“You were so beautiful today,” he whispered into her ear and she turned around to face him.
“Thank you,” she replied and leaned in for a very deep kiss. For several minutes, the two kissed heavily and Matty’s hands unbuttoned her blouse. She had a very strong need to make love with Matty. The last two weeks left her stressed and it had been a long time since they were able to sneak away for some alone time.
“Where should we go?” Matty asked in a muffled voice as his lips were busy on her neck. Millie reluctantly took a step back, her breathing heavy. The basement was not a possibility and neither was the second floor. It wasn’t the first time they had made love while everyone else was asleep and in those instances, they kept their romantic actions muted. Still, they had to be careful and there was really only one good spot in the whole house.
“The fancy living room,” Millie said. No one ever went in there with its stodgy furniture. About the only time it was used was for piano lessons on the mini grand. It sat below Jack’s room so if there was a little noise, it shouldn’t wake anyone up. Matty leaned in for another kiss.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered and Millie agreed with his words. He took her hand and they tiptoed through the kitchen and into the family room where Matty pulled the throw off of the couch. Millie opened the rarely-used closet under the front staircase and pulled out the thick quilt and sheet she had stashed there for moments such as this. The floor of the living room, just like the rest of the first floor, was a beautiful dark walnut but hard. The first time they’d had sex in the fancy living room, they’d done so without anything but a blanket beneath them and both ended up with bruised joints.
Matty helped Millie spread the doubled-up quilt down next to the piano and behind one of the Victorian couches. The two pieces of furniture created a little privacy barrier. When the quilt was spread, they slipped their shoes off and knelt in the middle of the quilt after Matty turned the dimmer lights down just enough so they weren’t completely in the dark. She went to unbutton her blouse the rest of the way but Matty held her hands.
“You’ve done enough today, let me,” he whispered and then kissed her. Again, she melted and felt some of the tension that had been building up over the last few weeks loosen.
Matty unbuttoned her blouse and gently laid it to the side. She leaned back and enjoyed another deep kiss as his hands unzipped her skirt and pulled it off. As he took a moment to strip out of his tuxedo shirt, undershirt, pants, and boxers, something nagged at her but she couldn’t figure out what. Her mind focused on her Matty, however, and the nag went away. She admired him in the low light, his lean body and slightly geeky-like muscles. Millie smiled to herself as she looked at his latest tattoo. Over his heart, in Hebrew letters, was her Hebrew name – Miriam. She touched it as he leaned over her.
“I love you, Matty,” she said.
“I love you, too, Millie,” he responded and the kiss was one of the best he ever gave her. He unhooked her bra and relieved her of her panties and they grew sweaty with kiss after kiss as their hands explored each other. He lowered his kisses down her neck, over her breasts, circling her bellybutton, and then focusing on her most sensitive and private area with his tongue. It took but just a minute or two before she shuddered and gripped the edges of the quilt. Her moan was automatic but low. Matty kept her flying for several unbelievable minutes before she tugged him upwards by his ears. He entered her quickly and assumed an intense rhythm. It took a lot of focus for Millie not to loudly vocalize the climax of their lovemaking. Matty also was challenged and his cry strangled in his throat.
They lay together, breathing heavily, for several minutes. Millie kept one ear tuned to outside the fancy living room and her other one to Matty who was whispering his happiness about her in her ear.
“I have never felt so happy,” he said and nuzzled her ear, causing her to break out in goose bumps and little waves of shivers to run up and down her body. Millie ran her hands up to his head and kissed him deeply. Matty pulled her close and wrapped them in the blanket.
“You make me happy,” she said and lay her head on his chest. “And I have to thank you.”
“Thank me?”
Millie found herself blushing and sat up, wrapping the blanket around herself.
