“And I’m keen to collect.”
His hand came down over hers, pressing it against the muscle which hardened under her fingers. “I can see that. What exactly do you want to collect?” He fired the engine. It burbled, a deep, throaty, powerful sound that rippled though her body. She slid across the sculptured vinyl to his side and pressed against the flex of his arm and the ridge of his hip. She licked his ear. “I want you.”
“How?”
He was making her mad, recklessly wild for him. “Anyway you want.”
He cupped her chin. “No.” Brought his lips close but not close enough. “Tell me what you want me to do.”
“You know what I want.” She said it softly, a breath over his mouth, but a look of disappointment flittered across his features and he dropped his hand. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to be different with her. It made her want him more. She stroked his cheek. Tapped down her disappointment. “It’s alright. I get it. I understand.”
She shifted to slide back into the passenger seat but he stopped her. “You trust me right?”
“Of course. You know I do.”
“You trust me enough to have rough sex in a public place with me.”
“Yes.” She said it without hesitation, tiny flames of excitement lighting in her chest.
“Have you ever done it before?”
“No.”
Air whistled through Dan’s teeth. “Is that all it takes – trust?”
“What do you mean, all?”
Why didn’t she just say ‘yes’? Now when he was offering, she was stalling. Back at the club she’d used the word love. It’d felt right to say it in the club, after their make out session on the dance floor, after a day of thwarted desire, the video, his change-up on the dance floor, her slap. And there was always the chance he wouldn’t hear that one word above the meaning of the sentence and the noise of the club. But he’d heard. He knew and now he wanted it said again without the distractions.
He brushed his palm down her arm and waited and, when she couldn’t say it, he reached for his seat belt and motioned for her to take hers. He flicked the blinker on and pulled out from the kerb, swung around a corner, changing gears on the column.
She was back across the seat now, but desire was an electric cable keeping her connected to him though he’d scared her with his desire to know what she felt for him. He coasted through a roundabout and Alex watched him focus on driving.
God, he was so undemanding. He’d never asked her for anything. Not like Phil with his expectations about how she should be. Dan deserved to know how she felt, if only because he’d never put her under pressure. If only because he’d become so important to her.
Why was this so hard to say? Why was she fencing around? She spoke to the silver trim on the dash. “It’s not just trust. I’d need to love a person before I’d take that kind of risk.” Why couldn’t she just come out with it, tell him she loved him? Love wasn’t a construct. It was real and vital and wrapped up in the body and mind of the man sitting next to her with a shy, hopeful smile on his face.
He said it for her. “You’d need to be in love?”
And even now the words stuck in her throat. “Yes.”
He shot her a look that might have caused earthquakes, toppled nations. “If I took you somewhere outdoors where we might be seen and I undressed you, bent you over the hood of the car and fucked you till you screamed, would that be what you wanted, Alex?”
Inside she was already arching, shaking, screaming. “Yes.”
He U-turned with a screech of rubber so fast Alex was rocked sideways, the seatbelt tightening on her chest.
His voice was thick black coffee, a hard shot of adrenaline. “I want to kiss you so badly, but if I pull over, that’ll be it, we won’t make it to the outdoors bit.” He looked at her with molten lava eyes. “You’ve got two minutes to change your mind.”
She had two minutes to wonder if she’d done the right thing. She trusted him. Despite that slightly reckless piece of driving, despite the suggestion of rough, she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. She knew the risk was manageable. None of what they were about to do frightened her. It probably should’ve, would’ve done with anyone else. All it did was excite her beyond anything she could remember. All of what she felt for him terrified her. She loved him. There was no beginning, middle, or end to that and it felt untamed, out of control, and dangerous beyond thought.
They’d climbed the hill at the north end of the beach, silent with each other, constrained by anticipation. Dan nosed the Valiant down a steep, almost concealed driveway and they emerged in the car park of a derelict lawn bowling club. It looked out at a panorama of the beach with the amber glow of its night time safety lighting, making Alex gasp with wonder at the view and Dan’s knowledge of this place. She wasn’t the first person he’d brought here. She only cared to be the last.
