Faun & Games

by Piers Anthony

  The next one came up, a grown man. “I am Trenris, the son of Magician Trent and Sorceress Iris, following their rejuvenation.”

  “But they were rejuvenated only three or four years ago,” Imbri said, this time speaking directly in her surprise. “How can you be full grown?”

  “Well, of course I can be, on Ptero, where geography is time,” he said.

  “But I take it that you mean I should be no more than about fourteen years old at this particular site. And the answer is that I am fourteen, but that I age rapidly, because they are both actually much older than they look. My talent is that of reversing the effect of other talents, thus making illusions literal or magical spots on the wall fade. But I wish someone could reverse my aging, before I become decrepit in my youth. However, that is neither here nor there; I came to congratulate you on the success of your mission, and to thank you for saving all of us from the dread marginalization.”

  “Wait,” Imbri said. “Have you met Surprise?”

  “I have been surprised by many things.”

  “No, I mean Surprise Golem, daughter of Grundy and Rapunzel. She has multiple talents, each of which she can use only once. Maybe she would change your rate of aging, if you helped her in some way.”

  “This sounds interesting. I will look for her.”

  “We met her sister Glitter,” Forrest said. “She should know where to find Surprise.”

  “I do know Glitter,” he said. “I will ask her. Thank you for something more.”

  “You're welcome,” Imbri said.

  A severe looking woman approached. “I am Misty Meanor, a curse fiend,” she said. “I come to thank you not merely for myself, but for two who cannot be here directly: Gim and Gine giant, the children of Girard and Gina Giant. They are too big to enter the castle.”

  “But I thought the marginalization affected only the regular human section,” Forrest said.

  “The giants happened to be within it, and were caught. Now they are free, and hope to return a favor to you if they can.”

  Forrest looked at Imbri. “We will be traveling west, that is, To, tomorrow. If they could carry us some of the way-”

  “I'm sure they would be glad to,” Misty said, moving on.

  A dusky youth stepped up. “I am Chaos, son of D. Metria after she discovered how to summon the stork effectively. I turn things transparent.”

  The line continued, until Forrest lost track of all the names and talents. The folk were all duly grateful, but he wished that this could just end, so that they could go to the banquet, and then be on their way.

  Then, suddenly, the end of the line came. There were two handsome young princes. “We are Mourning & Knight,” one said.

  “The sons of Prince Naldo Naga and Mela Merwoman,” the other added.

  “We don't have talents as such, but we are extremely virile princes.”

  Something jogged in Forrest's tired mind. “Have you met the princesses Dawn & Eve?”

  “We haven't had that pleasure, but we did catch a glimpse of them from across the room when the four of you entered. They look lovely.”

  “I will send them a dreamlet,” Imbri said.

  It was effective. In a moment the two princesses came up.

  “I thought you might want to meet Princes Mourning & Knight,” Forrest said. “The sons of-” He broke off, because they were no longer paying him any attention.

  The two princes were gazing at the two princesses, and steam was starting to rise from them. The two princesses were glancing at the two princes, and little hearts were floating out from them. In about three quarters of a, moment, the four linked hands and walked away together.

  “I think we won't be seeing them again,” Imbri murmured.

  “But we were going to-that is, the girls and I-”

  “Did you really want to?”

  “Yes! That is-”

  “Do you really feel you should?”

  “No.” And he realized that along with his disappointment was a significant admixture of relief. After all, they were princesses, and he was just a faun. Their parents surely would Not Approve.

  Imbri took his arm. “It's time for the banquet.”

  “I'll leave the bottle for them, so they can visit Pyramid again if they want to,” he said.

  “Princess Ida will surely keep it safe.”

  “Indeed I will,” Ida said, taking the bottle.

  The banquet was formidable, but Forrest was distracted. He remembered that all this was but a diversion from his main mission, which was to find a faun for his neighbor's tree. He wasn't sure how much time had passed in Xanth, but surely a fair amount. He needed to get on with it.

