“What about the other things I mentioned,” he whispers in my ear before he bites down on my earlobe, making me squeal.
“I guess,” I say with a shrug.
“You guess,” he repeats. “You guess,” he says again as he forcefully pushes me backwards against the railing and sucks hard on my neck.
“Okay, okay, you are.”
“I am what?” he asks once he’s detached his lips from me.
“A hot…sexy…sex god,” I croak out as his hands start wandering and he looks at me with smouldering eyes.
“Good, I’m glad you think so.”
“Did I have a choice?” I reply with a laugh.
When Daniel steps back from me, or more away from the edge he reveals a couple behind him. “Oh my God,” I say with a gasp, bringing my hand up to my mouth and making him turn and look in the same direction.
Just a few feet away from us is a guy down on one knee holding out a little black box to a very shocked looking woman. We stand and watch in silence as tears start to stream down her face. The guy is saying something to her but we’re too far away to hear properly. After a few more seconds the woman starts nodding her head and shouting ‘yes’ over and over again causing more tourists to turn and look their way. The guy slides the ring onto her finger before standing and sweeping her off her feet in a huge hug. Everyone who witnessed their little moment starts clapping and a few cheer.
When their lips touch I turn around to look over the city again to give them privacy to celebrate. Daniel once again comes to stand behind me but this time when I look back at him he is looking out to the distance completely lost in his own head.
“Penny for your thoughts,” I say, hoping to bring him back.
He looks down at me for a long time before opening his mouth to say anything. “Do…do you ever want to get married?”
“Of course, one day. Doesn’t everyone want that?”
“I didn’t,” he says looking away from me.
“Oh,” I say in the hope it’ll prompt him to say more.
“I never wanted to be a burden on anyone. I watched what it was like for my mum and dad. He worked a lot, like I do, and although my mum loved the money it was clear that she wasn’t happy. I don’t know,” he says, as he takes a moment to gather his thoughts. “I just think that a marriage should be about two people, not two people and a business. I imagine that a husband’s world should revolve around the woman he loves, his family, not his work. I’ve never thought I could give someone what they deserve. I wouldn’t be able to give them everything because so much of my life is work, it wouldn’t be fair.”
My heart breaks for him. The reason he’s lived the way he has for all these years is because he doesn’t feel worthy of someone else. That makes me so sad.
“Daniel, I…” I begin to say but I’m relieved when he stops me because I had no idea where I was going with that statement.
“It’s weird,” he says but pauses again making me think he’s not going to continue. “Suddenly, I feel like I have more to give,” his eyes come back down to mine, “like I might be able to be that person, that man who puts his wife first, her needs before his own.”
I turn around so I’m facing him properly hoping he’ll say more but he doesn’t. He just lowers his head towards me until his lips are against mine. I have no idea if he was trying to say what I think he was but I’m not going to push him. I’m achingly aware that he hasn’t asked me about what brought me back to England and I’m more than grateful. I’m worried that if I push him for more then he’ll do the same.
We walk along the river hand in hand, taking in all the buildings and people we pass. It might be January but in the sun it’s fairly pleasant. I feel a tug at my arm as Daniel decides to stop on a sun covered bench. I follow him and sit myself down.
We sit in silence, watching the world go by for the longest time. I glance down at my hand and smile to myself. When we came down from the Eiffel Tower there was a guy selling key rings and other merchandise. I wasn’t intending on buying anything—money is a little tight at the moment, something I’m achingly aware of every time Daniel spends money on me—so I went to step away after looking at everything. I didn’t realise that Daniel wasn’t with me as I strolled away lost in my own world until he caught up to me and placed a little metal Eiffel Tower into the palm of my hand. When I glanced up at him to say thank you he had a nervous look on his face. Anyone would think he was the one just handing over an engagement ring, not a key ring.
“Thank you, you didn’t have to.”
“Something to remember me by,” he replies sadly. My heart drops at another reminder that our time together is coming closer to the end.
“Are you okay?” Daniel asks, pulling me from my earlier memory.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I squeeze the key ring a little tighter in my hand and will the tears that are stinging my eyes to disappear.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Will you tell me about why you came back…about Stewart?” he says cautiously.
My heart started to race the second I realised where this was going. My stomach turned over and I thought I was going to puke right there in the middle of Paris.
“I…uh…”
“You don’t have to if it’s too hard.”
I have a sudden realisation that I want to tell him. I have no idea why, because for the last few weeks I’d have rather pulled my eyelashes out with a pair of tweezers than talk—or even think—about it. Not even my family know the whole truth behind my running away.
I take a deep breath and look out at the river. “I met him about four years ago on a night out. I was out with friends; he was on a stag do. I was instantly attracted to him and I couldn’t believe it when he seemed to be interested in me as well.
“We dated for quite a long time. I was still studying and didn’t really have time for a full blown relationship. Once things settled down and I had a job we started seeing each other more and more. To cut a long story short he bought an apartment in the city and I moved in with him.