“Last year, when we took our relationship to the next level, that was a big step for me,” she said. “Because of my troubles and the alcoholism and such, I was very reluctant to trust anyone other than my family. I had been burned before but you made me forget all those bad past experiences. I can trust again and I have you to thank for that. You’ve stuck by my side during this terrible kidnapping ordeal. You help with the kids and even Little Sofie trusts you. You are such an important part of my life.” Millie felt herself get emotional and she took a moment to focus. She didn’t want to have a breakdown in front of hm. She was glad Matty chose to speak up.
“My Miriam,” he said, sitting up and adjusting the blanket around them both. “I have known you since you were a baby and…”
“Don’t remind me about the diaper changing,” Millie interrupted and they both laughed.
“I won’t. But, I have watched you grow from a little girl to a troubled teenager and into a beautiful woman. Just like Jack, Penny, and Danny, I have always seen the real you even when you were altered by the drugs and alcohol and when you couldn’t even see yourself. After the accident when you and Danny needed help, I grew to know you not as Jack and Danny’s little sister but as yourself and as we worked together, I began to fall in love with you. You are strong, funny, caring. I love each part of you and I am glad I make you happy and you make me happy.” Matty put his arms around Millie and hugged her. She didn’t want the moment to end.
“I don’t want you to go back to your place,” she said. Her voice was sad despite the happiness of the day. “I want to wake up next to you.”
“But how can that happen with Little Sofie?” he countered.
“It can’t,” she replied with a sigh.
“For now, maybe we can’t wake up next to each other but we could at least wake up under the same roof. I have no problem bunking on the couch. Do you think that would be okay? Would Danny have a problem with that?” Millie thought about his two questions. Her family had never looked down their noses at premarital sex – Jack had set the precedent on that one – and Millie and Danny were always respectful around the kids.
“I think that would be okay and neither Danny nor Jack would have a problem with that,” she said with a smile.
“And Penny?”
“Penny would be happy that I am happy,” Millie said with a smile. Matty gave her another kiss.
“It’s been a long day and a very nice night but I think we both need some sleep now,” Matty suggested and Millie couldn’t disagree with him. She slipped on her skirt and shirt, shoved her unmentionables into the pockets of her skirt, and grabbed some clean linens from the linen closet upstairs. After getting Matty settled on the couch in the family room, she went up to Little Sofie’s room, pulled on a pair of sleep shorts and one of Jack’s faded Princeton t-shirts she acquired for her own use, and carefully slipped into bed where Little Sofie was curled up and sleeping peacefully. She stirred only slightly as Millie cuddled up next to her and kissed her forehead.
As tired as she was, Millie could not fall asleep. She thought back to how much her soul had brightened since her relationship started with Matty. She had known him her whole life and although she thought of Carlos and Gordie (one of the band’s guitarists) as extended brothers, she actually never had that feeling with Matty. It had always been different with him. Where Carlos and Gordie would treat her like a kid sister, Matty always treated her like an adult even when she was a youngster. She appreciated that, especially when her brothers, Carlos, or
Gordie would joke around with her a little too much and then hurt her feelings. It was Matty who would always come and find her if she ran off upset. Even when she was in the throes of her troubles, he came to her defense when Crystal derided and yelled at her if Jack, Danny or Penny weren’t around.
Still, it took a while for her to trust Matty. Her troubled days really harmed that ability to trust. Kayleen Tompkins had been Millie’s best friend since moving to Voorhees when she was eight years old. They were in the same third grade classroom and were fast friends by lunchtime. Kayleen’s parents – an attorney and a podiatrist – lived three blocks away. Kayleen’s bus stop always came first in the neighborhood but she would ride it to Millie’s stop and then come home with her until Hilda their housekeeper and nanny would call her home for dinner if it was a day Millie didn’t have Hebrew school. Kayleen was Catholic and Millie would irritate Jack by asking a zillion questions about Catholicism. Why can’t I be Catholic? I want a Christmas tree, too! Jack’s response was always simple and the same – We’re Jewish. Our parents were Jewish. Our grandparents were Jewish. Our family is Jewish.