  “Of course,” Imbri murmured, understanding his concern. “The giants are waiting outside.”

  So they were. They were invisible, but Imbri located them by their minds. The two of them climbed into Gim or Gine's hand-it was a bit hard to tell the brother giants apart-and were lifted high.

  “To the faun territory,” Imbri told the giants in a dreamlet. “Or as close to it as you can go.”

  “Our territory borders theirs,” a giant boomed. “But it will take a few hours, because we must step carefully in human territory, lest we squish somebody.”

  “That's all right,” Forrest said. “I need some rest anyway.” For after meeting all the people, and the banquet, he was quite tired.

  “Sleep,” Imbri told him, sitting down and taking his head into her lap.

  “I will send you sweet dreams.” She stroked his hair.

  Her dreams were very nice, and he reveled in them. This was the way to travel!

  Then the trip ended. “We are too old to take you farther,” a giant said. Indeed, his hand was wrinkled. “But immediately To is the faun section. We wish you success.”

  “Thank you,” Forrest said, sitting up and sliding off the huge old hand.

  He felt much refreshed; Imbri's lap and dream had helped greatly. When his hoofs touched the ground, he turned and reached up to help Imbri down. Her slight girl form was pleasantly light.

  They heard the Shudder of the ground as the giants departed. Immediately west was a comic strip. Oh, no! If only the giants had been able to set them just beyond it.

  There was nothing to do but plow through it. They braced themselves and did that. The first part of it was a paved section that looked deceptively innocent, but as soon as they stepped on it, there was a horrendous barking, as of dozens of fierce dogs. They jumped back, and the noise stopped.

  “But I don't see any dogs,” Forrest said.

  Imbri explored with her dream mind. “There don't seem to be any.” So they tried again-and the barking resumed. No dogs, just the sounds.

  “It's a barking lot!” Imbri cried, catching on.

  Forrest groaned. “They should outlaw these zones.”

  “But then the puns would be infesting everything else, just as they do in Xanth.”

  That made him pause. “Maybe I can live with the comic strips after all.”

  As they came to the far edge of the lot, there was a deep dark pool.

  There was a narrow path around it. But the path was blocked by a many-toothed monster. “Can you guess my talent?” the monster enunciated precisely.

  “Why should I?” Forrest asked.

  “Because I won’t let you use this path otherwise.”

  “Then maybe I'll just go around the other way, or swim across the pond,”

  Forrest said.

  “Suit yourself, if you can handle the rays.”

  They circled the pool in the other direction. But blocking that path was a squat box with a grill on the front. As they approached, it shot out rays of bad music. The closer they got, the worse the music got, until it was so utterly obnoxious that they had to fall back, with their hands over their ears.

  “What is that thing?” Forrest demanded as the music faded to merely annoying.

  “It's a Ray D 0, stupid,” the monster called. “The ray's letters stand fo
r Deafening and noxious. Only teenagers can approach it.”

  So it seemed. They returned to the monster. “What's your name?”

  Forrest inquired.

  “Airy. Can you guess my talent?”

  “Chomping folk?”

  “One guess wrong. You evidently can't find the right words.”

  “Evidently not,” Forrest agreed sourly.

  He looked again at the pool. It seemed clear. He touched the surface with a hoot Immediately a ray slanted up, almost catching his foot before he jerked it back. “What's that?”

  “A ray,” Airy said. “Can you guess my talent?”

  “What kind of ray is it?”

  “A ray of sunshine.”

  Forrest touched the water again. The ray shot out, and this time he saw that it came from a large, flat creature deep under the surface. Was it safe to swim there? He doubted it. Maybe the ray just liked to illuminate the depths-but maybe that light was so it could better see its prey.

  “I think I know the monster's talent,” Imbri said in a dreamlet.

  “Did you notice how clearly it speaks? Its talent must be diction.”

  “Diction, Airy,” Forrest cried. “That's your talent! You pronounce words.”