“Things were amazing, although he wasn’t always around because of his job. But when he was, it was incredible. I thought I’d found the one. I started thinking about weddings and kids because I was convinced they were on the cards for us.
“It was coming up to our anniversary and he was out of town for a long weekend so I planned to spend the Saturday at the mall to get his present. I’d chosen the watch I wanted and planned the inscription.
“The watch was the first thing I bought before I started wandering around the shops to fill the rest of my day, not wanting to return to an empty apartment. I’ll always wonder now how long it would have taken me to find out if I had left.
“I sat down outside a coffee shop for lunch. I was waiting for it to be delivered when I saw someone who looked just like him. I told myself it couldn’t be though, because he was in New York. I’d taken him to the airport myself the morning before. But as I watched and he got closer it became clearer to me that it was him, and he wasn’t alone. Attached to his left hand was a woman. She was older than me, probably about the same age as him. Then trailing along behind them were three kids. I slouched down in my chair trying to hide behind the menu. Eventually, they walked right past me, totally oblivious that my world was falling apart around me. As they walked past they were so close it was almost impossible not to see the wedding bands on both of their fingers.
“After throwing up in the coffee shop toilets I went home, packed some stuff and got on the first flight home. My dad’s work contract had finished in the summer so he, my mum and brother were already back in England.”
“What an arsehole,” is all Daniel says as he pulls me in for a hug. “Have you heard from him?” he eventually asks.
“No, but I haven’t turned my phone on since taking off and I don’t have any intention of doing so. He doesn’t know where we live but he knows our names so it wouldn’t be too ha
rd for him to hunt me down I guess.”
“That scumbag didn’t deserve you, Beth. You did the right thing.”
I know in my heart that I did the right thing. But it doesn’t mean that I haven’t questioned it over the last few weeks. He was my entire life. I thought he was the one I was going to grow old with and all the rest of it. He broke me, utterly broke me.
“Thank you,” I say quietly. “I didn’t think I’d ever laugh again after it happened but you’ve brought me back to life. These past two days have been…Thank you,” I repeat because I can’t put into words what these two days have been like for me. Amazing, incredible, no word I can think of fully describes how wonderful they have been. How wonderful he has been. I decide to show him instead, I wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine.
The second we step foot back in our hotel room my phone stops ringing on the bedside table.
“Can you pass my cell please?” I say to Daniel, as he’s heading that way.
“Pass your what?” he asks with a smile.
“Ugh, my mobile,” I say in my best English accent. “Shut up,” I mutter with a smile on my face as I take it from him. When I look down and see six missed calls from Caleb I decide I should probably ring back. I’ve already ignored loads of texts from him. I know it’s because he cares but I know what I’m doing. He doesn’t need to worry about me.
“Hey, Ca, what’s up?”
“Beth, what the hell are you playing at going to Paris with some stranger?”
“Ca, I’m twenty-six not six. I can do what the hell I want. Is that all you wanted, to give me grief, because if it is can it wait until I’m back?”
“No, that’s not all. I need to know when you’re back because…well you need to come home and deal with stuff Beth, not keep running away.” The way he say this makes my stomach knot.
“Why?”
“Just get your ass back home, Beth. You’ve got a life to sort out,” he says sternly, which is very unlike my little brother.
“Fine, okay, I’ll be back tomorrow.”
After saying our goodbyes I drop my cell to the bed before sitting on the edge and putting my head in my hands. He’s right of course. I’ve got to sort myself out. I need a job to start with. Most of my earnings in America went into a joint account so I only have what little I had in savings and that isn’t going to get me very far.
“Are you okay?” Daniel asks as he comes to sit next to me.
“Yeah. My brother was helpfully giving me a reality check.” Daniel doesn’t ask any more, he must sense that I don’t want to talk so he just holds me.
* * *
Daniel
* * *
Our final night in Paris is a quiet one. After her revelation about her ex and then the short conversation with her brother, Beth isn’t really in the mood for getting dressed up for a fancy meal. So instead we stay as we are and find a quiet local restaurant for dinner.
I really want to press her more about what she’s planning on doing now. The desire to ask her to work for me again and move her life down to Oxford is on the tip of my tongue all evening. I know it would be selfish of me to ask and for once I’m trying to do the right thing and not just think of myself. She’s got a lot to deal with when she gets back and I need to not get in the middle of it, as much as I may want to.
Much like the rest of the evening the sex we have when we get back to our room is much calmer. I hate to say it but it’s like we’re saying goodbye. We both knew our time was coming to an end and this was us grieving I guess you could say. Well, it was for me anyway. I desperately don’t want to say goodbye to Beth, I don’t want this to be over. And as much as it frightens me to admit it, I know it’s the truth. I never thought I’d find anyone that I would say that about but I have and now I have to let her go. It’s like a kick in the fucking balls.
“Flight BA365 to London Gatwick is now boarding, please make your way to the gate.”
