“No, I didn’t think so,” he said softly and placed a gentle kiss on my lips then winked and walked away.
I chuckled softly and turned back to the table but froze as I saw Mason stood leaning against the bar watching me. His expression was hard and tight but his eyes were sad and empty and as he scanned my body they darkened angrily before he raised them to my face again. He held mine for a few moments before I looked away and walked back to the table.
“Wow, hot stuff,” Marcy giggled and I laughed.
“Yeah, just not for you though, Ava?” Sam said softly.
“You ready, Ava?” Courtney asked and I nodded.
“I just need to have a quick word with Brian and Brenda,” I told her. She nodded as I made my way over to them.
“I’m . . . gonna get off,” I said to Brian when I reached him. His eyes flicked over to Mason as he took an angry breath.
“Ava, I didn’t know he’d come with her,” he spat out the last word but I shook my head.
“Brian, I told you. Don’t blame Mason, I did this to myself.”
He cocked his head sadly and then pulled me into a hug. “Take care, sweetheart. We’ll see you soon.”
I smiled and kissed his cheek then hugged Brenda. As I turned I slammed straight into Mason. I jolted and he grabbed my arm to steady me as Brenda and Brian scurried off.
“Ava,” he grumbled sternly. “Are you ill?” The rumble of his voice caused my breath to leave my lungs sharply. I didn’t answer him and his eyes narrowed as he perused me. “I asked if you are ill, you look like shit.”
I widened my eyes at his anger. “Don’t, Mason,” I warned but he held me tight.
“You’ve lost too much weight, although . . .” His eyes softened as they skimmed over me and he placed his hand over my small tummy. “This is new,” he breathed and I stilled.
His eyes shot to mine and then widened as he took in my expression. He puffed out loudly and I whimpered and nibbled at the skin around my fingernail.
“Ava . . .” he breathed but I shook my head angrily.
“No Mason. I can’t do this now,” I pleaded, the pain in his eyes matched my own.
I pulled away but he grabbed me again. “Ava . . . is it mine?” he asked quietly but hesitantly.
“Of course it’s yours,” I snapped.
He closed his eyes, in relief or pain I wasn’t sure. “Isn’t Rebecca waiting somewhere for you?” I hissed and pulled out of his grasp.
Courtney was stood waiting patiently for me by the bar. I could see the barman watching what was occurring between me and Mason. He tipped his head and widened his eyes in query but I smiled and nodded to him. “I’m okay,” I mouthed, he nodded and continued to pour drinks.
“Ready, babe?” Courtney asked and passed me my bag as she slipped her arm through mine. “He’s still watching you,” she divulged quietly in my ear. I nodded but didn’t turn around.
CHAPTER 51
“I’M PREGNANT,” I said happily.
“Oh my god, Princess,” George cried and I could see his huge toothy grin in my mind. “Oh Sweetheart, I’m so happy for you.”
I hugged myself at the happiness in him. “You’re gonna be a granddad,” I whispered through the phone and he inhaled sharply.
“Oh, Ava. I so wish I was with you right now.”
We were both silent for a few moments and I sensed the question before he asked it, “Does he know?”
I sighed heavily. “Yes” I breathed and he didn’t push it any further.
We chatted for a while and I was still beaming an hour later. The previous few days since the party I had been smiling to myself constantly and I’m sure I looked like a nutter, grinning happily to myself.
My only sadness had been the fact that Mason hadn’t been in touch since the party and it broke my heart that he obviously either didn’t believe it was his baby or he didn’t want anything to do with it.
I silently wondered what Kade was doing right now. I hoped he had settled in and was living life and had found someone who deserved his love.
Kerrie had rang me a couple of weeks ago after he left to tell me that he had gone. I knew by her soft tone that she grasped what had occurred but she didn’t speak of it so neither did I.
She had convinced me to go to the spa with her and we were due to leave Saturday morning.
The chemotherapy had ripped her of her beautiful hair but she refused a wig, saying she preferred the breeze on her scalp.