  “Curses, foiled again,” the monster said, and retreated.

  They walked on around the pond. But they weren't yet out of the comic strip. There was a thicket ahead, and as they tried to make their way through it, two puny orange imps dropped onto their shoulders. They were invisible, but Imbri made a dreamlet that showed them.

  “Who are you,” Forrest demanded, trying to shake off his imp' “ We are pun-kins,” the one on his shoulder replied. “We are pundits who live in the punk trees of the punkin patch and punch out anyone who dasts try to cross it, until he groans from the punishment. We are very punctual.

  It figured. At least the imps seemed reasonably harmless. They plowed on, ignoring the imps' comments, and finally lunged out of the comic strip. The imps jumped off, not caring to be carried out of their element. “But you'll never know when we may strike again!” they called.

  Now at last they were in the region of the fauns. But was there a suitable faun for his purpose.

  Forrest stared, for there, running up to meet them, was something he ever seen or even imagined before. It had goat's hoofs, a tail, and the upper section of a human being. But it was female.

  “Hello,” she said, bouncing to a stop. She had a huge head of blond hair that flared out and down, framing her upper torso to the waist without covering anything. “I am Deanna Fauna. How may I help you, visitor from afar?”

  “Fauna?” he echoed numbly. Yet it made sense. Fauns were crosses between humans and goats. Why shouldn't there be any female crosses? He had never heard of any, but this was the world of might he's, and indeed, there might be such creatures.

  “I-am Forrest Faun from Xanth. I came to ask-” he faltered, halfway mesmerized by her bare front as she breathed. A true female of his species! What a discovery!

  “Yes?” Her eyes were big and blue.

  “I need a faun-or maybe a fauna-to come to be the spirit of the tree next to mine. So it won't fade. Do you-would you consider-”

  “To be with you?” she finished. “Why of course; that's what faunas do.

  You must have been horribly unhappy, with only nymphs to chase, instead of the real thing.”

  Forrest hadn't thought of it quite that way, but realized that the case could be made. This did seem to be the answer to his quest. “Well, then you can come to Xanth, and-” He paused, realizing that he wasn't sure how she could do that, since she didn't have a body already in Xanth.

  “It is done by going back in time,” Imbri said. “The Good Magician explained it to me. He gave me a spell to enable me to take my spirit back to the conjugation of a faun and nymph, to enable them to have their signal actually reach the Stork Works. Then the stork would deliver Deanna as a baby fauna, and in due course she would grow to her present age and appearance. So she would be there, waiting for Deanna's spirit to animate her, at the same time as you return to re-animate your own body.”

  “Then she can become a real person,” Forrest said. “Bound to her tree, remembering her past, growing gracefully older.”

  “Ugh!” Deanna exclaimed. “I didn't know there would be such penalties.”

  “But this is the nature of life in Xanth,” he said. “Fauns and nymphs who adopt trees lose their shallowness and become real people.”

  “Yuck! I couldn't stand it.”

  “But you would be real. You would have substance. Xanth has different rules than Ptero. For example, time is not geography; no one can change his or her age just by traveling.”

  “I would be stuck at one age all the time? I couldn't get old and wise or young and sexy any time I wanted?”

  “Not without youth elixir.”

  “Gross!”

  Forrest stared at her, this time seeing her nature rather than her front. She was so shallow that she liked shallowness. This was no fault in an ordinary faun or nymph, but he discovered that he no longer cared for that type of association. He had learned too much of full human ways to ever return to contented mindlessness.

  “I guess it wouldn't work out,” he said with real regret. “Are there any other fauns or faunas here who might feel otherwise?”

  Deanna considered. “There's Faust Faun. He's a bit odd. He chases fauns and hates trees.” She ran off, her limited attention span exhausted.

  That wouldn't do either. “Then I guess what I'm looking for isn't here,” Forrest said with regret. He looked at Imbri. “Is there any point in remaining here any longer?”