The first time Millie ate bacon was at Kayleen’s. Jack initially wanted to be angry with her when he found out but it had been Penny who kept him from blowing his top. She needs to decide herself, Penny said and Jack grumpily agreed. Millie was twelve and struggling with Hebrew school and answers Jack, Danny and Rabbi Frank couldn’t answer. Why would God allow the Holocaust? Why does God allow innocent children to die? Eventually, Millie realized that Jewish was who she was and Jack was so proud of her at her bat mitzvah.
“I know you question God,” he said in a quiet moment in Rabbi Frank’s office before her service where she would be called to read from the Torah. “And so have I but ultimately, when I look back at our lives, I know He is with us and watches over us. When Danny and I were smuggled out of Russia, we put our faith first in Mama and Papa but then we knew we had to trust God that he would protect us. When Ellie had problems when she was born, I put my faith in the doctors but I also asked Him to watch over her and she is with us today. We put our faith not only in people we can see and touch, but we also put our faith in Him. I know it is sometimes hard to believe an unknown entity helps us but then I see a beautiful flower and that flower reminds me He created it. A gardener may have helped the blooms grow but who created the very first flower?”
Kayleen was at Millie’s bat mitzvah party. She never understood Millie’s religion and Millie was ashamed she became more of a follower of Kayleen than her own religion. Just a year later, Kayleen handed Millie her first blunt and a few weeks later, Millie took her first shot of vodka. She didn’t like either but she was afraid of what Kayleen and her other loser friends might say if she didn’t participate. Millie was too wasted to stop Kayleen’s brother Connor from forcing himself on her and she dove further into drugs and alcohol to try to relieve the emotional pain the experience left her in.
Connor Tompkins was the only boy she ever slept with in high school over the course of two years until he was picked up for dealing drugs. With the exception of their first time, she was always a willing participant in their sex. He said all the right things and although Millie knew he wasn’t exclusive, she hurt too much to care. There were many times where they were lax in the birth control department and Millie had been scared to death when she missed her period a second time just after Connor pled guilty to drug charges and Kayleen ran off to California with her boyfriend. (Six months later she would die of a meth overdose.) Her relationship with Jack was strained and she had been horrible to Penny but Penny was the only person she could turn to after Kayleen laughed at her for sleeping with her brother.
It was late one night in the summer of 2006. Jack was on tour, getting as many dates in as his voice would allow before taking the end of August and September off for the impending birth of Little Sofie. Crystal was crabby with late pregnancy and although Sasha and Natalya were off to summer camp, the littler ones had been wild that day which made Millie cranky. It was also the day Connor went to prison. Millie suddenly had no one in her life except for Jack, Danny and Penny and her brothers could not know about the possibility she was pregnant.
Penny was sitting at the kitchen island going over her trusty notebook when Millie cautiously approached. Even with all the trouble she’d been giving to her, Penny smiled at Millie.
“You didn’t come down for ice cream,” Penny said and slid off her stool. “How ‘bout a bowl now?”
“Sure,” she said and took Penny’s seat. Penny was dressed in her usual – a t-shirt and shorts – and her hair was braided in two long braids. She remembered when she was younger and loved to brush Penny’s long hair and style is all crazily.
“Here you go, sweetie,” Penny said and put a bowl of rocky road ice cream in front of her. She slowly ate it as Penny worked on a grocery list. When she was halfway through her bowl, she blurted out her worry.
“I think I’m pregnant.”
Penny froze a moment, then put her pen down and closed her notebook. She looked at Millie not with the angry eyes Millie expected but with her usual caring eyes.
“You’ve missed a period?”
“Two,” she replied quietly.
“And have you been feeling sick?”
“A handful of times but I thought it was because of Connor and Kayleen and getting kicked out of school,” she explained as tears fell. Penny pulled Millie into a hug and kept her arms around her until she cried herself out. “Jack is going to hate me,” she said, wiping her nose on her sleeve. Penny grabbed a Kleenex and put it to her nose.