They weren’t the only car and Alex felt fear surge inside the bubble of her thrill. Dan was out of the Valiant, pulling his wallet from his back pocket as he walked across to the other car. In minutes, four teenagers piled back into their battered Suburu and took off up the driveway in a roar of gears and blasts on the horn.
Alex was out of the car before Dan made it back to the Valiant. “How much did that cost you?”
“Cheap for what it buys.”
“What does it buy?” She was stalling again. Gratification so close yet she was twitching with hesitation. Nothing in her previous relationships had prepared her for this. The suburb was laid out at her feet and they were enclosed in an abandoned place. The night was warm, velvet dark, and starlit, and an unbelievably sexy man was looking at her with such intensity and desire she was lightheaded.
Dan was surveying her. Marking her body with his gaze. “It buys me you. Safety. Privacy. I’m never going to share you and, after today, I’m friggin’ sure I don’t want anyone watching you when you come except me.”
She took a step towards him. “The video wasn’t your fault.”
“It wasn’t, but no one is going to see anything hotter than that. And I’m going to set us both on fire right now.”
Her whole frame was trembling, waiting for him to light the match.
“Are you sure you want this? We can go home still if you....”
“I want you.”
“God. Alex!” He advanced the last two steps, stood close but didn’t touch her. They were both breathing heavily in the humid night, the overgrown marraya bushes perfuming the air with their orange jasmine scent.
Dan unbuttoned his shirt. “Lose the dress.” The command in his voice caused a sudden heat surge. The way she dragged her dress over her head was her answering cry to his abrupt U-turn. She faced him in heels and underwear. If he asked she’d lose those too, but he closed the distance between them and lifted her in his arms, walking with her to the front of the car where he laid her down.
She saw stars and a fingernail slice of moon and braced a heel against the front bumper to stop sliding down the engine-warm duco of the Valiant, and then he was with her, between her legs, his shirt off, his belt undone, his jeans unzipped. “You’re incredible. I never thought to have you like this.”
She arched under the stroke of his hand, her ribs vaulting up from the bonnet, her head rolling back as he brought both hands to her breasts, smoothing his fingers around her ribs to snap her bra catch then pull the silk and elastic from her arms.
He said, “Fuck,” when his hands came back to her naked breasts, whispered as though a sacred word, the end to a prayer. “I never knew there could be this.”
Her own answering groan and the way she slammed her hips into his was agreement. She no longer knew who she was. She was only feeling, only sensation. Her body danced for him.
His lips were on her sternum. “You are my heart, Alex.” He licked down to her belly. “You are my life.” His hand was inside the silk of her underpants. “You change me.” His fingers were inside her, his lips hovered over hers. “I will never st
op wanting you.”
The car park was abandoned so there was no one to witness what they did, how she cried out. She was safe and treasured. Dan’s touch and tongue and lips and hands tuned her body like a car, had her vibrating with energy and passion, left her purring with joy.
Alex watched Dan fly apart inside her and spin out, crashing into an oblivion of pleasure and release that humbled her with its rawness and honesty.
She wasn’t supposed to need this man. She wasn’t supposed to love him, but he’d made it impossible not to.
49. A Relative Choice
Dan was a lather of sweat, hands braced on his knees, dragging in a breath like he’d attempted some feat of Olympic merit when Mitch walked into the studio.
“It’s not Monday, is it?” He dragged a hand over his face, droplets of sweat scattering off his fingers. Monday was when they had their regular class. He straightened up. It was Thursday, why was Mitch here?
“Dan, need to talk to you.” Mitch was focused on him, but acknowledged Scott and Alex with a tight nod, nothing friendly about it.
“What?”
“Your phone’s off.”
“Must be out of battery, sorry, mate. What’s happening?”
“It’s Jimmy.”