I had grown to love and admire her, her tenacious spirit was making her fight and she was slowly but surely dragging herself through the torturous treatment.
* * *
“Well Ava,” the doctor beamed at me. “I’m pleased to confirm that you are in fact pregnant and you seem to be at about 10 weeks gestation.”
I grinned back happily. “So that should make it around . . . 12th June. I’m going to book you in for an urgent scan to check your dates as you seem to have a little swell already and that’s unusual so early on but I want to keep a close eye on you because of your previous loss.”
She leaned forward and took my hand when she saw the anxiousness on my face. “Ava, I don’t want you to worry about things. Last time was . . . well was not a great time but this time I know you are gonna be just fine,” she told me and I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“Thank you,” I whispered and she nodded.
“I would still like you to take things steady though, just to make sure. How’s the sickness?” she asked.
I grimaced, “Awful. I can’t seem to keep anything down and I’m so damn tired.”
She frowned. “Is the father helping out?” she asked and I looked away.
“We’re not . . . together” I told her and she pursed her lips.
“Make sure you eat little and often, take plenty of fluids and rest Ava, you need your sleep now. I’ll write you a prescription for some anti-nausea drugs and some folic acid but well, congratulations,” she smiled softly again.
She rang the hospital and booked me in for an ultrasound on Friday and I left laden down with leaflets, booklets and prescriptions.
* * *
I was slightly worried about her concern over my baby bump and by Friday I was near a dithering wreck. I had brought Courtney with me and the sonographer smiled at us. “You ready to meet your baby, mum?” he smiled politely and I grinned.
I lay back on the bed. “Slightly cold I’m afraid” he said as he squirted some gel onto my belly. Courtney held my hand as a grainy black picture appeared on the little monitor.
He swivelled the instrument over my lower stomach and after hitting numerous keys on his keyboard, he smiled. “There we are,” he said.
My breath hitched as my peanut appeared on the screen. I fell in love instantly. Courtney squeezed my hand and let out a sob. My heart ached for Mason, I so wanted to share this moment with him.
The technician frowned and moved the wand around my stomach some more and pursed his lips. “Oh,” he breathed.
I froze and looked at him, my heart stuttering as he turned to look at me, “And there’s baby number two.” He grinned with his eyebrows high.
“W. .wh. .what?” I stuttered and snapped my eyes to the monitor. Sure enough, side by side were two babies.
A sob of amazement left my throat as Courtney puffed out and sat in the chair beside the bed.
“I can confirm the gestation at 10 weeks but this is why your doctor was concerned about your swell. It’s because there’s two in there,” he chuckled. “Would you like a picture?”
I nodded wildly, still in shock and excitement. “Can I have two?” I asked, he smiled and nodded.
“Wow,” Courtney said for the twelfth time as we sat in a pub, a soda and sandwich in front of me, well a near finished sandwich.
I was famished and now eyeing up Courtney’s sandwich. She caught me looking and laughed, sliding her plate over to me. “Go for it.”
She looked at me with wide eyes. “Wow, Ava. You go
nna be able to manage two?” she asked slightly scared for me and I laughed.
“I’m sure I will. They have a wonderful Aunty who is gonna help out,” I winked.
She beamed. “Oh hell, yes. You now have a packet of peanuts,” she squealed. I chuckled and slid my fingers over the scan picture again.
My beautiful babies. The image of them side by side captured my heart, it was as though they were already protecting each other, happy together side by side and I ached for their daddy.
Courtney caught my sad look. “Is the other picture for Mason?” she asked softly and I nodded.
“He is their father. Whether he wants to be is up to him but I won’t stop his involvement even if he doesn’t want me.”
“We can do this together, babe.” she smiled happily and I loved her even more.
* * *
I picked Kerrie up Saturday morning and she was really giddy. “I’m so looking forward to this, Ava,” she grinned. “This week has been hell and I’m ready for the pampering.”