  “I'm afraid not,” she said. “I'm really sorry, Forrest.”

  “Yet the Good Magician said-” He paused again. Humfrey hadn't actually said anything, because he had refused even to hear the Question. Had this entire adventure been for nothing?

  “I'm sure he meant to help you,” Imbri said consolingly.

  “He has a funny way of doing it!” he retorted bitterly. “And he even made you assist me, wasting your time too.”

  “He always knows what he is doing. Maybe he refused your Question because there was no Answer for you. But he accepted mine, and I'm sure he will deliver.”

  “You want a new pasture to gallop in,” he said, remembering. “Maybe this is that pasture, and you should stay here.”

  “But I don't have enough mass to gallop,” she reminded him. “That's why I'm in nymph form.”

  “Well, maybe on Pyramid, where you can be a full mare.”

  “And leave most of my soul here on Ptero? I would be nervous about that, as a permanent thing.”

  He sighed. “I guess so. Well, I will be glad to have your company a while longer. I hope the Good Magician has the very best pasture for you.”

  “I hope so too,” she said. But she seemed less than enthusiastic.

  They dissolved their bodies, becoming large vague shapes, then clouds, then growing blobs of thinning souls. They drifted into the sky.

  Forrest saw the patchwork world of Ptero spreading out below, and felt nostalgia. It had been a remarkable adventure, and he had enjoyed much of it. Especially the interaction with Dawn & Eve. But he had known that that relationship wouldn't last, and maybe it had been best that it had ended as abruptly as it had, with their discovery of princes of their own world. Unfortunately they had left their mark on him, leaving him forever disappointed with mere nymphs, as the scene with Deanna Fauna had shown. So this adventure had spoiled him; he would never be satisfied with the type of existence he had known before. Thank you, Good Magician! he thought with irony.

  Now he saw Princess Ida's huge face. He continued to expand, orienting on his reposing body in the Tapestry chamber of Castle Roogna. But he didn't see Imbri's body. What had happened to it?

  Then he realized that she didn't have a body in Xanth. She had only her half soul. Imbri did not exist as a living person here. The wonderful, supportiv
e guide who had traveled with him through three weird worlds could not truly do so in this one. That was a loss of another nature.

  He landed on his body and spread into it, animating it. But it was no glad homecoming. What did he have to return to? A failed quest, and what promised to be an insoluble loneliness of intellect.

  He opened his eyes and sat up. “Oh, you are back!” Princess Ida said.

  “Do you have your answer?”

  “No.”

  “But how can that be? I'm sure there was something there for you.

  Humfrey would not have sent you there otherwise.”

  He was too weary of it all to argue. “Maybe not. I'd better get on home now.”

  They went downstairs. There was a commotion, and two six year old children dashed around a corner, spied them, and skidded to a stop.

  “Aunt Ida!” Dawn cried.

  “Forrest Faun!” Eve echoed.

  Then both girls looked intently at Forrest, and split a smile between them. They looked eerily knowing.

  Could these children have any notion of their adult association with him on other worlds?

  “Don't let them bother you,” Ida murmured. “Dawn can't really tell what's in your mind unless she touches you, and Eve can't tell where you've been unless she touches some object that was with you.

  That was a relief And in a moment the two dashed off, each hurling back half of a “Bye-bye.” So he was safe from a potentially embarrassing scene.

  Ida saw him to the front door. “I'm sure you have your answer,” she said. “Perhaps you just don't yet know it.”

  Forrest shrugged. “Thank you for the use of your worlds,” he said.

  “You must return and tell me all about it,” she said. “I am really curious to know what happened on Ptero.”

  “I'll do that,” he said. “Once I am sure that my tree is well.”

  Then he faced outward and headed for home, feeling desolate.

  “May I accompany you?”

  “Imbri!” he exclaimed. “I thought you were gone.”

  Her faint human form appeared beside him. “No, I prefer to see you safely to your tree. I don't know when my assignment ends, but I think it's all right to do that much.”