Dan groaned, “Oh God, what’s he done now? Why did he ring you?”
“He’s in the hospital. Hospital rang McMurty. When Mac couldn’t get you, he rang me.”
“Why?”
“It’s bad, mate. Jimmy’s bad.”
“How?”
“Crashed the semi. There are other people hurt, a family, two kids. It’s bad, Dan. You need to come.”
“Quit saying it’s bad and tell me what happened.”
“He’s got two broken legs, some ribs, internal injuries, but the people in the car… it’s not looking good.”
“Fuck.” He swung around to Alex and Scott. Found Alex had his gym bag in her hand. “I gotta go. I’m sorry.” He caught her in a quick, rough hug. “I’ll call you.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll come to you.”
“St Vincent’s casualty,” said Mitch over his head.
Dan tossed Alex the keys to the Valiant. “I’ll go with Mitch.”
In Mitch’s ute the hot sweat on his body made him feel cold with fear and worry. If Jimmy was at fault, if he was driving drunk, if anyone died, he couldn’t bear the idea. He pulled a shirt over his singlet, towel dried his hair, voiced the question he feared the answer to. There was no point asking if Jimmy had been drinking – he was always drinking.
“Was he over?”
“Police are waiting to talk to him when he wakes up.”
“Shit.”
“He could be dead, Dan.”
“Yeah and that might have bloody well made things easier.”
“Mate.”
“It’s always something with him. I’ve been waiting for this, waiting for him to hurt someone for a long time now. I should’ve turned him in myself. I was weak. If anyone dies, it’s my fault.”
“Cut it out, Dan. What were you supposed to do about him?”
“Something better than what I did do, which was fuck-all.”
“Go easy. It’s not that simple.”
“Crap, Mitch. It is that simple. I should’ve made sure he lost his licence and then this wouldn’t have happened.”
“That’s a crock of shit and you know it. Think he’d have taken any notice of losing his license?”
“He’d have lost his job without it. He wouldn’t have been in the semi where he could wipe out a whole family in one go.”
“And you’re telling me Jimmy couldn’t have done something just as bad with an ordinary car? Come on. You’re not responsible.”
“I wasn’t at the wheel, but it might as well be my fault. If anyone dies, he goes to gaol.”
Mitch didn’t have an answer to that, so they rode in silence. He fished his mobile out of his pocket and handed it to Dan. They had the same model handsets. “Swap the battery into yours.”
Dan’s phone beeped back to life, voice mails and text message tones making an odd, urgent music as they cascaded together heralding grief. He spent the remainder of the trip listening to messages and chasing up the rest of the Maddox men.
Kev was the first person Dan saw as they entered the waiting room. Kev and two blue uniformed police officers.
“He’s still out, Danny boy, but he’ll be ok.” Kev jerked his head to indicate the two officers, “Vultures are waiting for a blood sample.”
“And the family?”
Kev grimaced, “The kids will be ok.”
“The kids?”
“Not looking good for the mum and dad.”
Dan wanted to hit something. Was it reckless endangerment, manslaughter, murder? Was Jimmy about to orphan a couple of kids? What would happen to them, was there other family, how would they cope? Would someone wash their clothes, shop for them, cook for them, read them stories, make them brush their teeth, and kick a ball in the backyard? Tell them it was ok to cry?
He turned away, an itch in his skin, the stale smell of Jimmy’s old scratchy sofa where he’d first slept in his nose a hot tick of hard memory in his head. A nine year old boy in a waiting room like this, rigid plastic chairs, stark white light and cold air conditioning, late on a school night and he hadn’t done his homework or eaten dinner. Adults he didn’t know all around, touching him, asking him questions, trying to be nice, but making him more afraid. People crying and no one telling him what was going on and then that man arrived, smelling of petrol, with grease under his fingernails. Dan would have to go with him now, to his flat, to the itchy, smelly orange sofa.
