He shrugged. “Dusting is easy, and we’ll eat breakfast at the bakery.”
“I’ll try to make time to stop after work to get some groceries.”
“Just make a list, and I’ll do it. It’s easier for me, since I’ll be in town anyway.” He took her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. “I’m not going to judge you on your homemaking skills or lack thereof.”
She smiled at that, turning to him. “I can’t believe I found a man who puts up with me like you do.”
“Puts up with you? I beg to be with you!” He opened his door. “I’ll carry your suitcases up.”
“Thanks.” She grabbed her shoulder bag from the back seat, carrying it up the stairs. Once she’d unlocked the door, she stepped inside, smiling when she saw all of her pretty things. The apartment was decorated perfectly in her eyes, and she was thrilled she now got to live there full time.
When she heard Ben’s footsteps behind her, her heart started beating faster, almost painfully in her chest. Her breathing accelerated until she was taking short breaths and not getting enough air. She leaned against the wall, recognizing all the symptoms for exactly what they were. She was having a panic attack on her wedding night. Who did that?
She moved to the couch, leaning forward with her forearms against her thighs, trying to slow her breathing. Why had she thought she could go through with a wedding night? She knew better. She was a mess, and he should get their marriage annulled before it was too late.
She looked at him and shook her head, tears coursing down her cheeks. “I can’t. I thought I could, but I just can’t. I’m so sorry!”
10
Ben stared at her, trying to comprehend what was happening with Rikki. What couldn’t she do? He walked over to sit beside her on the couch, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Tell me what’s wrong. What can’t you do?”
She shook her head. “I can’t go through with the wedding night. I thought I could, but—I’m so sorry. I just can’t!”
Ben looked at her for a moment, closing his eyes as he dealt with her words. “That’s all right.”
“It is?” She looked at him as if he’d lost his mind.
“It is. I knew it was a possibility when I married you. I hoped you’d find that you weren’t frightened, but I’m not even surprised.”
“You’re not?” She was, and she realized she shouldn’t have been. New situations were hard for her, and even though this was Ben, she couldn’t go through with it. Not yet. “Do you want to get an annulment?”
“Of course not! I married you because I love you. Yes, I eventually want sex. I want it tonight. I’m a red-blooded male after all. But I’m not going to insist when I know it will cause you anxiety. We’ll wait.”
“Are you real?”
He laughed. “Sure, I’m real. Don’t think I don’t hate this, because I do. I just understand. We’ll spend some time getting to know each other, and then you’ll be able to make love. I hope.”
“I will. I know I will. Time is what I need.”
“Then time is what you’ll get.” He kissed the top of her head, and sighed. “I’m going to sit right here while you get ready for bed. Wear something that’s not revealing please.”
“You’re still planning to sleep with me?” she asked, surprised.
He nodded. “Unless you have a spare room you’d rather I was in.”
“I have one, but there’s no bed.” She thought about it for a moment before nodding. “Okay. We’re adults. I’ve been looking forward to sleeping in your arms for too long to tell you that you have to sleep on the couch.”
He laughed. “I wouldn’t agree to that anyway. This couch is way too short for me. I’d take the floor over the couch.”
She got to her feet. “I’m going to go wash my face, brush my teeth, and get in bed. I’ll let you know when I’m done in the bathroom, and you can come in.” She rushed through her nightly routine, and when she left the bathroom to get into bed, she called out to him before sliding under the covers. She lay on her side as she heard him come into the bedroom and then close the bathroom door.
When he came out of the bathroom, he was wearing a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt. “This is the best I can do. I don’t own pajamas.”
She looked over at him and smiled. “That’s perfect.” She was wearing a pair of pink pajamas with panda bears on them, and she felt a little silly, because who wore that on her wedding night, but he didn’t complain.
He came to the bed and slid in beside her, his arm pulling her close to him. “If I do something that scares you, let me know. I just want to hold you.”
Rikki sighed. “I know that’s a lie.”
“Okay, I want more than that, but that’s all I’m going to do tonight. Even if you beg me on one knee to tear your clothes off and ravish your body, I’m going to just hold you.”
She giggled. “Sounds good.” She rested her head on his shoulder, and he stroked her back softly through her pajamas. It felt good to be so close to him. “What did you think of Brother Anthony’s tirade during the wedding?”
He laughed. “It was very Brother Anthony. The man is crazy.” He stroked her hair away from her face, loving that she was lying there and just letting him touch her. Trust had to come first, and eventually they’d make love. It didn’t have to happen tonight though, as much as he wished it could. “Why don’t you shut the light off?”
Rikki rolled away from him to turn off the lamp on her nightstand, before returning to rest with her head on his shoulder. “This is nice.”
He smiled and kissed the top of her head. “I couldn’t agree more. I’m going to enjoy sleeping with you as much as I’ll enjoy making love with you.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Ben laughed. “Okay, almost as much!”
Their first rehearsal was Friday night, because they’d had to cancel on Wednesday, and Lovie had insisted the two of them needed another night alone before they would be ready to direct the children.
After work on Friday, Rikki headed into town to help out with the pageant. She couldn’t believe just how sweet and gentle Ben was with her, even though they’d yet to make love. He’d done the grocery shopping as promised and had praised her cooking. In bed, he held her close, but did no more than stroke her over her clothes. She felt guilty that she hadn’t been able to make love with him, but she was getting more comfortable every day.
She worked with some of the children on their singing, while he worked with others on the play. Together, they’d be able to get the whole thing done. The nativity would be the easiest part, because the children didn’t really need to act for it.
