him, or anyone. She was in trouble and she didn’t know it.
When they came apart, he said, “Girlfriend, can I talk to you before you go?” He’d recruit Trevor to keep Dan busy if he had to. He wanted Alex to himself.
“If you drop me home, you can have me. I need to go see Gran and Mum tonight. They’ll be wondering if I’m still alive.”
Alex took a seat beside Scott on the bench and when Dan came over to say goodnight, the tenderness in this kiss made Scott’s stomach flip. He shouldn’t have looked, but they were right there in front of him, what was he supposed to do?
“Got one for me too, caveman?”
Dan laughed, “If I did?”
Scott blanched, he looked at Alex, “Yes, well. I’d run a mile, wouldn’t I? Or she’d scratch my eyes out, even if she is my best friend. Besides you’re not my type. Too...” he struggled for a word, and came up with, “wholesome,” and then smacked his forehead to indicate how stupid the conversation was.
Dan refocused on Alex, stroked a hand down her cheek, and Scott watched her tilt her face to his fingers. God, this was worse than he’d thought. He coughed. Tuberculoses didn’t have more phlegm in it and they separated, Dan finally quitting the room, shaking his head, his laughter trailing him out the door.
“Do you have any idea what you’re doing, Alley cat?” Scott swung his booted foot casually off his crossed knee, but his question was anything but casual.
“What do you mean?”
“With that man.”
Alex projected her voice to an imaginary audience. “Ladies and gentleman, my best friend Scott Wallace, at his most obscure.”
“I mean that – what I saw tonight with him – the kiss, the thing with the hands, and your face. Argh! That’s not just burning fast. You’re in love with him.”
Alex said, “I am not,” but the pause she left, the quick look away, told Scott he was on the right track.
“That is a lie of convenience. You’re just telling yourself you don’t love him, and I have no idea why.”
“That’s because I don’t love him. I do love being with him. Oh God! I love that, but it’s not the same thing.”
“How about you explain that to me?”
“What’s it matter? I’m completely in control of this. I’ve learned from Phil. I’m not ever going to let a man dictate how I feel again.”
“You are in fairyland, girlfriend.”
“Scott, I thought you’d be happy for me. I’m having fun and it’s been a long time since I have.”
“I can’t be happy for you if you’re completely deluded.”
“But I’m not!”
“You can’t take your eyes off him.”
Alex flung her hands up. “Sue me. He’s gorgeous. Neither can any woman he meets. Neither can Trevor.”
“You light up when he’s around.”
“I like how he makes me feel. Why shouldn’t I? But that’s not love.”
Scott uncrossed his leg and stared down at his hated boot. “One more time for the dummies, tell me what is?”
“It’s not real, Scott. Love is a construct, its hormones, and right now my hormones have got it real bad for Dan. But it’ll burn off. And when it does we have nothing in common. There’d be nothing to build a relationship on.”
“That’s Mummy talking.”
“Yes it is and she’s right.”
Scott scowled. “You really believe that?”
“I do.”
“Does he know?”
“He knows I care for him. He knows I love being with him and I can’t get enough of him.” Alex rocked back on the bench, brought one knee up to her chest and hugged it with her eyes closed tight. “He can...”
Scott cut her off, put his hands over his ears. “La, la, la, la.”
“I won’t lie to him. I won’t lead him on.”
“You already are.”
“Oh, come on.” She dropped her knee and turned to face Scott. “Dan’s a big boy, he knows how this works.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“He might be a reformed player, but it’s not like he’s forgotten the game.”
“True. Presumably one player in the game has skill enough to recognise another then?”
“What are you getting at?”
“You think Dan knows the score between you because it’s in the player’s rulebook and he’d recognise another player at work.”
Alex bit down on her back teeth. “Are you calling me a player?”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing, playing with his affections?” Scott’s intonation was all innocent and upward trending, but his insinuation was card table bluff at 3am when the chips were down.
“No, it’s...”
“Well, if it’s not about the future, then you’re just using him and, girlfriend, that makes you a player too.”
Alex sat at the kitchen table watching Gran chop vegetables. “He’s cooked for me every night this week. Simple meals, but not rubbi
sh either, always vegetables and protein.”
“My golly, Alex, that is good, isn’t it?”
“It makes a nice change.”
“Apart from Trevor, no man has ever cooked me a meal.”
“Oh Gran.”
Gwen flapped a hand in dismissal. “It was a generational thing. It was women’s work. Even though the top chefs were all men, it didn’t make husbands rush into the kitchen. You’re lucky it’s not so rare these days. You seem happy, my darling. It’s good to see. You know I never liked Phil, but I’d have put up with him for your sake if you said he was the one.”
“You know I don’t think there is a ‘one’.”
“Oh, that’s your mother talking.”
“No. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Why would we think that everyone has a perfect match for life? You only have to look at the divorce statistics to know it’s not true.”
“Again, your mother.”
“Gran, I’m old enough to have my own thoughts on the subject.”
“Well then, you’re old enough to be told you’re wrong.”
Alex smiled. “I know you’re a romantic, but it didn’t work for you or for Mum. Why would it be any different for me? Mum’s right. I need to be able to support myself, independent and free, and never rely on a man for anything. I made mistakes with Phil. I thought he was what I needed. I’m going to be more careful about Dan. He’s a lovely man and we can enjoy spending time together, but I know there’s no future in it. This time I’ll be the one in the driver’s seat.”
The more Alex talked, the more annoyed Gran became. She could tell by the way her grandmother wrenched the fridge door opened and then slammed the frozen chicken on the bench.
“Let me tell you something, my girl. It didn’t work for me because the man I loved with all my heart got sick and there was nothing to be done about it. I love your grandfather to this day, despite how bad things got when he came home from that ugly war.”
“Oh, Gran.”
“Don’t ‘oh, Gran’ me, it’s the truth. And your mother, you think she’s so independent, such the feminist icon. Oh, you don’t think I know about things like that, there’s a lot you don’t know despite that high priced education of yours. Your mother, she loved your father so much she’d never even glance at another man. Don’t you look at me like that. She’s an attractive woman. You think she didn’t have other men interested in her? She did and some of them were lovely, but she’d never think about being serious with them because she never got over your father.
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