I noticed how pasty and tired she looked and I was angry at myself for my own self-pity, I had nothing over what Kerrie was going through.
“I hope the masseurs are hot,” she giggled and I chuckled with her as we sped towards the health club.
I had to discreetly pull a therapist to one side and inform her of my pregnancy in case I couldn’t have some treatments but the day was superb, relaxing and therapeutic and we were both now sat in a little restaurant we had spotted on the way back.
Taking a deep breath I pulled the scan picture from my bag. “Can you give Mason something from me?” I asked quietly.
I noticed the sadness shroud her eyes. She smiled sadly and nodded as I passed her the photo. Her eyes widened and she held her breath as she looked at it then her face broke into a huge grin as she looked at me. “Oh my god, I’m gonna be an aunty to twins.” She giggled and I grinned at her enthusiasm and nodded.
She suddenly wore a serious expression and grasped my hand. “He misses you, Ava. He’s a mess,” she revealed.
I lowered my eyes. “I hurt him so much Kerrie. I destroyed him
“I know Ava, I know what happened,” she divulged.
My eyes shot to hers. “I’m so sorry Kerrie,” I breathed as my eyes filled with tears.
“Hey, I said I know what happened I didn’t say I was angry at you,” she said sternly. “No crying, too much stress for my niece and nephew.”
“Is he . . . is he back with her?” I asked cautiously, not sure if I wanted to hear her answer and my heart dropped as she looked away and didn’t answer me.
I swallowed harshly but smiled sadly. “I just want him to be happy even if it’s not me that he wants,” I said honestly and she cocked her head.
“He may be back with the bitch from hell but it’s not her he wants, Ava.”
* * *
I was settled on the sofa that night laughing at some stupid reality programme on TV, surrounded by masses of sweet and chocolate wrappers I had greedily scoffed. I was constantly hungry and had a dangerous craving for all things sugary.
A knock at the door grabbed my attention and my eyes flicked to the time, 11:45. Who the hell was visiting at this time?
Cautiously approaching the door I peeked through the peephole. My heart stuttered when I saw Mason leaning his forehead against the door.
I managed to suck in some air as I opened the door slowly. He stood swaying slightly and I immediately realised he was drunk and high.
He stood silently looking at me, his head tipped slightly to the side, then he was suddenly all over me, his hands were in my hair, tugging furiously as his mouth crashed over mine, bruising my lips in a ferocious kiss.
He groaned on contact and pushed me against the wall as he demanded entrance into my mouth with his tongue, his fists tightening on my hair until the pain made me wince.
What the hell was this? This wasn’t love, it was pure lust, carnal and animalistic, and it broke my heart to realise that’s all he felt for me!
I pushed him away but he was too strong and he was hurting me. “Mason,” I said but he was in his own zone. “Mason!” I cried louder as his mouth left mine and he bit my neck savagely, “You’re hurting me.”
I winced when his hands yanked at my hair to pull my head back so he could get better access to my neck. He growled angrily and tears welled in my eyes. He dropped a hand and roughly grabbed my breast, squeezing it callously and painfully. “Mason, please,” I sobbed.
He suddenly gasped and stepped back as though he was suddenly aware of what he was doing. His expression was full of remorse and guilt.
“Christ Ava, I’m so sorry,” he breathed as his thumb brushed over a sore spot on my neck and blood smeared it. “God, what have I done?” he shook his head in a panic.
I stood paralysed to the spot as tears dripped down my cheek.
His hands cupped my face as he rested his forehead against mine. “I’m so sorry, Ava” he whispered, his voice full of painful regret.
He eventually pulled away and gazed at me. “Kerrie gave me the scan picture,” he said softly. I nodded and he was silent again.
“Twins!” He smiled and for the first time that night his eyes lit up with a huge twinkle but then his face fell again, the emptiness and ice returning.
“I can’t . . . I can’t get the pictures of you and him out of my head, Ava. His hands and mouth all over you . . . Why, Ava?” he pleaded and I knew then that I had lost him.