“Hang in there, mate,” said Mitch. He’d seen the grey shade of fear and doubt cross Dan’s face making him look for a minute like he’d done as a boy when he’d come back to school after his mother’s death, with his unironed shirt, no tie, no lunch, and tapped down reserves of nervous energy and raw emotion.
Dan slumped in a chair between Mitch and Kev, lost in the past, knowing he needed to focus on things like lawyers and insurance companies, but not yet able to think his way clear to mopping up this new mess Jimmy made.
When a nurse called, “Maddox,” both Dan and Kev stood. “He’s awake and you can see him, but the officers want to talk to him first.”
They watched the boys in blue go down the corridor. Dan took a call from Ant made up of silence and swear words. Fred and Max arrived, Fluke and Katie fast on their heels.
Katie barrelled straight into Dan’s arms. “Forever a bastard your old man. Is there anything we can do?”
Dan looked at Fluke over Katie’s head. “Yeah, can you take Jeff for a few days? Fluke has keys to the flat.”
Katie nodded, gave him a teary look, and, when she stepped back to leave, Alex was there, Scott behind her. Alex took his hand and held it tight and Dan saw the smirk that passed between Kevin and Max. He made a mental note not to leave Alex alone with either of them, and then, seconds later, had to desert her to go see Jimmy.
“Just two of you,” the nurse said, no nonsense, two fingers raised.
Dan and Kevin passed the cops in the corridor. The elder of the two said, “It would go better for him if he cooperated. See if you can talk some sense into him.”
Dan stopped, swung back. “What are you saying?”
“He’s refusing to give us a blood sample. He has a history of driving offences. He’s looking at mandatory sentencing, a two-year gaol term at least.”
“And if he cooperates?”
“Let’s just say, it will go easier.”
Dan dropped his head, watched the officers exit. He caught a glimpse of Alex with Mitch back in the waiting room and prayed Mitch had the foresight to keep her from Max and Fred. His phone buzzed and he switched it off, followed Kevin up the corridor and into the curtained off cubicle.
“Five minutes,” said the nurse in the room and she left them with Jimmy, battered, still bloody, in a hospital gown with drips a
nd tubes attached at wrist and side, wide awake and wired.
“Fucking cops! You tell them to leave me alone. I don’t have to give them fuck all. They can’t prove nothin’. There was oil on the road, wasn’t my fault. Get me a lawyer, Dan. I’m hurt. I need compo.”
“Dad, you need to cooperate. If there was oil on the road, they’ll find it.”
“If I cooperate, they’ll have me by the balls. We got to fight this. It’s not my fault.”
“Dad.” Dan shook his head. He’d known this was how it would play out.
“He’s right, Danny,” said Kev. “Get him a good lawyer.”
“Were you drinking?”
“I was working.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“That’s all you fucking well need to know. Whose side are you on? Just do what I asked – get me a fucking good lawyer.”
Dan stood at the end of Jimmy’s bed, his fists curled around the cool metal frame. He’d never hated his father more than he did now, and it tasted like dirt, thick in his mouth, gritty on his tongue.
“You might orphan two kids and now it’s my problem to get you a lawyer. You’ll want me to deal with the insurance company and the damage assessor and get your rig repaired and pay your fines and you know what, Dad? I’m over fixing your messes.”
“Are you frightened it’ll put a dent in your fucking little fortune? Mr Property Owner, Mr Development Application, Mr Bank Loan. It’ll just be play money to you.”
“It’s not the money.”
“What then? I’m your father.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You should take care of me when I need it.”
“Why? Did you ever take care of me?” Dan couldn’t keep the whine out of his voice. Fighting with Jimmy could reduce him to a snivelling kid all over again and he loathed the chip on his shoulder flavouring his words.
“Now, Danny boy. Not the time for this,” said Kev.
“Good a time as any,” rasped Jimmy.
Dan’s voice was raised, tight, his sentence clipped. “I’ve been responsible for you since I was a kid. I quit.”
“My son, the gutless quitter. No need to hit me this time. I’m already beat up.”
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