“Blow,” she ordered gently and Millie complied.
“Jack will never hate you so don’t go there.” Penny picked up her leather backpack she used as a purse, diaper bag, and overall catchall.
“I am going to run to CVS, the one that is open twenty-four hours. Will you listen for the kids?” Millie nodded. Penny kissed the top of her head and left. Forty-five minutes later, she returned with a home pregnancy test. In the first floor half-bath, Penny helped her figure out what to do and when the test came back negative, she held Millie again as she cried. The next day Penny scheduled Millie’s first gynecological exam and she was soon on birth control. The doctor felt the missed periods were due to a combination of stress and Millie’s drug use.
On the way back home from the appointment, Penny talked to Millie about trying the outpatient treatment facility in Cherry Hill again that she walked away from in February. The pregnancy scare had worried Millie enough she took the opportunity but two weeks into rehab she ran into a couple of friends and she went on a three-day binge of alcohol and OxyContin. She even tried meth for the first time but didn’t like it. Jack and Penny never knew she did more than marijuana and as far as she knew, Penny never told Jack about the pregnancy scare. She had begged Penny not to tell and even though she kept that promise, Millie’s behavior only grew worse.
Although Penny never broke Millie’s trust, her peers had and that harmed Millie quite a bit but Matty helped her heal. She could let go of Kayleen and Connor and the others and her temperament evened out going into the autumn before the kidnapping. It was noticeable and although Penny asked her several times what made her shine, Millie kept Matty a secret even though she was dying to let Penny know. Now, in light of the kidnapping, she wished she would have told her closest female friend her heart’s secret.
Chapter 24
“I am a father. I am a friend. I am a son. I am a brother. I am a father. I am a friend. I am a son. I am a brother,” Jack whispered as he lay on the rough cement floor. He repeated those words over and over and they became his mantra for the latest torturous experience Crystal had William and his goons put him and Penny through. Of course in Crystal’s eyes, what Jack and Penny were attempting to live through wa
s not torture but just a simple punishment.
“The punishment must fit the situation,” William explained in all seriousness early on August 1st. “Crystal and I have been in discussion and feel this punishment is appropriate.”
The punishment was a solid month of physical torture. Not in the classic sense – William and the others laid not a single hand on Jack or Penny – but physical in what Jack and Penny were expected to live off of and within. They were not moved out of the small cell but what little comforts they were given – the bamboo mat, the blanket, the open window, clothing – were taken from them. Food was very limited and on a strict schedule and Jack continued on heroin. It was that food and drug schedule, however, that helped pass the interminable time in the hell.
On that first day, boards were put across the window on the outside with only a small opening, maybe four inches wide by nine inches tall. This cut down on the amount of light in the cell and the air entering which made the dog days of August hell for Jack and Penny. The heat zapped them of any energy and it became a constant chore to drink enough water to keep them from becoming dehydrated. Every six hours, William or one of his thugs came around to the window of the cell to hand them items through the small opening. The first visit consisted of their medications and a block of dried something that tasted of faint lemon. They didn’t know what it was but they knew by this point of their kidnapping not to question anything they were given to eat. The square of whatever left their mouths dry and the first of many cups of water were downed afterwards.
The next time someone came by brought them each a single piece of white bread, often stale and if it was raining outside, soggy. They also brought a hit of heroin for Jack and he was forced to administer the shot himself. He would be out of it until the next food opportunity which was an apple Jack and Penny had to share. They ate this next to the opening so Jack could pick out the seeds and stem and they ate every last bit of the apple. Penny also received her other pill with this visit. The final time someone came by, when it was dark out, was the toughest. They were each given a small, wrinkled raw potato. This was the hardest to get down purely from the humiliation of having to eat the raw item. Neither of them digested their potato very well even when they nibbled on it for a couple hours. They had to will themselves not to vomit it up. The taste was awful but they had no choice.
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