He followed her home from the rehearsal in good spirits. He could tell she was getting more and more comfortable with him. He truly hadn’t been surprised when she’d refused to make love with him—disappointed yes, but not surprised.
He gave her a few minutes to get ready for bed as usual, and when she called to let him know it was his turn in the bathroom, he changed into the sweats and T-shirt he’d been sleeping in. When he came out, he saw that she was bundled under the covers completely.
He slid into bed and reached for her as he always did, but was surprised when he encountered more skin than usual. He wanted to tell her to go put on more clothes, but he couldn’t do that to her. He could make it through the night with her half-clothed if she could.
He pulled her to him, his hands stroking over the silky thing she was wearing, wanting to reach down and see how much of her it covered, but he didn’t dare. He didn’t want to scare her.
“How’d the singing go?” he asked.
“Pretty well. I think our two soloists are going to kill it. I’m not sure about the others killing anything but the ears of the audience.” She pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “What about the play?”
He shrugged. “The kids were good. They did what they were told and they did it well. There was a small fight between two of the boys because they both thought they should
be standing closer to the audience, because their mothers had told them they should be seen. I took care of it.”
“How?”
“I put them both behind another boy who wasn’t fighting.”
“Good solution!” She stared at him in the darkness, wondering why he wasn’t making a move. She’d worn her sexy nightgown she’d bought for their wedding night. Couldn’t he tell that was a sign that he should initiate lovemaking with her?
“I was pretty proud of it.” He stroked his hand up her bare arm, wishing she wasn’t so frightened. Lying in bed with her with so few clothes on wasn’t going to be easy. “I like this thing you’re wearing. Is it new?”
“It is. I got it for our wedding night.”
“So, that’s why it’s so sexy. I wish you’d been able to wear it. I would have loved to see you in it.”
“Oh really? So, you don’t think you’d have wanted to take it off me?” She felt like she was having to lead him around by the nose to get him to understand she was ready. What was he waiting for?
“Is that an invitation?” Could she really be saying what he thought she was saying? Or was it just wishful thinking?
“I thought I was going to have to run out tomorrow and have one engraved to send you for you to figure it out.” She shook her head at him, laughter in her voice.
“Are you sure?” he asked, propping himself on one elbow and looking at her. “You know you can stop me anytime.”
“Just kiss me.” She reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck, taking care of the kissing part herself. She pressed her mouth to his, her tongue stroking his top lip.
Ben didn’t need to be told twice. His hands began stroking her insistently, one of them going under the hem of the flimsy little thing she was wearing. He still didn’t know what it was called, but at the moment, he didn’t care much either. He stroked her hip, while his other hand cupped her breast, his thumb finding her nipple and bringing it to a peak.
Rikki moved closer to him, one of her legs thrown over both of his. “I love you,” she said softly, needing him to hear the words.
“I love you so much. Don’t feel like you have to do this.” He wanted her desperately, but he didn’t want her to feel forced into making love with him. He continued stroking her, his hands belying his words.
“I don’t feel forced into anything. You made it very clear that you’d still love me whether I was able to make love with you or not. That’s all I really needed from you.”
“Good.”
There was no more talk for a long time after that, both of them too busy to think about words.
Afterward, they lay snuggled together on the bed, her head pillowed on his shoulder as it had been the past two nights, but tonight, she felt a contentment that surprised her. “I could do that again,” she said with a grin.
He laughed. “I hope so, because I have a feeling once is not going to be enough for me.”
She pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder, surprised at how comfortable she felt being completely naked with him. “Thank you for making me feel so loved. I don’t think you have any idea what you’ve done for me, and thank you will never feel adequate to express my appreciation.”
He sighed. “I don’t want you to thank me. I just want you to be happy. You mean so much to me.”
She sighed contentedly. “Who would have thought I’d find love with an associate pastor in Culpepper, Wyoming? I still can’t get over it.”
“Hey, pastors can make love too!”
She smiled closing her eyes. “They sure can.”
“So happy you figured out you could do this. I worried that I’d be missing out forever.”
Epilogue
Rikki sat in the front row of the church beside Ben, waiting for the children to file in for the pageant. It was Christmas Eve, the night they’d all been waiting for.
The music started, and Corinne led the others onto the stage, leaping and twirling as she went. Rikki had fought with her for a while over the butterfly wings, but she’d finally given in. After all, what was a Christmas pageant without butterfly wings on the ballerina?
Most of the children did well, but as Linda had said, there were a few that just couldn’t seem to get with the program. Little Timmy Pfaffenbach decided to say the other wise men’s lines, because he didn’t have any of his own.
Little Georgie Bob Allen decided to do an impromptu song, and his voice wasn’t bad, but he didn’t sing a Christmas song. In fact, Bubba Shot the Juke Box didn’t seem to be a song that should be sung in church at all in Rikki’s opinion, but he got too many cheers for them to stop him.
And when Molly Dickens started cartwheeling across the stage, Rikki could only laugh helplessly.
After the performance, the parents all said what a delight it was that they’d strayed so far from the traditional program the church did every year, and all Ben could do was nod. He hadn’t intended to stray from the program at all. It was as if the children had been rehearsing a different pageant than he’d been directing, but it was a hit. Maybe they’d have to do it all the same way next year.
After all, nothing seemed to go according to plan in their Culpepper Christmas, but it went the way it was obviously supposed to. Rikki had not only broken out of her shell, she had not had a panic attack since her wedding night, even though she was around people a lot more than she had been. Life was exciting enough without that.
She smiled up at Ben, thrilled to have him beside her. Life was good.
About the Author
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Kirsten Osbourne
kirstenandmorganna.com
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Pastor's Prize (Culpepper Cowboys Book 15) Page 10