A sob broke free and he screwed up his face in agony, “I . . . I . . .” he never finished.
He just turned and left. Left me alone, scared and so fucking angry at what I had done to him.
I had broken him, painfully and so utterly cruelly that I knew I would never get him back; never feel his arms around me again or hear his soft words of love and desire in my ear, never feel his hands and breath over my body and never again see that smile he had, the one just for me, the one that had made my heart swell and my whole body hum.
I would love him for eternity but now I had to set him free, for his sake and for mine.
I placed my hand over my tummy and made a promise to my babies that I would never hurt them like I had hurt their daddy. I would give them my whole, unconditional love and support, even though I knew now that I would be doing it alone.
I was so utterly alone.
Sometimes, love is just that little bit too painful
CHAPTER 1
IT HAD BEEN two weeks since Mason’s midnight visit. I welcomed my second trimester as we entered into December. My morning sickness had eased but my belly had grown even more and I was struggling to squeeze into the few clothes that I had at my cottage.
Most of my belongings were still at Mason’s and I was trying to find the courage to contact him and arrange to collect them.
My body still ached at the loss of him, my heart was still shattered and nothing I seemed to do was helping to weld it back together. I missed his husky voice, his soft whispers of love and passion as his warm breath brushed against my skin. I missed his beautiful smile, the sexy little grin he would give me; the one that lit his whole face as his eyes twinkled and my heart would double its rapid beats.
I missed his touch, the whisper of his fingers across my skin that would leave a trail of sparks and heat in their tracks. But most of all I missed his love.
I knew that my betrayal with Kade had destroyed everything inside him, not just his trust and confidence but the pure, immeasurable love he had had for me.
I didn’t blame him, not at all; I had done this, I was the one that had taken his heart and smashed it into a million fragments so brutally and cruelly. I knew he would never be able to look at me the same again, would never be able to hold me and never be able to trust me, and what was a relationship without these things.
I will never forget the hurt, pain and utter devastation on his face the night of our engagement announcement; his hand reaching out to me as the pictures of mine and Kade�
�s lovemaking were reflected in his eyes as his soul viciously and agonisingly ripped in two.
I had broken three hearts that night in the pool house; mine, Mason’s and Kade’s.
It had been ten weeks since I had last seen Kade. I knew he had moved to Italy to stop the torture deep inside him every time he would look at me and know I would never belong to him, my heart would always belong to Mason, wholly and entirely.
He had taken the move to Italy to convalescence and desperately mend his broken heart, another heart that I had so selfishly torn to pieces.
But I cared deeply for Kade, he made me feel sensual, sexy and so utterly desired and wanted, from the way he looked at me to the way he would kiss me to the passion in the way he would touch me.
But now it was time to let Mason go, my love for him so intense and pure that I would set him free to be happy with someone who deserved his love, someone who would make him happy and love him, though I knew that my love could outrival and drown even the most formidable and powerful love.
I had heard he was back with Rebecca and that hurt, it hurt so damn much. She was an evil, manipulative bitch who was just after his wealth and power. I was frightened for him, knowing she didn’t love him made me sad and I knew he used cocaine when they were together. I was dreadfully worried he would go back to his old habits while he was with her.
Their baby was due in a couple of months and what tore at me was the fact that he had attended all her pregnancy appointments, from scans to regular check-ups but he hadn’t shown any interest in our babies, my beautiful ‘peanuts’ as Courtney had christened them.
I was due for another scan in a few days. Courtney had already taken the role of pregnancy and birthing partner, she had supported and boosted me through these last couple of months. Even though I was grateful to her for attending all my appointments, my whole body still wished it was Mason with me, holding my hand and being totally mesmerized at the two little heartbeats pumping away, side by side on the monitor.
I placed my hand over my stomach and smiled, grateful for the two little parts of Mason that would always be with me, the two little parts of him that would always love me and need me.
The NSC Boxset: Heart of Stone Page 65