“I guess that’s our cue,” I say to Beth. I’m trying desperately hard not to allow her to see that she’s affected me, that I don’t want this to be the end. I’m trying to be the man she thinks I am and the one I need to be to allow her to find her place again in England. Her sadness on the other hand is written all over her face. All morning she’s looked like she’s on the verge of tears. I can tell she’s trying to fight it, but she’s not winning.
She barely says a word the entire flight back to London and she’s still eerily quiet on the long drive up to Liverpool to her parents’ house.
“I’m so sorry,” she says quietly when the Sat Nav tells us we’re only thirty minutes away. “I’ve totally ruined our last day.”
“Don’t be silly. I know you’ve got a lot going on. It’s okay.” I try to sound as reassuring as possible because I do understand. It’s not really how I’d planned our last few hours together but I do get it.
I didn’t think the day could get any worse but I was wrong.
“Do you want to come in for coffee?” Beth asks when I pull up outside her parents house.
“Sure,” I say because the thought of turning around and driving back to Oxford now doesn’t thrill me.
We both get out of the car and I grab her bags then follow her inside.
“Hey, I’m back,” Beth calls out once we’re in the hallway.
“Is this you?” I ask as I stop in front of a recent looking family photo. I know it’s her, I could tell from a mile away but she’s got long blonde hair.
“Yeah,” she says sadly and pulls at a strand of her hair, “this is new.”
“Oh,” is all I get to say because someone coming to stand in the doorway at the end of the hallway stops us both in our tracks.
“St…Stewart?” Beth questions when she looks up.
“Beth, sweetness, I’m so sorry,” he begins saying to her but my movement makes him look behind her. “Who the fuck are you?” he growls. His anger is instant.
“Daniel, you need to go. I’m sorry.” Beth turns to look at me, her eyes pleading with me to do as she asks.
There are so many things I want to say in that moment but I don’t. Am I right in not saying them, who knows? I step forward and place a soft kiss to her cheek.
“It’s been a pleasure, Red,” I whisper before stepping back and walking out of the house without a second glance. If I looked up at him I’d have wanted to lay the fucker out for what he did to her and I know that isn’t going to help anyone, well other than make me feel better.
The drive home is horrendous. Not only do I feel like I’ve left something very important behind but the traffic is nose to tail for miles. I spend the entire journey thinking about what I should have said to her before I walked out.
It’s late into the night when I eventually make it to my front door. I slam it closed behind me, throw my suitcase in the general direction of the stairs and head straight for a bottle of whiskey.
Why does leaving her behind have to hurt so fucking much?
Epilogue
Daniel
* * *
How can knowing someone for only three days have such a huge impact on your life? Not an hour has gone by since leaving her in Liverpool six weeks ago where I haven’t thought of her.
During the day it’s innocent little things like her smile, the way her accent changed with her mood or what she was talking about. I’d see things that would remind me of the colour of her eyes or her hair.
Then at night those thoughts change. They turn to how it felt to have my lips on her, how it felt being inside her. Her sweet smell, her quiet moans of pleasure.
Damn it, she’s ruined me. I can’t even bring myself to look at another woman, let alone touch one. My body has had a taste of her and now she’s all it wants. If only I could have her.
I shake my head and try to bring my focus back to all the paperwork that is covering every available surface of my office. My assistant left three weeks ago and I’m yet to find anyone suitable to replace her. I g
uess being rushed off my feet is a good thing really because it keeps my mind off of her.
“Fuck’s sake, what now?” I ask myself when the doorbell sounds out around the house. If that’s Molly again trying to stage an intervention I’m not going to be impressed. As much as she’s enjoying seeing me pining after a woman for the first time in my life, she’s also worried about me. It’s not necessary though. As I keep telling her, I’m fine.
I drag my pathetic arse towards the front door thinking that I probably should have put a top on and not answer the door in only a pair of jogging bottoms but I don’t really care enough to bother. Instead I pull the door open when I get there hoping I can convince whoever it is to leave as quickly as they arrived.
The second I lock eyes on my visitor though, all those thoughts go out of the window. Staring back at me is a pair of familiar grey eyes. I watch in amusement as her eyes drop to my chest.
“Red?”
“Can I come in?” she asks, making me realise I’ve been stood here blocking the doorway just staring at her.
“Of course, sorry.”
I close the door behind her and watch as she drops her bag on the sideboard before turning to face me. It’s awkward for a few seconds. I want to say something, to break the silence, but I’m speechless. I was not expecting this, her.
I think she’s going to say something but instead she steps towards me, stretches up and places her lips against mine. I respond instantly, my fingers come up and weave into her hair and I tilt her head to the side so I can deepen our kiss. It’s not until that moment that I realised how much I needed her.
I lift her into my arms and carry her upstairs to the place this all started. Well, not quite, because the first thing I did when I got back from Paris was to order a new bed. And I hoped this one would be for one woman only.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” I say breathlessly, as I pull my face from the crook of her neck. I look down at her and take in her flushed cheeks and swollen lips. Fuck she’s beautiful. “I didn’t think I’d see you again,” I admit.
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